The Gospel of Hugabear, part I (or, "If Jesus were Alive Today")

[Hugabear]

And so it came to pass that one day, Jesus decided to spend the day at a nearby community center. He ate lunch with some of the local residents, played a game of pick-up basketball with some of the children, and helped pass out clothing to a few people in need. A pastor from a nearby mega-church walked in, accompanied by a local corporate CEO. They spotted Jesus and approached him.

"Jesus, why are you hanging out with these folks?" asked the pastor. The CEO nodded and pointed towards a nearby group of Hispanics. "Did you know that those men are here illegally? Those children over there are just anchor kids. They're taking up resources that could be going towards our own people. And that man that you just hugged a few minutes ago, he's a homosexual drug addict. And that woman over there is a prostitute."

Jesus turned his gaze towards the pastor. "I'm here because these are human beings. They appreciate me for who I am, not for any material promises that I've made them. When was the last time that you took the time to actually get to know any of them?" Then Jesus focused his attention on the CEO. "It's obvious that the only reason you're here is to drop off a donation to receive your tax write-off. These people may not have much wealth or material goods, but verily their lives are more fulfilling than yours."
...

A week later, the mega-church pastor invited Jesus to tour his facilities. He lead Jesus around, pointing out various features. "Look over here, Jesus! We spent $200,000 on a new state-of-the-art video and sound system. We installed this 40' plasma screen so that visitors in the very back can have the same view as those sitting on the front row. And over here we have our $2M multi-purpose activity center. We're currently in the midst of a $100,000 renovation, which will include granite countertops in the bathrooms."

Jesus shook his head. "How many people could you have fed for all that money? How much clothing could you have provided for those in need? With that two million, you could have opened up a decent homeless shelter. I notice that you're wearing a rather expensive tailored suit, and that wristwatch must have cost several thousand dollars as well. For just the money that you spent to clothe yourself, you could have clothed and entire family of four."
...

Later that evening, Jesus was passing through a park when heard a commotion. Walking over, he saw two men sitting on a bench holding hands. One wore a pink shirt with a rainbow flag on it, and was visibly upset. Jesus didn't have to look very far to see the cause of their distress. A group of men stood several yards away, pointing and taunting the couple. One of the men wore a shirt that said "Beck for President". Jesus stormed over to confront the men. "Why are you men tormenting these people?" Jesus demanded.

"Well just look at them!" the man wearing the Beck shirt retorted. "This is a public park, we don't need to see gay people holding hands! There are children around, for God's sake!"

One of the other men joined in, adding "Exactly, it ain't natural. The Bible says that homosexuality is an abomination, and that homosexuals should be put to death. Besides, we ain't hurting them or anything! We're just having a little fun is all."

Jesus seethed with fury. Looking at the first man, he responded softly "How would your wife feel if she knew about the affair that you've been having with your secretary?" Gazing at the second man, he said "I noticed your pickup truck parked behind the Bear Den last night...let me guess, you were just there having a drink, right?" Then he addressed all of the men. "You all disgust me. You're attacking a couple whose only fault is that they love each other. How dare you use the Bible to justify your actions. It is not your place to judge anybody. Perhaps you should focus on improving your own lives, and not worry about poking your noses in other peoples."

As Jesus turned and walked back to the couple, he could hear the man in the Beck shirt mutter "fucking liberal hippie" as he and his pals slowly walked away.

[msongs]

1. nice story. since megachurches are primarily a status issue, members wouldnt "get" your theme nt

[Yeshuah Ben Joseph]

2. Great story

and sadly, probably exactly what would happen if I did visit Earth anytime soon. So when folks ask why I haven't come back yet, there's your answer.

[Morning Dew]

4. Probably?

You should know these things, Yesh.

[Hugabear]

5. Reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw

[liberalhistorian]

3. Thank you for this wonderful, and so very true,

post! As a Christian myself, I have been really disgusted at the rise of the megachurch and the bullshit prosperity gospel. Actually, the megachurch wouldn't be so bad if they focused on the right things instead of materialistism, bigger and better stuff and more more more bullshit. It could have been a wonderful way to reach so many people who needed it.

I once left a church I'd been a member of for ten years due to its increasing focus on building flashy new megamillion additions and more and better "stuff", instead of continuing to focus on putting the majority of its assets and resources into the outreach ministries that were helping so many people. They still continued with the ministries, but the focus and attitudes of the leadership had changed and it began to attract a more materialistic, prosperity-gospel-minded crowd. Really sad. A lot of us left over that one.

[Hugabear]

9. Thanks

It especially drives me crazy to see these "superchurches" on TV, telling people to send them money.

[dkf]

6. This proves nobody lives as Jesus taught.

If everyone individually fed any person around them, gave them shelter, accepted any race creed sexual orientation, shunned material goods, capitalism would not exist.

Which goes back to my assertion that individuals and communities are the ones who can help assist people much faster than the slow and cumbersome Government.

People here rejected the idea as libertarian.

[Hugabear]

7. Too many people simply pick and choose what they want to hear

They don't like homosexuals, so they pick and choose sections of the Bible that justify their attitudes, even if they have to twist things around.

They do the same thing to justify their attitudes towards women, people of other cultures, etc. I've actually heard people use the Bible to oppose interracial relationships. They point to a verse in the Bible that says "Be ye not unequally yoked (joined together)" as their justification. First, to even believe that applies to interracial couples, you'd have to believe that other races are "unequal". Secondly, they don't even quote the entire verse, which is actually about joining together with an unbeliever. Just goes to show you how far some people are willing to twist scripture to suit their hatred.

[JanusAscending]

8. Just look at what God did to Moses's sister Merriam.....

regarding that "interacial marraige thing"

[dkf]

12. The bible says not to marry outside your religion? Yikes.

I guess I ought not to be surprised but I am.

[Yeshuah Ben Joseph]

13. If someone brings up the subject of interracial marriage

Remind them that Moses had an Ethiopian wife. For that matter, look at My parents. Mom was Jewish, Dad was God. Of course they weren't married either, but that's beside the point.

[Pharaoh]

10. Great story!!

K&R thanks Hugabear!

[Ignis]

11. K&R

And a plug for some fellow travelers:
http://www.spiritualprogressives.org/