My daughter was attacked last night. She lives in Brooklyn and

[NC_Nurse]

I am in NC. I am not sure what to do.

Some guy followed her home, pushed his way into her building behind her and brutally attacked her. It appears that he was attempting a rape, but she started yelling so he tried to strangle her and almost succeeded. He had dragged her back into the stairwell, behind the stairs and was choking her when the first floor neightbor heard the commotion and opened her door which scared him off. She has been to the hospital, the police are involved. She and the neighbor were able to describe him.

She doesn't want to come home and doesn't want me to fly up there. I think she doesn't want us to sit around freaking out about it and she wants to deal with it in her own way, which I respect. OTOH, I want to be sure the police are making finding this psychotic asshole a priority and that she will be protected and I am not sure how to help. She is 25, loves the city, and has lots of friends and support there....but still - she could be DEAD right now and I am really upset/concerned/shocked.

Any suggestions? Any support would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for listening.

:cry:

[Swamp Rat]

1. .

:hug:

[NC_Nurse]

3. Thanks.

Back at ya. :hug:

[Divernan]

135. Some hopefully practical thoughts and suggestions

Since money is tight for you, and probably for your daughter also, I suggest that rather than taking time off from work and incurring the travel expenses, that you offer to pay for your daughter to take a good self-defense class - which will not only be on physical defense moves, but on psyching out the dangers in her everyday environment(such as walking from the subway, different dangers at different times of the day or night, etc.) and taking what steps she can to minimize them. You mention her band - which could mean she is getting home REALLY late at night.

What set off alarms for me was your mention that the guy got her purse. Did he get her keys too?
If so, she has to change the locks on her apt. Even if he didn't get her keys, how good are the locks and security preventions on her apt.? I doubt that the landlord has invested in state of the art hardware. I also doubt the landlord changes the locks every time new tenants move in. God knows who's walking around with keys to her place. So another way you can protect your dtr. is to spend your hard-earned money on having top of the line locks put on her doors and getting some security measures on her windows, especially by her fire escape - like bars - obviously removable from inside the apt., but again, with an unpickable lock.

As background, my dtr. lived in Brooklyn/Park Slope for several years - she wasn't mugged there, but her next door neighbor was. Years later my dtr. was mugged/robbed at the front door of her apt. building on the Upper West side around 11 p.m. on a weeknight - 2 pre-teen boys on skates swooped down on her, knocked her down and grabbed her purse (containing the CD w/ her work-in-progress master's thesis). My dtr. has advised me that after a certain time of night, her regular subway routes are no longer safe and she has to take cabs.

Getting back to "practical" ideas - some have suggested you visit your dtr. but not stay with her, or that you stay at a hotel. That makes little sense to me. If you're going to see her to offer her support, you should be with her. The nearest hotels are probably many blocks from her apt. Staying at one would be impractical, potentially dangerous (one or the other of you will be traveling to or from it at night) & costly. NYC hotels are expensive - good luck finding anything under $150 a night - and the cheaper they are, the more dangerous THEY can be.

If you do decide to visit, fly in to the Newark airport, and you can take a train from the airport to Penn Station - cheaper than a taxi or sedan service. Have your dtr. meet you at Penn Station (across from Madison Square Garden) and the 2 of you can subway it to Brooklyn. (Hang on tight to your luggage/purse everywhere in NYC, especially on the subway.)
Here's info:
Follow these simple steps to take the train from Newark Liberty International Airport to New York Penn Station:

Collect your bags and take the free AirTrain monorail from your airline terminal to the Newark Liberty International Airport Rail Link Station.
At the Rail Link Station, observe the schedule display board and buy a ticket for the next train to New York Penn Station. The cost is $14.00 (NJ TRANSIT) and up to $27.00 (Amtrak), each way. Credit cards are accepted.
Trains stop at Newark Penn Station and may also stop at the new Secaucus Station. Stay on board to reach New York Penn Station at the next stop.
New York Penn Station is located at 8th Avenue and 31st Street.

[NC_Nurse]

181. Thank you for a thoughtful post.

I didn't see it at first.

I decided to stay home. She didn't want me to come, and I will see her in 3 weeks when we go on a family vacation.

I have sent her the books recommended downthread and a personal alarm. I will ask her about the locks there and bars for her windows.

Thank you again for more great advice! I've gotten a lot of it on this thread. :hi:

[liberaldemocrat7]

185. Hugs NC Nurse.

I'm very sorry to see that someone almost killed your daughter. I wish you and your family strength. I wish that your daughter recovers.

I hope that the police find him, and prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law.

I live 30 miles east of Brooklyn and born in Brooklyn 57 years ago.

[NC_Nurse]

186. Thank you for your wishes.

She seems to be okay so far. I hope they catch him too.

She loves Brooklyn...loves NYC and I hope she can stay and be safe there.

[EFerrari]

2. If I were her, I'd be scared of having anyone around me.

And I would need my family. So, my family would have to deal with my fear/trauma and hopefully, come to help me.

I'm so sorry.

[NC_Nurse]

4. She is fiercely independent.

I told her if she changed her mind, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

Thanks.

[EFerrari]

18. It's so important to validate what she's going through. Good for you.

And I personally would still go do a welfare check on her, with all the carefullness I could muster.

I'm sure you will do fine, whatever you decide to do.

:hug: to you and yours.

[Lars39]

5. I would go to her.

*She* could have been shocky when she said that. Just my 2 cents.
Best wishes for her. :hug:

[NC_Nurse]

11. I think you are probably right, but I want to respect her

wishes. I may still change my mind. She is supposed to call me tomorrow. If she doesn't sound okay, I'll go.

[Bjornsdotter]

26. Go to her

...no matter how old or how strong we think we are, there are still times we really need our moms.

Give her a big hug from all of us. :hug:

[Morgana LaFey]

79. I agree -- sometimes our bravery (or independence) is only an

act we put on to fool ourselves.

GO TO HER. If your presence really isn't needed for long, you can come home quickly.

[librechik]

100. me too

tell her it's not for her, you know she can take care of herself. It's for you, just so you can huf=g her and get over it too. Don't stay too long, though.

:loveya:

[Lochloosa]

141. I agree. Go Now.

She'll get over you not "respecting her wishes" in about 10 secs.

[Monkeyman]

6. *

:grouphug: A Huge Veterans Hug

[NC_Nurse]

12. Thank you sweetie.

[Nimrod2005]

129. Please please just go there, and DON'T freak out all day, just a 2-3 visit to say hi

that's all...

[dogday]

7. It is good she reported this to the Police.

Taking self-defense classes is an option to consider.. Having someone go with her can't always happen, but try to get someone to go home with her for a while till she feels safe....

[NC_Nurse]

13. I told her not to go anywhere alone.

Period.

[dogday]

19. My daughter is 12 and she is learning

a female cannot go anywhere alone these days... It is too risky.... Best to learn it early in life... My thoughts and prayers for your daughter and a big hug for you :hug:... As a Mom, I know you are scared to death for her....

[Dems2002]

149. Excuse Me????

You're teaching your 12-year-old daughter that a WOMAN is never safe alone???

What in the world are you talking about? That's ridiculous. Men are murdered and robbed/mugged much more often than women. And when women are murdered, it's much more often by someone we know.

I am a single woman in my early 30s. I have lived alone for years. I live alone in East Oakland. I pay attention to my surroundings, but I live my life, which means after work, I'm typically by myself more often than I'm with someone else. I go to a local bar, ALONE. I go to dinner, ALONE. I go jogging around the Lake, ALONE. I lived in Korea for a year, ALONE...

I was mugged once, in Beverley Hills. I threw my purse at the mugger and ran and screamed. He never got close to me because I freaked him out. I saw him approaching me and started running before he said anything. Why? Because I am aware of my surroundings.

Driving home I pay attention. When I see a parked car with someone sitting inside, I do not get out of my car. I have driven around the block and not gotten out of my car because I saw someone walking on the street that I didn't know. I'm not stupid.

But it's ridiculous to teach anyone that because they are female they are never safe. Bad things do happen. Avoiding dangerous situations is smart. But taking away a woman's freedom and making her dependent on others to live her life is wrong.

Teach her to be smart and watchful. Don't teach her to be afraid.

Best,

Dems

[dogday]

153. You do it your way and I will do it mine

Better safe than sorry...

[Dems2002]

154. Then do you let her ride in cars?

Cars are very dangerous, over 40,000 people are killed riding in one every year. Hundreds of thousands of people are injured. I assume you don't ride in cars at all, or allow your daughter to, correct?

"Better safe than sorry."

Dems

[dogday]

155. I let her ride in cars that are safe

Uh do you ride in cars that you know are unsafe... What a risk taker you are...

[dogday]

160. Do you have a daughter?

It's different when you have children, you put safety zones on them that you yourself would not do, but for your kids, it is so different....The OP also states she tells her daughter to never go any place alone... I also live in a big city and follow that theory...


Perhaps if you had a buddy with you, the mugger would never of thought to attack you in the first place... Also, you are lucky to of gotten away without being raped. Not everyone wants to take a chance no matter what the odds are...

[a la izquierda]

161. Well said n/t

[MissWaverly]

8. live in Baltimore but she should stay with friends for a few weeks

until this guy dribbles off somewhere, she should also get some mace, if she is gone for a few weeks, he will think she has moved
and I do think it would be good to move though I know it is hard in New York.

Best of luck to you both.

Miss Waverly

[NC_Nurse]

17. Thank you.

She has two room mates. The police are staking out the place. Apparently, they have been in to check on her ever hour or two all day today.

[MissWaverly]

24. also, why not make a fake fashion collar with cardboard/velcro

I heard that is why the bobbies in England got their helmets to prevent someone from choking them, but a little padding with stiff
cardboard might just prevent another choking attempt. The one thing I remember about Brooklyn are those long walks from the
main street down your "side street" to your own apartment house.

[hfojvt]

9. pepper spray and tae kwon do

those are my suggestions if the obvious - get the zark out of the city is not a viable option.

[NC_Nurse]

20. I'll get her some pepper spray.

I don't know if she'd do the tae kwon do thing, but I can always suggest it.

[Wetzelbill]

34. honestly tae kwon do

is nearly worthless as self-defense. It's not practical. Brazilian jiu-jitsu is much more effective, as anybody can do it and it's meant for a physically weaker person to use against somebody bigger and stronger. Probably a class that incorporates BJJ with a variety of other styles would be best. :)

[hfojvt]

57. TKD was just my generic term

for a self defense class. As I understand it, you don't expect to win the fight, just put a finger in their eye, or something similar, use your keys or a lit cigarette, cupped hand on the ear, and then run like hell, but I appreciate your more knowledgeable input.

[Wetzelbill]

oh I got what you meant

sometimes people take that literal.

I am a big fan of the eye gouge. And of course a strike to the groin. That puts any man down for the count. :)

[rasputin1952]

10. Whenever possible, she needs to walk in the neighborhood

w/a friend or two.

I wish I could be there to help...:)

:hug:

[NC_Nurse]

I know.

She knows now.

[rsmith6621]

14. She Needs You and Her Family

........Just go NOW without telling her....she will be extremly glad you came......She needs your presence.

[NC_Nurse]

23. Thanks.

[Critters2]

15. I would STRONGLY encourage her not to stay alone

for a while. Best that she stays with friends. For her own sense of safety, and in case the guy decides to make a return visit.

That is scary. I'm glad she's alright, but I can't imagine how you must feel. I join with others in offering :hug:

[NC_Nurse]

25. Thank you.

[Catherine Vincent]

16. Oh, that is just horrible.

Sorry this happened to your daughter. So glad the neighbors scared him off.

[NC_Nurse]

28. Me too.

The young woman in the downstairs apartment is a hero, IMO. She could've chickened out and not opened the door.

[cally]

59. The neighbor is a heroine who put herself on the line to protect others

I can't honestly tell you whether I would go to see your daughter. I know I wouldn't have wanted my mother to come because for some odd reason I would think I should protect her. I suspect my 20 year old would tell me not to come. However, if you have the financial resources to book a hotel and get your daughter out of the apartment for awhile, then I think you should go.

[ORDagnabbit]

21. self defense training for women by women..... learn to use and carry some form of weapon

[Breeze54]

22. That has to be a horrible feeling for you. Being so far away.

:grouphug:

I might just fly up there anyway and stay at a hotel and then call her
and invite her out to dinner. Tell her you'll pick her up in a cab! ;)
I think you'd feel better about it and probably she would too.
You know? Count all the toes and fingers.....

[NC_Nurse]

30. That's a good suggestion.

I may just do that. Of course, I'm completely broke right now.....:-(

[Breeze54]

74. I had a feeling you'd say that....

http://www.skybus.com/

Greensboro, NC
Piedmont Triad International Airport

Nearest Major Cities
http://ask.skybus.com/info/greensboro.shtml

Flights from $10.00 (yes! ten!)

[NC_Nurse]

92. Damn!

I'll bookmark that! Thanks! :hi:

[formerrepuke]

27. Your presence with her could help, even though she says otherwise...remember

that at 25 years old she's probably still determined to prove to herself that she can 'make it on her own' (even if she genuinely has), and may feel that having Mom there for support is too "childish". She may be emotionally fighting against the lasting trauma that will undoubtedly stay with her. My advice- spend a little time with her if possible.

Best Wishes...

[Hekate]

29. I'm so sorry. Previous poster may be right that she was shocky when she said not to come...

Also, I know my own kid would be going "No, no, no" because she's so damn tough on the outside. Very scary for real,though.

If you can manage to at all, you might take a train out to her for a short visit. (I suggest train travel only because it should be easier to travel one-way and decide on date of return after you get there. Airlines are pissy about that these days.) It would give you the opportunity to hold her in your arms, which would make you feel better, and you'd also get a better sense of what the situation is.

In the meantime :hug:

Hekate

[NC_Nurse]

33. Thank you , dear.

Another good suggestion.:hug:

[alphafemale]

So...the guy is still on the loose?

As a mom I would be so wanting to go completely Charles Bronson on some loser perp's ass.

Vigilante?

Fuck, Yeah!

:mad: :grr: :nuke: :grr: :mad:

[NC_Nurse]

40. Yes. I'm right there.

I told her I'd like to come blow the MF's head off. She laughed, but I know she felt my protectiveness.

I hope they catch his sorry ass.

[Ghost in the Machine]

31. Sorry to hear this, but glad she wasn't hurt worse.. or worse.

She should definetly invest in at least a keychain mace or pepperspray bottle.

:hug:

Ghost

[NC_Nurse]

35. Thanks, you are right.

I keep trying to focus on the fact that she's okay. :hug:

[Stinky The Clown]

32. Can you contact one of her friends back channel to get an idea how she's doing?

A friend's view might not be colored by your daughter's 'inpedependence'. Perhaps, even based on that call, you might decide to go up there against her wishes ..... or be able to stay home and feel okay.

[NC_Nurse]

44. I don't know their numbers. She can't

even call some of her friends or the guys in her band because the asshole stole her purse which had her phone in it. All her friends numbers were in there
and she doesn't know them all by heart. A true child of the new millenium, she only has a cell phone. She called me on her roomies phone.

[LiberalFighter]

65. Too bad there isn't a way to call into one's cell and remove that info

[Truthiness Inspector]

150. To get phone numbers

How about old phone bills? Or registering online at her carrier's site to do online billing, and from there she should be able to see her recent bills, which would include itemized listings of the numbers called. She might not recognize all of the numbers, but she should recognize a few and then branch out from there (use those contacts to get more contact info).

And I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your daughter. It's truly awful. :hug:

On edit: typo

[SaveAmerica]

157. She might be able to transfer phone numbers to a new cell phone

When I got a new phone I turned it on and was given an option to have the numbers transferred automatically.

[EFerrari]

52. What a good suggestion.

:thumbsup:

[Warpy]

36. Rape affects everybody around the victim

so you get to feel that way. Yes, we want that piece of shit off the streets, even if she has to allow him to plead down to simple assault from aggravated attempted rape with intent to kill, or whatever NYC calls this kind of attack.

What will help her heal now is the rape crisis center. There are ongoing groups for survivors, and no, he doesn't need to have completed the attack. She might also consider some women's self defense classes. Often just projecting a "Don't fuck with me, you'll be sorry if you do!" attitude can discourage these cowards.

Find out who the first floor neighbor is and send her a gift. Chances are she's pretty freaked out, too.

[NC_Nurse]

48. You are right. I've thought about sending the neighbor

something...I'll have to find out her name...

[maddezmom]

37. If you can, go now and stay at a hotel

you'll be there and I'll bet she'll reach out. :hug:

[knitter4democracy]

38. I am so very sorry. My SIL was attacked last summer. Scary.

It was awful being family and not being able to go out there to help. She was in New York for a summer class, and a guy drugged her at a bar, kidnapped her, took her back to his apartment, and it was only because her friends tracked her down and banged on the door and got him to open it up that she's alive. She wouldn't press charges, though, and she's headed back there this summer for an internship at the same school. We're all worried about her.

I say go out there. She's trying to be strong, but having you stay there, do the grocery shopping and all, and help with the police would really help. There are good rape crisis centers out there that can really help, and counseling would be a good idea.

:hug: I'll light a candle tonight that they'll catch him and that she'll find peace enough to sleep.

[ThomCat]

39. You know people here in NYC

if you ever need a hand in some way.

I hope she's okay. I really, really hope the police catch him. x(

:hug:

[NC_Nurse]

49. If I come up, I may

need some help getting there from the airport....

I'm so NOT a big city person.

[ThomCat]

54. I'm sure I, and probably others, could meet you.

It would be cabs, because who owns a car in NYC? And public transit works but takes forever. But I'd definitely help you get around the city.

[NC_Nurse]

102. Thank you.

I'm going to wait and see what she wants to do. Thank you so much for your offer of help!

[Fleshdancer]

41. You just experienced my biggest fear

I am so very sorry for both you and your daughter. :hug:

As for advice, listen to your parental instincts on this one. If you think it's best for you to fly up then run, don't walk to the nearest airport. While I'm sure your daughter is incredibly strong and smart, she was just brutally victimized and no one can expect her emotions to be 100% right now. I would assume she's still in shock right now. Food for thought. :(

[wildhorses]

42. that is awful -- sorry to see this...

:hug:

[Wetzelbill]

43. dupe

[Wetzelbill]

45. she may be a little in shock, and still trying to stay strong

Her inclination, since she is "fiercely independent" is to stay being independent like that. After a day or so when it all starts truly hitting her, she may need to be with you and the rest of her family. I would just stay in touch and show her as much love in the meantime. But, gosh, I'm sorry though, that is a terrible situation. My heart goes out to you all. I'm glad she's ok, sounds like it could have been much worse. :hug:

[GrumpyGreg]

46. I'm so sorry,but you have to go along with her wishes.

My five are in their forties now and I still remember my own mother saying "Little kids ,little problems----big kids,big problems".

She sounds like a wonderful,independent young woman and you should be proud,but it's tough to detach,isn't it?

[speedoo]

47. Well, since I live in Brooklyn...

I'm her neighbor and I'm available to help, if there is anything I can do.

You might suggest that she consider acquiring, and carrying at all times, pepper spray or some other legal self defense item. I think it's essential for someone like her. As of five years ago, it was legal.... hope it still is.

Meanwhile..... :hug:

[NC_Nurse]

53. Thank you.

I appreciate your offer to help. I may pm you if I am coming. I don't know NYC well at all.

[speedoo]

130. Please don't hesitate to ask ....

I'll be happy to help in any way I can.

I have a daughter as well, and I can recall feeling stark terror once when she was very young and we lost track of her for just a few minutes in Central Park. So I have an idea about what you are going through.

[xultar]

50. Thank God she is o.k. Screaming & fighting saved her life. She's a brave strong woman

be proud of her. Listen. And reccomend that she talk to a psychologist if it seems appropriate.

She'll be changed forever but she'll be stronger for it.

I'm sending positive thoughts to her.

[NC_Nurse]

58. Thank you so much. That makes me feel good.

You are right, she IS a strong woman. She is strong, beautiful and ALIVE. Thank God!

I am very proud of her for being so smart - she actually played dead to get the guy to stop choking her...but she blacked out and when he let go she
involutarily gasped for air and he startede choking her again. If not for her neighbor, I'm sure she'd be dead.

[UpInArms]

51. ...

:hug:

a whistle for her keychain? - a really really loud one?

[NC_Nurse]

60. .

Whatever it takes. :hug:

[karlrschneider]

55. Tough decision. You probably shouldn't put a whole lot of faith in the NY cops' ability

(or maybe even interest) to give this a high priority. One thing you could do is have her and the other witness get a police artist do a sketch and take that with a description to a Kinko's and make up a bunch of posters...stick them up around the neighborhood. The creep -probably- lives in the area. Maybe a reward...? I did read the thread and understand you aren't exactly flush but I'd kick in a few bucks for that if you think it might be helpful.

For what it's worth, it sounds to me like a crime of opportunity and he isn't likely to come back...since she obviously would know if it was somebody she was familiar with.

[Neecy]

97. I think that's a great idea

Having this guy's sketch all over the neighborhood will no doubt keep him at a distance - otherwise the risk is too great that he'll be identified and busted. If he lives in the area, hopefully he'll either be caught or leave.

I'd go in on getting some copies made, too. I think it's a terrific suggestion.

[Redstone]

56. Oh, Jesus, I don't have any advice for you. Just sympathy. Though if it was MY daughter,

I think I'd fly or drive up there to be with her anyway, whether she said she wanted me to do so or not.

But that's just what I'd do. Please let your daughter know how many DUers are thinking about her, if you would.

Redstone

[NC_Nurse]

62. Thanks.

I will tell her.

[Parche]

61. ONE BIG HUG

I would give you a hug, but I am 2500 miles away on the West Coast, so this will have to do
I hope they find the attacker and punish them to the full extent of the law. :mad:

:grouphug: :pals: :hi:

[NC_Nurse]

63. Me too.

Thanks.

[H2O Man]

64. That's terrible.

It's a tough situation, and I am sorry that you and your family have to deal with this. I wish that there was something that I could say at a time this this, to make it less painful for you. But there really isn't. Sometimes just knowing people care does help.

A few people have mentioned things such as pepper spray, etc. Although this isn't necessarily the time for your daughter to be focused on things like that, human nature will result in her thinking about these things in the future. That can be both good and bad.

The one thing I would attempt to tell her, you, and others (and I know many people aleady know this)is that one of the most important things we do is to be aware of our surroundings. Even in routine matters, and near our homes. Of course, this does not mean your daughter could have avoided what happened .... but many times, if people are aware, they might have a clue that something is different. Or odd. Or just wrong. Trust your instincts.

In '98, my nephew was savagely attacked by a racist hate gang. He was seriously injured. But when he was recovering, I spent plenty of time talking to him, his brothers, and my sons about how to read a situation. He couldn't help that shitheads hated him for the color of his skin. But there were some clues that he didn't read correctly, because he felt comfortable in his surroundings.

Ideas about self-defense, including the pepper spray, are good, but the sad truth is the thug(s) may be better armed. It is always better to be able to avoid any violent confrontation.

Again, I am sorry that your family has to go through this situation.

[The Backlash Cometh]

66. My heart goes out to you.

Companion Services by ADT, if you want to go to the extreme.

[SeattleGirl]

67. Your poor daughter!

I don't have any advice that others in this thread haven't already given. Thank goodness her neighbor scared the man away before he could do any more harm to her. Hugs to her, and to you, too.


:grouphug: :hug: :grouphug:

[DURHAM D]

68. Go to her.

If she says she doesn't want/need for you to come tell her that you need to come for you. You need to hold her and look in her eyes.

Tell her it might seem selfish but Mom needs to be there and you are on your way.

What part of the city is she in?

[Clark2008]

69. Go to her.

I know she'll bitch at you, but, secretly, she would love to have you there. Go to her.

[TomInTib]

70. Just go, but don't stay with her overnight.

Make arrangements to stay elsewhere.

I understand her wanting to appear strong, but you know she is going thru some very rocky, unstable times.

Just go.

[ceile]

71. OMG!

Thank god she is ok!
I understand her wanting to deal with this on her own, but I also think she needs her mom, but may not realize it. What has happened to her may not have completely sunk in yet, when it does,be prepared to hop on the first plane. Good luck and :hug:

[Sapere aude]

72. If she has friends there have them be your surrogates.

[IChing]

73. Terrible news my 25 year old daughter was also threatened

with a knife as a cashier at a 7-11 in Kopenhagen a couple of years ago
She wasn't harm they caught the robber later.
She loves the city life also.
She did quit that job and took up self defense courses.

Just give her the support and love that she needs.

[Deja Q]

75. Definitely file a report with every witness you can muster. The vermin will get caught.

:hug:

The scum WILL be caught and put to justice.



All I know is, this sort of nastiness is getting worse too.



Somewhat recently (before VA tech), a call was made to the cops about a rumor of a possible gun-totin' brat.

School was closed, the whole grounds searched...

Fuck the whiners who say it was a waste of taxpayer money to run around on wild goose chases.

A gun was found behind a vending machine. :(

Double fuck the whiners who say it was a waste of taxpayer money to run around on wild goose chases.

[mediawatch]

76. oh my dear

I feel so sorry for all of you. I have not read the other replies, but I would fly to NY to be with your daughter. She will need you as the days go by and this actually sinks.

From one mom to anthoter here is a big hug for strength:hug:

[EFerrari]

78. Welcome to DU, mediawatch. Thank you for being here.

:)

[Gelliebeans]

77. When I was robbed at gunpoint

the shock took a couple of days to come on and the nightmares and lack of sleep started to set in. I was in my early twenties at the time and very independent but my Mom still came and stayed with me and even though I protested about her making a "fuss" I was ever so grateful she was there. Looking back I realized that you don't make the best decisions while in shock.

Just my 02 cents.

Good luck and :grouphug:

[mediawatch]

81. I wanted to say just what you did Gelliebeans

[Gelliebeans]

93. A belated welcome to DU mediawatch!

:hi:

[mediawatch]

95. my goodness

you guys are so nice.. Thank you to all the welcomes! It makes me feel wanted:loveya:

[NC_Nurse]

99. Thank you to both of you!

I hear what you're saying. Thank you.

[Gelliebeans]

101. you bet!!!

glad to have you as a part of our DU family.

[BlackVelvet04]

80. You have to do what you think is best, of course, but

I can tell you if it were me even at my age I would want my mom. There are some things that requires a mom. I think this is one of them.

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter went through such a horrible ordeal but I'm glad she wasn't hurt worse. It just sucks that women have to be constantly on guard for this kind of thing.

[nosmokes]

82. Go. let her know you're there for you as much as her.

stay a few days, go shopping, see a show, have a nice dinner and let her you're still mom. then go home. you'll both be better off for it.

[philly_bob]

83. I think I would fly up there...

If I were in your position, I know I wouldn't have a peaceful mind thinking about whether I should go or not, and I'd be completely distracted.

Maybe your family is like mine: tough smart people who simply don't know how to ask for -- or when they need -- help.

One variable is whether she lives alone.

I send thoughts of recovery for your daughter and punishment for her attacker...

[MagickMuffin]

84. Sorry this has happened to your daughter

and I read all the post and there was one about the attacker having her cell phone.

Have you called the phone service provider to see if they can track his movements?

That IS something you should consider. It might be a dead end street but who knows he could have gone straight to his home and then you would know where HE LIVES.....

I hope you and your daughter the best, being a female I too worry about this society we live in now. As a teenager I use to walk everywhere within my community, and it was dangerous even back then, but now a days I wouldn't even dream about walking very far, especially at night.

Then there is the no response of some people to just watch someone getting beat up and offering no help whatsoever.
Thank goodness that was not the case for your daughter...

[wicket]

85. My god, I am so sorry

You, your daughter & family are all in my thoughts :hug:

:cry:

[Frank Cannon]

86. Go see her

I know she wants to be independent and everything (I was young once), but it will give her even more strength if you expressed your support in person. You don't need to stay long. Just be there for a little bit.

I'm proud of your daughter for screaming and fighting back. Not being trained in self-defense (as I assume she wasn't), that was the best thing she could have done. It goes against all of our societally conditioned reflexes to do that kind of thing. Screaming and fighting back always buys time and makes things very inconvenient for the attacker, and these creeps are always looking for the quickest, easiest hit on the block.

I am so sorry to hear about al this, and I hope that you all emerge from this experience okay. But your daughter's alive, and that's the greatest news ever right now.

[NC_Nurse]

89. Thank you.

I am going to give her the choice of when I come...she is a very self aware person and I respect her decision.

You are right that the greatest news is that she's ALIVE!

[NC_Nurse]

87. Update:

I just talked to her and she is adamant that I should not come now. She is surrounded by friends, not going out without anyone, and she wants me to wait.
The police are attempting to track her cell phone, have put an alert out in the neighborhood, and she will be calling to give me the detective's name and number
when she gets it.

I feel I should respect her wishes, and she knows I will come the minute she changes her mind. She has promised to contact the rape crisis center - the police gave her the info.

Thank you everyone for your advice, hugs and support. :grouphug:

[Frank Cannon]

91. Thanks for that

Sounds like you and your daughter are in great touch and have discussed all the immediate issues. I hope the cops catch this creep.

[Sequoia]

88. I'm so sorry NC Nurse, that's awful.

However, I'd still want to fly up and see her anyway. She might think she doesn't need you but if that happened to my daughter I'd go anyway. Just to hold her close.

[Adelante]

90. Thank God she was saved from much worse

Courage and love to both of you through this time.

[Solly Mack]

94. Lots of hugs for the both of you

:hug:

[NewYorkerfromMass]

96. She just went through something tremendously traumatic

and my first thought is that there would be nothing like a mom's hug right now. Unfortunately, you say you are broke so I won't suggest you come up to see her.

I lived in Brooklyn a long time (some really bad 'hoods) and know women who had these things happen to them and your daughter is very, very lucky it has turned out this way. She says she has a support system in place so you can take her at her word but still, she has been seriously violated and really isn't/won't be the same for a while. I wouldn't worry about her being attacked again- she's learned a harsh lesson and she won't let it happen again. My main concern would be her psychological support, which she seems to be getting. Just call her and let her know you'll do whatever she needs to deal with this.

[NC_Nurse]

98. Your sage advice is appreciated.

I plan to be here and she says she will call me every day.

If she needs me, I know my dad will help me pay to get there if I need him to. I'm waiting for her to decide. I don't want to violate her boundaries.

If she crashes, I know she'll call me. I trust her and she trusts me.

[undeterred]

103. I went through something like this at 19 though not in NYC

First, thank goodness it wasn't worse than it was, and thank goodness she reported it promptly. I also escaped my attacker, with help, and was able to describe him for police.

Ultimately my attacker attacked other women, many of them, and finally fled from Illinois to Florida. Finally he was picked up on other charges. It was only because of good police work that he was finally brought back to Illinois and charged with 2 rapes. He was never charged with what he did to me, but I did get to testify against him and I know that my testimony was instrumental in putting him in prison for 15 years.

It was empowering for me to go through the process- to work with the police, to talk to other survivors. Ultimately I did get self-defense training and made some lifestyle changes that I've never abandoned.

She needs to find a way to be comfortable right now- maybe less walking alone or mace, whatever it takes. Sadly, it does change your life when something like this happens, but for me it was a path to much greater awareness. I became a rape victim advocate and my whole way of thinking on choice issues changed because of this. I also realized that reporting a crime is really a civic obligation- many women do not report, and that is why it takes so long to catch criminals. Police love a helpful victim with a good memory who is willing to testify.

[KillCapitalism]

104. I have friends in NYC

who live in various boroughs and they have been saying lately that the city as a whole is going back to the way it was in the 70's and 80's when it was VERY dangerous and crime-ridden. Any truth to that?

[KittyWampus]

105. Buy her some Mace and send it to her.

[Madspirit]

106. I am SO sorry

That is terrible and really pisses me off.

Truthfully, I would probably go to her anyway.
Lee

[noiretextatique]

107. how are you doing?

i know it must be difficult for you being so far away from her :grouphug: i think it's great that you chose to listen to her and not go there until she's ready, but that much be really hard for you too :grouphug: i can't even imagine what you are going through, but i offer my support.

[NC_Nurse]

109. Thanks for knowing how I feel.

It is hard staying here. But she is who she is, and I'm not going to assume I know what she needs.
I'm upset for her, angry at this person who did this, and ready to help if I can.

A friend of mine who is a therapist suggested a book called "The Gift of Fear" to me. I'm going to get it tomorrow.
I'll send her a copy if I think it will help.

[noiretextatique]

114. it's great to be proactive

in ways that you can until you can see her. i feel so bad for you both. i hope she changes her mind soon, but perhaps she just needs time to prepare for your reaction when you see her. seeing pain and anguish on your mom's face is tough. anyway...i will check around here for your posts in the next few days. take good care.

[NC_Nurse]

116. Thank you so much for your wise words.

[renate]

108. She might want to look into a personal alarm to carry

If it were me, I'd find it easier to pull a pin on a personal alarm than to 1) scream, 2) aim for the groin, or 3) use pepper spray. One of the advantages attackers have is that we're all raised to not make an unnecessary fuss--it's a hard instinct to overcome. But simply pulling out a pin is quite easy.

I got this one for my daughter to use when she's playing outside without me
http://tinyurl.com/2qzpba
because I've seen the Oprah shows about how kids are reluctant to scream or seem impolite even to strangers. I know that even as an adult I'd sure have a hard time screaming before being attacked--I'd be too self-conscious. But using this is easy, and while it wouldn't 100% protect her, it'd at least give a bad guy a second thought.

My sympathies... your mama bear instincts must be in overdrive right now. But she's safe, thank goodness.

[NC_Nurse]

110. Cool, thanks.

I'm going to order a few of these.

I have another daughter who is out of town...she'll be 21 in July. I'm going to get one for her too.

[renate]

111. ack! I hope you see this in time--here's another suggestion

http://tinyurl.com/24uqty

This one has a light and a keychain, so it might be better for someone walking around at night.

[NC_Nurse]

112. Got it, thanks.

:-)

[shireen]

124. thanks, i got three

for my friend, her young daughter who like to party late into the night, and me. Sigh! What a world we live in ....

[SoCalDem]

113. GO.. NOW

25 year olds like to act all grown up, but she needs you there..at least for a little while.

She might need to move too. If that creep followed her home, he might be back.

[Iris]

115. Oh, sweetie. That's gotta be a mother's worst nightmare.

Maybe you should see how she is in a couple of days. She's probably still in shock a bit. She might change her mind about having you come up.

[NC_Nurse]

117. I hope so.

Thank you.

[uppityperson]

118. Send the neighbor a thank you note.

box of candy, movie tickets, something to thank her for caring and being brave enough to help.

Best to you and your daughter, hoping she recovers quickly and well. And you also.

[NC_Nurse]

119. Thank you, I will do that.

[uppityperson]

120. I was just thinking it would be good for you and for her

You to be able to do something, her to be thanked, encouraging and supporting each other in encouraging and supporting each other.

[sandnsea]

121. That is terrifying!

I just send you both all the comfort and strength in the world. What a horrible thing to happen. I don't know if she's like me, but I usually do well right after a crisis; it's a few days later when the reality sets in that I freak out. I don't know that it matters whether you go right to her, or be ready to go in case she needs you a month or even six months from now. Just can't say whether she will have some delayed trauma or not. But I know how you feel. If it were my daughter, I probably wouldn't listen to her telling me not to come either! :hug:

[NC_Nurse]

122. Thanks.

:hug:

[shireen]

123. that's scary

as a single woman, it's something I fear, esp. living in the Baltimore area. I don't know what to say....

I'm glad she's OK.

[NC_Nurse]

144. Thanks for your sympathy.

I retired early with my husband last night. I just had to regroup.

[malaise]

125. What a horrible incident

Glad she survived her ordeal.

[BlooInBloo]

126. That sucks. For my part, I'd already be there. Everyone's family is different, however.

[likesmountains 52]

127. One more vote for go be with her...she needs you even if she doesn't

realize it yet....and you need her.

[LuckyLib]

128. This is one of those family emergencies where you pull out all the stops and go.

My 19 year old would tell me not to come, and I'd say "I'll be there, and we're staying at such and such hotel while you make arrangements to stay with some close friends over the next few weeks. We'll watch TV in our robes, have wonderful NY Mom and daughter adventures, even on a small scale, and just feel good about life." If you fly into Newark, you can easily take the Amtrak train(there's a station right at the airport)into Manhattan (it's cheap) and a cab to the hotel you've chosen from there. I remember as a young woman calling my Mom at a time of crisis (independent me) and bursting into tears at the sound of her wonderful voice. Go.

[GenDem]

131. A parents worst nightmare

I have goose bumps reading this. Thoughts and prayers heading your way, and your daughters, too.

:hug:

[Laurab]

132. I would be there already - I know it

I have a daughter there around your daughter's age, and I worry all the time about something like this happening. She's with her boyfriend, but still - he can't be there all the time. She calls me when she's walking home from work, or walking alone anywhere, and I WARN her all the time, but I doubt she listens.

I'm so glad your daughter is ok for the most part, and, the truth is, if she is really as independent as you say, maybe she really doesn't want you there. I know my daughter just pretends to be independent, and I'm almost certain she'd want me there. Of course, I wouldn't care if she wanted me or not - I'd go, because I wouldn't be able to stand not being there.

My advice would be to do what you feel is right, because every child is different, and once again, I'm so grateful she's ok.

[young_at_heart]

133. I am a mother of two daughters.......I would not hesitate to go to them under such horror

This is a family emergency and she and you are both in shock. This type of situation needs to have personal contact.

[flying_monkeys]

134. I'd go there.

I think YOU need to see she is okay and I am thinking YOU need an advocate to champion MOM'S RIGHTS over hers right now....


Yes, she is okay, yes, she has friends, yes, she says she doesn't NEED you - - but I think *you* will need to see *her* this weekend to make things lay right in *your* head - - so go for the day....



Big hugs and I am in NC, too - - but I'd fly to NY even against my kid's wishes because *I* need to verify things for *me*, too....

[roguevalley]

136. Oh god, honey. I am so very sorry. I am glad that she is alive and

is going to be all right. She needs defense classes and pepper spray. I bet you could get a special fare from an airline if you explain your situation. I don't know what else to say but that I am so glad that your daughter is going to be well. Hugs, honey.

[Alameda]

137. Rape prevention

I lived in NYC for 30 years and had a similar incident. The best thing you can do is scream as loud as possible and as soon as possible! It causes the attacker to become unnerved. I'd tell her to get to an Aikido class ASAP. It teaches you to feel the attack before it happens. The attacker attacks in their mind first, you learn to feel that. I would not advise mace or any other type of device. They can too easily be used against you. Your daughter is very lucky to have good neighbors. I'd send them a gift of appreciation.

One of the best things Aikido taught me is to NEVER let anyone get close enough to grab me. Keep out of reach.
As for going to see her. You could end up being a problem in as much as she could end up having to protect you. That's what happened when my mother came to visit.


Anyway, I hope this helps.

[qdemn7]

138. I reccomend you buy her

Some books:

Not an Easy Target: Paxton Quigley's Self-Protection for Women

The Truth About Self Protection by Massad Ayoob

Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin De Becker

All available at Amazon.

[file83]

139. Thank god that neighbor did the right thing and got involved....

...too many people these days don't try to help others.

Your daughter, despite this horrible act, is VERY lucky to be alive.

[Festivito]

140. I just want to say, that I don't know what to say.

I'll divide some sorrow with you. And, if you go, I hope you have some organizational skills along with a solidly big hug.

[electron_blue]

142. omg. I'll keep her in my thoughts.

I'd go. I know she's saying she doesn't want you there, but if you can control yourself, your reaction, and if you think you could be of some help, in just cleaning her home and doing the shopping while she recovers, if nothing else, I'd go.

[in_cog_ni_to]

143. You should be with her whether she wants you there or not. She needs support

and some hugs. If you can, go to her. It doesn't matter that she says she doesn't want you there...GO anyway.

[debbierlus]

145. She needs immediate psychological support & counseling

She must be in shock.

A rape trauma or crisis center may be of great help. It sounds like attempted rape. Does she have anyone with her to help facilitate getting her the proper support? Friends are great, but immediate professional support NOW may help stem off long term trauma. Is there a friend or family member close by that could be an advocate for this? If not, you might want to go up to help her get the help she needs (not sit around & freak out), it doesn't have to be a long stay, just enough to get some supports in place)...

You may also need some support from a local counseling center, after this brutal attack on your daughter.

I am very sorry, I hope she & you can heal.:hug:

[amandabeech]

179. And don't let anybody tell her that it was her fault!

Those people are toxic.

[etherealtruth]

146. I'm a mother and a daughter ...

... I would go to her.

I've done the stoic stuff myself (out of state) ... one of my parents always insisted on coming and in the end it was a tremendous help ... even if they just showed up and sat back just in case.

As a mom ... I've went to a child that told me "no no just stay home ... it's OK"

In my child's case it was him wanting to protect me:( ... I did as my parents had done for me ... just sat back so that when my baby (and they are always our baby) needed me I was there.

Whatever you decide is right for you and your daughter ... My fervent wish is for only good things to come your way.

Peace and strength

[FightingIrish]

147. That brings back some uncomfortable memories

Two years ago our youngest son was beaten and robbed in San Francisco six weeks into his freshman year of college. His injuries included a severe spinal fracture with spinal chord damage that left him paralyzed from the waist down He registered for his spring quarter classes from his hospital bed and was back in classes even though he may not have been physically ready. We never tried to hold him back and, after two years in a wheelchair, he is getting around on crutches and very much has his life back. The experience changed him in many ways and most are positive. He has matured beyond his years and become a more spiritual and caring person. He was lucky to have survived and to have the kind of character that kept him from souring on life. Count your blessings. Your daughter may have received a gift.

[philosophie_en_rose]

148. I think you should respect her space, but remain available to her.

Everyone deals with trauma differently. While it is vitally important that she consider her safety (changing locks, moving, etc if he has her keys or information), I also think that she should have the space to heal in her own way.

Perhaps it would make all of you feel better to schedule a time for you to come out and see her, maybe in a few days or a week. That way, she has space, but also knows that you'll be there to support her.

It's important that you process your feelings about this, as well. It's frightening (to say the least), when a loved one is attacked.

:pals:

[zanne]

151. I think your daughter is my new hero.

Sounds like she doesn't want to let fear get the best of her by going to a "safer" place. You must be a brave mom, too, to understand.

[bobbolink]

152. One more suggestion, based on her fierce independence-- Model Mugging!

I would definitely be a person who would *NEED* someone caring right by me now. From what you say, that isn't her style. I can certainly understand your feelings as a mother, and you know her best, so you know if you need to go to her anyway.

In any case, given the fact that the attack has already happened, and she is dealing with trauma (whether she recognizes it or not!), and her determined independence, I'd like to add to the list of suggestions you are getting, and recommend Model Mugging. I have been most impressed with what I've seen of this program, and they have *many* women who have been attacked who attend, and they are very experienced in how to handle their various traumas. I would say that it is more effective than what I've seen of community rape programs!

If anything can help her to regain her sense of strength and self-reliance, I think it's Model Mugging. It was developed by a woman who was a black-belt in self-defense, but found it didn't protect her from being raped. Model Mugging uses real situations, and develops muscle memory, so it isn't something that has to be continually practiced, either.

The classes I have seen develop strong bonding among the women attending, which sounds like it would be good for her, too. It isn't cheap, but if you don't fly up there, it certainly wouldn't be more than your airfare.

I hope that you and she will consider this option. As I said, I couldn't afford to attend a class, but I've been to a few "graduations", and I'm really impressed. I think different areas also have these classes under different names, so it might take a bit of digging.

http://www.modelmugging.org/

Best wishes to her, and to you, mom, some peace. I can only imagine what you must be going through!

:hug:


here is the wikipedia explanation:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Model_Mugging

[EFerrari]

159. That's a great suggestion. I took self defense for women

and just learning the wrist releases made me feel more in charge. Of course, having a great big dog with a scary looking collar did, too.

[Cabcere]

156. Wow - that is so scary, and I'm really glad your daughter is OK

(relatively speaking, anyway - I imagine the physical and emotional healing process is not going to be easy, although it sounds like she has a good support system). :hug: I don't have any advice to give, but please know that my thoughts and prayers are with your daughter, and I really hope they catch that asshole who attacked her. :grr: :hug: Peace.

[EFerrari]

158. Is there an update NC_Nurse? How are YOU holding up?

:hi:

[NC_Nurse]

162. Nothing major to report with the case.

I don't know how I'm holding up. Pretty well one minute, not so well the next.

I spoke with her today. She is hanging in there, has several friends staying at her apartment besides her roomies.

She is supposed to go look at mugshots tomorrow at the police station.

[EFerrari]

163. I'm glad she has friends around her. And here's a hug for you.

:hug:

I narrowly avoided a rape once, in my own bedroom. It took me a few days to feel the terror and more to feel safe again. In fact, I had trouble sleeping for a long time until I got my big dog.

Thanks for checking in. :hi:

[bcoylepa]

166. thinking of you

and sending you support - my daughter is 25 too and lives in Manhattan - I can only imagine what you are going through but as a mom - I know that we don't want our kids to live in fear but we do want them to be smart - sounds like your girl did just that -
let love and gratitude be the ties that get you both through this - and the friends that surround you - all the best

[EFerrari]

168. Welcome to DU, bcoylepa. I haven't read you before.

:hi:

[NC_Nurse]

169. Thank you. Welcome to DU.

:hug:

[upi402]

164. Denial is the first symptom of shock, I'm told

Field medics treat the ones who say, "I'm fine, treat somebody who's really hurt"

So I'm instructed anyway. So maybe you need to think beyond her words. I dunno. She is both traumatized and was physically chocked. I'd be in shock just seeing that.

[NC_Nurse]

170. I think you are right.

I'm trying to talk to her about that. She knows about such things, has been to therapy before.
That's all I can do.

[upi402]

173. You're doing the right thing IMHO. She's very lucky. n/t

[Time for change]

165. I also have a daughter who lives in Brooklyn

Are you sure she really doesn't want you to come, or is she just saying that because she doesn't want to trouble you? Maybe that would be worth exploring.

[NC_Nurse]

171. I'm sure.

We've discussed it several times. Sigh.

[EFerrari]

174. It's hard for us as parents when our kids need to do things their own way.

But, that's the job. :hug:

[NC_Nurse]

180. True enough!

:pals:

[GirlinContempt]

167. That is really awful.

I wish I could offer some suggestions or something. I'm so sorry.
:hug:

[NC_Nurse]

172. Thank you.

I appreciate the hug. :hug:

[WilliamPitt]

175. Eyes, nose, throat, sternum, balls.

The softest and most vulnerable parts on any attacking man are these, all in a straight line from the forehead to the groin. A blow to one or more, especially a rigid-fingered thrust into the nose, sternum, throat or groin, is often enough to spoil a would-be attacker's mood.

Too late for that now, of course, but making sure she goes somewhere to learn about these simple defense techniques will a) Make her safer, and b) Empower her, thus helping her to get past this event.

The school I taught at held defense courses for our female students, some of whom had been attacked in the past. It made them feel safer, because they actually were safer.

Best to you both.

[VelmaD]

187. good advice... I would add...

hitting them in the eyes or throat is really good if you keep your keys tucked in your hand with one sticking out between your fingers. A sharp car key or house key to the eyeball hurts like a motherf*cker. (And this is one time those long fingernails are useful, as well.) Plus, most guys are kinda expecting the groin shot...so they're less likely to be protecting their head and face. And head wounds bleed a lot...seeing their own blood tends to freak most people out. They think they're way more hurt than they really are. And if an attacker does get you on the ground, bite 'em. Hard. On the lip or on the ear. Rip the damn thing off if you can. Be vicious.

Why people don't teach their daughters this stuff is beyond me. My parents made damn sure I knew how to throw a hard punch. And where to throw it so that it would do some good.

And good on the OPs daughter for fighting back. Most attackers want an easy victim.

[Eurobabe]

176. I have a 25 y/o daughter, and if it were mine, I'd go regardless

she is in a state of shock. You need to be together. I sure as hell wouldn't want my daughter to be alone after such an ordeal. I know you want to be with her, go...and here's hoping they catch the creep, lock him away. Thank GOD her neighbors heard the struggle and scared him off.

Let us know how she is doing, this is just heinous. As the mother of two daughters, I can only imagine what you are going through. Take good care :hug: :hug: both of you... -48

[NC_Nurse]

177. Thank you.

I hope they catch the guy too. It would make all of us feel a whole lot better!

[aikoaiko]

178. Thank you for sharing your daughters experience. Its a lesson for all of us - always fight back

Its something we need to teach all of our children and give them the tools and training to fight back well.

[NC_Nurse]

182. I just sent her all of the books mentioned upthread.

A friend of mine who is a parenting counselor also recommended the "Gift of Fear" book - so I had 2 recommendations on that one.

I sent them to my other daughter who lives here in NC as well.

[DFW]

183. I have a daughter, 24, living in Manhattan, too

I'm reluctant to show this to her, but I will tell her.
She grew up in Germany, where incidents like this are
very rare in the area where we are. Even so, that is
small consolation if anything happens. She knows full
well what can happen in the big city, but until it
hits home, it always happened to "someone else,"
didn't it?

Please accept any support and help you get offered. I
know I woukd be grateful if I were in your shoes!

[NC_Nurse]

184. It's a fine line

between being proactive and just scaring them or seeming "overprotective" to them.

I hope she listens to you. Maybe sending her one of these books would be helpful. I'm hoping it will help my daughter.

[Thirtieschild]

188. So very, very sorry, and so proud of her for fighting him off.

Much depends on your daughter's personality, and she sounds like a strong young woman, but from my own experience, go. Our daughter was raped three days after she moved to Charlotte (four hours up I-85 from us). When we got there she didn't want hugs but she did need us there. We spent the weekend with her, along with several friends who made separate trips, and then I came back for a couple of weeks. Of course, the circumstances were different - she wasn't able to fight him off.

[NC_Nurse]

189. I'm so sorry for your daughter's trauma!

That sucks! I hope they caught the offender that did that to her.

Thank you for your support and experience. I have spoken with my daughter several times and she remains steadfast in her decision.

If she changes her mind, I'll go immediately. She wants me to wait, so I will.