My college roommate committed suicide last week

[dsc]

I found out on Monday night. My senior year of college is when all of the gay stuff came to a head for me and I nearly ended my own life and he is one of the first people I told. He was great about it as were all my close friends. He had also had a crisis that year, that I helped him through. We joked about our room having been cursed given the problems I had and those he had. But now the jokes don't seem so funny since of the four of us in the suite, two are dead by their own hands. For him it was depression that wore him down. He just couldn't see his life ever being fun again. I feel so bad that I had no idea. I found him on facebook about a year ago and had no idea he was suffering so.

If you know someone with depression, I guess my message is to be sure they are OK.

[seabeyond]

1. i hear ya, dsc. nt

[lightningandsnow]

2. I'm so sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[dsc]

4. thanks

He was the most brilliant man I ever personally met. I still remember when we first met. I had taken calc in high school so I took discrete math my first semester. When I saw the class had nothing but juniors and seniors in it I almost dropped but there was one other freshman in it, him. I figured if he could do it, so could I. Then I found out he was brilliant. He got me through that class with a B. In a very small department I ended up taking several classes with him. In addition to be brilliant he was a great clear communicator. I just wish he had been able to see a better future for himself.

[Pied Piper]

3. I'm sorry to hear your news, dsc

This has been a rough month for all of us.

[dsc]

5. no kidding

our GSA has been discussing suicide and bullying now for a couple of weeks. We are doing nine minutes at the flagpole on Monday to honor those we have lost. I cried my eyes out on Tuesday since my chorus was singing this ridiculously sad song over and over again (we were learning the sign language for it). I just get so tired and emotionally fried lately.

[Dappleganger]

6. Oh dsc...

I am so sorry to hear this. When I was 20 one of my closest friends took her life and I blamed myself for years (no longer do that, thankfully). It is one of those hurts which has a way of staying with you. All I can say is that in time I have learned to live with it better. Positive thoughts for you.

:hug:

[donheld]

7. I'm so sorry

This has to be very painful. :hug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

8. Ah damn

Sorry to hear this.

[pinboy3niner]

9. I'm sorry you lost another college roommate, dsc--especially this way

It's tough enough when the loss is unavoidable; suicide makes it so much tougher.

Wishing you--and all of us--better days ahead. :hug:

[Tsiyu]

10. I am so sorry to hear this dsc

Depression wins sometimes...too often in your friends' case.

Hang in there.

:hug:

[tavalon]

11. That's horrible

I'm going to call my college friend tomorrow. We had a four person ka-tet (and interesting or not, two of us are gay) and we were tight but it's been almost 3 decades. Thanks to facebook, I've reconnected with all three of them but one is currently struggling (lonely - I cannot understand for the life of me why such an amazing guy doesn't have the pick of the litter). The world would be a bit darker without him around. Thank you for the reminder and I'm really sorry about this.

[dsc]

14. I am glad you are going to do that

I feel bad I fell out of touch and had no real clue what was going on.

[dickthegrouch]

18. dsc, so sorry for your loss

@tavalon: I have often wondered why some men I would hang onto with both hands if I had the opportunity seem so unlucky in love.

Romanovsky and Phillips have a humorous take on it in their song "I met a man..", the words of which you can find at http://romanovskyandphillips.com/politicallyrics.htm#imetaman

I find many of their songs speak directly to my experience. I have bought the entire set of their works about 10 times for different friends because they are so timeless (most were written in the 90s). Other favorites of mine are "Red Moon over Boston", "Some of my best Friends" and "Homophobes in Robes" all of which have their words on the site above.

[glinda]

12. I am very sorry.

[inna]

13. i'm so sorry...

:cry:

It's sad beyond words... Hang in there. :hug:

[femrap]

15. Depression is a horrid

disease. And it can be easily masked. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[dsc]

16. true

depression is a real killer.

[webDude]

17. My prayers are with you, I am sorry for your loss.

[Odin2005]

19. OMG!

I'm so sorry! :hug:

[get the red out]

20. Thank you for being kind to him

I have suffered from depression at various levels since I was a kid, one of the worst times was my freshman year in college and the girls I thought were my friends in the dorm weren't in any way supportive. You were a blessing to your friend even if he couldn't survive this illness.

[dsc]

22. we were kind to each other

I had my own hard times that year and he helped me as much as I did him.

[Liberal_in_LA]

21. .

:grouphug:

[sellitman]

23. If you ever have doubts please reach out to your fellow DU'ers

Including me of course.

I am very sorry for your loss.

[RainDog]

24. I'm so sorry for your loss

but it's wonderful to see you carrying on the legacy of your friendship by reaching out to others to help one another.

:grouphug:

[UrbScotty]

25. This breaks my heart. So much promise. So much talent... gone.

:-(

[rosesaylavee]

26. I am so sorry for your loss...

So sad...

[Cronus Protagonist]

27. It Gets Better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IcVyvg2Qlo

Tim Gunn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GGAgtq_rQc

[pnwmom]

28. I am so sorry, dsc. To have lost two of your roommates this way.

How very sad.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

29. C'mere.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[WillyT]

30. I'm So Sorry...

:grouphug:

[defendandprotect]

31. Very sad ...

this economy is also causing havoc with families -- and depression for

individuals --

[Hekate]

32. I am so very sorry for your loss. Take extra care of yourself at this time.

As for depression, sometimes it just doesn't look like what we think depression looks like, as some people are very good at hiding how deeply bleak they feel. Don't blame yourself. Like I say, take extra care at this time.

Hekate

[malaise]

33. How sad

:grouphug:

[saracat]

34. I am so sorry. Take care.

[laylah]

35. Do not beat yourself up...

you had no idea :hug: My condolences on the loss of your friend.

Jenn

[undeterred]

36. I'm sorry.

[David Zephyr]

37. I'm very sorry to hear this.

We have a dear friend, who also took his life a few weeks ago. He was a quiet, gay man who was loved here locally, who had retired after a great academic career.

It is still tearing us up.

My cousin took his own life after suffering with depression for decades. It left our family devastated.

Your message, to check to see if they are OK is spot on.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[dsc]

39. thanks

I am sorry for your loss as well.

[mnhtnbb]

38. I am so sorry to hear this. June 2009 a high school friend of mine--

we were cheerleaders together in'68-'69--jumped in front of a train. No one could figure out
why she did it, until several months later it came out that her husband had copped to tax evasion
and was being sentenced to time in a federal prison. We have all surmised that she was so humiliated
she couldn't imagine life with her 'felon' husband--or life without him.

No one had a clue. People are so able to put on a mask and hide behind it.

I'm so sorry. :hug:

[shireen]

40. my condolences ...

:hug:

Please don't feel bad about not knowing. Many people who are depressed are experts at hiding it.

[Divine Discontent]

41. Oh, dear God... my prayers for you, first, dealing with this.

Depression is an ugly bastard that robs life from people, to the point of feeling what they do isn't important enough to live. Everyone effects the people they come in contact with daily. I have felt the same pains, as a Gay person, and I pray for us all. Thanks always to those here who support us who are not GLBT.

GOD grant you strength through this sadness, dsc. What bad news...

:hug:

[nadinbrzezinski]

42. I am sorry for your loss

[Swagman]

43. my commiserations and you are right-people still do not understand that

depression is a serious illness and can be utterley debilitating.

I believe the DU crowd are pretty sensible but depression must be treated just as if someone had a physical illness- except often there are great remedies for physical ailments..not always for depression.

I think half the problem for depression sufferers is they believe others will not understand. Thankfully doctors do these days.

[starzdust]

44. As one who is sufferinng with

clinical depression, first diagnosed in 2003, I feel your pain. I know first hand what it's like to have depression. Depression is a disease, just as much as any other physical illness.

I could mask it no more and I finally tried to OD. I ended up being admitted to a psych unit for a 10 day stay last year, where I would finally receive the correct treatment. I still don't see my life getting better ever in my future.

I also have an physical illness (peripheral neuropathy in both feet) that creates chronic pain that never goes away. The pain created by my physical illness feeds my depression.

I take medications for both and they help mask the pain, but it always returns when the medications begin to wear off, so I take more. This process repeats it self over and over 24/7. I am seeing my psych doctor (Pdoc) once a month, my primary care doctor as needed and my therapist once a week.

I have no close family nor close friends and I live alone. I am not gay but never have had any close relationships due to my borderline personality disorder.

I find that by talking about my mental illness helps me cope. I have joined an online community called NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) where the members can hear how others are living with MI.

Don't stop yourself from asking difficult questions to those you care of. The signs of a MI are there if you are willing to see and do something about it. Don't be too pushy but get involved.

Thanks for reading my post and my best wishes goes out the you and to others suffering with a mental illness.
John

[rasputin1952]

45. Truly one of thr great tragedies is reading something like

this on an opening of DU. My deepest condolences are w/you and yours at this time of grief...:hug: