Unnamed Source: Billions Found in White House Walls

[MineralMan]

www.washingtonproust.com

Economy to Be Rescued by Surprise Windfall

by Fyodor Kuzmich

Washington, 7/7/11, 10:07 AM

An unnamed source, close to the White House, informs us that hundreds of billions of dollars, in the form of silver certificates, has been found inside the White House by a crew replacing aging plaster. The source, who would not reveal his identity or connection with the Obama administration, was interviewed on Pennsylvania Avenue, as he packed up his belongings to move away from the crowds of tourists. He said that they found the money being used behind the plaster as a vapor barrier against the cold winds of Winter. Additional plaster was removed, showing that the wall was completely lined with $1000 silver certificates, dating from decades ago.

Estimates show that if all walls are so lined, hundreds of billions of dollars could be realized by tearing down the White House and cashing in on this bonanza. Our source declared, speaking off the record, "Hell. I wish I could get me some of that cash. I'd get me a new box, and then move South for the winter."

A press conference is scheduled for 3:47:30 this afternoon, outside of the Union Rescue Mission, to reveal plans to utilize this treasure trove as a means to solve US economic difficulties.

[Poll_Blind]

1. 3 HUGE minutes after making a big post about how you were going to stay out of it, you post this?

I think I'm going to stay out of the DU war that has just begun.

You can piss all over WaPo all you like, the new MSNBC and HuffPo stores are sourced from WH.

You're plugging your ears and singing "Mary had a little lamb!" as loud as you can to keep the world out.

My kids don't even do that anymore.

PB

[MineralMan]

3. Different story.

[tekisui]

4. Classic.

All of the sudden WH sources can't be trusted.

[MineralMan]

5. Unnamed source have never been trustworthy, whatever they're

talking about. You understand my point. Whatever the issue, the use of unnamed sources is not good journalism. I include "Deep Throat" among them.

[Ozymanithrax]

2. Welcome to the fray...

[Richardo]

6. Poorly-executed satire is the opposite of funny and/or insightful.

[MineralMan]

7. Thank you for your thoughts on this.

[Richardo]

8. You're welcome.

[asjr]

9. I hope the unnamed source going South

will be able to secure a rain-proof box.

[MineralMan]

11. That's always an issue, isn't it?

Maybe a blue tarp. Those seem to show up in dumpsters everywhere. :shrug:

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

10. Did the Pentagon's walls run out of space?

[MineralMan]

12. Let me check my unnamed source close to the Pentagon.

I'll get back to you.