Satire from http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/07/yankees-give-loyal-fan-huge-tax-problem/Christian Lopez was one of over 48,000 fans who entered Yankee Stadium yesterday hoping to witness history in the making. Several hours later, the young cell phone salesman who many were hailing as both a hero and ‘the luckiest man in New York’ went home with an overwhelming income tax burden – compliments of Yankees management.
His pending nightmare began in the third inning when Yankee captain Derek Jeter connected for his 3000th career hit, a home run that somehow found the unsuspecting Lopez in the left field bleachers, crippling – perhaps permanently – his financial future.
Not realizing the extent of the damage, Lopez exacerbated his injuries by telling Yankee officials that he wanted nothing in return for the ball that caused the damage. Yankee brass, however, nonetheless ‘rewarded’ the erstwhile good Samaritan with valuable collectibles such as autographed baseballs, bats, and jerseys – and as though enough damage had not already been done – they then fired a final coup de grace by presenting the man who is perhaps their most loyal, selfless fan free tickets with an estimated value of $50,000 or more.
Among those watching this tragedy unfold on live television was Shitonia Moment, a veteran IRS agent who immediately leapt into action, sacrificing part of her weekend to calculate the taxes on Mr. Lopez’s alleged windfall and begin the process of making sure to hold him accountable for every dime.
Ms. Moment, speaking to reporters outside the W. 44th St., Manhattan office of the Internal Revenue Service casually dressed in shorts, a Boston Red Sox jersey and a Mets baseball cap, commented that, “Irresponsible actions such as those we have witnessed today are just one example of how the New York Yankees have been ruining innocent lives for over 100 years. How do they expect a young, responsible man like Mr. Lopez to pay the roughly $20,000 or higher tax bill on what they mockingly portray to the public as a generous gift?”
Prominent tax attorney Newton Toomey, speaking on NY1 News, said that Mr. Lopez’s prospects look bleak. “The Steinbrenner family are the only ones who know the true value of the property this poor man received. Combine that with their propensity to act as FBI informants, and it would appear that between them and the IRS the deck is totally stacked against this unfortunate individual.”
Calls to the Yankees for comment were not returned.
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(697 posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
