Dems: 'If We're Gonna Lose, Let's Go Down Running Away From Every Legislative Accomplishment We Made

[madinmaryland]

WASHINGTON—Conceding almost certain Republican gains in next month's crucial midterm elections, Democratic lawmakers vowed Tuesday not to give up without making one final push to ensure their party runs away from every major legislative victory of the past two years.

Party leaders told reporters that regardless of the ultimate outcome, they would do everything in their power from now until the polls closed to distance themselves from their hard-won passage of a historic health care overhaul, the toughest financial regulations since the 1930s, and a stimulus package most economists now credit with preventing a second Great Depression.

"There's a great deal on the line, and we know it isn't going to be easy for us," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), speaking from the steps of the Capitol. "But if we suffer defeat, we will do so knowing we cowered away from absolutely anything we produced that was even remotely progressive or valuable in any way."

"And we will keep cowering right up until Election Day," Reid continued. "From Maine to Hawaii, in big cities and small towns, we will collapse into a fetal position and refuse to take credit for our successes anywhere voters could conceivably be swayed by learning what we have achieved on their behalf."

Read more at: http://www.theonion.com/articles/democrats-if-were-gonna-lose-lets-go-down-running,18333/

I'm speechless!

[Fumesucker]

1. I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire?

:shrug:

[n2doc]

2. The Onion is going to have to try harder to come up with implausible stories

They are writing fact, not fiction.

[notesdev]

4. Events have made The Onion obsolete

Now if we want a complete farce and utter ridiculousness, one can just turn on the TV or open up any newspaper and check out the top stories.

[Blue Owl]

3. A fine tribute to Spineless Harry

Hurts so good -- very funny although I wish it weren't the truth.

[bullwinkle428]

5. Would be hilarious if it weren't so accurate!

[deutsey]

6. It hurts when I laugh

:evilfrown: