Another Gay Teen Takes Life After School Attacks (17 year old Terrel Williams of Lakewood WA)

[FreeState]

RIP Terrel :(

http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2010/10/21/Teen_Takes_Life_After_School_Attack/

Terrel Williams, a student at Clover Park High School, was reportedly attacked by five classmates hours before his mother found his body hanging in a closet at their family's vacation home in Lakewood, Wash., according to LGBTQNation.

...snip...

Before taking his life, Williams wrote a note, saying that coming out and his relationship with his boyfriend, Daric Rawr, were some of the best things in his life. The couple would have celebrated their seventh anniversary together this Saturday, the same day as Williams's 18th birthday.

"I'm sorry to my immediate loved ones, but I feel suicide is the only way out," Williams wrote in a letter he left behind. "Today, was the record worst day of my life, some kids at school stole some of my stuff that I got from people I really cared about, and that really pushed me over the top, next to being shoved into a wall, and my ribs being broken."

According to LGBTQNation, Rawr said of Williams, “He loved life, but felt the need to take it, because didn’t stop ... respectful, whole-hearted people like Terrel, and the growing number of others, shouldn’t have to feel suicide is the answer, because bullies won’t stop.”

[RKP5637]

1. Recommend!!! The hatred is this country is pathological and dangerous, now

our children are killing themselves. I think many times each day WTF is wrong with this country. It's pathetic and sick!

[sakabatou]

2. Dammit. Why? Why? Why?

>.<

[Angry Dragon]

12. I will tell you why things like this happen

It happens because this government lets it happen.
People see that politicians abuse each other with their comments,
politicians state that one group is better than others,
the bigger you are or stronger then you are right.
Churches teach that their form of religion and their god
hates certain groups so it is okay if you hate someone.

This country has become a country of hate and it is allowed
by the people that are perceived to have power.
Politicians, churches, corporations.

[blue sky at night]

3. i feel that all of life is cheapened by this....

so many people die here because of the fucked up thinking of others...the life of a young man matters not when it is so much fun to win, and be "right" and on the side of the bullies, so easy to pick on a young man that is openly gay. There is no end in sight for these scenarios, like I say about gun-violence in america; death by suicide of young gay men is as american as applepie.

[Initech]

4. God damn it. This shit is becoming an epidemic.

:argh:

[donco6]

11. Honestly, I believe it's always been so.

I took a bottle of tranquilizers as a Junior in high school. Had my stomach pumped. I survived to finally have a great life. Others aren't so lucky.

[Smarmie Doofus]

19. No, they're not.

Glad you're still around, though.


I refuse to believe it has to be this way.


Nice post.

[Rhythm]

23. He did NOT say it HAD to be this way... just said that it has been for a long time...

...and he's right.

I came out in the mid-80's, and knew at least several other teens who tried to check out (and a couple that succeeded) because of the abuse they took over their sexual orientation. And that was just in one high school (of +/- 2000 students) in a city of 500k.

Multiply that by 12 high schools in my city at the time, then multiply it by decades.
That's just one city.

And this doesn't even begin to count all of the kids that were bullied, beaten up, etc...

[Smarmie Doofus]

28. I rarely ... maybe *never* ... disagree w. donco6.

And I'm not disagreeing with him now.

I'm merely saying that I refuse to believe that it has to be this way. He agrees with this, I'm quite sure. And it sounds like you do also.

The big question is....having defined and described the scope and gravity of the situation : how the fuck do we *remediate* it?


"It Gets Better" is a great ( *brilliant*, actually, imo ) start. But there's got to be lots more we can do.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

49. Possibly we're getting more realistic reporting ...

on stories containing concepts like "gay", "suicide", and "bully".

Previously, the facts might have been buried by some fiction. "Cleaning a loaded gun" was always a handy euphemism.

I wish I had some intelligent solution. "It gets better" is a hopeful slogan, but also a resignation that there's nothing we can do about the bullying, harassment, etc.

[uppityperson]

51. Wow, I just remembered a friend suiciding in high school. Never heard much about it

but it wouldn't surprise me that bullying led to it. We heard little of "why", always wondered.

[Smarmie Doofus]

5. UGH.

How long are we going to put up with this shit?


Why can't Obama speak up directly about it?

Why can't kids be educated about homosexuality in public schools?

This is getting to be a god-damned... and largely PREVENTABLE ... national disgrace.

[FreeState]

6. Obama spoke out on it today - It Gets Better Video

http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2010/10/21/president-obama-it-gets-better

Recently, several young people have taken their own lives after being bullied for being gay – or perceived as being gay – by their peers. Their deaths are shocking and heartbreaking tragedies. No one should have to endure relentless harassment or tormenting. No one should ever feel so alone or desperate that they feel have nowhere to turn. We each share a responsibility to protect our young people. And we also have an obligation to set an example of respect and kindness, regardless of our differences.

We all have a responsibility to protect all of our children. But we also have an obligation to set an example of respect and kindness regardless of our differences.

This is personal to me. When I was a young adult, I faced the jokes and taunting that too many of our youth face today, and I considered suicide as a way out. But I was fortunate. One of my co-workers recognized that I was hurting, and I soon confided in her. She cared enough to push me to seek help. She saved my life. I will always be grateful for her compassion and support – the same compassion and support that so many kids need today.

In the wake of these terrible tragedies, thousands of Americans have come together to share their stories of hope and encouragement for LGBT youth who are struggling as part of the It Gets Better Project. Their messages are simple: no matter how difficult or hopeless life may seem when you’re a young person who’s been tormented by your peers or feels like you don’t fit in: life will get better.

[Smarmie Doofus]

7. This is an amazing statement:

>>>>>This is personal to me. When I was a young adult, I faced the jokes and taunting that too many of our youth face today, and I considered suicide as a way out. But I was fortunate. One of my co-workers recognized that I was hurting, and I soon confided in her. She cared enough to push me to seek help. She saved my life. I will always be grateful for her compassion and support – the same compassion and support that so many kids need today. >>>


One doesn't acknowledge such intensely personal things in pubic in the Darwinian jungle we Americans call " electoral politics". ( I take back *some* of the things I've been thinking about him lately.)

Question: this paragraph is missing from the 3 minute video. Was it edited from the original or was it simply part of the text and never spoken?

Anyway.... props to the President. HUGE props.

Now how 'bout " reforming" the school system ( he likes to do that anyway) so that it stops lying about homosexuals and homosexuality. Lying by OMISSION. Lying by NOT teaching the science and the history related to homosexuality?

Enough kids have died because of our puritanism and general nuttiness over this issue. WE CAN'T LET THIS KEEP HAPPENING.

[kenny blankenship]

8. Agree, on everything.

[Smashcut]

13. I think that particular statement you quoted

was from Brian Bond, who posted the video, not from Obama himself.

[Smarmie Doofus]

14. Whoa. You're quit right , Smash.

It's a wonder I can figure out how I can turn this thing on and off.

It's just that the first paragraph of the commentary is so close... almost verbatim.... what Mr. Obama actually says in the video.

Well... a little of the luster has worn off. But it's still a good gesture by the WH.

Let's hope it gets some media attention.

[RKP5637]

15. Agree!!! Well said!!! n/t

[kenny blankenship]

9. I'm sorry Terrel.

Looks like we failed you too.

[suffragette]

10. RIP Terrel

Would that you had known more peace in life.
:cry:

[Starry Messenger]

16. .

[Catherina]

17. "bullies won’t stop" : (

:cry:



Rest in peace Terell.

[FreeState]

18. You know growing up gay

I use to look at myself in the mirror and think I was unattractive and that most LGBT people were too. I guess that comes with the bullying and hate your taught from church and society. Looking at Terell's picture I see a gorgeous looking guy that had his whole life in front of him. It's all so sad what we as a society put GLBT youth through.

[Smarmie Doofus]

20. Interesting. It's not unlike the studies of white and black kids....

...I'm guessing from the mid 70's..... in which little black kids would generally choose the white doll over the black doll to play with.

The cultural conditioning is insidious and getting over it is a long protracted processfor the marginalized group.

Of course.... that much *more* difficult and complicated for the majority... the default position of which is " where's the problem?"

[FreeState]

29. I had not thought of that....

Stigma and discrimination do have simular outcomes regardless of the reason for the stigma/discrimination.

Do you have a link to any of the studies? It would be interesting to read and compare and see if there have been similar studies conducted for LGBT teens and adults. I do know that it is very common for gay men in particular to stress "straight acting/masculine looking" in personal ads - which is IMO absolutely a result of the culture putting less masculine men into a category of "not manly."

[Smarmie Doofus]

55. Start here with this old DU thread:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3147407


Plus there's lots more stuff that's google-able.


Not sure about similar studies re glbts.


Not sure they'd even be NECESSARY. The messages we get as kids from the culture are so overwhelmingly and unambiguously negative how could self-esteem NOT be impacted?

At least non-white kids have non-white families to mitigate the psychological damage done. What do WE have?

[xchrom]

21. These ages are breathtaking. 13, 17, 19 and on and on..

Very, very sad.

[KurtNYC]

22. Bullying is actually 'torture' --- shhhhhhhhh, it's a secret

IMHO part of the way to end torture is to stop using the euphemism: 'bullying.'

[Smarmie Doofus]

26. YES! I've been trying to think of a better, more accurate....

... label for this phenomenon.

Nothing seemd to fit right. TORTURE is the closest.

[myrna minx]

24. .

:cry:

[Dappleganger]

25. Oh no.

Stop. the. hate.

:cry: :cry: :cry:

[Mad_Dem_X]

27. Rest in peace, Terrel

And my deepest sympathy and condolences to the family.

[Life Long Dem]

30. I don't know how anyone could allow bullies to cause yourself to commit suicide.

That would be the last thing I would do. To let a bully or bullies get their way. The only thing a bully understands is a good beating. And when the school or the cops or an older brother or father can't help you, you need to defend yourself and that involves violence.

Growing up I wasn't bullied very much, but the times I was bullied, I defended myself by beating them up. I was never a bully, but I do know what bullies listen to and they listen to your fist.

[kenny blankenship]

33. Well bully for you.

[DFab420]

38. Truth

Honestly the best thing my Dad and Mom ever taught me was

"Never start fights, but if someone starts one, make damn sure you finish it"

I was a bit heavy and was really really tall for my age when I was growing up. It made me a target for anyone with something to prove. I came home crying and beaten up alot, not wanting to break my parents rules about fighting. Then one day they sat me down after a particularly rough day and set out a new rule.

Since then I took it upon myself not only to fight back for myself, but for anyone else I saw needed help, needless to say I might have finished a few fights I wasn't involved in, but every now and then, someone needs to give a shithead bully a good thumping.

[Life Long Dem]

47. I remember one of the first times I fought a bully.

I was in the first grade and a bully chased me home from school. When I got into the hallway of the apartment he was right on me, and all of a sudden I felt a little more courageous being at home and I fought him good enough to send him running off. This bully never came back for more. But I think this instance was the beginning stage of what I could do if I defended myself.

[HillWilliam]

40. Well, that's nice and easy to toss out

Many of us can handle one at a time. I'm old and irritable and I can still probably handle one at a time.

When you're gay, though, they never come at you one at a time. Ever. It's always in groups and gangs. HTF is one person supposed to wallop a whole gang at a time? Even moreso when being gay is already drilled into their nasty little heads as being anathema, worthy of being a punching bag? That is why those gay kids don't see any other way out. After years of it, you get overwhelmed.

I know damn well exactly how it feels. I was almost a statistic. More than once I seriously, seriously considered it. Back in the day, it's doubtful anyone would have noticed. But I just couldn't let the bastards win that easily. Stubborn? Probably. But I'm posting today.

Stop. Put yourself in our shoes for a moment. Think, then come around again.

[Life Long Dem]

50. That's true.

I never had more than one come at me, and things do change - of course - the more there are.

I understand, and know that not everyone is capable of defending themselves as well as you or I in a one on one situation, but I wanted to give my two cents of how I handled bullying when I was in school.

On edit,

Let me add, I still say the last thing I would do is to let a bully get their way by causing a suicide.This to me says they won. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

[HillWilliam]

54. I appreciate the rejoinder

It was bad enough always being the new kid. Worse being reasonably intelligent and well-spoken (parochial school will do that). It would have been deadly to have admitted to or appeared to have been gay. Lord have mercy. To remain in a rural, dead-end county where the mills were already closing would honestly have led me to a bad end one way or another. So I joined the army.

Honest to pete, it was the first relief I'd had.

The only time I've ever had to defend myself since was against a crazyass ex who was an entire foot taller than me. A restraining order later, he thought it would be a good idea if he left the state entirely. Everyone else agreed.

It's true that the only thing a bully will understand is a poke in the nose. It's rare not to see one bawl immediately and they're always sore losers. You may have to whip them a second time. By then they usually get it. They're a damned load of work. It was slim and never when I could ever catch just one to administer any justice. Between the bullies and the snake handlers out to save my soul from the evil, godless Lutherans, you can imagine a near-perfect storm in a stewpot of a rural foothills county for a gay kid.

I can imagine both scenarios, choosing to flee or choosing death when fighting just isn't an option. I count myself lucky, as in "there but for the grace of Whoever go I", I'm here to post because it did Get Better. I can also very clearly see where it could have gone just the other way, but for one single decision I made. It might sound crazy to some people that joining the military would have been a great step up in situation for a young gay man, but believe me on this, it was. It got me TF out of the hills, into a situation where everybody was the new guy and I was eventually headed to a unit where everybody was pretty smart. Cool.

I realize that isn't a way out for most people, but when you're in a hellish situation, you have to think of what assets you have at hand and how to make best use of them. If there were only some way to convey that to those kids. You always have some way out. You just have to keep your head together long enough to find it. You don't always have to beat them. There is a distinct pleasure in outlasting them.

[Terra Alta]

31. *sigh* will this ever end?

May he rest in peace.. :(

[FreepFryer]

32. I may have an unpopular view of these horrific tragic suicides of persecuted LGBT youths...

...but I don't believe the conventional assumption that there is an increasing rate or # of suicides by persecuted LGBT youth.

I know the incredibly devastating statistics:
(Source: http://thetaskforce.org/reports_and_research/homeless_youth)
In the United States 575,000 to 1.6 million youth are homeless each year, of which 20-40% identify as LGBT.
115,000 to 640,000 LGBT youth are homeless per year.
Twenty-six percent of LGBT youth that come out to their parents are kicked out of their home.
Twenty-five to thirty-three percent of homeless youth have engaged in survival sex.
Forty-two percent of LGBT youth abuse alcohol.
Nearly 50% of LGBT homeless youth have attempted suicide.

Instead, I think it's far more likely that we have an ever-increasing awareness and publicity of anti-LGBT abuse and bullying, and more of these suicides are being incontrovertibly attributed to such abuse both by peers, family members and in suicide notes, etc. The increasing openness and concern around this horrific demographic correlation MUST manifest in legal and social protections, for sure - but I would question the conventional idea that this is a 'suicide epidemic' that hasn't been going on a long time.

I think it's been happening for decades and decades.

And the consensus that it needs to stop, for good, is what is growing.

[DFab420]

37. well said.

This isn't a recent thing in this country. We should realize this youth community has be beaten down upon in this country for a long while..It's just the mainstream perception that is finally awakening!

At least it's no longer a silent tragedy..

[MrScorpio]

34. Unfortunately, the more that suicides are reported in the media...

It means that more people will get the idea to commit suicide.

We're in the midst of a suicide cluster as we speak.

[FreeState]

39. I would disagree with that

THe simple fact is LGBT youth have been killing themselves for a very very long time, and in high numbers.

The more outrage and knowledge of the problem the more likely we will see solutions.

[MrScorpio]

42. The copycat suicide phenomena has a name, it's called the The Werther effect

The Werther effect not only predicts an increase in suicide, but the majority of the suicides will take place in the same or a similar way as the one publicized. The more similar the person in the publicized suicide is to the people exposed to the information about it, the more likely the age group or demographic is to commit suicide. Upon learning of someone else's suicide, many people decide that action is appropriate for them as well, especially if the publicized suicide was of someone in a similar situation as them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copycat_suicide

Each suicide is a tragedy in itself, each person had their own reason why, and since the fact that it's more publicized in the media these days, that could possibly make more people susceptible to the conditions explained in that Effect.

[FreeState]

43. About 95 LGBT youth commit suicide every month

There is absolutely no evidence these are copycat suicides. Just because a phenomenon exists does not mean its happening. THere is no evidence the number of suicides has increased.

http://seldo.com/

Between 4,000 and 5,000 teenagers kill themselves every year in America<1>,<2>. That's between 11 and 13 teens killing themselves every single day. Gay teenagers are four times more likely to commit suicide than straight teenagers, which means about 3 gay teenagers are killing themselves every day, about 95 every month<3>.

[MrScorpio]

45. I'm sure that there individual reasons for each suicide

But, in the long run, why aren't suicide prevention efforts more effective?

Does anyone have a good answer for this?

[ruggerson]

46. Organized religion and the preachers and politicians that promote it

[MrScorpio]

48. Well, I was kinda looking for a more direct correlation...

Than just blaming preachers and politicians.

It's not like they're going anywhere.

Really, why aren't grassroots suicide prevention efforts more effective?

[FreeState]

53. Prevention Works! A Report of Activities, 1999-2004

http://www.doh.wa.gov/hsqa/emstrauma/injury/pubs/YSPP_Report_1999-2004.pdf

Thats the report for WA State.

Suicide rates decreased in the 90's and rose in the early 2000 and are holding somewhat steady - I don't think its because prevention does not work, but rather the causes are changing for society at large (not for LGBT youth though, it seems there is a long way to go there, part of the problem being the efforts to prevent the type of environment where gay teens are stigmatized and terrorized are thwarted by much of society*.) Here is some statistics that cover states and age groups: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-statistics.html

*As far as LGBT suicides I don't expect we will see a large decrease until he government takes action by legally making LGBT citizens equal. Stigma from laws and culture are very hard to break, but we have to start somewhere. I'd like to see three things done in the next couple years, 1) comprehensive anti-bullying laws, 2) all laws that relegate LGBT persons as less than heterosexuals done away with and laws protecting sexual minorities enacted and 3) a solid multi-faith effort at combating homophobia in the nations spiritual communities.

[joeybee12]

35. I'll KNR for visibility, but damn, I can't read this stuff anymore...it's heart-breaking.

[DFab420]

36. This is the worst KnR i've ever done

But it needs to be seen.

This makes me so sad. All of these deaths, because ignorant children don't realize the hate they are filled with...

I wish we could find a way to tell all of these poor victims of this hate that it's ok, and more of us in the world love them then hate them...

[foxfeet]

41. K&R, sadly.

[riderinthestorm]

44. A kick and an R for Remember Terrel...

What an incredibly handsome young man with so much ahead of him. We are eating our own.

My daughter's at the wake of another girl tonight who committed suicide because she was bullied. I don't think she was bullied because she was gay but nonetheless, this shit has to stop. RIP Terrel. Rip Quincee Barnes-Miller from Batavia, IL. :cry: :cry:

[Kadie]

52. .

:cry: :(