I hate it when preacher's use a person's funeral to give a

[Booster]

sermon to the congregation.

[DURHAM D]

1. You have got to be kidding.

[Obamanaut]

2. All of the funerals in churches I've ever attended had some sort of a message about

about everlasting life, salvation, and that sort of thing.

I don't think it's that unusual.

BTW, there is no apostrophe in the plural of preacher.

[originalpckelly]

10. Everlasting life at a funeral.

You'd think the dead person in the box would be exhibit A for mortality, but hey, 'tis our way.

[pnwmom]

3. It's a religious service, so what do you expect? Nobody has to have

a religious funeral service or memorial. There are alternatives, including have a non-sectarian service at a funeral home -- or anywhere. I knew someone who had a memorial party in a bar!

[Critters2]

24. Exactly. I'm a UCC clergyperson. I tell people upfront that I'm a Christian clergyperson,

a progressive Christian clergyperson, but nonetheless...there will be at least one scripture reading. They can choose it, or I can, but the Bible will be read. And there will be a sermon that will give thanks for the life of the deceased while reflecting on the aforementioned Bible reading. That's the bare minimum. Hymns, songs, poems, whatever else they want is fine. But it is a worship service.

Or they can do it without benefit of clergy. Nothing wrong with that.

[theHandpuppet]

4. That happens at my Dad's funeral

It was infuriating and so disrespectful.

[pnwmom]

17. If it was infuriating and disrespectful, why did you have a religious service?

There's always going to be a sermon at a religious service. No one forced you to have the funeral in a church.

[Critters2]

48. Zackly. nt

[hobbit709]

5. When a friend of mine's father died about 15 years ago.

Her mother told the Baptist preacher that they were there to bury the man and not to save souls. Shortest Southern Baptist funeral I ever saw-lasted 15 minutes.

[LiberalAndProud]

6. Did he have an altar call?

I have attended one funeral where the preacher thought it was a good idea to ask the mourners to come to the altar to "repent your sins and accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior." I was terribly offended. But, he was the pastor for the family, so I said nothing, gave my good friends a heartfelt hug and left without saying anything about what I thought was a breach of good manners.

[Booster]

7. Wow. I would have been offended also. That's ridiculous.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

8. I hate it when they use it as a commercial for Jesus.

I went to a memorial service this weekend and they had a rent a preacher.

He was not obnoxious about it. He read from a good part, I Corinthians 13 about "think on these things that are good".

One of the few parts of the bible that I think they should keep.

I have seen some preachers at funerals rant and rave about Jesus to the point where I was thoroughly disgusted.

[JonTheGreat]

9. Crazy. How would one make sure that diden't happen? n/t

[Critters2]

22. Don't have a clergyperson lead the service. Obviously. nt

[Union Scribe]

43. Also, I hate it when I hire a clown for a party and all he does is joke around.

It's like, excuse me, but maybe I'm not in the mood for balloon animals, ya know?

I won't even go into how annoying dentists can be, sticking their hands in my mouth while I'm trying to describe my sore ankle.

[Warren DeMontague]

11. Happened with my Dad.

Ugh. As if I didn't already have an axe to grind with organized religion. My dad would have HATED it, too. Wasn't his bag at all, although his attitude was probably 'what the fuck do I care, I won't be in attendance'

[pnwmom]

38. It would have been good if your Dad had made his wishes known in advance.

We've had relatives who specifically wanted their services at a church, and relatives equally certain that they didn't. We followed their wishes, whatever they were.

[Warren DeMontague]

41. Yeah, maybe it would have been. I'd pass that useful bit of info along to him, but he's dead.

Honestly, knowing who he was, I suspect he felt he had more pressing matters to deal with, like not dying for as long as he possibly could.

Believe me, NO ONE is going to make the mistake of thinking *I* want a religious funeral, although I suppose anything is possible. Like, John McCain could show up out of the blue and start spouting off about "God", like he did at Pat Tillman the Atheist's funeral, at least until Tillman's brother called that shit out.

:rofl:

My dad's funeral was offensive as all get-out to me, personally, not just because they laid a whole ton of fire and brimstone Catholicism onto what I know was his vaguely Spinoza-ish Deism, but because in recapping the man's life, the Priest conveniently managed to airbrush out his entire first marriage and the resultant fallout from said marriage, including yours truly.

Look, it wasn't my show, I was grown up enough even then to realize that and play my part, even when Mr. Priest went straight from skipping over the several inconvenient decades and offspring in my Dad's life to staring straight at my sibs and myself as he laid into the "Accept Jesus or burn" shtick. :eyes:

My take on the whole charade was that it was undoubtedly done for the benefit of his 2nd wife, whose family is Catholic and who was, at least at the time, nominally Catholic as well.

Oddly enough, she's a Buddhist now-- and we get along MUCH better.

[lumberjack_jeff]

12. Worse yet is when the preacher sells life insurance. n/t

[Critters2]

13. Can you define "sermon"? A sermon is a part of our funeral liturgy (UCC).

It's a given that there will be an exposition of some biblical text, ie a sermon. Oftentimes, the family chooses the text. Sometimes, it's one that the pastor thinks fits the personality or experience of the deceased. More and more, the deceased has pre-planned the service, and let the pastor know what text they'd like preached. We're not ones for altar calls, and many UCC clergy are agnostic as to life after death. So, you're not likely to get that kind of thing. But there will be a sermon. In the Reformation Protestant traditions, it's really not a worship service without a sermon.

[CBGLuthier]

14. My grandfather's funeral included three altar calls.

There were three preachers for some reason. One of them kept going on about how he would be at church in his overalls. That was a long time ago halfway up a holler.

[dbonds]

15. Every funeral in my family we have told the preacher to absolutely not preach.

It is a time for a few comforting words, goodbyes and that's it.

[pnwmom]

19. And he had the option to tell you, in that case,

maybe you should have the service somewhere else.

One of my in-laws didn't want a religious service, so he didn't get one. We had a non-religious service at the funeral parlor instead.

I'm glad it worked out the way you wanted it to.

[dbonds]

27. Well, he didn't have that option because we have them at the funeral home.

In a church he probably could say that.

[pnwmom]

35. A "preacher" isn't obligated to participate in a secular service.

But, as I said, I'm glad it all worked out for you.

[provis99]

16. yeah, it's sickening.

I went to a Baptist church funeral for a relative where the idiot preacher invited folks to come down to the speaker's podium and testify. I left in disgust before the faith healing started.

[Wait Wut]

18. They did that at my mother-in-law's funeral.

Instead of just addressing the loss and memories I felt like I was forced to attend a church service. It was terribly hot and humid and it went on much too long. My father's funeral was much better. They actually asked how religious we were and gave a tasteful sermon and flag presentation (military). I think it depends a lot on the denomination.

[Critters2]

21. Umm...it is a church service. nt

[Wait Wut]

26. It's a funeral.

A church service, imo, is something you attend intentionally to be lectured about the deity of choice. A funeral is a service for the friends and family of a dead person. Those friends and family folks may not wish to be lectured about a deity they don't believe in, but wish to say adieu to their dead friend/relative without being told they'll burn in an eternal fire because they don't like crackers and wine.

I'm not disrespectful of other faiths. I was raised Episcopalean and still cross myself when going into a church (force of habit...get it?!?). I haven't been a Christian in over 25 years. Oddly enough I find the worst critics to be Christians of opposing denominations.

No problem with other people's faith. Big problem with sneaking in a sermon at a funeral or wedding.

[pnwmom]

37. A funeral service at a place of worship is a religious funeral service.

If that's not what you want, then the best thing is not to hold them at places of worship, to be officiated by "preachers."

I've gone to plenty of religious funeral services and never been offended that the religious leader had different beliefs or gave a sermon based on the deceased's beliefs. I don't understand why anyone would be upset that a funeral service conducted at a particular house of worship would mention that religion's beliefs. No one has to go to a religious funeral service. If you're offended by it, then visit the family at their home or celebrate the life of the person in some other way.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

28. The person you are responding to says they had two different church based experiences.

The better experience was when the clergy actually listened to their, THE CLIENTS', wishes. Why is that such a difficult concept?

Or do you prefer to jam it down their throats?

[Critters2]

45. Then just hire a DJ with a mic.

Clergy don't have clients. We work for our congregations, and are informed by our traditions. I work with families to plan funerals, and with the couple to plan weddings. But there are certain guidelines I always adhere to--the bare minimum of which is that there will be a reading from the Bible. At funerals, there will be a sermon. They can choose the text, or specifically ask me to avoid a text. The sermon will reflect on the text and the life of the deceased. But there will be a sermon. If they don't want that, they don't need my services. I won't be offended.

[pnwmom]

20. I don't get why people would go to a religious service and then be shocked

that it's a religious service.

If the relatives or the deceased didn't want a sermon, then there are plenty of other places to have a memorial for a person. I knew someone who had one in a bar. But of course, not everyone would be happy with that kind of service, either.

[JVS]

23. Easy solution.

Stay out of churches and don't listen to ministers.

[malaise]

25. Not always true

I went to a funeral this morning for the father of a good friend who lost his oldest daughter in a horrific act of terrorism in this hemisphere decades ago. He never got over her death.
He was agnostic bordering on being atheist and the minister said he had discussions with him in his last days and the deceased rejected all the bible reading and irrational discussions about death and god and blah blah blah. In the end he simply read poems that my friend's dad liked - mostly about gardens. He loved gardens.

Everyone was pleasantly surprised because not once did he attempt to preach at us.

[Booster]

31. Now, that's the way it should be done. That's really nice.

I have told everyone that there will be no service when I go; no long expensive plane trips; no burial. I always wanted to be by a lake so I made my best friend promise that she will take my ashes up to Lake Arrowhead and just throw me in the water. I think she better do it during the night cause I'm almost positive she would be arrested. LOL

[Still Blue in PDX]

29. Especially when the person being buried was not a Christian.

My mom's funeral was sort of an announcement that she was on her way to hell.

Really pissed me off, especially since I was the nitwit who asked my pastor to "do" her funeral. I didn't realize they did that!

[Critters2]

46. Why did you have a Christian pastor do it? nt

[hedgehog]

30. My father thinks the pastor at his parish is an idiot more focused

on trying to get a bishop's mitre than anything else.

My mother died in December and was immediately cremated. No calling hours or anything like that, we'd spent the previous week sitting with her and saying our good byes. The funeral Mass was in May in her hometown at the parish where she was baptized and married with a priest her sister knows well. He did give a sermon, but it was a reassurance of the Resurrection, a reminder of why we were all in Church. My aunt gave the eulogy. Technically, Catholic funerals aren't supposed to have a eulogy, but this guy wasn't bucking for Bishop!

[MurrayDelph]

32. Two stories about family funerals.

1) When my uncle died, the rabbi at his new congregation,on the grounds that he was new there, and didn't really know my uncle very well, yielded control to the ex-rabbi
(despite the fact that my uncle not only did not like that rabbi, but had been instrumental in his contract not being renewed). This rabbi had a joke about a funeral
where no one could think of a nice thing to say about a guy, except "his brother was worse."

My late father, had also belonged to this congregation, and was on record for having an even-lower opinion of this rabbi.

2) When my mother had died, we used the rabbi who belonged to the congregation my mother's Hadassah was part of. Part of the ritual of the funeral is to actually throw mounds of dirt onto the casket.
My sister and I had always thought that part to be icky, so we brought flowers to toss down instead, and explained this to the cemetery's account rep. At the grave site, this rep announces that
there are flowers OR shovels for throwing of dirt. We reminded him "no dirt throwing" and he announced it again as "flowers or dirt" It wasn't until I told him that if he mentioned dirt again,
he would be on the receiving side of it that he shut up.

[Booster]

36. LOL. Good for you.

[Motown_Johnny]

33. Preacher + Congregation = Sermon

you can bank on it

[Raine]

34. Usually you talk to the minister ahead of time

and tell them some interesting stuff about your loved one so they can incorporate it into the service and any poems or verses you want read. My father had already wrote up what he wanted read at the service about himself so we gave that to the minister. There was a poem we wanted read and we gave that to him. My father did believe in God so the minister read a couple bible verses and finished with a prayer. It was a nice service and suitale for both believers and non-believers.

[Critters2]

47. This is exactly what I do--meet with the family ahead of time

and incorporate their memories into the sermon. I always read scripture, but invite them to choose the text, if they have a passage they like, or that was important to the deceased. It's a Christian service to give thanks for a specific life.

[pnwmom]

39. We had the experience sort of in reverse recently.

The atheist son of the deceased woman decided that her service had to be at the Christian denomination that she had long since stopped attending -- why he wanted it there, I don't know. (I don't think she would have cared.) Then he stood up and for almost an hour talked about her failings, and the Church's failings, and why HE was a Buddhist. It was the strangest -- and longest -- "eulogy" I'd ever heard. The incredibly patient pastor finally had to tell him to wrap it up.

[Booster]

40. That's just as ridiculous as a preacher giving a sermon. Makes

you want to say to the son and the preacher "This is not about you".

[Warren DeMontague]

42. I know. Those Atheists, always marching into churches and demanding equal time.

Really, it's a big problem. :eyes:

[jmowreader]

44. Old war story follows

IIRC this was at Fort Eustis, Virginia...this old coot of a first sergeant refused to go to chapel. This was back in the really old days when the bugler played Church Call on Sunday and all the troops were marched in formation to church. Anyway, this guy wouldn't go to church and his colonel wanted to know why. The first sergeant told the colonel the chapel would burn to the ground if he ever went in there.

This was ALSO the really old days when there was no such a thing as a Retention Control Point (the number of years you were allowed to stay in the Army at your present rank), so quite a few guys who really loved the Army literally stayed in until they died, like this man did. Three days after he died, Church Call was sounded, the troops were marched to the chapel, the first sergeant's ornate casket was pushed through the door...at the very moment his feet crossed into the chapel an electrical fire broke out in the choir loft and the chapel burned to the ground.

It sucks being right.

[pipi_k]

49. Peter, the fisherman....

When my brother passed away in February, the pastor came to the funeral home and did a service.

My brother loved to fish.

The pastor tied my brother's love of fishing in with a short sermon on Peter, the fisherman.

I'm not religious in any way, yet I found it comforting...

[Erose999]

50. My aunt asked not to have a funeral. The family put one together anyway, and the guy preached fire

and brimstone and had an alter call and it was just terrible (and I'm not the only atheist in the family).

At the dinner table that night by dad (who is as much a christian as the rest) was telling me about how wrong the preacher was to do that sermon and how he knew that was why my aunt didn't want a funeral in the first place. My parents said they didn't want funerals and we all argee'd that cremation and a small ash scattering ceremony was the way they wanted to go.

My mom passed last month and had it not been for us having that talk about my aunt's funeral her's might have gone the same way.

[Nye Bevan]

51. A preacher? In a church? Giving a sermon? The outrage! (nt)

[Lucinda]

52. I've been to very few funerals but none of them turned into a sermon.

Mine were all celebrations of the persons life, not sermons. Sorry it happened that way for you.

[nolabear]

53. I know. My father's was delivered by a relative who is a Pentecostal minister

and you'd have thought that the whole thing was about his (the minister's) personal relationship with Jesus. I had no say and wouldn't presume to, but I'm pretty sure my father would have like to have been the center of attention at his won funeral.

I think I'll do a video for my own wherein I say "The first one of you that mentions Jesus, I'm coming to get you."

[undeterred]

54. My UCC minister gave the eulogy at my atheist fathers funeral.

He knew me pretty well but he never knew my father. I talked to him about what my father was like for about half an hour. The clergy of my other family members would have been incapable of giving a sermon that respected my father and all the different beliefs of the members of our family, but my UCC minister did a great job. At least I thought so. And I don't think my father would have disagreed. A liberal minister usually knows how to do it right.

Afterwards a soloist belted out "How Great Thou Art". My mother told me that her first thought was that my dad would have hated it but then she remembered that she really liked the hymn and it was for us.

[jeepnstein]

55. I'm going to have them make an Invitation at mine.

Yeah, I plan to let them shamelessly use my death to try to win one more soul for the Lord.

One of the most powerful and heart felt sermons I ever heard was at a funeral. The preacher poured an awful lot into it that day.