Breaking News on Wolfoshitz by Borowitz

[lonestarnot]

www.borowitzreport.com

Bush Names Wolfowitz President of al-Qaeda
Hopes to Undermine Terror Network

In a bold move to undermine the international terror network, President George W. Bush today named former deputy defense secretary and World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz to be the new president of al-Qaeda.

Mr. Wolfowitz, who has no experience running an international terror organization, struck many Washington insiders as an unlikely choice for the al-Qaeda job.

But in a White House ceremony introducing his nominee for the top terror post, President Bush indicated that Mr. Wolfowitz’s role in planning the war in Iraq and bringing scandal to the World Bank showed that he was “just the man” to bring chaos and disorder to al-Qaeda.

“I’ve seen Paul Wolfowitz in action,” said Mr. Bush, a beaming Mr. Wolfowitz at his side. “If anyone can mess up al-Qaeda, it’s this guy.”

Several key details in the president’s plan still need to be worked out, such as how exactly Mr. Wolfowitz will infiltrate al-Qaeda and rise to the top position in its ranks.

“Al-Qaeda closely screens all of its top officers,” said Hassan El-Medfaii, head of the terror network’s human resources department. “It’s not like the Defense Department or the World Bank.”

Even if he ascends to its top post, it remains to be seen whether Mr. Wolfowitz will be happy at al-Qaeda, according to Professor Davis Logsdon, chairman of the Wolfowitz Studies Department at the University of Minnesota.

“Al-Qaeda is not like the World Bank,” Professor Logsdon said. “For one thing, it’s much harder to meet girls there.”

Elsewhere, former Creed lead singer Scott Stapp was released from jail, raising fears that he might start recording again.

ELSEWHERE, see Andy’s last show of the season, NEXT WEEK’S NEWS, Thursday night at Caroline’s, with special guest star Amy Sedaris! Other guests include Mike Birbiglia, Todd Barry, and Jon Fisch. Details: Thursday, May 24 at 8 PM. Caroline's is at 1626 Broadway; box office is 212-757-4100. Tickets also available at www.Carolines.com or by calling Ticketweb at 866-468-7619.

[Missy M]

1. That's a real hoot, can't stop laughing.

[Richard Steele]

2. “Al-Qaeda closely screens all of its top officers,”....

...“It’s not like the Defense Department or the World Bank.”


BWAHAHAHA....that one just actually made me laugh out loud.

Recommended! :thumbsup:

[lonestarnot]

3. He just cracks me up! Wish I could see him live.

[IChing]

4. I saw this cartoon today

http://www.caglecartoons.com/images/preview/{C29E97BC-4EEE-4BF5-AD72-A671D6BA23E2}.gif

[AuntPatsy]

5. As humorous as that little parody is, it is also kind of sad because it is too true

that he is so apt to hire people that are simply not able to run anything the way they should..his tract record is proof of that, the only requirement he has for any appointments is that they give He himself full loyalty and cares about little else, horrifying.