Do you "loan" someone flowers for a funeral?

[astral]

I found this on Dear Abby this morning and was just blown away:

"After my wife's funeral, many of our friends returned to the mortuary to collect the flowers they had sent. Some of them were very rude, insisting that because they had sent them, the flowers belonged to them."

I am shocked. How wide spread is this "me me me" attitude today? Is it an American thing? Or does this unfortunate family just happen to have some real crappy friends . . . .

[LaurenG]

1. No, no way is that acceptable.

ffs! :wow:

[Warren Stupidity]

2. If somebody did that at my funeral I would never talk to them again.

[Regret My New Name]

11. I'd open all their cupboard drawers and doors in the middle of the night

and play creepy music on their piano

[FSogol]

3. I just glad they didn't loan them any food.

Never heard of this, must just be boorish friends.

[Gabi Hayes]

12. hahahHA! my favorite song:

http://www.rhapsody.com/goto?rcid=tra.12459234

The Bobs: "Food to Rent"
song number 33

http://www.rhapsody.com/player?type=undefined&id=tra.12459234&remote=undefined&page=undefined&pageregion=undefined&guid=undefined&from=undefined&__pcode=



"Food to rent,
food to borrow.
De-Posit required.
I'll return it by to-mor-row-oh oh oh"

[Kookaburra]

4. That's messed up

n/t

[Stevenmarc]

5. Rude... Self-centered .....Sounds like Teabagger Etiquette

[Gman]

6. Absolutely rude, crude and socially unacceptable

[bettyellen]

7. at the end of wakes the management offen encourages the family of the deceased to take the flowers

they won't take the flowers to the church or whatever unless the family has paid for enough extra transport, it seems standard they'll only take three key piecs and anything else is extra. so usually they tell the family that the other pieces will be junked if they don;t take them. maybe the word spread around this funeral and people thought it was okay because of that?
i was just at a wake last week that ended with a few of us plucking bouquetes, at the bereaved daughters insistance, because they had told her this and she wanted to share them.
yeah it was a little weird, but it sure wasn;t my idea!

[JerseygirlCT]

8. Astoundingly rude

And another good reason to solicit donations instead of flowers!

[Cirque du So-What]

9. I think 'Dear Abby' is hard-up for material

I have a close friend who has worked in the funeral industry for over 40 years, and I assure you, he would have mentioned something like this occurring - even once - over his lengthy career. For 'many of {his} friends' to show up & demand the 'loaned' flowers truly smacks of fabrication on the part of 'Dear Abby.'

On edit: my friend in the funeral industry reports numerous instances of friends & relatives squabbling over the flowers & other botanicals after the funeral - occasionally culminating in physical violence.

[geckosfeet]

10. Never heard of such a thing.

[Ichingcarpenter]

13. Yes you do ... its rule 451 from the

Ferengi rule of acquisition

Flowers are only for Profit
and Stupid Humans.

[Frustratedlady]

14. At our local funeral homes, they take the casket flowers and a couple bouquets

of cut flowers that wouldn't last that long to the cemetery. The rest are loaded and taken to the deceased's home or specified home for the family to distribute or keep, as they like.

At the cemetery, roses or carnations are taken from the casket bouquet and handed to each member of the family as a remembrance.

When I donate flowers/plants, I usually state on the back of the card that the arrangement is to go to a particular member of the family. Often, I give a rose bush, flowering bush or other planting that can be placed in their yard as a remembrance each year.

[Hepburn]

15. Holy shit....

...taking back the flowers sent to a funeral???

I thought I had heard of EVERYTHING...but this just boggled my mind! :wow:

[frazzled]

16. The people like Jon Stewart do not send flowers

Honest, flowers are not part of a Jewish funeral, and are generally not sent. Food is sent to the deceased family's home, where people gather to "sit shiva." At the cemetery, one puts a stone on the grave.

This is all to say, people like Jon Stewart don't have to worry about this etiquette.

[Liberal_in_LA]

17. unbelievable! n/t

[pipi_k]

18. Flowers are such a waste anyway...

Someone a bit upthread mentioned something about rose bushes, etc., and I agree. Give something that will live on.

Mr Pip knows how I feel about cut flowers/roses, etc. I don't like them. It's a huge waste of money. If he wants to buy me a living plant or bush for some special occasion, then yeah, that's cool.


Isn't the whole thing about flowers sort of old fashioned anyway? I mean, what was the original reason for flowers at a wake? To cover up the smell of the corpse which had probably been lying around for a couple of days slowly decomposing before embalming became the usual practice...well now we don't have to cover up any strange smells. In fact, sometimes the smell of the flowers themselves at a wake can be sort of nauseating.

Plus it seems like a way for family and friends to try to outdo each other...seeing who sent the biggest/best floral arrangement...often translates in some families to "who cared more" about the deceased.

Blech.

The most touching flower I ever saw was a single rose. It spoke volumes more to me than the biggest, most costly display of floral excess ever could.