How To Fake a 68-Page Republican Jobs Plan With Gigantic Fonts

[meegbear]

Say you’re a Republican candidate somewhere and unemployment is awful because the actual heart of our consumer-debt economy has died, forever, and plus you are "small government" so you can’t actually propose anything, but still you need to talk about jobs because in, say, Wisconsin, jobs come first! That is a good slogan, no? Now what to do about the other 67 pages of your 68-page jobs plan? What will you do about that, Wisconsin GOP gubernatorial candidate Scott Walker?

Lest you think this is just some idiotic "temp worker" accidentally setting the font size to GINORMOUS and then letting an evil "local politics blogger" get hold of it, the actual PDF on the actual candidate’s website is named "SCOTT WALKER’S 68-PAGE JOBS PLAN!", all caps and including the exclamation point. And that’s how it goes, for 68 pages that are the portable-document-format equivalent of having a crazy old person scream in your ear for an hour.



Oh yeah he’s also way ahead in the polls, so, uh, go Wisconsin! (SCOTT WALKER'S 68-PAGE JOBS PLAN! (PDF) via Wonkette operative "Cyndee")

http://wonkette.com/422695/how-to-fake-a-68-page-republican-jobs-plan-with-gigantic-fonts

[SpiralHawk]

1. There are six basic positions for a man and a woman to make love*

Republicon wide-stance diaper-sex 'jobs' are not on the list.

* Set-up line for a classique bar joke.

[Warpy]

2. Somehow, I don't think that worked for him in college

Hell, it didn't work in high school, either. He had to go out and buy a paper from somebody else.

You'd think they'd smarten up about this stuff and be a little less transparent. After all, there are perfectly good Democrats out there who would be glad to sell them economic plans that have an actual chance of working in 10 point Arial, single spaced.

At least it's better than their health care plan, 40 blank pages.

[Erose999]

3. You have to use the big text to so the old people can read it. Every teabagger knows that. nt

[meegbear]

4. But you worldn't describe it as a 68 page document ...

like it's a major economic thesis.

[formercia]

5. They don't know that.

It's like seeing a straight guy with his fly unzipped and you don't have the heart to tell him, but you're laughing inside.

[rocktivity]

10. An old person sitting on the moon

would be able to read that text.

:rofl:
rocktivity

[sinkingfeeling]

6. It may be large print, but it's still bulls**t.

[rocktivity]

7. And this man is running for public office?

They didn't even bother with page breaks! The "Lower Taxes" headline would easily fit on top of the next page where it belongs. This would get laughed out of a junior high school yearbook meeting!

:rofl:
rocktivity

[mopinko]

8. this is enough to make me want to become a pub.

i am always trying to convince people that anything below 18 pt type is worthless to us aging boomers. i missed my calling.

[NV Whino]

9. Count yourselves lucky

that he didn't use arial black.

[Urban Prairie]

11. Scott could have shrunk his 68 page jobs plan .pdf "shout"

To just 8 pages, with one GIANT, BOLDED letter per page:



T
A
X

C
U
T
S

[Bigmack]

12. Rightwingnut viral emails always have...

ALL CAPS... LARGE FONT.... AND .... COLORS!

They think it makes up for lack of facts.

[nightgaunt]

13. Louder doesn't = better

What a futz the GOP is and its town fools who wish to rule. The worst kind of leadership is a bad one.
With loud mouths and little use of brains. And the compassion of a toaster.

[Kalyke]

14. What's worse is that people are voting for him.

Talk about those with loud mouths and little use of brains!

[Blue Owl]

15. Make sure it's laminated

to avoid excessive drool stains.

[Quantess]

16. Ridiculous.

[Motown_Johnny]

17. that is how all children's books are printed

[Quantess]

18. I hope there were lots of pictures

to help the reader with comprehension.