TEXAS: 13 Year-Old Boy Commits Suicide After Years Of Anti-Gay Bullying

[meegbear]

Eighth grader Asher Brown put a bullet in his brain this week after enduring years of anti-gay taunting and bullying at his Texas middle school. His parents say they complained to the school repeatedly. The school, of course, claims no knowledge of such complaints.

Cy Fair ISD officials said Monday that they never received any complaints from Brown's parents before the suicide about the way the boy was being treated at school. School district spokeswoman Kelli Durham said no students, school employees or the boy's parents ever reported that he was being bullied. That statement infuriated the Truongs, who accused the school district of protecting the bullies and their parents.

"That's absolutely inaccurate — it's completely false," Amy Truong said. "I did not hallucinate phone calls to counselors and assistant principals. We have no reason to make this up. … It's like they're calling us liars." David Truong said, "We want justice. The people here need to be held responsible and to be stopped. It did happen. There are witnesses everywhere." Numerous comments from parents and students on the Web site of KRIV-TV Channel 26, which also reported a story about Brown's death, stated that the boy had been bullied by classmates for several years and claimed Cy-Fair ISD does nothing to stop such harassment.

On the morning of his suicide, Asher told his parents that he was gay, but his stepfather says they were accepting of Asher's revelation. "We didn't condemn," he said. The day before, Asher had been tripped and pushed down a flight of stairs at his school. The school claims to have investigated that incident, but says they can find no corroboration.

<snip>

http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2010/09/texas-13-year-old-boy-commits-suicide.html

[w8liftinglady]

1. I believe it.Anti-gay hostility is rampant here...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x9209361

[w8liftinglady]

2. and-I am rec'ing this because people need to realize the severity of this.

[dionysus]

4. in what respect charlie?

[w8liftinglady]

8. here in Texas...see my post.

[VMI Dem]

14. You must be from Texas.

:hi:

[dionysus]

19. oh, i thought you meant DUers on your thread. d'oh

[w8liftinglady]

21. No problemo-I hope the paper prints my rebuttal...

:pals:

[Cal33]

40. I believe that a "mob mentality" is widespread all over our country.

How many places can kids nowadays grow up in, without becoming a member of a gang
(for lack of a better word) of some sort, and not be ostracized or even persecuted
by other kids?

Remember this: The formation of gangs and mobs is, in the final analysis, based on
fear. Are kids learning this from us, their parents?

[Hannah Bell]

65. +100. and not just for kids.

[Cal33]

116. You are right. Much of it has gone from parent to child, generation

after generation.

[Swagman]

98. correct..and the right is 'dumbing down' as it suits their purpose

education is the enemy of prejudice

[Cal33]

117. Correct. And it is the right-wing leadership and the 90% Republican-owned

news media that planned and organized this dumbing down of the
American people since decades ago, just so that they can manipulate
the masses for their own purposes. This dumbing down has never
been in such high gear in the past as right now. And Fox News
is the prime example.

[secondwind]

80. It was rampant when I moved there in 1979, lived there for one year. They burned down

a gay bar just a few weeks before I moved there. THIRTY YEARS AGO.

[dsc]

3. I am just sick to death of reading about this stuff

The gay rights movement is an abject, total, failure as long as this goes on. This is the third such suicide and the school year is not even a month old in much of the country. I have to start class in a couple of minutes so I have to have my game face on but when I get time to process this I will probably cry my eyes out.

[w8liftinglady]

6. dsc...I am right there with you.

my boyfriend-a rugged ex-military teacher of 5th graders gets teary when this subject is brought up.He has seen so much hostility towards gay youth from their peers and the peers' parents.It sickens him...(and these are 5th graders)

[Jamastiene]

63. I could not agree more.

Until we find something that will work to save these kids from that kind of bullying or at least help them cope in a way that keeps them safe and strong, the gay rights movement will be missing some of our own best and brightest, because they will no longer be with us to stand and fight.

[AlbertCat]

66. The gay rights movement is an abject, total, failure as long as this goes on.

Not really. Not "total".

At least they are not blaming the boy... claiming he was mentally disturbed or something, or that he brought it on himself.

"This is the third such suicide and the school year is not even a month old"

How many gays killed themselves throughout the 50's 60's 70's.... and their sexual orientation was never mentioned or officially regarded as relevant?

[AnArmyVeteran]

78. The bullies who caused this are murderers

The thugs who abused this poor kid won't be punished. They won't lose a moment thinking about their torture of another human being. They will live their lives abusing others and rising to the tops of organizations where they will abuse even more victims. That's the way our sick society works. The sociopaths succeed the most because they don't care who they hurt, backstabbing or bully. Look at the republican party and every right wing media thug. They make fortunes by harming others and destroying the most vulnerable.

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. Oh god!

:cry:

[Odin2005]

7. UGH!

:(

[lpbk2713]

9. I'm too enfuriated for words.

Playing the role of Sgt Schultz (I know NOTHHHING) seems to work well for a lot of public entities entrusted with the lives of our children.

It's little consolation but I hope these idiots get their asses sued into the ground.

[Fumesucker]

10. You don't have to be gay to get bullied..

Plenty of heterosexual kids get bullied too.

The bullies look for anyone they can cut from the herd, just like wolves separate out the weakest to attack.

RIP Asher Brown, my heart goes out to him and his family who will live with this horror for the rest of their lives.

Shame on the school system for not doing anything to help this poor kid.

[Lyric]

15. That's true enough.

God help you in school if you're fat, gay, poor, or "too" smart. I was all four. I have nothing but traumatic memories of school.

[racaulk]

18. I was three of those four.

I was incredibly skinny (6'1" and 130 lbs at my HS graduation), but otherwise I was in the same boat as you were. Growing up in a rural town in the Bible belt made it that much worse. Middle and high school were pure torture for me, and I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone.

I'm glad you and I made it to the other side, but many kids (like the young man in this OP) don't. My heart absolutely breaks when I read about stories like this one.

:cry:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

48. I was #1 and #4, but the school was very good in keeping discipline.

Besides, the students didn't seem so eager to make my life miserable. Once in a blue moon some asshole would make some taunt, but that was it. I had friends. Few, but good.

It must be something in the water.

[Jamastiene]

62. I'm from the next town over from where I think you are talking about...

I can attest to the special brand of extreme hatred here for gay people. YES, school was pure torture here.

[Fumesucker]

24. I was small for my age, skinny and two grades ahead of my cohort..

A prime target.

I must admit I fantasized a lot more about shooting the bullies than I did about shooting myself though.

[Dappleganger]

25. It certainly is.

Kids can be cruel, but when adults turn a blind eye to it that just makes matters even worse. Who are they to turn to if adults won't help??

[KamaAina]

44. Or have a disability

tack on "too" smart to that and you have a recipe for serial school hell.

edit: In NC, anti-bullying legislation passed the legislature by a single vote, thanks to a partnership between Equality NC and special ed activists, particularly the autism community.

[Roon]

56. Same here

and I wore hearing aids as an added bonus! I dropped out of school as soon as I turned 16. I did get my GED though.

[AlbertCat]

67. God help you in school if you're fat, gay, poor, or "too" smart. I was all four

All of which are bullied for being "gay". Gay is the universal slander of bullies.

[Enthusiast]

69. God bless you.

That is so cruel.

[PSzymeczek]

84. I had

two out of four. Nothing physical, though, but I did get threatening phone calls at 2 a.m.

[grace0418]

93. I was everything on your list except gay.

Oh, and I wore hand-me-downs from a rich girl in my school because our mothers were friends. They just loved to tease me about that, especially since the clothes didn't really fit me right. School was not good for me either.

[Chulanowa]

99. Poor, too smart, the wrong race, and small (and of course, the assumptions that come with that)

I went the other route; I wound up putting two other kids in the hospital after getting tired of their treatment of me. I honestly still feel bad about that on some degree, but on the other, people pretty much left me alone after that. At least until I changed schools.

[slackmaster]

110. I grew up in the 1960s wearing glasses and having a German surname

Bullies will pick on a person who has ANY identifiable trait that differs from the "norm".

[connecticut yankee]

70. I was bullied, too

and I wasn't fat, gay, poor, or "too" smart. But I moved to a new community when I was ten, and the other kids, who had all grown up together, resented me.

I was called names, taunted, chased home from school, not to mention the "mean girls" who picked on me constantly for whatever I said or did.

I left that town when I was 18 and never went back.

The taunts still hurt, even though I've had a wonderful life since then.

My heart goes out to all the kids who have to endure what I did, and to Asher Brown's family.

[66 dmhlt]

82. Amen. RIP & Safe Passage, Asher Brown ...

[Kievan Rus]

83. I agree 100%

He would have been bullied just as harshly if he'd been "too smart," or didn't speak English as his first language, or would have been too cozy around racial minorities, or was essentially different in any quantifiable way.

The "in crowd" in high school is very bigoted, in my honest opinion. When I was in high school, they had a pretty strong hatred for pretty much anything outside the consumerist suburban white subculture. Homophobia was rampant, anti-intellectualism was stifling, the nativist xenophobia was absurd, and a few were avowed racists; they were no stranger to the n-word.

[Joe Bacon]

92. The scars from bullying never go away.

It was bad enough in the 3rd grade, my hair was styled as an Afro. Still remember when my snide sleazy 3rd grade teacher decided to name me "N" head. And she encouraged everyone in my class to call me "N" head too. Christ, I hated that goddamn witch!

From 7th to 12th grade, my life was hell in high school. Constantly bullied and the ringleaders were a pair of teachers, my 8th grade algebra teacher and the school football coach. Both of them encouraged the chosen ones (the jocks, since all my high school cared about was the football team) to beat me as much as they could. I still remember when that scumbag 8th grade algebra teacher saw me walking down the hall, he yelled "Get that little bastard" to his jock boys. And the teacher LAUGHED as I was being beaten by half a dozen punks. The only refuge I had was chess at home reading Soviet chess magazines and Chess informants, but the chess club sponsor forbade me from joining the chess club because I "wasn't good enough" even though I could play hundreds of games from theory and quote Soviet chess analysis. Didn't matter. I wasn't good enough. Still remember one time when I was discussing Soviet analysis with one of the boys in the chess club. I didn't realize the football coach was behind me until he yelled "Bacon is a faggot" and his punk football boys picked that up and yelled "faggot" at me. When I got to the room for the next class, the teacher looked at me, she heard what those assholes said. She decided to join in saying "Well, the faggot's here". I hated that place. It was a goddamn urinal masquerading as a garden.

The happiest day of my life was the moment I walked out of that fucking jail for the last time. I have no love for the public school system and I especially hold teachers in utter contempt.

Every time I get my ballot for the upcoming election, there are school bonds issues on the ballot. Just looking at them triggers cold sweats, panic attacks and PTSD. There have been times I've been at the polling place marking my ballot and coming to those fucking school bond questions, I go into a full blown panic attack. I have to turn my back and recompose myself for a few minutes until I have the ability to pick up the marker and punch the NO by those questions.

School scarred me for life. That's why I never had children because I couldn't handle sending them to the same kind of fucking torture chamber I was imprisoned in for years.

Even now, I have a facebook page and some of the assholes who made my life a living hell want to friend me. I've rejected their requests and sent a nice reply that tears another asshole out of those punks. Sorry, but when you were endlessly tortured, there is no way you can even think of forgetting what they did. Yet there are those who say out of ignorance, "Get over it"...

But the scars never heal.

[stuntcat]

115. public school..

doesn't it teach you all you need to know about humanity? I know it did me.

Luckily I wasn't picked on as much as I was just ignored, but I witnessed enough of what people will do to each other.
I've deleted most of the highschoolers who added me on facebook. I looked at their posts and pictures enough to see they are the exact same people they were 20+ years ago, then I un-friended them.

[kevinbgoode]

121. You are exactly right, Joe. . . . .

and while my experience wasn't as pronounced as yours, I certainly remember receiving my share of anti-gay crap thrown at me all the way through high school. The embarassment and the humiliation were devastating, and something you do never forget. It is interesting when you mentioned the facebook "friending" thang. . .I recently joined facebook and immediately was hit with scores of "friend" requests from people who enjoyed bullying while in school.

While I had my own circle of friends back then, the only former "bullies" I've acknowledged as a facebook "friend" is one who messaged me and actually apologized for his behavior decades ago - and I thought that took a lot of courage. The rest I just ignore. . .

I too was thrilled when I graduated and was able to walk out of that building forever. I went to one high school reunion several years ago - specifically to reconnect to my friends, only. And I got some degree of revenge - at the time, I insisted that my same-sex partner was named in the directory under "spouse" (which apparently caused some heated debate among the reunion committee. . hahaha). . .and then one of my best friends (a straight male high school classmate) insisted on dancing with me several times during the reunion! He told me he just wanted to see who would stare - and you can bet quite a few did just that. . .hahaha. . .but no one dared say anything to us.

I think one friend summed it up well after the reunion when he said "high school is just a place where everyone was thrown together just because we all lived in the same town. Why should I celebrate that?"

I always wondered what kind of parents the bullies had. . .or how they could be raised with such callous disregard for the feelings of others. But you are right - I never forgot that experience.

[unapatriciated]

119. you are correct about that.

when my son first returned to school after being diagnosed with Dermatomyositis, there were a few bullies who tormented him. When he moved from a wheelchair to a walker it was easy for him to trip and fall. They took delight in tripping him knowing it was very difficult for him to get up. The last time this happened they went too far pouring sodas and food on him after he fell. His older brother and friends had a little talk with the bullies after school that ended their reign of terror.
My son had someone to defend him unfortunately too few will stand up to the bullies when it comes to sexuality and until we do their reign of terror will continue.

[xchrom]

11. 13. 13. 13. And put a bullet in his head. 13 and gone. Nt

[LynneSin]

12. YEARS??? Geez, the kid is 13 years old

:cry:

And it's not just because it's anti-gay bullying but in general that these schools allow ANY kind of bullying no matter the context.

Of course the school will deny it, they see the blood on their hands and they are embarassed.

[Lyric]

13. 13 years old. My god.

And the school doesn't even have the decency or respect for his life to admit what they did wrong. They continue to bash him in death, even as they bashed him in life, by calling him a liar.

What a fucking world.

[PSzymeczek]

85. And by calling his parents liars,

saying they never registered a complaint.

[Solly Mack]

16. K&R

[woodsprite]

17. This is so sad.

I think that so much pressure is put on kids today to identify with hetero or homo before they even have a chance to know themselves. And the push to commit is getting younger and younger.

[DirkGently]

20. I'd like to see the schools do more as well, but how about some blame for the bullies' parents?

Schools have their hands pretty full as it is. I agree administrators shouldn't turn a blind eye, but this behavior is a COMMUNITY problem. The general disconnect between people, and the adversarial / consumer mindset of parents toward schools contributes to a host of problems. Parents and teachers need to present a unified front to schoolchildren that vicious, anti-social behavior is not acceptable, and that the attackers, not the targets, will suffer.

[AnArmyVeteran]

81. Parents of bullies should be thrown in prison & their children seized.

Sick, abusive children are only acting as they have been taught by example from their evil parents. Parents should always be responsible for the actions of their children. Maybe then they would begin to act like responsible adults and give their children the proper guidance and love. From what I've seen less than half of people should never bring children into the world. Having a child and being a parent are two things that require zero license or training so our society ends up with millions of children who are lost causes. Then they perpetuate all of the horrible, irresponsible acts they learned as children. If the government tried to teach children and adults what the responsibilities were involved with having children there would be massive protests. But if classes like 'Active Parenting' were taught to parents our society would be much better off.

[TheMadMonk]

102. Bullshit. Evil children can be the products of good homes.

And I do not mean "entitled" homes.

By all means investigate and act where it is appropriate, but you paint with a damned broad brush there mate.

The problem is not just parents (or other influences) fueling the bigotry, it's the softly softly approach we take to dealing with it, if we deal at all. Warnings mean nothing to bullies, and when you issue final warning after final warning without ever acting, they're less than nothing, they become validation of the bullying. When it has to become a criminal matter to get any action at all.

Even if action does come of this, the lesson that will be taken away is that they drove him too hard, not that they drove him to his death.

You're right in a way about "lost causes". And if we insist on only the "voice of sweet reason" for redemption, we're always going to have them. We may not like to think about it, but the truth is that a street gang can take up such a "lost cause" and with nothing more than a couple of relatively mild beatings and a bit of shared criminal activity, whip him into shape. Induction into the Armed Forces works much the same way and it's applied universally across the board, because it gets the desired result (discipline, obedience and cohesion) in the shortest possible time.

Now I am not necessarily advocating physical beatings, but for some only a "stick" of some kind is capable of making any lasting impression. Boot camps for troubled kids are not necessarily a bad idea, letting them be run by anyone with a hook to hang their advertising on (ie military service and a cousin with six months in paediatric nursing) and no oversight guarantees that they will be.

[racaulk]

22. School bullying, in all its forms, needs to end.

RIP, Asher. I hope you find peace in the afterlife (whatever that may be) that you were denied in your short time here.

:cry:

[Cetacea]

45. New research indicates that internet bullying is even more damaging

K&R

[MiddleFingerMom]

52. If you can find any of that research, can you PM me the sites, please?

.
.
.
.
.
13 years old and crushed under the weight of all that ignorance.
.
.
.

[Spike89]

73. I'd be interested in that too

I've seen quite a bit of data suggesting that may be so, but when I looked deeper into the research, it got real muddy. For instance, in one study they claimed cyberbullying was around the clock, rather than limited to school hours. They also said attackers "may" have less empathy for a victim they can't see. Those are both points that seem important, but don't hold up to showing increased levels of damage to the victim. Victims can and often do find ways to avoid cyberbullies online and it is certainly easier to walk away from a computer than it is to flee a real world bully. Also, just as attackers may have less empathy for "faceless" victims, victims are just as likely to be hurt less by taunts from a faceless attacker.

Bullying of any sort is horrid, but I really hate to see the hype machine focus on online. They did that with child predators and in my opinion, it actually diverted much needed attention from the real problem--yes, some pervs use the internet to find and abuse children, but for every one that does, 9 or more are abusing children they find next door or more likely in their own house or family.

[dickthegrouch]

118. The big problem with cyber bullying, though

Is the speed with which an enormous volume of hate can build up. The haters feed off of each other and create an utterly overwhelming onslaught of negativity and nastiness. I've even experienced it as an adult and been hard pressed to react with anything other than shock (even here on DU). The 24*7 nature exacerbates this, people who don't know you at all pile on and the overall impression is that the victim is alone. Often they are embarrassed to talk to their friends or parents or teachers. They get into a vicious cycle of attacked, alone, confused and that is a dangerous combination.

As dsc says repeatedly we, the adults, must do better.

[Heidi]

23. Kick.

:kick:

[AldebTX]

26. Sad

The excuses and claims of being ignorant of the problem makes the situation even sadder.

[Dappleganger]

27. He was just a BOY.

Our youngest son just turned 13. This should NEVER happen.

:cry:

[Tsiyu]

28. What a beautiful young man

What a sick school.

And this happens everywhere, not just Texas.

This breaks my heart....

[OneGrassRoot]

29. Bless Asher, bless his family....

This is a crime.

:cry:

Bullying is increasing, IMHO. The bullies need to be held accountable, as well as the institutions that knowingly allow it.

I am so sorry...

:cry:

[comtec]

106. It's being reported more... there isn't more of it

stories like this want to make me goto a school with a bat and just hunt down these evil packs!

and they are packs, as anyone who has been mercilessly bullied (as I have been).
I was smart, but in special ed because of a natural temper problem (most people thing im "mr" zen fwiw). I has a very short fuse for taunting. When I could stand the insults to myself, they'd insult my family...

It's not that these kids got away scotch free, I beat the living crap out of them, but the onlookers would push them to do it.

I'd always get suspended, them not.

Thankfully I have wonderful parents who pushed the administration to start suspending the taunters too!

It stopped pretty damned fast after that.

One problem with the special ed system, is that they don't really know how to deal with brilliant kids. Spec ed seems to be geared for under performers, and the like... which is fine, but not all people are in because they're slow.

Bullies need to be dealt with. I mean real bullies, not someone making the occasional off comment, but those assholes that pack hunt like the animals they are!

[Hosnon]

30. .

:cry:

[kctim]

31. Perfect example

of why forcing people to rollover and submit does not work. All this lovey dovey huggy huggy is BS. People are conditioned to bow and are punished when they do not.
Instead of teaching people to hold stupid signs and stand for some cause, they should be taught to hold their ground and stand for themselves.

Rest in peace little guy.

[myrna minx]

32. .

:cry:

[JCMach1]

33. I was just a weird kid and I can't even count the number of times I was called gay back in school

and bullied...

I really feel sorry for this kid and his parents. :(

[COLGATE4]

34. This is just totally inexcusable and unacceptable in the United

States of America in the year 2010. What in the name of God have we come to when public school authorities can't be bothered to try and protect a 13 year old child from systematic abuse? There ought to be an absolute firestorm of anger and indignation directed at those responsible, but unfortunately, aside from a blog on DU and a couple of blurbs in the papers it'll all pass in a day or so. "Poor kid, too bad. Oh well, you know he WAS one of those, bless his heart".:grr: :grr: :grr: :grr: :nuke: :cry:

[Cal33]

43. And, I'm sorry to say, that it is exactly in the USA that violent

behavior among children is found more frequently than anywhere else.

I remember some old statistics, and one stuck in my mind: Violence
among children in America was about 10 times more frequent than it was
in Italy. This was a long time ago. I don't know how things are today.

By the way, how would you describe the behavior of Neocons and Teabaggers,
if it's not violent? Are these people experiencing a prolonged childish
mentality?

[TheMadMonk]

103. Of course not. They have an absolute right to exercise their mouths unhindered.

:sarcasm:

[Cal33]

114. Your sarcasm is well placed. Unfortunately, the prolonged

childish mentality of the Neocons is also very dangerous and destructive for
all -- themselves included. Too bad, but that's the way it is.

[Posteritatis]

50. There's an anti-antibullying campaign(?!!) going on in parts of Canada right now too

Fundies fighting for the right of their kids to gaybash (or use gaybashing as an excuse to bash anyone else).

[MinneapolisMatt]

35. I feel his pain.

Thank god I didn't kill myself.

It's real. Very real, and I support this family 100%.

[AlabamaLibrul]

36. I feel ya.

I can tie bullying to seriously trying to kill myself three times before I was 18.

This shit is real, this shit is serious, and it happens everywhere everyday. There is blood on the hands of anyone involved in Asher's harassment.

[get the red out]

37. Horrible

This may sound like an odd opinion, and it is based on experience that is 35 years old, but in small town America it seems that school personnel can sometimes get as caught up in the strange little culture kids are permitted to create themselves rather than instructing kids on how to fit into a workable society. Some kids are seen as having value, and others not; if you do not have value why should those who do be punished for making your life a living hell? And others would rather live in their own reality of "this isn't happening, see no evil-hear no evil".

I really saw that kind of mindset at times growing up.

[Fumesucker]

51. I know exactly what you're talking about..

The bullies often get lauded and praised by the adults and those they bully are despised.

[get the red out]

61. "natural" small-town selection

By the time I was in college I started to wonder if it wasn't some kind of small community natural selection instinct gone nuts. The whole school culture seemed geared at ridding the community of certain "types" of individuals as soon as possible. People that wouldn't exactly fit their preferred model (I was a chubby, frizzy haired girl who was into music, bad. My best friend was a gay, ultra-smart guy who was into music, triple-bad). That sounds even insane to me, but still it almost seemed to be the case where I grew up.

Most of my fellow sufferers moved at least a few hours away from that town, from what I can tell from Facebook and keeping in touch with a few old friends.

[izquierdista]

38. One not reached

They need to know that it gets better: http://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject

I know it's only a week old, but I hope the project really goes viral so it can reach more kids like Asher.

[Name removed]

39. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[The Uncola]

41. My condolenses to the family and friends of Asher Brown.

May you also find justice for those that did nothing to prevent this unnecessary tragedy when they could have. I'm not gay, but I was the "fat boy" in school and know the daily terror bullies can inflict on a kid. It doesn't surprise me, in the least, that this kind of SHIT still goes on in Texas. (Not dissing ALL Texans, just the redneck, bigoted, homophobic, hate-mongering majority there.)

[avaistheone1]

42. How many more?

Too sad.

RIP

[gvstn]

46. Kids get sent home for taking an aspirin under zero-tolerance

I wonder how many kids get sent home for calling someone a faggot or pushing him around? My guess that those things are tolerated and zero kids get sent home. Maybe if the bullied kid is punched in the face both he and the bully will get sent home for "fighting". At least that is how it was when I was a kid.

My heart goes out to Asher's family and friends. 13 is so young. :cry:

[Posteritatis]

49. That was my experience too

Hell, I'd seen a few cases where only the bullied kid was suspended despite the bully taking an unprovoked swing, especially in the couple of years after Columbine.

[Skidmore]

47. Oh, this is so horrible.

My heart reaches out to his loved ones. No child should ever have to feel so desparate and isolated.

[Martin Eden]

53. This reminds me of Sharon Underwood's LTTE about the abuse suffered by her gay son

This letter was published in a local Vermont paper 10 years ago:
...............................................................

I am the mother of a gay son and I’ve taken enough from you good people.

I’m tired of your foolish rhetoric about the “homosexual agenda” and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny. My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or havegestures like the other boys. He was called “fag” incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don’t know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn’t put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it’s about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don’t know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you’d best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I’m puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for “true Vermonters.”

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the “homosexual agenda” could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance. How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin. The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about “those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing” asks: “What ever happened to the idea of striving … to be better human beings than we are?”

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?


Sharon Underwood.

[NotThisTime]

54. And this is okay how or why? Hack Administrators... just hacks...

[jesus_of_suburbia]

55. Poor kid... he felt alone I'm sure.

[marew]

57. This brought me to tears.

I cannot imagine feeling so alone.
Why can't a local mental health agency start a support group for teens who think they might be gay? The teenage years are difficult for most of us-- what must it be like for kids who are 'different'?
Tragically sad.

[Wednesdays]

58. Poor kid!

Now, where are all the "blame the victim" advocates? You know, the ones who chant, "How selfish of the 13 year old!" and "He should have just stood up to his bullies!" I guess things have changed at DU--three years ago those would have been the dominant voices on a thread like this.

Seriously, it's time for the adults start to take responsibility for childrens' bullying...it's too bad that a tragedy such as this has to be the catalyst.

[HughBeaumont]

107. Wisely staying the fuck out. This isn't their territory.

For many kids, the only way to physically stand up to their bullies is to literally shoot them. All the self-defense in the world isn't going to help a small-for-his-size kid against a John Goodman-sized coked-up asshole with even a slight modicum of fighting skills, and all the convincing and rationalization in the world isn't going to make it so.

[lib_wit_it]

59. Children learn such cruelty from their families and friends either by following their example or by

those around them failing to object to such bigotry and hatefulness, even some who know better but don't have the guts to speak out.

That poor child and his family are the victims of the influence of hateful religious teachings that pretend to be followers of Jesus. I'm not religious, but I'd love to see Jesus come back and disown those phony Christians.

I don't know...I'm just rambling trying to find the right words, but there are none.

[dsc]

60. kick

[Blue Owl]

64. Down with bullies

Very sad story -- my condolences to the family.

[Enthusiast]

68. K&R

WWJD?

[Jkid]

71. Another gay youth practically murdered by peer harassment.

They will not stop, won't stop. The only way to stop them is by threat of jail.

[Shell Beau]

72. Bullying has to be dealt with. This is unacceptable.

It has happened far too many times. 1 time would be too many. Schools, parents, kids... We've got to put an end to this. NOW.


I am so sorry for this poor child and his family. How tragic. :(

[Politicub]

74. Horrific. Nearly everyone turned a blind eye.

People who have never been bullied have a difficult time understanding how traumatic this can be on a child. And in this case, it wasn't just verbal. According to the article, Asher experienced physical violence (tripping and being pushed down a flight of stairs, for one).

This is an issue that's close to my heart.

I was bullied in school for years. I didn't even know I was gay at the time -- I just felt different. And being an outcast in the rural community where I'm from haunts me to this day.

Oh, and the advice about standing up to bullies as being a solution is a steaming pile of crap. I did this and was beat up walking out of the school building at the end of the day. And to top it off, I ended up getting suspended from school for the same amount of time as the person who beat me up - a total of one day. How fucked up is that?

And now that I think about it, I had just started eighth grade. I was 13 or 14.

[Starry Messenger]

75. kick

[one_voice]

76. No person, especially a child should...

ever feel so hopeless. I cannot imagine the amount of pain this poor child was in. Thoughts of peace and strength go out to his family.

:cry:

[webDude]

77. God bless you, Asher.

[renate]

79. poor boy... he came out to his parents the day he committed suicide

I believe them when they say they didn't condemn him for that, so what makes me extra sad is that he had the courage to tell them this but didn't get a chance to really experience their support for who he was.

I hope the bullies are miserable for the rest of their pathetic little hate-filled lives.

[knitter4democracy]

86. Why do so many LGBT students end up in alternative programs?

We're often the safe school. At least our school is. We get several new students every year who say they come to our school because we're safer. We don't allow the bullying or the negative language.


Edited to add this teacher's comment:
Shame on those teachers and administrators (more the administrators--the buck stops with them)! Shame on those teachers who saw it and did nothing, the administrators who put the messages in the round file, and the adults in his life who didn't reach out and give him the safe environment and support that he needed. Shame on them!

[ruggerson]

87. This is partly because every Sunday, those despicable preachers

yell hate from their pulpits to millions of blank eyed followers in their evil "mega churches."

[Art_from_Ark]

88. Where did a 13-year-old get a gun?

Not to detract from the boy's tragic death, but who supplied him with the gun?

[Greyhound]

104. Did you read the part of the title that stated this was in Texas? It's far easier for a kid,

or anyone for that matter, to get a gun than it is to get a ride.

[slackmaster]

111. You are misinformed. Please read Texas Penal Code Section 46.13.

Texas law prohibiting allowing children to access firearms is similar to California's law.

Sec. 46.13. MAKING A FIREARM ACCESSIBLE TO A CHILD. (a) In this section:

(1) "Child" means a person younger than 17 years of age.

(2) "Readily dischargeable firearm" means a firearm that is loaded with ammunition, whether or not a round is in the chamber.

(3) "Secure" means to take steps that a reasonable person would take to prevent the access to a readily dischargeable firearm by a child, including but not limited to placing a firearm in a locked container or temporarily rendering the firearm inoperable by a trigger lock or other means.

(b) A person commits an offense if a child gains access to a readily dischargeable firearm and the person with criminal negligence:

(1) failed to secure the firearm; or

(2) left the firearm in a place to which the person knew or should have known the child would gain access.

(c) It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under this section that the child's access to the firearm:

(1) was supervised by a person older than 18 years of age and was for hunting, sporting, or other lawful purposes;

(2) consisted of lawful defense by the child of people or property;

(3) was gained by entering property in violation of this code; or

(4) occurred during a time when the actor was engaged in an agricultural enterprise.

(d) Except as provided by Subsection (e), an offense under this section is a Class C misdemeanor.

(e) An offense under this section is a Class A misdemeanor if the child discharges the firearm and causes death or serious bodily injury to himself or another person.

(f) A peace officer or other person may not arrest the actor before the seventh day after the date on which the offense is committed if:

(1) the actor is a member of the family, as defined by Section 71.003, Family Code, of the child who discharged the firearm; and

(2) the child in discharging the firearm caused the death of or serious injury to the child.

(g) A dealer of firearms shall post in a conspicuous position on the premises where the dealer conducts business a sign that contains the following warning in block letters not less than one inch in height:

"IT IS UNLAWFUL TO STORE, TRANSPORT, OR ABANDON AN UNSECURED FIREARM IN A PLACE WHERE CHILDREN ARE LIKELY TO BE AND CAN OBTAIN ACCESS TO THE FIREARM."


Added by Acts 1995, 74th Leg., ch. 83, Sec. 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1995. Amended by Acts 1999, 76th Leg., ch. 62, Sec. 15.02(g), eff. Sept. 1, 1999.

[TexasObserver]

113. Thanks for posting that.

Unfortunately, the school and its supporters will likely push for prosecution of the parents, so as to take the focus off the school's failures.

The school district is a GOP district, and the DA for the county is a long time Republican.

I'm not absolving the parents for leaving a gun where the boy could get it, but the root cause was the bullying.

[slackmaster]

122. I see two root causes in addition to the bullying itself

Practically institutionalized intolerance of LGBT people, and lack of help for victims of bullying when the bullying is happening.

There have always been bullies. As seen in many of the replies on this thread, a lot of us have been bullied. I survived it by fighting back. Because parents and school administrators were unwilling or unable to deal with it, I joined up with other "misfits", and we formed what I can now in hindsight call a gang. Not a drug dealing, gun-running gang, more of a Revenge of the Nerds group.

We found ways of getting the attention of the parents of bullies that resulted in cessation of the bullying. Without going into enough detail to get myself in trouble, we did things that frightened the families of bullies, then call the bully's parents and tell them to ask their child WHY we had done what we did (e.g. "Ask Jimmy why we did it. He knows."). We gave them the impression that their child was messing with the wrong people. It worked every time.

I'm not proud of some of the things that my friends and I did in response to bullying, but there was no counseling available to arm ourselves with less destructive ways of coping.

My dad did give me one powerful tool, but it took a long time before I figured out how to use it wisely. He told me that every bully is actually a coward. Since that one sunk in, I am no longer intimidated by bullies.

[Divine Discontent]

89. in the arms of the angels, Asher... God bless your family.

what a horrible group of people that school "leadership" is.




The family can prove phone records I believe, in court. They need to nail those bastards to the wall for Asher and for the THOUSANDS of Gay, Lesbian, Bi, and transgendered people who take their lives every year around the world, or who are murdered.

[TK421]

90. This just gave me a lump in my throat...sickening, absolutely disgusting

but it will continue to go on in schools, believe that

[madmax]

91. RIP sweet boy

:hug:



This bully crap must end.

[grace0418]

94. Poor baby. And he was a baby. This makes me sick, and makes me have violent

fantasies about what I'd like to do to the bullies and the parents/teachers/administrators who ignore or even encourage their actions.

[HEyHEY]

95. Sick, fucked-up sons of bitches

This kid's death belongs to every fucking preacher, football coach and right wing cockface out there. Fuck all those people.

[BreweryYardRat]

96. Jesus wept.

Since I'm not as good a person as Jesus was...

Execute the bullies. Or remove their tongues. Or something similarly nasty.

There is no excuse whatsoever for driving someone to suicide.

[Kweli4Real]

97. I know ...

This is not the same thing and this will not be the popular or accepted position; but my now 15 year old daughter was the "fat (and one of very few Black) girl(s)" in her elementary school ... she was subjected to daily insults and bullying. It frustrated me to no end that she would not stand up for herself, because the school had a zero tolerance policy, but I guess the insults and bullying did not count as violence. The punishment ... immediate suspension.

I worked with her on some basic self-defensive moves and helped her gain some confidence in her ability to defend herself, even if it meant taking the offensive. I told her that the next time someone poured a soda over her head or put their hands on her she had my permission to clean their clocks ... and I would deal with the school administration.

Well guess what? Someone smashed a burrito in her face and she first yelled for the bullies to leave her alone, and when they continued to taunt her she popped the instigator in the nose.

She no longer is bullied. I believe that school's zero violence policies enable the bullies to pick on kids, while preventing the bullied from defending/standing up for themselves.

To paraphrase Malcolm X: "I do not advocate violence or unprovoked aggression; but to refuse to defend yourself against a violent foe is unintelligent."

[MagnaChucka]

100. I was both fat, smart, and very religious

as a kid, but somehow i never got bullied. I mean i knew kids who did get bullied, so it wasn't like New Jersey had no bullies, and my mom swore she was bullied terribly as a kid, but me, i never got picked on for some reason. I'm not bragging, and this news is really heart wrenching, but I wonder what it is about some kids that makes them not get bullied or picked on. I was not cool by any stretch of the imagination, but still, most people were either nice to me or just left me alone. Weird stuff.

[ooglymoogly]

101. I weep for this child. The horror these ignorant bigots

forced on this child is unforgivable. KR

[Iterate]

105. I wish this could be pinned to the top of every board

and placed high on the list of "Why We Fight".

And his parents. I wish I could tell them that it will be better for them in ten or fifteen years, but that would be a lie.

[Name removed]

108. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Le Taz Hot]

109. This makes me ill . . .

What a terrible, terrible waste.

[TexasObserver]

112. A horrible tragedy that could have been prevented.

The school district tolerated bullying of this child. The parents complained many times.

Cy Fair is a GOP controlled area.

[Turbineguy]

120. That's just terrible.