Obama, dude, a little more heads-up here. The Bulleit is down to only a third of a bottle left since the last press conference so soon ago. That should be enough whiskey to make it through this latest one. It's nearly lunch, so, hell, let's just down this straight up. Is Obama gonna come out and kick some ass? Is he gonna call the GOP cockmongers? Or is he gonna say, "Everyone's gotta sacrifice, cut Medicare, close tax loopholes, blah, blah, blah"? Oooh, let's see...together. (All quotes guaranteed to be wrong 'cause the Rude Pundit ain't a transcribing machine.)
11:14: He's here and ready for business.
11:15: Is Obama hanging Boehner out to dry by singling him out for praise? That's cold, man. Stiletto-slicing cold. And sweet.
11:16: Obama: "Hey, motherfuckers, you want a deal? Then, c'mon, bitches, let's deal, and not in your pussy way."
11:16: By the way, that doesn't mean the Rude Pundit agrees with the cuts.
11:17: "If each side takes a maximalist position...we can't get anything done." So, wait, not wanting cuts in Medicare is a "maximalist" position? Every other cut to things that the poor and middle class need are not part of the negotiating?
11:19: Sometimes it's funny to see him say things that demonstrate that he trusts the GOP to be rational about anything.
11:20: Question: "What is your plan if the Republicans continue to be total dickheads? And what about a short-term debt ceiling?"
11:21: Obama to GOP: "Put up or shut up, assholes. Oh, and by the way, fuck Grover Norquist. Closing tax loopholes ain't the same as raising taxes."
11:23: Mark Halperin must sitting at home, telling his stuffed animals "That Obama is such a dick."
11:25: Laugh line of the day: "I believe that Mitch McConnell is sincere."
11:26: Regarding the question about Americans not supporting raising the debt ceiling, essentially it's like asking, "Are Americans just stupid or totally fucking stupid?"
11:27: By the way, the answer to that question is "Totally fucking stupid."
11:28: Man, that whiskey is smoky and lush. One might say, "Delicious." Oh, and Obama just said that House Republicans are irresponsible douchebags.
11:30: Can't "do nothing" about Medicare, he says. Yeah, so how about raising taxes to make it sustainable? How about that?
11:31: We can only play on Budget Cut Stadium. Obama has ceded the Democrats' home field.
11:32: Finally, the real question: "Umm, 4 to 1 cuts to revenue ratio doesn't exactly seem like 'sharing.' What the fuck?"
11:33: Obama: "It ain't 'sharing.' Republicans are dicks. Democrats aren't. And the loudest pricks always win. What country have you been living in?"
11:36: Huffington Post's Sam Stein gets to ask a question? Holy fuck. Of course, he's not miked. That's because he's saving electricity.
11:37: Obama wants to provide money for the states. But House Republicans are...oh, hell, you know.
11:38: Just in case you don't: They're dicks. Word of the day: Dicks.
11:39: The biggest problem here is that he's not making a case for his broader ideology, whatever that might be. All he's doing is saying that he has to get shit through the House, acting as if they're partners instead of roadblocks. It's a diminished position, not one of strength. It's like telling someone who is figuring out how much to pay you, "Oh, I don't need much." Essentially, his position is that Republicans are right about everything except revenue increases. It's bullshit.
11:46: "Is John Boehner in control of his caucus?" There's so many jokes in that line that it's best just to let it sit there.
11:48: Obama says that "This recession has been hard on everyone." No, no, it hasn't. And it's time to make it harder on some of those who've cruised through it so that everyone can get some relief, so the people that he's "obsessed" with can be harmed a little less.
11:52: The takeaway: Is that a Boehner in your pocket or are you just happy to see us?
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