Both stay-at-home and work-outside-the-home moms feel overwhelmed

[Liberal_in_LA]

Stay-at-home and work-outside-the-home moms unite: We all feel overwhelmed
By Julie Weingarden Dubin

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Whether the day involves negotiating with a temperamental toddler or a condescending co-worker, working and stay-at-home moms agree — they barely get a breather.

From rushing to the train, slammed by deadlines to racing through the house, slathered in spit-up, moms can’t check out at 5 p.m. Stay-at-home and work-outside-the-home moms alike are still on the clock when hubby removes his tie and drops his briefcase at the door. According to the survey, 92% of working moms and 89% of stay-at-home moms feel overwhelmed by work, home and parenting duties. A full 84% of stay-at-home moms don’t get a break when their partner returns from work, and 50% say they never get a break from parenting. (But 96% say their partner manages to snag time-outs.)

Both groups (70% of working moms and 68% of stay-at-home moms) feel resentment due to the unbalanced responsibilities and a third of all moms say they feel their partner could step it up on the domestic front.

http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/07/07/7033386-stay-at-home-and-work-outside-the-home-moms-unite-we-all-feel-overwhelmed

[Brickbat]

1. I'm guessing pretty much everyone is feeling overwhelmed for many, many reasons.

[DURHAM D]

2. Your gender may be undeclared but it is still very apparent. nt

[Brickbat]

9. What does that even mean? I can't even tell you if you're right or wrong!

[ingac70]

3. Kids are stressful...

I have no sympathy.

[kick-ass-bob]

4. "(But 96% say their partner manages to snag time-outs.)"

"A full 84% of stay-at-home moms don’t get a break when their partner returns from work, and 50% say they never get a break from parenting. (But 96% say their partner manages to snag time-outs.)"

I'd like to see what the partners say about the stay at home mom's ability to snag time-outs and getting breaks etc etc.
I'll bet this is mostly a lack of communication between the 2.

[seabeyond]

5. i am like 98% of the parent. hubby gets the fun stuff. but it is ok. when little

i could say, overwhelm, sure. but for years, not even. a good foundation seems to have created an environment of ease, in later years.

no overwhelm. no resentment. nothing needs to change, hubby does not need to do more.

[hakko936]

6. How did they do it in the 50's?

My mother tells me all of the time about how her Mom took care of the interior of the house and the 6 kids. When my grandfather got home, he would eat his dinner, read the paper, and maybe play with them a little. He kept the outside kept.

I wonder how much of the angst is a result of the schedule just being too busy. In the 50's, kids didn't have soccer, karate, dance, baseball, football, and a plethora of other things demanding the time of the parent and the kid. Is the overscheduling of our kids resulting in increasingly frustrated parents?

Don't get me wrong, I know the only person with a tougher job than a stay at home parent is a working parent that has to come home and do it all. The only one with it worse than that is the single working parent.

I just can't help but wonder how they did it with the large families in the 50's and 60's, but we struggle with 1 or 2 today.

[eilen]

8. My grandparents used to drink scotch before dinner

they had 5 boys, the last one came later in life.

Also, when I was a kid, there was three of us and my stepfather had 5. We were not allowed in the house in the summer until dinner time if the sun was out. Our parents had no idea where we were most of the time but we caught hell if we were late for dinner (by the time the streetlights came on-- no watches) or sometimes Mom would yell our names out into the street. We used to ride our bikes to little league and softball practice by ourselves. We went to the pool by ourselves (after about age 6-7) Older kids had charge of the younger ones --we had to take little brothers and sisters everywhere even when they were pains in the neck. We lived in towns with sidewalks and if we didn't there were yards to cut through. Parents actually went away for a weekend or week and left older kids to watch younger ones.

Today every parent is expected to be hypervigilant. The ones on my block won't let their 11 year old ride his bike by himself around the block, never mind drop him off at the movies or roller rink by himself or with his friends. We used to take the city bus by ourselves. Kids changed diapers, minded the little ones and played while our mothers cooked dinner, did laundry and had cocktails with the girls in the back yard. There were not multiple lessons or leagues to belong to or go to. I never saw my Dad cook until my parents divorced. We were usually in bed before he got home from work when we were little. He did yard work and otherwise watched sports on tv on weekends until he left and lived in an apartment. Then he was at the recreation center/pool/park trying to pickup women and drinking beer when he was supposed to be minding us. That's how both my brother and I almost drowned on different occasions. My brother was 3 or 4, I think I was 7/8.

[Tallulah]

7. if only it were about

booking that mani/pedi and go for that girls’ night you’ve been pushing off.

Maybe in the pretend Sex in the City life. Real life is much more complicated and broke. We need more Calgon moments. Multiple times a day and maybe a cheap bottle of wine to brush off the edge once a week.

We can't be everything to everybody 24/7 365 days a year. Anyone expecting that can kiss that ass.