POLL: Would Jesus win a Republican Primary?

[anthroguy101]

[onehandle]

1. A gun-toting, racist, pro-billionaire Jesus would. nt

[TexasObserver]

2. No! They would have him arrested if he showed up at a rally.

[proud patriot]

3. Nope , he would be called a socialist commie librul among other things

and be boo'd out of the hall at any debate or speech by republicans

[Aristus]

50. Which is why He wouldn't win a Democratic primary, either. Can you imagine the attack ads?

The repukes would come after Him full-bore...

Deep, stentorian movie-announcer voice:

"Jesus Christ!

This is the man who took a hard-working shepherd boy's lunch and gave it away to 5,000 homeless layabouts!

The Temple of Solomon Small Business Association calls him: 'The Most Dangerous Man In Jerusalem'!

And Jesus Christ...is SOFT on adultery!

This November, don't vote for a man who keeps wedding parties well supplied with alcohol!

Don't vote for a man who associates with terrorists, tax collectors, and known prostitutes!

Don't vote for a man who offers free health care, undercutting hard-working doctors everywhere!

Don't vote......for Jesus Christ!"

[blondeatlast]

4. No, he had a problem with the Republi--I mean, the Pharisees.

Li'l slip o' the typing there...

[monmouth]

22. And then that Mary Magdalene thing would be hanging around his neck...LOL...n/t

[Yeshuah Ben Joseph]

5. No

Because I would rather be crucified again, than RUN as a Republican!

[rug]

6. No, but then he's too much of a "purist" to win a Democratic primary either.

[petronius]

7. That would be an interesting survey - take a bunch of Jesus' lesser-known

quotes and obvious 'policy' positions and then ask Rs what party this person belongs to. Or, to make it less obviously a trick, mix Jesus in with the statements of other people and have respondents rank the speakers along the left-right continuum...

[Monk06]

8. Jesus was a was an American hating, Marxist, community organizer.

Everybody knows that.

[Motown_Johnny]

9. well, he did hang out with tax collectors...

but other than that I can't see anything that he would be able to offer the (R)s

[DBoon]

10. Mad Magazine had it right

[awoke_in_2003]

33. Perfect. nt

[Ozymanithrax]

11. Jesus would be an illegal alien...

and he did not speak English.
He had an anti-government stance in what would eventually become Israel.

Do I need to go on?

[cleanhippie]

12. Fuck no. Jesus was a liberal, for christs sake!

If he even existed, that is...

[Yeshuah Ben Joseph]

20. If I even existed??

For Dad's sake, I've posted twice in this very thread!

[cleanhippie]

27. You are not you.

You just think you are.

[awoke_in_2003]

34. Why don't you do something useful, then...

and make us some wine :)

[Yeshuah Ben Joseph]

36. Here ya go!

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_upsMSoBL6H4/S1DSgVmAr0I/AAAAAAAAABA/4VKa6AD5A8Q/s400/water+into+wine.jpg

[awoke_in_2003]

39. I can't find it now...

but there is a cartoon with Jesus sitting at a bar asking the bartender for a glass of water. It made me chuckle.

[ClassWarrior]

40. From a plastic bottle?? Jesus Christ!!

:hi:

NGU.

[cleanhippie]

44. How typical. All full of fancy, yet no substance.

He asked for wine, not a picture of wine.

Do you really wonder why people doubt you? In the end, you are really not impressive at all.

[Rowdyboy]

13. Hell, he'd never RUN in a Republican primary, much less win

[Lyric]

14. ROFL. Are you kidding?! If Jesus came back to earth right now,

first the conservatives would call him a fake. Then they'd call him the anti-Christ. Then they'd nail him to a cross again, except this time, they'd set the thing on fire.

According to all the Bible stories I've ever heard, conservatives are the ones who killed him the FIRST time--conservative Jews and Romans, to be exact, who were scared of his "radical" ideas. Surely nobody would expect anything different the second time around. These people don't learn lessons--not ever. That's what it MEANS to be a conservative. You just keep doing the same stupid things because you're too prideful to admit you're wrong and too cowardly to face the idea of change.

Edit: Not that I believe any of this stuff, of course.

[awoke_in_2003]

35. Hey, the Romans...

gave the Jews a choice, by they kept saying "Welease Woger"

[Lyric]

15. Also, this is the biggest reason why American conservatives are re-writing the Bible.

They want the Bible to reflect THEIR pre-conceived values and ideals, and since it doesn't, they're going to edit it and "fix" it. According to them, the Bible and Jesus (as portrayed in the gospels) are too "liberal".

Imagine the sheer fucking HUBRIS of looking at what's supposed to be the inspired word of GOD HIMSELF and judging it to be too "liberal".

These people are insane. Literally.

[ladjf]

16. Noo. Jesus was way too liberal. nt

[pstokely]

17. Their version of Jesus would

the masculine Jesus

[Uncle Joe]

26. Their version of Jesus is actually Moses but in regards to worshiping idols,

they don't even follow Moses.

The person most likely to win a Republican primary, would be Edward G. Robinson's character; Dathan in the movie "The Ten Commandments."

[pstokely]

30. They think Reagan is Jesus

nt

[Stevenmarc]

18. JESUS.... He raised the dead......He'll raise your taxes

[Yeshuah Ben Joseph]

21. OK, now that was funny

Even My Dad got a chuckle out of that. :rofl:

[myrna minx]

32. LOL

:spray: I did *not* see that coming.

[SmileyRose]

19. Well he did hang out with whores and crooked businessmen.

But that feed the naked and clothe the hungry stuff would definitely be a problem for him.

[strawberryfield]

23. Jesus’ lessons transcend earthly politics

Over the last 20 years I have cringed when the right has tried to remake Jesus into a con. But I also think that it is a big mistake for the left to claim him as well. Although Jesus spoke in terms that are clearly echoed in modern social justice, his message seems to be far more about personal acts and attitudes than a plan of action or a grand political scheme. During his lifetime, many tried to engage him in contemporary politics, but Jesus always eschewed such discussions in favor of a focus of a kingdom beyond. The dichotomy of two kingdoms, one of earth and one of heaven, is well demonstrated in the famous verse “render onto Caesar”. As a progressive, I find great comfort and liberation in the notion that Jesus spoke of two kingdoms with different sets of rules. While as I Christian, my focus should be on the one to come, I must live in the one that is, and work to make it the best it can be.

[JamesA1102]

24. Jesus was a pacifist who believed in Social Justice and paying taxes.

So of course not.

[LWolf]

48. In that case, he probably wouldn't win a Democratic primary, either. nt

[TheKentuckian]

25. Shit, Jesus makes Bernie Sanders look like Strom Thurmond.

He'd be shunned from the Democratic debates and the TeaPubliKlans would be actively seeking to nail him right back up.

[DailyGrind51]

28. "Socialist hippie!" Why didn't he stick to carpentry and stay out of politics?

[lame54]

41. Because some Mexican took his job...

Watch this...
http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/scarce/fearstockcom

[NoPasaran]

29. Let's see your long form birth certificate, Manger Boy

[Yeshuah Ben Joseph]

37. Well, there's a little problem with that........

Seeing as how I was born when My mom & stepdad were on the road, paying their taxes in Bethlehem. And then we had to take an unplanned vacation to Egypt because Herod had a hissy fit and started killing a bunch of babies.

[uncommon]

31. Lol. Funny.

:rofl:

[rustydog]

38. Hell no! Jesus restored sight to the blind and raised the dead

He did not believe in pre-existing conditions...The republicans would hate the true Jesus.
And most of the conservative Republican ministers would line up to disavow him on his return.

[HopeHoops]

42. That flaming liberal commie pinko faggot long-haired weirdo hippie freak Muslim-lookin' pot-head?

NO FUCKING WAY!

Note: the use of the word "faggot" is simply a matter of connecting it with the long-time GOP term "commie pinko faggot". It is in NO way meant to be a cut on the GLBT community.

[mrs_p]

43. no - he isn't white enough for them

[Ter]

45. Sure He is! :)

[mrs_p]

47. :)

[AnArmyVeteran]

46. They would nail Jesus to the cross again.

And if Jesus was pulled off of the cross before he died republicans would stand around his dying body condemning him for not having health insurance. Don't believe me? They do it 46,000 times a year when the gleefully let our fellow Americans die. No conservative republican can be a practicing Christian at the same time. They hate everything Jesus taught and stood for and if he reappeared they would certainly crucify him all over again.

[Liberal_in_LA]

49. simple poll n/t

[alfredo]

51. No, he's not Christian

[grantcart]

52. I think it would be very difficult for him to run an effective campaign from jail.

[Arkana]

53. No. He'd be derided as too liberal with his long hair and sandals.

[tomm2thumbs]

54. LOVE the solitary 'one' vote - do ya think it was the devil himself ?

[LeftishBrit]

55. Not if he looked Middle Eastern, as presumably he did.

They would have called him a Secret Muslim and a Terra-ist.

[GSLevel9]

56. exactly... Jesus was a prototypical "progressive". A REAL bleeding heart lib. nt

[JoePhilly]

57. Too empathetic, questionable middle-eastern ties, hung around with a prostitute ...

said those without sin should cast the first stone, said that how you treat the "least among us" is how you treat me ....

Not in a million years!!!

[LynneSin]

58. Jesus wouldn't run as a GOP

:D

[TheWatcher]

59. Jesus would be Crucified on the Capitol Steps with the Approval of BOTH sides of "leadership".

George Bush, of Course would be the Modern Day Barabbas, pardoned and cleared of any even minute suspicion of crime or wrong doing, and entered promptly into Sainthood as a Deity among Men, to be worshiped and fellated as such.

[Mefistofeles]

60. No, but he wouldn't win a Democratic primary either

1) The media would make things up about him.
2) Obama would endorse the centrist incumbent opposing Jesus.
3) The other guy would have a huge money advantage.