What Is Your Definition of "Sexual Harassment"?

[BeachBaby]

And I don't want C&Ps from dictionary.com. I want YOUR definition.

Today, I attended an orientation meeting for my new job as a home health aide. After we discussed agency policies on dress code and basic ethics, we moved on to the topic of sexual harassment.

Obviously, caring for a disabled or ill person in their home, is quite different from the office atmosphere. Many of us have been conditioned to understand what is appropriate behavior, or inappropriate behavior, among coworkers; but in dealing with the ill and disabled, it seems that there are many variations on the theme.

My new boss informed me that, because several of the male clientele suffer from dementia and/or Alzheimers - or something as simple as loneliness, there may be an occasion where I would experience sexual harassment. She continued by describing the sexual harassment as any of the following examples:

1. Grabbing me and pulling me into his lap
2. Smacking my butt, grabbing my butt
3. Fondling my breasts
4. Insisting I sit with him as he watches - and masturbates to - porn. (Yes, this has actually happened to other workers)
5. Verbally expressing his sexual fantasies of me
6. Grabbing my hand and holding it
7. Using "pet names" such as "babe" "baby" "doll" "dollface" "honey" "sweetheart"
8. Attempting to kiss me as I took vitals

After she went through the list, I asked her "Are numbers six and seven really that much of a problem?" She informed me that employees had complained of these things as being "sexual harassment", and therefore, had to be added to the list.

I'm sorry - but if a disabled man wants to hold my hand for a moment, or calls me "baby", I wouldn't perceive it as being anything more than flirting; then again, I have to wonder if "flirting" is now considered to be offensive and non-existent - and has since been renamed "sexual harassment".

[mzteris]

1. ANY unwanted attention of a "sexual nature"

including cutesy nicknames and holding body parts as innocuous as hands....

That said, if a patient is truly suffering from dementia/alzheimers, I have a hard time interpreting this as intentional harassment. they're mentally incompetent.

[notadmblnd]

6. +1

If I tell them to stop and it continues, then I consider it harassment.

[mzteris]

15. how does someone who is extremely impaired

process and execute that "stop", though?

[notadmblnd]

22. That I would not consider harassment

no more than I would a toddler rubbing my calf because he likes the feel of pantyhose. It's not simply black or white. Only someone with no common sense themselves- would paint it that way. It's been my experience that sexual harassment in the work place has usually been directed to leadership and co-workers (of course I also have to say I've never worked in that particular setting). So, I'd like to think that one would use their own judgement as to when they feel harassed and how much- in any situation- they can tolerate it.

[liberal N proud]

2. If someone feels they are harassed, then it is Harassment

Perception is in the eye of the victim. It can be anything from a longer than normal look or something said all the way to full touching and abuse.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. In a "normal" work environment all of those things would be considered

sexual harassment. However, if you are working with elderly people with dementia/Alzheimer's, it might not be. Those patients are not competent and because of their cognitive impairment don't have the normal "filters" that should prevent someone from behaving like that. People who are mentally competent and do those things in the workplace are, of course, committing sexual harassment and deserve to be sued and/or kicked in the groin because they should know better. I would not hold an incompetent person to the same standards. Obviously if there is unwanted physical contact you should be able to avoid it, and maybe request not to work with patients who repeatedly do that, but the sort of knowing intent to harass just wouldn't be there.

By the way, what you are doing is a great thing. My father is 91 and employs full-time home aides so he doesn't have to go into a nursing home. He is mentally competent still, but he needs lots of help just to manage day-to-day activities, and the people who look after him are so patient and kind. I totally appreciate the people who do your work -- I don't think I could handle it.

[LanternWaste]

4. Speaking or acting out in such a way as to compel

Speaking or acting out in such a manner as to compel the victim to feel uncomfortable in their current environment.

Of course, unless we actually know that person well enough, we are forced to assume that any break in our social mores will compel a person to feel uncomfortable. And I believe that that is as it should be-- cornering us to act in a civil and polite manner around all those we are in contact with but do not know well enough to presume more than we should.

[Warpy]

5. You'll know the difference between a desire for comfort

and unwanted sexual attention. It's pretty damned obvious. You'll also learn how to get even demented patients to knock it off, how to set some limits.

[seabeyond]

8. i take it you are in that environment. i am glad to hear, because i cannot imagine

that women have to submit to care for a patient.

[raccoon]

18. I don't understand what you're saying. nt

[seabeyond]

20. i was commenting on warpy's post

You'll also learn how to get even demented patients to knock it off, how to set some limits.


i was saying, i assume he/she is in the business, ergo knows.

that a caregiver will be able to draw a line to not have to submit to sexual harrassment and worse in order to care for a patient.

[seabeyond]

7. and if i dont want to flirt with my boss? if i dont want to touch my boss?

must i, because he wants to flirt?

[Ozymanithrax]

9. 1-3 could be considered assault...and would be harassment.

4,5, and 8 are probably harassment

6 and 7 are in the eye of the beholder.

Really, as someone who is supposed to be caring for the elderly in a professional manner, all of them are unprofessional. You should insist on keeping it professional.

[Caliman73]

10. It is somewhat subjective

If only things were clear cut. It doesn't even have to be directed to you to be sexual harassment though. If the person creates an atmosphere that is hostile for you then it can be considered harassment. If he makes jokes with a buddy that are sexual in nature and those jokes intimidate or offend you, that can be harassment.

If you feel comfortable with the behaviors you are questioning then that is your choice, but if another assistant comes along that has a different reaction, then they are perfectly within their rights to claim harassment.

Flirting is subjective. One person's idea of flirting may be to give you a "come hither" look, another may be to give you a smooth line, yet another might be to point to his crotch and say, "want a piece of the good stuff?". It is a judgment call.

[Radical Activist]

11. Just a little more cautious than whatever my co-workers think is sexual harassment.

That's the definition I use for my own behavior anyway. There's no reason to take risks.

[PufPuf23]

12. Men that act like that should have male attendants.

regardless of dementia.

I say this as an older male that prefers women for intimacy of thought and feeling.

Part of social and medical services should be a plan to provide companionship, human or pet, and emotional support in general.

[ThomCat]

13. As someone disabled who uses a care aid

I can say from person experience that Every One Of Those items should be taken very seriously.

Loneliness is a big issue, especially if the person you are caring for is home-bound.

People with disabilities often have limited or non-existent sex lives, but we're still just as sexual as anyone else. So the desire to express it somehow it going to be there. Even in small ways.

People with disabilities really end up having a sub-culture in common, dealing with the health care industry and care bureaucracies. So over time I've heard that we all end up seeming a lot alike in many ways.

But that can mask ways that we come from different cultures. We become so used to dealing with aides and assistants and doctors and nurses and various health care professionals to get the help we need that we just don't show our native elasticities or cultures or religions or the things that make us so very different. We just assume that all the other stuff is irrelevant, but it's still there.

So, because of the combination of all of this stuff, what seems minor to you might not necessarily be minor to your client. Until you really know your client well, please don't assume that just holding your hand is really harmlessly. To a client, being his "sweetheart" might mean that have just agreed to be his semi-platonic girlfriend.

But what, exactly, does semi-platonic mean to him?

I'm am a mostly home-bound person with a serve disability. I'm fortunately that my care aid is my friend and roommate. Being friends and the fact that I'm gay and she's straight means we don't have to worry about these kinds of issues and mis-communications. I'm also very lucky that she helps me get out of this house occasionally when I'm physically able so that I can keep in touch with friends. I'm not completely isolated.

But I've had other care aids in the past, and I'll have others in the future. When I do, I will make sure I am always on prim and proper behavior at all times with any care aid who isn't a close friend.

I would never, ever do anything on that list. We give up a hell of a lot of privacy when we have an aid, and it is always stressful. But in exchange for that loss of privacy and that stress we get help we can't live without. I wouldn't do anything to risk adding more stress and costing myself a good aid.

[Texasgal]

23. Thom...

:hug:

That is all.

[TZ]

14. Harrassment is anything causing a hostile work environment

To an individual.. And makes that individual uncomfortable. So what is harmless to you or I can be construed as harrassment- simple flirtation if unwelcome by one party can be harrassment if it's unwelcome and doesn't stop when one person requests it. Your case is much different- in the corporate world even the minor flirty harrassment is a form of bullying or intimidation- in your situation that's very different- and people with dimensia are not considered competent to stand trial- so no lawsuit for harrassment is possible- which is one of the reasons you are being educated about it..

[CreekDog]

16. I think the "unwanted" is the key thing here

also if say, the "boss" at a company calls you sweetie all the time while treating your male colleagues differently, that would be an issue.

the situation you describe has a completely different feel.

It will all come down to how extreme it all is and how you feel about that. :hi:

[MajorChode]

25. I sexually harrass a female employee on a daily basis

But I'm married to her.

So yes, it does have to be unwanted, and it also needs to be what a reasonable person would consider offensive behavior.

[aikoaiko]

17. Under normal conditions the listed behaviors would meet most policy definitoins of sex harassment...

...but when working with people with dementia or other cognitive or mental disorders there are clear mitigating circumstances.

The expectation that you would on occasion experience those listed things is a reasonable expectation of the job. These are sick people. If the behavior was more than occasional, the worker can the expectation of being transferred to other work so that he or she wouldn't have to experience it anymore.


my 2 cents.

[Hepburn]

19. I would not agree with numbers 6 and 7 on that list in general.

Some people call everyone by pet names and grabbing and holding the hand of someone helping them may just be loneliness, fear, etc.

But...if the person is suffering dementia, it has to be assumed that he/she does not know what the heck is going on. It could just be some sort of acting out that happens to fall into a sexual area.

[ZombieHorde]

21. Sexual harassment is a branch of rhetoric which is often accompanied by a specific list of behaviors

adopted by an institution.

[Cleita]

24. It is difficult with old people in various stages of

dementia or even just being lonely. I once worked in the office of a man who owned nursing homes. A lot of abuse of the workers, not only sexual harassment, was tolerated because of the mental and physical state of the patients as well as their advanced age and medical condition. But any real aggression, nasty actions or danger to the workers was not tolerated. However, in those days the home's administrator made the decisions on a case by case basis. More than once we had to move some incorrigible old codgers to a mental hospital that could deal with them. Of course that was back in the days before Reagan and Howard Jarvis destroyed our state system of safety nets. Also, back then sexual harassment as a problem on the job hadn't been invented yet.