Conservative Dogma

[NYC Liberal]

This sums up conservatives pretty damn well:

• Conservatives believe that America is the only country in the world and do not value any human lives other than their own. Conservatives think 'supporting the troops' means sending them to die in foreign countries. Conservatives vocally support war but are usually too big of pussies to actually fight in wars themselves. This is an example of hypocrisy, a cornerstone of conservative ideology.
  
  
• Conservatives believe that healthcare is a privilege not a right, and would rather spend billions on bombs and finding ways to kill people, than on finding ways to heal them. Paradoxically, they also claim to worship a man named Jesus, who was famed for healing the sick free of charge and never tolerated human violence, even in self-defense.
  
  
• Conservatives believe that they can eat money, and so it doesn't matter if humans spoil the planet for all future generations, as long as they get rich doing it.
  
  
• Conservatives think that global warming is a 'hoax', that the Earth is six thousand years old and that scientists have less credibility than priests. They think that religious dogma and superstition is better than the scientific method.
  
  
• Conservatives believe that a shitty actor called Ronald Reagan was a greater American than George Washington.
  
  
• They think that if you give tax cuts to the richest one-percent of Americans, the people who need tax cuts the very least, somehow the middle-class will benefit. They believe that the American poor have too much and that the rich have too little. They think that Robin Hood was a villain.
  
  
• Conservatives are sexist and racist. They believe that men are superior to women and that darker skinned humans are inferior to lighter skinned ones. They believe that different races have different intrinsic qualities that can not be altered, even though scientists have know for decades that race is an entirely social construct with no basis or relation to human biology. They think that the government should have the right to tell a woman what she can or cannot do with her body, and that if she is impregnated as a result of rape, she is morally obligated to birth the child.
  
  
• Conservatives are insecure about their sexuality and think sex is unclean and shameful. They preach the utterly illogical, emotionally repressive and historically ineffective policy of 'Abstinence' over safe-sex. They would rather ban sex, one of the greatest aspects of the human experience altogether than simply teach youth how to partake in it safely. Conservatives are almost never a good lay, and have not heard of or tried anything other than the missionary position. Divorce rates are highest in conservative, marriage-hyping, red states and this is believed to be a major contributing factor. Conservative men prefer watching porn over making love to their wives.
  
  
• Conservatives believe that gay people 'chose to be that way' because they think that people would make a conscious choice to join a class of citizens who are regularly discriminated against, unjustly victimized and in extreme cases even murdered. Every 6 months or so, a gay-bashing conservative Republican will get caught having or trying to solicit gay sex. Hilarity usually ensues. At least for liberals.
  
  
• When a conservative watches 'Star Wars' he thinks that Darth Vader is the hero and that the Empire is the good side.
  
  
• Conservatives can never defeat liberals in open and honest discussion because they are never right about anything. Beliefs and policies they have defended in the past include, 'the sun revolves around the earth', 'burn the witches', 'the world is flat', 'slavery is okay', 'separate but equal', 'women shouldn't vote', and 'they have weapons of mass destruction' just to name some of their greatest hits.
  
  
• History reveals that virtually every incorrect, cruel and stupid political idea was proposed and defended by conservatives, while every idea that is cherished and now taken to be completely self-evident was liberal. Despotic tyrants like Adolf Hitler, Stalin, Mao Zedong, and Kim Jung Il were/are all extremely conservative, while figures beloved the world over such as Jesus, Gandhi and Martin Luther King were all markedly liberal.
  
  
• When conservatives realize they can't beat someone, they simply kill them. Many great liberals have been assassinated or murdered throughout history: Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Harvey Milk, and John Lennon just to name a few. Now try to think of some conservative leaders who have been assassinated.. Wait.. There aren't any. Conservative dicks like George Bush, (father and son) and Dick Cheney only ever work to protect the status-quo, and thus must never fear political assassination.
  
  
• Conservatives believe that the Constitution is a work of 'suggestions', not inviolable principles, and they side step it or try to find loop holes whenever constitutional limits on authority become inconvenient for them.
  
  
• There is a reason that America is often referred to as the first 'liberal democracy', and never as a conservative one.
  
  
• Conservatives have never contributed to America in any beneficial way. In the Revolutionary war, they would have sided with the British.

http://liberapedia.wikia.com/wiki/Conservative

[RKP5637]

1. Excellent summary!!! n/t

[wilt the stilt]

2. One piece left out

Conservatives never do anything that doesn't impact themselves directly. In other words they would never take part in a civil rights march because they personally would not be impacted by helping others gain civil rights. They would have never gone into the deep south and tried to register African Americans because they would not have personally gained anything. Same can be said about the woman's movement.

They only care about themselves.

[depakid]

3. If you can't see the irony in that (based on your woodchuck deal)

it would probably be too difficult for anyone else to point it out.

[tnlurker]

4. Bookmarking...K and R