Today we are going to cover paraprosdokians - Lesson 1

[NNN0LHI]

http://www.englishforums.com/content/humour/paraprosdokians.htm

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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More examples:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian


"He was at his best when the going was good." —Alistair Cooke on the Duke of Windsor

"If I am reading this graph correctly — I'd be very surprised." —Stephen Colbert

[The Magistrate]

1. There Is Some Nice Stuff There, Sir

[NNN0LHI]

2. My favorite wasn't even listed

Hard work never bothered me. I could lay down next to it and fall right to sleep.

[Rex]

3. "I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather,

not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

:spray:

Awesome post!

[Buns_of_Fire]

4. This place is just FILLED with information today!

I've learned the difference between "affect" and "effect" -- I've learned what a paraprosdokian is (although I might not blurt the word out in mixed company) -- and I've learned not to let myself get chained and padlocked to a bed with a sex toy shoved down my throat by a bear (or something like that).

All in all, a good day, education-wise.:thumbsup:

[eridani]

5. More

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

[NNN0LHI]

6. Another of my favorites not listed

If I owe the bank ten thousand dollars I am in big trouble. But if I owe the bank a million dollars the bank is in big trouble.

[eridani]

8. And if you owe the bank a trillion dollars, the government is in trouble n/t

[BeFree]

7. How 'bot that.

There is a name for everything. Except for things that haven't been named.

[Qutzupalotl]

9. My favorite paraprosdokianist is Rita Rudner.

She leads you on up to the last word, then pulls the rug out. It's masterful.

Emo Phillips likes to do that too.

[nashville_brook]

10. Steven Wright -- I put instant coffee in the microwave and traveled backwards in time.