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Compassion. Understanding. Generosity. Without these three things, I believe that our society is screwed.
I remember the 1970s. I remember my mother being home, my father at work, and my brother and I playing outside with our friends. We needed very little money to have fun. We hopped on our Big Wheels, and then bikes, and hung out with our friends. We climbed trees, swam in pools, played kickball and baseball in the empty field behind our house. We traded Charlie's Angels cards and baseball cards, bought 10 cent snowcones and penny candy. I remember the hippies - the late teens/early 20-something girls at the shopping plaza. They wore sundresses, and had flowers in their hair. They handed out daisies to anyone who made eye contact with them. Since I was absolutely fascinated with them in the first place, I got more daisies than I can remember. :) I knew that there was a war going on, but I can't say that I understood the reasoning behind the peace movement at that time. It's all I knew, so I figured that it was something that people had been doing for a long time. I didn't know that it was a "new" thing. I remember the gas shortage, and I remember the hostage crisis; but I can't say that I remember anybody around me living in dire straits.
The 1980s - my parents (who are fundamental Baptists) wanted me in Christian school, so my mother went back to work. We moved to a "higher class" area - but back then, "McMansions" were a rarity; there were very nice-sized homes, but not very many monstrosities. Because of the school I attended, we had many clubs that were involved with charity work; so, I spent a lot of Saturdays playing with inner-city kids. I remember our school having fund raisers to get money to buy portable basketball equipment and baseball equipment - because the kids had none of their own. I remember how excited they were when we showed up - and at times, I felt guilty that WE were the highlight of their otherwise empty lives. They literally had nothing else. Some lived in shelters; others lived in homes that, by most standards, would otherwise be condemned. By my junior year of high school, our group was working in soup kitchens. We saw a LOT of men wearing Army jackets - and I remember thinking to myself "Why are these guys in here?" At one point, I asked our director about it - and he said "I doubt that they're veterans. My guess is that they got those jackets from Goodwill or The Salvation Army". During this same period of time, I would hear stories from my friends, about how their fathers had these "episodes" - where the whole house was awakened in the middle of the night to hear their father screaming. I actually got to experience one of these "episodes" when I spent the night at a friend's house. I found out later that these "episodes" were nightmares of the Vietnam War. This friend of mine had parents who were divorced, because her dad had apparently tried to strangle her mom to death, during one of his nightmares. Her mom divorced him - and he was living off of SSI. With the exceptions I mentioned above, I never saw any "real" economic struggles.
The 1990s - what I refer to as being my generation's "glory years". We went to college, and it seemed that for most of us, the job market worked in OUR favor. We could pick and choose what was the best fit for us. Companies were calling the colleges to get the best students to work for them. We got excited about this very cool guy named Bill Clinton - we saw him as our generation's "JFK". He seemed interested in what the younger generation had to say - and that inspired many of us to get to work for him. Many of us got married and started families during that time. Our jobs were secure, we bought houses and cars....we began living that "American dream". We were reaping the rewards of the advice we had taken from the generations before us - "If you want something, you have to work for it. Work hard, and your dream will come true. That's what America is all about".
During this time, I remember only one instance of the "dark side" of our economy: I was on South Street in Philly with a couple of friends, to catch a comedy show. We were walking down South Street at about 1am, heading back to our car, when I saw a homeless man - wearing an Army jacket - crouched over a grate. It was the first cold night of the season, and so I was wearing a coat that I hadn't worn since the prior winter season. When I put my hands in my pockets, I felt paper. I pulled out a $20 bill. I ran across the street - much to my friends' horror - and handed the money to the homeless man. He snatched it out of my hands and didn't say a word - and I was promptly reamed out by my friends for placing myself in danger, and giving money to someone who wasn't grateful. When I defended my position by saying "He has NOTHING! And he's a vet, for Christ's sake!", they immediately struck back with "He's a poser! God, you're so naive!"
By the end of that decade, it seemed that our concerns were mainly about a Presidential impeachment, school shootings, and an oil crisis; but, at least in my little world, everybody still had their jobs, homes and cars, yearly vacations - and nobody seemed to be particularly afraid of losing any of these things.
There wasn't anything around to pop my financial security bubble, until 9/11. My then-husband's company had contracts with both United Airlines and American Airlines, and so their company took a huge hit after the attacks. His overtime hours disappeared, and his 40-hour work week was decreased to 32 hours. Even though I had a good job, we struggled for about a year, before contracts were restored and he was offered all the overtime he wanted. We were back on our feet, managed not to lose any of our assets, and financially, life was good again.
When we got divorced in 2006, we both still had our jobs, we got a good price on the house....so there was no need to file for alimony/spousal support. My brother, as well as one of my closest friends, had lost their jobs during this time - and I was easily able to give them some cash until they were able to find new work and get back on their feet. I didn't even have to think about it, and I didn't feel any financial hit from helping out.
In 2008, the small law firm for which I was employed for 13 years, was breaking up. One attorney was retiring, another was getting married and moving south, and the other three were moving up the ladder - and while one of them told me I could go with him, the commute was too much for me, and I found work elsewhere, for a much larger firm. It didn't pay as well (because this position was less work than the previous position I had), but it was more flexible, timewise. They had more work than they knew what to do with - or so it seemed.
During this period of time, I saw some of my friends and family lose their jobs - mostly in construction. While they would be the first to say that they were worried about something like that happening (because of the line of work, and the collapsing economy), I naively believed that MY line of work was safe; after all, law suits were always in abundance.
June of 2009 was when the first red flag went up. The firm announced that they were considering removing the entire paralegal staff - with the exception of the Senior Paralegal - from their payroll. There were 3 meetings to make this decision - and the Senior Paralegal attended all 3 meetings, pleading her case that she needed at LEAST two paralegals, and preferably four paralegals. They granted her request - but by mid-September, most work was handed off to associate attorneys, leaving the remaining paralegals with nothing to do. By the first week in October, paralegal work was non-existent. The next red flag was when I talked to friends and family in the same field, and they told me that the same thing was going on at their respective places of employment. Nobody was hiring, and legal staffers were holding onto their jobs for dear life.
I started searching Craigslist, Monster, all the online job sites. These sites - which at one time were like a candy store for job-seekers - were now eerily empty. Week by week, I was watching my bank account get smaller and smaller. I finally found a job working for a cleaning company, earning about half of what I previously earned. That same exact week, my ex-husband informed me that all his overtime was shut off, and their 40-hour week was knocked down to 30 hours, no year-end bonuses. In short, he wasn't able to pay me the normal child support amount, for at least 4 months. By early December, my income was 60% less than it was the year before. I didn't know how I was going to pay for the heat, nevermind give my sons a half-decent Christmas.
Since that absolutely hellishly rude awakening, I was forced to make changes in every aspect of my life. Since I no longer have health insurance, I'm putting off dentist, OBGYN and GP visits; I only drive when I HAVE to; cellphone plan was changed to the lowest-minute package; the thermostat was never set at over 60 degrees all winter, so we wore jackets in the house all day; no air-conditioning during this sweltering summer; no clothes shopping; going out to dinner is now a memory, as are summer day trips with the kids; no movie theaters; no bookstores. So many things that were all part of my lifestyle - which, to many of my friends, was a very frugal lifestyle for the most part - have been eliminated. Many of my quiet moments are spent, wondering how I'm going to get by tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.....
In February, I decided that I am going to pursue a career in nursing - but, obviously, I need a degree to do that. Back in May, I completed a program for home healthcare. It was a good way to get my feet wet in the health field, I can schedule my own hours so I can attend college, and there's a huge job market for it as well. I got the top grade in my class. We are now nearing the end of August, and I am still sitting here, waiting to work - because NJs Governor, Chris Christie, enforced HUGE cutbacks in many government departments. The hardest hits were in the education and health services departments. I passed the state exam on May 21st - but until I get my license from the state, I cannot touch a single patient; and because Christie cut the Board of Nursing staff by 67% and cut their work week to four days, the processing of applications - which normally takes 2-3 weeks - is now taking 3-4 MONTHS.
When my personal disaster began in December, I was staring destitution in the face. There was nowhere for me to turn. The anxiety attacks kicked in, horrible headaches, I couldn't turn my brain off, so sleep was minimal.
By now, you're probably wondering the point of this post:
I was able to give my sons a nice Christmas, because a handful of DUers came to my rescue. In small and large amounts, they made it possible for me to have a heated home, and presents under the tree. There were others who were unable to help me financially, but sent me words of support and encouragement. I still have those notes, and I read them from time to time, to remind me of what's important.
Since then, there has been one DUer in particular, who has taken me under her wing since then. She has gone WAY above and beyond the call of duty in friendship, by helping me cover the bases until I'm working again. She has never publicly spoken of it, and only a couple of people know about it - and not because SHE talks about it, but because *I* can't shut up about it. :)
In the grand scheme of things, she hasn't known me all that long. She has taken a leap of faith with me - faith in that I will achieve my goal; faith that I will be strong enough to get back on my feet; faith in our friendship. In big ways and small ways, she has been there for me in ways that NO ONE else has ever been. Whether it's financial or emotional support, she's never turned her head from my problems. It makes me smile, it makes me cry, and sometimes it makes me uncomfortable - because I honestly don't know how to handle it. This - the consistent outpouring of concern - is all new to me.
This experience has been a HUGE life lesson for me. It has made me a different person, I believe, for the better. It has motivated me to be more compassionate to the life problems of others; to be more of a listener than a talker; and most importantly, to not judge a book by its cover.
Most of the time, we really don't know who we're "dealing" with on DU, when we participate in a thread. I remember reading posts from the unemployed and uninsured, while I sat in my air-conditioned office at a firm that paid me well, gave me benefits, and I hadn't a care in the world. Now, I'm on the opposite side of the fence, seeing an entirely different view of the world - and this world would be entirely ugly to me, if it weren't for the compassion and generosity of other DUers - some current members, some banned - who have faith in me, and what I want to achieve.
For those of you who are down and out, my thoughts are with you and I wish you well. That's all I can give you right now. And to those who have used their good fortune to help those whose luck has run out, words cannot express my gratitude.
Without you, I wouldn't be on the internet, typing this today.
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