....so my 18 yr old didn't register to vote...

[FirstLight]

what's his excuse? he doesn't have one...

I am pissed and disspointed in him.
He's old enough to get drafted, he was in ROTC for 4 years, so it isn't like he is ignorant of govt and military issues. He has a best friend who is being sent to Afganistan in 3 mos... but he just doesn't seem to care.

I sent him the link to Rockthevote.org...told him several times he could do it online easily... talked about the issues with him as the news was on and the importance of needing more DEMS to vote...discussed the high unemployment rate, especially for his age group...

....in one ear and out the other.

i guess because it isn't posted on WOW (worldofwarcraft) it doesn't have relavance in 'his' world.

It's gonna be bumpy around here for a few days, I am so dissapointed in his lack of concern for himself and others...I just want to throttle him!

:mad:

(part of my angst is that i couldn't 'wait' to vote...and hhis lethargy is unnerving, it permeates all aspects of his life, no desire to do anything but the least amount necessary to 'get by'...)

[Winterblues]

1. He is the only one in the entire country.

:shrug:

[FirstLight]

2. no, but i am pissed that he blew it off

I didn't raise him to be willfully ignorant or civically irresponsible

[Name removed]

27. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Control-Z]

57. I know what you're going through.

I kind of feel it is my duty to make sure my kids join the political movement as soon as they come of age. But my son has done the same as yours. He just turned 19. He hasn't registered.

I offered to register for him so he could just sign and be eligible to vote. I offered to go over the ballot with him. I even tried to entice him with the marijuana measure. He said no.

I don't really understand. Gawd knows he and his friends have had to listen to me on my political high horse over the years - since they were old enough to talk, practically. I am disappointed. But I know he'll come around. If the marijuana measure doesn't fly I will remind him of what his vote could have done to help. I'm sure there will be plenty of teaching moments before the next election. I will look for them, and i will use them. :evilgrin:

[mymomwasright]

3. IDEA....

Casually tell him that conservatives generally hate things like World of Warcraft and the like and would like to ban them....porn too! Ya', I know it's generalization if one gets into it, but so what? Find something he cares about that conservatives rail against.

[FirstLight]

5. lol...i wish it was that simple

It's like a personality thing... he would rather just stay under the radar, and think he can slide by...
and here i am, the activist, the one who was involved in college campus rallies, etc...
I want him to care about *something*, besides his stupid video world that doesn't even exist!

and the fact that his friends are all relatively normal and have registered when they signed up for selective services, etc

he hasn;t even pursued a driver's license yet, though...so i guess the lazy runs deep...

Apathy leads to Plutocracy

howz that for a bumper sticker?

[SpiralHawk]

13. "Wait a minute. We do NOT hate porn." - Clarence T. Anonymous (R - Supreme Just Us)

"We denounce porn. We wag fingers at porn. And then, like typical little repulicon hyprocrites, we go home, climb into the closet, and GET IT ON. Oh yes. Luvs us our porn. Smirk."

- Clarence T. Anonymous (R - Supreme Just Us)

[wtmusic]

4. My niece just told me that too

"It doesn't really affect me."

Oh really? :grr:

[snot]

6. Could he be rebelling?

[lame54]

7. You should have told him NOT to register....

and he would have run right out and done it

[LiberalFighter]

8. I would suggest that when he asks for something tell him that you are not interested.

Restrict access to the internet so he can't play his games. If he wants to play it can only be between 8 and 9.

[Hello_Kitty]

9. If he has time for World of Warcraft he has time to do something useful

Hand him a broom and a mop and tell him to start cleaning the house.

[Darth_Kitten]

38. But that's a "nagging" Mom kind of job!

:sarcasm:

[Hello_Kitty]

42. Yep. Cleaning is women's work. I encounter this attitude in men of all ages.

For me, the notion that males are incapable of seeing dirt or cleaning was dispelled quickly during my time in the military. Young men showed an AMAZING capacity to make things spic and span when there was a Navy chief or USMC sergeant who would create negative consequences for failing to do so.

Ugh, I just have NO tolerance for idle young adults leeching off their parents. I can understand not having a job since the market is tight but there's no excuse for ablebodied young people to be sitting around playing computer games all day and contributing nothing to the household. Yes, I blame the parents but the kids are old enough to know better too.

[slackmaster]

10. Has he moved out of your house yet?

Or gotten a job?

[Hello_Kitty]

16. Seriously!

People complaining about their layabout adult kids get no sympathy from me.

[HopeHoops]

11. Keep this phrase handy in your mind: "Don't vote? Don't bitch."

My 19 year old is voting for the first time this year (by absentee since she's at college out of state). I made it clear to her that I do have candidates I prefer, but as a voter she has to make her own choices. I even sent her the voters' guide from the paper. We had a good joke on the phone about me "NEVER being opinionated about ANYTHING".

[Poll_Blind]

12. Hey, though, just realize he's a kid and videogames and boobs play an inordinately large...

...role in his reality. It's not like he rejects the concept of Democracy or anything, he's just being a dope. He hasn't yet realized just exactly how important a vote really is.

That'll probably change the more he rubs up against the rest of the world.

I sure do understand where you're coming from. There are far more distractions now than there ever were.

PB

[FirstLight]

20. +100

...'the more he rubs up against the world'


that is EXACTLY it. He has managed to avoid responsibility in the 'real world' for a long time...he'll see how tough it is. I can talk till i am blue in the face and he has watched me struggle and how it has affected him and his siblings because of poverty, etc...

but until he has to deal with LIFE, he won't get it...and even then he may be the type that chooses to think 'it is so unfair' and not take any responsibility or control of it...

[Scuba]

14. It is these disaffected voters that we need to recruit to beat the big bucks. n/t

[lillypaddle]

15. Give him time ..

42 years ago when my then hippie husband & I were sitting around smoking pot, we joked that some day the kid would walk in wearing a letter jacket, off to the olde soda shoppe. Sometimes they just have to do the opposite, you know? Sounds like you've given him a sound base in responsible citizenry - I bet he comes around in another year or so. Parenting is tough!

[docvet]

17. lol

On the other hand, does it really matter if they vote or if any of us votes for that matter?

Dem or Repub, we get GOP legislation.

Sad but true.

[surrealAmerican]

22. I think you've chosen the wrong place ...

... to try to discourage people from voting.

[Touchdown]

18. He'll come around. Kids are just that way.

He's going to get some friends, and maybe one of them will turn him on to his civic duty. If a girl gets him turned onto politics, he'll be a flame throwing revolutionary in no time.

[snooper2]

19. Tell him to get off his ass and do something

or start charging him rent...

[Hello_Kitty]

23. Thank you!

I know the job market is tight but teenagers and young adults can still make themselves useful.

[FirstLight]

28. believe me, we have gone there

he is going to the community college, and he had a summer job that wrapped up last month...so now i am waiting to see what happens next.
I lost some assistance because of him turning 18, so i told him he'd better be prepared to help out when things get tight near the end of the month...

he *does* do some chores, take out the trash, etc...but ya, i have been recently picking up the slack as well... then we have a blowup, he's good for a few days, and then it's back to slackage...typical, right?

[slackmaster]

48. No, your situation is not typical

Most 18-year-olds are eager to get out of the house.

You're enabling him by not setting hard rules and by not following through with your demands.

[eShirl]

21. bribe him with the new "Cataclysm" WOW expansion

I think it comes out in early December, but it can be pre-ordered now on Amazon

[FirstLight]

24. you know, maybe he should think about that

the wow world is about some tyrant-king and evil minions... what if those tyrants were what we are facing right now?

lol, put it in term he can relate to, eh?


god, it is just so sad that a make believe world is where he chooses to LIVE...
then again, i guess *this* world ain't so freaking grand....

[eShirl]

26. I'm serious.

[Raksha]

30. That make-believe world is the one where he has some chance

of fighting that tyrant-king and his evil minions--and WINNING. The real world...not so much. On some level he must realize this.

[FirstLight]

31. yikes

good point....scary though...

[crazyjoe]

25. you told him who to vote for too? I'm not surprised

he didn't register if you feel you had to tell him what to do. I wouldn't of either.

[FirstLight]

29. no, i did not

he would have had to figure out that one on his own...i just wanted him to PARTICIPATE

so thanks for the snark, screw you

[crazyjoe]

71. oh, pardon me, when i read your post i must have misinterpeted this line

"I sent him the link to Rockthevote.org...told him several times he could do it online easily... talked about the issues with him as the news was on and the importance of needing more DEMS to vote"

[FirstLight]

32. his job counselor just told me she asked him to as well

I ran into her at the Job one center this morning...mentioned that he hadn't registered...she said she asked him to and told him how as well, that it was important to him as someone entering the workforce to affect his local options too - re; employment
(we are having a seriously big election in our city council, 3 corrupt people are OUT and there's 9 running for those positions...big money vs. real people, and one of them is even very young and owns the favorite coffee hangout of the college crowd...)

so it's not just rebellion, it's a case of serious apathy.
same reason he hasn;t pursued getting his driver's license, he just doesn't wanna put forth any effort

GAH! :mad:

you know, part of the reason i am venting here is because i don't want to go off on HIM right now. It would only make things worse if i let him know how upset i really am... so any support is appreciated!

[Baalath]

35. Not going to get support from me

Your 18 year old unemployed son isn't willing to get a driver's license or register to vote (I didn't see you mention he was in school either maybe I missed it), instead he plays WOW. (I play wow too, I am not judging that wow is inherently evil or anything)

Yet, you think he is the problem.

NEWS FLASH. You are the problem. You are the adult. You set the standard for acceptable behavior in your home. You need to grow up and stop making excuses for him.


Not voting sounds like the least of the problems you are facing with him.

LOL He could get pissed at you and vote for repubs just to piss you off. I guess it is a good thing he didn't do that.

Questions - What would happen if you did go off on him? What would be "worse" if he knew how upset you are? What weapons (not literally) does he use that makes things "worse" if you express yourself to him? Sounds like he can get you to do things the way he wants them, even if you can't get him to do things the way you want.

[FirstLight]

39. i get it...

The weakness goes back through a few decades of issues...
my mom did me a HUGE disservice by not helping me to transition out of the house, she didn't want me to struggle so she did everything she could to keep me home and 'safe' and it took me YEARS to develop the survival skills needed to manage a house, do bills, etc...in fact some would say i am STILL learning ;)

people i know who had a little tough love in their teens and had to figure it out are way more "together" now, so i think it serves one's best interest to get pushed out of the nest.

Here's the big issue: my mom
She still helps me tremendously since i am single and poor and she wants to make sure that my kids have shoes and things they need. since i was a 22 yr old mom, she had a bigger part in raising my oldest, and still treats him with the most favor of all the grandkids...
when i mention he came home and bitched because i didn't make dinner for him (on a night he is in class till 9, so he is not part of my plan, too bad) she gets worried he isn't eating enough. when i attack him for being a slacker, he goes to her and tells her that i am being mean, etc...
it's bullshit i know

so i am at the point now where i am telling him that by the end of this school quarter he better have a plan in place, or he can just go live with nana...

ya, registering to vote isn't the whole story, but it sure IS the straw that broke the camel's back...

[Baalath]

41. Proud of you.

From one mom to another I am proud of you. It is hard to assess ourselves as parents. We love them so much and it hurts SO much to think they might be suffering from our lacking.

Sounds like you are on the right track. Hang in there, it is worth it.


:toast:

[slackmaster]

46. Hasn't pursued getting his driver's license?!?!?

I'm sorry to say this, but I think your son has serious psychological problems. In my non-professional opinion, he needs professional help.

[druidity33]

62. I'm 39 years old...

and have never pursued getting my driver's license. Had a motorcycle permit for awhile.

Pretty sure everyone i know would say i'm free of "psychological problems". But whatever you say, Slackmaster. :eyes:

:shrug:

[slackmaster]

68. That was the last straw for me. My suggestion that he needs help was based on the totality of data

:hi:

[Control-Z]

64. You must not have kids.

I've got three and they have a lot of friends, and believe me, it is not uncommon for kids to put off getting their Driver's License.

I haven't quite figured out why yet. We were all so excited to drive when I was a teen. But, for one, the laws have changed. Licenses are restricted these days (at least in CA). Things like: no minors (their friends) in the car when driving alone at night. No minors in the front seat. An adult is required in the front seat when minors are in the car after dark, I think. I'm still not sure of all the restrictions but the license is not much more than a permit these days, until these kids turn 18.

Another reason is that schools no longer provide the classes and training that my generation enjoyed, so there are some hefty fees to pay for private driving school.

Social networking has played a part as well, I believe. We didn't have instant access to our friends the way they do. It required getting in a car and meeting up with a group to socialize the way they do in their rooms on their phone or computer.

Things have changed.

[slackmaster]

67. My stepson couldn't wait to get his learner's permit

I couldn't wait when I was a kid. Neither could my brother.

I know only a handful of people who don't drive.

[LoZoccolo]

33. He may be trying to assert his independence and teach you a lesson about nagging a grown adult.

You might not want to hear this and get defensive, and it might not be true, but you might find it worthwhile to assess your approach and if it's effective with someone who sees himself as someone who is now responsible for his own decisions. He might live in your house and all that so you might think you have a right to do this but it's not really about what you have a right to do as much as what will be effective. I might also be prejudiced because I felt my mother acted overbearing and still nags me (and will not accept criticism, so it's unlikely to ever stop).

[FirstLight]

34. well thanks, but i'm a pretty well adjusted mom

we have gone through alot as a family ...so he has seen me survive and come out relatively sane after some harrowing stuff. he has managed to pull through and i have taken a very 'hands off' approach with him, i may make suggestions, but i won't tell him exactly what to do...
he barely made it in time to get his college classes...when reminded, he blows it off... so typical

[Darth_Kitten]

37. Just love how mothers are knocked around here.

You shouldn't be on the defensive at all. :(

[Darth_Kitten]

36. Well, maybe Mr. 18 year old should grow up if he wants to be seen as an adult?

The Mom's not doing anything wrong here.

[FirstLight]

40. thanks...

He also knows my trigger of 'agressive male' because we had an abusive man in the family for a while... so when i start to push issues, he gets loud and in my face... no respect...

i have to oush back and assert that I run the house, etc... which can be scary when he is taller than me now...

it's bullshit.

[Hello_Kitty]

45. Oh wow. That sounds intolerable.

If he gets loud and in your face again call the cops. I'm serious about that. You are breaking your back to support him and that's how he treats you? By threatening you, knowing that you are a previous victim of abuse? Unacceptable.

Listen, I apologize for any posts I've made on this thread that seem flippant. You totally don't deserve to be treated that way. :hug:

[Hello_Kitty]

49. He's 18. If he doesn't like the "nagging" he can leave.

Like I said upthread, I cannot stand able-bodied and minded young people who leech off their parents. And then expect to be respected as full adults.

[Dappleganger]

43. That is a tough age...

we have a daughter living at home who's nearly 19 (she is a registered voter, thankfully). We've also given a home to two other teens around that age before (17-20). They waffle back and forth between a child and an adult, and everything in-between.

My guess is that there are probably a lot of other issues but it may be better to not keep fighting the voting issue so much. Kids this age aren't sure of where they fit in, and IMO esp. if they're not on campus in a regular college it can be tough. Our daughter is living at home while commuting to school and she's still trying to find her place.

And yes, keep him working either at home or insist he find a job to maybe help pay for that broadband he's hogging. ;)

[FirstLight]

47. that's exactly what i told him...

his GF is still only a junior and he is still going to all the ROTC events with her...i told him he is still 'hiding out in highschool' and that he needs to consider the consequences as well... if he moves out of here to live with his GF and her whacked out mom, that's his perogative...
but he also needs to realize he's got shit to take care of...no matter where he lives.

I just warned him that he is looking at a looming deadline, he either gets a job or shows some maturity before the end of the quarter, or he can move down to his nana's house and go to school in carson city...then he will really have to figure out transporation, etc... so we shall see.
thank goodness the one thing my mom is with me on is the video gaming...she really *does* think it messes up your brain, so she is nagging on that topic...lol

[Dappleganger]

50. Our 17 yr. old son play WoW

our rule is that as long as it doesn't interfere w/school work/grades or his regular chores we won't give him time limits. So far that's been working out pretty well.

We have a friend who's daughter played WoW all the time her senior year and couldn't get her diploma because she was a couple credits shy for her volunteer work, all due to WoW. She did make it up that summer, however. That kinda freaked me out a bit.

At this age natural consequences are really the best teacher, but the hardest thing for a parent is to stick to your guns and carry things out. I know this age it is very easy to wind up homeless/aimless, etc. I don't expect our kids to like me very much at this age, but one day hopefully they'll understand that we only want them to grow up into great adults. ;)

[Stevenmarc]

44. You really need to work on your ability to inflict guilt

[Dappleganger]

52. The stink eye??

My mother's ability to inflict guilt was uncanny...that's pretty much why I never did the nutso things that some of my friends did, I was that afraid of her. And she never yelled at me, just shook her head and gave me a sad look that could break your heart into a thousand pieces.

[Romulox]

51. Who's he supposed to vote for if he doesn't want to go to Afghanistan?

:shrug:

[spin]

53. Good point. (n/t)

[Greyhound]

54. Well now you've gone and done it again.

Pointing out the obvious is not popular here any more.
:thumbsup::rofl:

[Hello_Kitty]

56. Yes that sucks but local races are important too.

The repukes rise to power by infiltrating school boards and other small offices. Then they become state legislators and county supervisors. Some of them are lucky enough to make it all the way to the Governor's office, a la Jan Brewer.

Young adults who are too apathetic to vote end up in Afghanistan because the fundies that get elected to run their local and state government by the small percentage of people who vote on that office gut the K-12 and colleges and cut social services to the point where joining the military becomes their only option.

[FirstLight]

55. whew!

I guess it is just par for the course...

going to discuss this from a better place, after my angst has settled and i can be the 'rational one' ;)

thanks for all the input here, I realize it IS more than just voting, it's the whole lack of taking responsibility.
I wonder if it is just that his generation feels helpless to deal with the whole world going to hell in a handbasket...so they bury themselves in alternate realities.

meanwhile i am still trying to find a job.... ugh.

[pgodbold]

58. Post his email address. I think DU can fix it so he won't do it again. nt

[proud patriot]

60. or at least pm it to those you trust

I don't advice making a persons email public as it's against DU policy and
not wise.

[JVS]

59. He's 18, who he votes for or if he votes is really his own business.

[GreenPartyVoter]

61. He's young and your passion is not his passion. Maybe with a little age he'll

reconsider his views.

In the meantime, though, here's a hug from one frustrated parent to another. :hug:

[nemo137]

63. Depending on where you live, it may not be too late.

If you can talk him into it. Illinois, at least, has something called "grace period voting" where you can register to vote after the normal window closes, but you must vote the day you register. Here's the link to the page for Illinois: http://www.voterockford.com/voters/GracePeriodVoting.aspx

ETA: It doesn't look like CA has grace period voting, but it couldn't hurt to call your Secretary of State's office and see.

[lightningandsnow]

65. I'm 18, and I recently became a first time voter.

I definitely agree that voter apathy is a problem, but have you talked to him about why, exactly?

A lot of youth feel alienated, not because they are by nature apathetic, but because the candidates refuse to engage with them on the issues important to them. I live in Canada, and the NDP (social democrats) have been the only party to ask youth what is important to them, rather than expecting youth to be engaged on whatever they, as middle-age folks, deem to be important.

Also, you mention him being rather lethargic or apathetic...could he be depressed? A depressed person, many a time, will not be energized about much.

[Hippo_Tron]

66. He probably believes (correctly) that his one vote can't sway an election

In order to convince people to vote, you have to convince them that they should want to be a part of something bigger than themselves.

[FirstLight]

69. bingo

he has no real desire to be a part of anything bigger than himself... except his gaming community.
I thought his interest in ROTC and that group would bring him into a sense of 'bigger' issues... but he has no desire to challenge himself, even to do something like forest service or rescue work, which would be the easiest way to apply the discipline, without ending up in a foreign country...
nope, he still has dreams of being a rock-star or performer...no base in reality AT ALL it seems...

so why should he vote? he is only *one* person and i think he figures the world will come crashing down before he has to figure out how to fit into it...

[FirstLight]

70. kick

any more...?

[lonestarnot]

72. I'm sorry first light. My son voted for the first time this year. Straight dem ticket.

I wonder what we did differently? If anyone could turn anyone off to politics, I guess I could. He'll get it together. Just give him some more time.