Feelings of rage........an admission

[Uben]

This is my admission of feelings of rage. Last week, a snot-nosed twenty year old got my 17 yr old daughter pregnant. He doesn't have a pot to pee in. He works at Walmart, has no car for transportation (bums rides from anyone he can), has been in trouble with the law, and has a smart mouth. He is controlling, tries to separate her from her family and friends, and makes excuses for everything. I hate the kid. I had feelings of rage I have never experienced before. I wanted to load my .357, go to his slimy trailer house, put it to his temple and empty the gun. I had thoughts that no sane person would want to have. But, I am not a violent person. The rage was so bad, I could not sleep, I could not eat. I could think of nothing but how I wanted to end this young man's life as violently as I could. It was destroying me.

As my mental capacity was waning due to a lack of sleep and not eating, I went to see my doctor. I told him the whole story. We talked for over 45 minutes. I walked out with a script for some tranquilizers and sleeping pills. Whatever he gave me worked. The pills calmed me down...I was no longer shaking, and I was actually calm and serene, something I had not felt in a week. I have just awaken from eight hours of good sleep. Thank god!

I'm past it now. I have my sanity back. Things are better. My daughter had ran off to the kids trailer because she was afraid and ashamed. He called and said such things as "You have lost your daughter." "She is mine now." and some other things I will not mention.

My daughter is home now. She wants to finish her senior year in highschool. The kid? He's still around, still involved, but has changed his tone.

I truly belive the kid is a gold-digger. He was born into poverty, the same as I was. His dad died in prison from liver disease, a result of his alcoholism, and he was in there for repeat DWI convictions. The kid dropped out of school at age sixteen, and has held a few odd jobs to stay alive. I am now a fairly wealthy person (few million dollars) and my daughter is the sole heir of my estate. I think he saw that as his "ticket" out, and got her pregnant to that end. I have since redone my will to make sure he never sees a dime, so that's no longer an issue. My daughter is getting an IUD.

There is so much more, but there is not enough bandwidth here to cover it. I've been thru the wringer, lately. I'm back in control of my life.

I have never experienced rage to this extent. In fact, my life was virtually stress free for the last ten years. It is scary to know how rage can blind one to that extent. I cannot fathom anyone having to live with it on a daily basis, and I know there are those who do. My wife is a retired mental health couselor, so I had her to help me. She knew what to do. Even she was shocked at my rage. It had never surfaced before.

I beg anyone who is experiencing rage (or anxiety, because that's what it really is) to see their doc......they can help! I can deal with it now. The anger is gone, the tension is gone. I can now deal with things on a rational basis.

I am smart enough to know that everything changes. Life has it's bumps to get over and I have overcome tremendous odds before to achieve what I have. I look at this experience as a learning curve. I now know what to do, and what not to do. I can only imagine how many out there are living with the same deranged mindset I had for a week. I feel for them, I really do. I intend to donate a large sum of money to our local non-profit mental health center to help others deal with their problems. I had the resources and help to get through mine, and if I can help one person get through their's, it's worth it.

So there's my "dirty laundry". I'm not proud of it, but I can't change what happened. I am glad to be past it.

My wife quoted the serenity prayer to me......

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I am not a religious person, but I am intelligent.

[Catherina]

1. Rec'd with thanks and support. n/t

[yellerpup]

2. Thank you. Your post is very helpful.

I'm glad you're past it, too. Things will get better. :kick: & Rec.

[Horse with no Name]

3. I know that anger very well

When someone hurts your child but the child doesn't see it yet.
Take care.

[InvisibleTouch]

4. I've had rage like that in my life too.

For different reasons, but the feelings you describe sound quite similar. What always kept me from taking rash action was the realization that *my* life was worth more than *theirs*, and I wasn't willing to throw away my own life and future over worthless scum. In subsequent years I've learned more and more to just not let people bother me.

[Uben]

9. I came to the same rationalization.......

.....but, I was blinded by the rage for a period of time. Until now, I had never experienced it, so it caught me off guard.

I think it's something we are all capable of. When one is hit with devastating news, emotion takes over. Controlling it depends on strength and support. Luckily, I had the support necessary. When I retired ten years ago, I started getting involved in various charities to help others. I donate time and resources to several organizations that deal with children and others who are less fortunate than I. I have organized food and clothes drives and have been a strong advocate for CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) for children. I will expand that to cover free mental health facilites, now. Life is a learning curve. Success is based on learning from your mistakes.

[pamela]

5. Good luck to you.

I wish the best for you and your daughter. Rage is a scary thing. You handled it maturely and appropriately.

[Fire1]

6. Abortion out of the question or is it too late? n/t

[Uben]

12. It has already happened.

Both my daughter and her boyfriend made the choice. I have been looking forward to grandkids, but not under these circumstances.
There is plenty of time for that. Planned Parenthood will be receiving a $25K check for their help. Sitting in their office and seeing so many young people (standing room only) was very touching, and sad.

This all started when we asked our daughter and her boyfriend to come over for a talk. The discussion was to be about birth control.
When we mentioned it, she ran outside, he followed, and we knew something was up. I asked her point blank if she was pregnant, and she replied that she was. It all spiralled downhill from there. We were too late.

I beg all who have teenage daughters to talk about birth control as soon as possible. We were a few weeks too late. Lesson learned.

[WiffenPoof]

7. Your Post Reminds Me...

...that none of us know what we are capable of until we are faced with situations that test our equilibrium.

-PLA

[whathehell]

8. Thanks so much for your story....

and please know that this is not "dirty laundry" at all...A lot of us (myself included) have felt a frightening rage in us that we never knew we had.

The point is, you responded like an intelligent, responsible person. Instead of acting out your feelings on someone else, (however tempting) you took responsibility and sought help.


You sir, are a what is known as an adult...A sane, responsible adult.

Best of luck to you, your wife and daughter.

[bemildred]

10. Good for you.

I know just what you are talking about.
:thumbsup:

[NC_Nurse]

11. Thanks for sharing this. All of us have e capacity for this kind of rage and

Acknowledging that fact is very important, IMHO. You sought and received the help and support you needed, a brave and noble thing to do. A lot more people could benefit from the course of action that you took. Too bad many do not realize how important it is to have help available, especially in stressful times such as these.

I'm so glad for you and your family. I hope things work out well for all of you.

[treestar]

13. Your point is about controlling your rage

Which is good and it is a good thing you got the better of it. It appears to have deprived you of understanding how women get pregnant. Are you not pissed at your daughter, too? Maybe you're trying to avoid that by putting it all onto the kid.

[Uben]

14. I'm not mad at either, now

Young people make mistakes. Hey, I was young, and I sweated a few missed periods myself. I was lucky. I realize now that this was not something that happened out of a devious plot, but the result of two youngsters having irresponsible sex. Rage blinds one to reality. It is driven by irrational thought. Controlling that thought is the key to a healthy mind.