Joe or Jane Politico in First Person

[Writer]

If my candidate wins, it's because my politics are righteous and just.

If my candidate loses, it's because the election was rigged, or it was the fault of the media, or both.

I believe in an accessible, heterogeneous public sphere, except for opinions that conflict with mine - that's propaganda and should be outlawed.

Federal court decisions that conflict with my political beliefs are examples of judicial activism; decisions that coincide with my political beliefs are righteous, just, and undoubtedly constitutional.

The institutions of society work only one way - and that is against my interests. Examples where institutions actually do good are flukes; otherwise, I always expect the worst from the educated and wealthy.

Because I always expect the worst from the educated and wealthy, that's the only narrative through which I make sense of the world. I always expect to get the short end of the stick.

If a political analyst in the media validates my politics as moral and just, then that analyst deserves praise; if the same analyst fails to validate my politics, then that analyst is a sell-out and serves only the opposition.

If a bill fails to pass, it's not a political failure but a moral failure. Those fighting tooth and nail for the bill didn't want it, anyway.

I draw simplistic parallels to moments in history in order to justify political opinions I hold today.

I expect my representatives to treat political opponents in Congress undiplomatically, but I also demand that they pass difficult pieces of legislation.

My representative must support my interests in Congress, but I expect other representatives to support my interests, too - not the interests of their own constituents.

Fiduciary bills that serve me are humane; fiduciary bills that serve other parts of the country are pork and should be cut.

I can't tell the difference between supporting a party and supporting a political ideology; they are one and the same to me.

I complain about the viciousness of political talk in the media, but I refuse to respect others when posting on the Internet.

I expect the news media to represent my views, but I still demand objective journalism.

In a nutshell, I am confused, duplicitous, and hypocritical, but I won't admit it. Ever.