American People Hire Lobbysist to Push Their Interests in Congress

[joeybee12]

WASHINGTON—Citing a desire to gain influence in Washington, the American people confirmed Friday that they have hired high-powered D.C. lobbyist Jack Weldon of the firm Patton Boggs to help advance their agenda in Congress.

Known among Beltway insiders for his ability to sway public policy on behalf of massive corporations such as Johnson & Johnson, Monsanto, and AT&T, Weldon, 53, is expected to use his vast network of political connections to give his new client a voice in the legislative process.
Weldon is reportedly charging the American people $795 an hour.

"Unlike R.J. Reynolds, Pfizer, or Bank of America, the U.S. populace lacks the access to public officials required to further its legislative goals," a statement from the nation read in part. "Jack Weldon gives us that access."

"His daily presence in the Capitol will ensure the American people finally get a seat at the table," the statement continued. "And it will allow him to advance our message that everyone, including Americans, deserves to be represented in Washington."


http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-people-hire-highpowered-lobbyist-to-push,18204/

Hey, it's probably the only option we have left!!!

[Brickbat]

1. Not to be all "I just rec'ed this back up to zero"...

...but I just rec'ed this back up to zero.

[joeybee12]

5. Eh, just one of my many enemies here...thanks for the rec...n/t

[ixion]

2. granted, this is satire, but the concept has merit, in my opinion

The only way to beat corporations is to play their own game against them using the field that they created.

[joeybee12]

4. I know...lobbysists are all they listen to...so this is a crazy, yet somehow

sane idea.

[treestar]

13. There are already lobbies for groups other than corporations

Environmentalists, for example.

[blondeatlast]

3. Not a bad idea at all, really. I'd pitch in! nt

[joeybee12]

6. You know, it acually does make sense...

and it's also scray that it does make sense.

[joeybee12]

7. Vanity kick!

:kick:

[BeFree]

8. Good idea

It was proposed here, some time ago, that DUers raise the funds and hire our own DC lobbyist. Neat idea, eh?

[joeybee12]

9. It's actually scary that it is a good idea...

everyone else is doing it, so why not us?

[myrna minx]

10. K&R n/t

[joeybee12]

11. Thanks!

[tavalon]

12. Ouch, when satire stops being funny