Bin Laden Releases Tape Announcing The Formation of AL QUEDA INC.

[Vinnie From Indy]

In a startling development, Osama Bin Laden has announced through a video tape that he is going to institute a major overhaul of the Al Queda brand. His first initiative announced on the tape is to get incorporated in the US. He said he was prompted to take such a step after learning of the Supreme Court decision that stripped away restraints on spending money by global corporations in American elections. In the tape, Bin Laden abandoned the traditional garb he usually wears for a sleeker, hipper look. He is seen wearing a black turtleneck and slacks (a la Steve Jobs) throughout the tape and he is positioned in front of a large digital screen that displayed a new Al Queda logo.

Bin Laden commented that it is a very exciting time for Al Queda. He said that the much hyped plans last year to form an American health insurance company are coming along nicely and that they hope begin killing Americans in a few months by offering health policies similar to the other big health insurance companies to the general public. Bin Laden offered that he did not want to reinvent the wheel when it came to killing Americans and the business model of the health insurance companies already operating in America would fit well with Al Queda's strategic goals. Many analysts suspect that the revenue generated by insurance wing of Al Queda will be the engine that drives the political efforts to effect policy in America.

Bin Laden ended his tape by apologizing to his stockholders for the mistakes of the past and he promised to hold his management team responsible for the implementation of these new startegic initiatives. He also announced the hiring of former Senator Phil Gramm of Texas to assist Al Queda in lobbying Congress next year. He said he was impressed with Gramm's past success at lobbying for the banking industry while the sitting Senator for the state of Texas.

[solara]

1. Indeed.

:kick:

[Jokerman]

2. "insurance wing of Al Queda"

Very funny

Thanks.

[Bucky]

3. Yep, he had to go solo once he became persona non grata with the Carlyle Group

They totally frown on that whole "destroying real estate" thing.

[democraticinsurgent]

4. Corporate Personhood for Deceased Individuals

This is the next move from SCOTUS and I believe Osama could be first in line.

[Arkana]

5. Call now--and receive a free jihad!

[Raster]

6. Because of their invaluable assistance, the Bush* and Cheney* families were granted stock options.

Lots of stock options.

[grantcart]

7. excellent

(should have formatted it with a byline and a news service heading for effect!)

[sohndrsmith]

8. Considering the recent Supreme Court decision, I'm more than scared. n/t

[applegrove]

9. If you listen to the news it sounds as if Osama is in fact trying to rebrand. Perhaps

he has blown up all the wingnuts in the middle east. All of a sudden he is concerned about the environment and the issue of Israel...all middle of the road concerns in the ME. This after he claimed ownership of the Christmas day bombing way after the fact. Another sign Osama is weak. I think he will be caught or killed soon.

[TexasObserver]

10. UBL can now simply buy a few GOP congressman, thanks to the Supreme Five.

He can become a major player in American elections, acting through his offshore corporate vehicle, of course. Maybe something catchy like "Bush, bin Laden & Cheney." Maybe he'll just buy one of the GOP states like Wyoming and get a package deal of one congress man plus two senators.

[boppers]

11. Original work? Okay to republish? (Who gets credit?) eom