You can't make this stuff up :Falwell's mortician says it's an honor to serve him

[wakeme2008]

http://www.roanoke.com/news/roanoke/wb/117606

Falwell's mortician says it's an honor to serve him
Paul Whitten was summoned by the Falwell family to handle the final arrangements.

By Pamela J. Podger
981-3131

LYNCHBURG -- Paul Whitten, a soft-spoken mortician, was in his office when the phone rang at 11:30 a.m. last Tuesday.

The hospital was calling: His pastor, the Rev. Jerry Falwell, had collapsed.

Whitten, 40, who runs a Lynchburg funeral home started by his grandfather, began praying.

He sings bass in the 300-person choir at Thomas Road Baptist Church, where Falwell rose to national prominence as a charismatic and controversial televangelist.

..more at link...

[Jamastiene]

1. Well, I would hereby like to congratulate him on his special honor.

If he didn't serve Falwell right about now, we'd all be in a huge heap of trouble.

[Warren DeMontague]

3. We would?

I mean, I'd suspect the smell might become a problem, but fuck.. I'm not downwind from Virginia.

[Jamastiene]

13. Yes, we would.

With the polar ice caps melting as they travel south in the ocean, all that extra water is causing the sea levels to rise. Imagine what would happen as the decomp began to run off into the ocean. Wouldn't that be ironic? His last act before disappearing completely caused a massive tidal wave on the east coast?

[hobbit709]

2. "To Serve Man" nt

[Warren DeMontague]

5. You're the reason we lose elections, I hope you know that.

You and your twilight zone jokes. Yes, you.

And you made this puppy cry.



I hope you're happy, now.

[soothsayer]

that pup looks more guilty than sad. what bad thing did he do?

[Warren DeMontague]

25. If I had to guess, I'd say he blamed 9-11 on "pagans, gays, the ACLU- and that cat from next door".

nt

[soothsayer]

that pup looks more guilty than sad. what bad thing did he do?

[soothsayer]

that pup looks more guilty than sad. what bad thing did he do?

[hobbit709]

I would NEVER make a puppy cry

the other things maybe.

[L. Coyote]

4. Thanks. You wokemeup. Indeed, you just can't make this stuff up. n/t

[no_hypocrisy]

6. Reporting in from Lynchburg, Virginia now.

You gotta understand here. Jerry was essentially the Chamber of Commerce and Kiwanis rolled into one around here. Jerry and the Church and the College brought business into Lynchburg. There are market forces at work when a mortician issues a press release, talking about what an honor it is. He's gonna get a lot more business hereafter since there will be clientele attracted to his funeral home if only because he embalmed Jerry Falwell. I'm serious. I don't blame him for wanting to milk this for whatever it's worth.

[Solly Mack]

7. a mortician was told Falwell had collapsed and immediately began praying?

for recovery? for business?

[malaise]

9. Business I guess

Remember "This is all I've ever wanted to do. It's my calling." :D

[Solly Mack]

10. "I embalmed Jerry" (new advertisement)

[rasputin1952]

11. When I saw that line, I was wondering why, if Falwell had only

"collapsed", there would be a call to the mortician?

If I collapse, the last thing I want to hear in the ER is, "Is this the _______ Funeral Home? We have a collapsed individual, get ready"...:scared:

[Solly Mack]

14. I had that thought too

[rasputin1952]

17. I'm willing to bet the price of Piano Boxes went up as well...

Kind of tough to gte Jerry into a regular coffin...:evilfrown:

[Canuckistanian]

19. This is why fundies should never be doctors or paramedics or air traffic contollers.

Because the first thing they do in an emergency is to start praying.

[malaise]

8. This is all I've ever wanted to do. It's my calling.

What an ambitious man.

[KharmaTrain]

12. It Was His First Real "Stiffie" In Years....

I'm sure Falwell has been very, very good business for his family over the years.

[blogslut]

15. They're putting him on Ronnie's pedestal

Falwell, 73, lies in a dark bronze coffin on the same wooden stand carved with a cross that was last used at President Reagan's funeral in Washington National Cathedral.

"I brought it in because I knew Dr. Falwell was a big fan of Ronald Reagan," Whitten said. "I know this isn't a state funeral, but it is high profile."

Doesn't that just beat all?

[rucky]

21. Will FOX break from programming to cover it?

now taking bets...

[Kurovski]

16. Are we 100% he didn't say "it's a horror to serve him"?

[Vinca]

18. It's probably an "honor" because it's a big pay day. nt

[ET Awful]

20. If Fallwell was so loved by God,he wouldn't decay and wouldn't need embalming

:P

[TheCowsCameHome]

22. "Serve him"? Why not, he could feed a party of 108.

And the whale oil alone could light a million lamps.

[Buns_of_Fire]

24. The statement, "...with fava beans and a nice Chianti" came to mind

Yes, I know that's tacky. But at least I didn't say that "Soylent Jerry" came to mind.

[stevedeshazer]

23. Clearly the largest enbalming job he'll ever have.

Wait till you see the pallbearers!

[eppur_se_muova]

26. Hmmm ... will he be tempted to keep a little "souvenir"?

"C'mon, try to guess what I've got in this box! You'll never guess in a million years!"

[Swamp Rat]

27. Tinky Falwell's Winky soon to be for sale on Ebay!

:D