The Fight of the Century. But Which Century?

[and-justice-for-all]

"They didn't have Social Security, free roads or public schools in the 18th century, why do the ingrates need them today?"

- What Congressional candidate Daniel Webster is thinking:
vs

Congressman Alan Grayson was informed today that Daniel Webster has been chosen as his Republican opponent for Congress. "Didn't he die, like, 150 years ago?" asked Grayson. "Can't the Republicans find anyone to run against me who's alive?"

Grayson was then informed that Daniel Webster had hitched a ride in Marty McFly's new, fuel-efficient DeLorean, which gets an amazing 35 years to the gallon. Grayson grew pensive for a moment, and then said, "Well, it will be an interesting race. Certainly, Daniel Webster will run well among 19th Century voters. But we have solid support among 20th and 21st Century voters."

When asked about endorsements, Grayson conceded that Daniel Webster was likely to win the support of James Knox Polk. But Grayson pointed to a long-time feud between Daniel Webster and Andrew Jackson. And Grayson thanked Mr. Harrison, Grayson's 12th grade history teacher, for letting Grayson know about it.

Webster immediately went negative on Grayson, calling him a "knave," a "varlet" and a "scalawag." Grayson refused to respond in kind, saying that he would never attack anyone who had dated Betsy Ross. Grayson added that he hoped that the contest would be a true test of ideas, and that the two of them in fact shared a lot of common ground on the issues. "Emancipation, for instance. And the preservation of the Union. Except for Texas."

Webster, when asked to comment, replied "Tippecanoe, and Tyler too."

http://congressmanwithguts.com/

[Skink]

1. Traditionally dead guys win when they run against republicans,