I'm very close to breaking up with my man because of Republicans

[Sarah Ibarruri]

The man I've been seeing is a right winger. Yeah, I know. I almost wear a sign on me that says, "If you're a right winger, get the F*** away," and yet here I am, dating a right winger.

He's not as right wing as some of these a**holes, like Boehner, or Cantor, but he's right wing nonetheless. He doesn't argue with me, and I rave and froth at the mouth with hatred for the GOPigs, but he's patient and caring.

But I'm reaching the end of my patience. I simply CANNOT, CANNOT endure being with someone who even remotely agrees with these sh*theads who have taken our country down a path to second world nation for the past 31 years. I am growing more and more angry with my guy, and I've nearly gotten to the point at which I'm ready to call it quits.

I cannot be with a man who disagrees on topics of such importance, opinions which determine who will live and who will die, survival, jobs, how the neediest are treated, whether the old will die from having to decide between medication and a roof over their head, and such things.

Right now I'm livid and cannot talk to him. He makes me sick.

[zappaman]

1. I'm available.

Never seen a Fox News show in my life.
And never hated a politician like I hated GWB and puppetmaster Cheney...

[Sarah Ibarruri]

3. Thank you. :)

I agree on GW Bush and Cheney. How does Cheney remain alive? Is he bionic? His heart must look like a frikkin' oil rag, it's been so sewn up, taken apart, then sewn up again. Freaks, both of them.

Seriously, I think about Repigs and the very thought makes me feel physically violent, something I NEVER feel about anyone else, or anything else.

[zappaman]

6. Cheney is either inhuman

or can afford the kind of health care most of us just fantasize about.
I can't wait to dance on his grave and if that makes me a bad person, so be it.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

10. He doesn't deserve to breathe. Good people have died, and meantime that evil sh*thead is breathing

Makes one doubt there's any sort of fairness on the planet.

[LeftishBrit]

228. Both, probably!

[FarLeftFist]

8. Cheney remains alive because of his healthcare that you and I pay for

So remember, when Cheney is railing against healthcare for our citizens never forget that he is being kept alive because of us and his GOVT HEALTHCARE.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

22. Yep. We're paying for this. Meanwhile, he's breathing good oxygen. nt

[butterfly77]

239. Heard anymore about the..

oil spill in Montana has it reach Wyoming yet,where cheney takes advantage of pristeen beaches,the best fishing,etc..

[Mimosa]

324. ^ good point, FarLeftFist! ^ n/t

[ZombieHorde]

56. If there is karmic justice in this universe, it works the opposite of the way we think it works.

Children starve to death while Cheney lives on and on in wealth.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

151. It is unfair to the max. nt

[AndyTiedye]

70. Cheney is Undead. His Kind Cannot Die. Unless…

[WonderGrunion]

76. Except that Sarah Michelle Gellar is a repuke too

Sorry Buffy fans.

[AndyTiedye]

225. Probably Why Cheney is Still Around Then

[Sarah Ibarruri]

153. LOL! What I wonder is how his offspring can like him. nt

[madokie]

86. Cheney has been awfully quite lately

maybe some remorse has set in on the evil bastid after all. Maybe, just maybe.

[truth2power]

102. I think Cheney had a heart transplant. Those heart pumps, or whatever

they're called, are supposed to be short-term fixes. Yet, he just goes on and on. I think if he showed himself, he'd look uncharacteristically healthy. People would begin to wonder.

Sorry, just my :tinfoilhat: working overtime.

[madokie]

111. If there ever was a person who deserves to be jailed its the dick

Untold hundreds of thousands have lost their lives because of that cretin. I'm really not sure it can't be measured in Millions of lives lost.

[Joe the Revelator]

238. Actualy the pump he is on is now approved for destination therapy...

And as such, can keep him healthy for the forseeable future.

[truth2power]

246. I didn't know that. It can't be a very good quality of life,...

Maybe it is some sort of karma. I don't know.

[Joe the Revelator]

261. It actually isn't that bad, so they say....

My dad will need one in a few years.

[truth2power]

290. Don't you have to plug it in every night? And heaven help you if

the power goes out.

[Joe the Revelator]

310. You carry a bunch of extra batteries. It's by no means ideal....

...but it's better then the alternative and better then what was available even a half a decade ago.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

154. Maybe he's walking around some cemetery at night. nt

[madokie]

231. I'm sure his spirit is

looking for a place that might allow him to be buried.

[Maru Kitteh]

263. Yes, Cheney has been "quite" quiet. nt

[cherokeeprogressive]

2. Dump the MoFo. Be Happy.

That's all I gotta say.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

9. Oh believe me, I'm about this ready to!

I told him yesterday that I think he's concealing his true nature and pretending to be nice, when in actuality he's a first-class a**hole because, how could anyone be such a d**k as to wish ill on the least able, and think redistribution of wealth towards the top is just the coolest thing.

He can't understand why I'm so F angry at him. Is he NUTS, or just pretending he doesn't get this? He thinks because he's nice to me, it's all fine. It isn't.

[cherokeeprogressive]

20. I don't think he's pretending... I just think he just doesn't get it.

I'm a nice guy, and reguarlarly come down on the wrong side. I admit it though and try to correct it.

Life is a learning experience. He's just not learning it seems.

You only get one chance at life. Choose the path that makes you most happy.

Best of Luck to You Sarah

[Sarah Ibarruri]

23. I just can't get over it. He's nice to me, and holds views that make me sick

How could he hold views about the least able, that simply make my jaw drop? No, it's unacceptable. He's not stupid. He's not dumb. He knows.

[sarge43]

74. If he has little or no compassion for others,

when the crunch comes he'll probably have none for you. Time to move on. Good men aren't that hard to find.

[DeschutesRiver]

116. +1. nt

[Sarah Ibarruri]

150. You're probably right, but so far he's been wonderful to me.

However, I once read that Adolph Hitler was absolutely wonderful to Eva Braun and to his dogs, but that doesn't mean Adolph Hitler didn't have evil views and heinous intentions about the rest of the world.

I told my boyfriend that. He didn't find it amusing.

[sarge43]

243. FWIW

For a woman to associate with Hitler was hazardous. After he broke off the engagement, his fiancee Maria Reiter attempted suicide. His half niece, Geli Raubal, who may have had a sexual relationship with him, committed suicide after he threaten her about an affair with another man. He wasn't that wonderful to Braun; he controlled her like a puppet master and she had to do the "Yes dear; you're right dear", including committing suicide. Finally, Unity Mitford who worshiped him attempted suicide when he dropped her at outbreak of WWII.

You're not happy with this man; you're not even content. Worse, you don't have much respect for him. Time to go.

[Maru Kitteh]

267. Of course he's been wonderful to you. He's getting something from you and he doesn't want

to mess that up - but think about this - this is a man who doesn't believe in helping people when they are down if it means even the smallest part bit of sacrifice on his part.

What's going to happen if you get ill? Have an accident? He's out of there. I'd bet the farm on it.

[stranger81]

253. Exactly right. I had a few right wing "friends" years ago, and it took my parents' death

while uninsured, and my "friends" commenting that their death was their own fault because they should have carried health insurance (which they couldn't afford) to make me see that these people were not my friends at all. When the chips came down, they were rooting for the destruction of everything I cared about.

Dump the mofo. There are plenty of progressives out there who share your values who would be elated to be with you, I'm sure.

[global1]

284. Sounds Like "Battered Democrat Syndrome".....

Dump him.

[tblue37]

64. I dated a man once who was nice to me, but kind of dickish or very dickish to

some other people, though never when in my presence. It bothered me, but we had a good time together--at first. But dickishness will out. Eventually a dick will be a dick to you, too.

On the other hand, I have many relatives who are geneuinely wonderful people in almost every way--except that they are real Republicans. They are Italian Americans (in PA), and they have always been very religious--and very Republican.

I think they just don't know a lot of what they should know, at least partly because like so many other people, they live in an information bubble in which they are fed lies by FOX News, religious spokescreeps, and other such disseminators of propaganda. (For example, I know at least some of them watch The 700 Club.)

[Cetacea]

115. I dated a woman who is now a republican.

I don't get it. Black, disabled, homeless, lesbian, and republican.

[tblue37]

275. Does she have money--or is she very religious? Those seem to be the

qualities that lead unexpected people to Republicanism.

Among Blacks, some few are still hoodwinked by the fact that Lincoln's party had the same name as today's Republicans, but usually they are the older, more traditional people.

[ejpoeta]

77. what is his history though? did he grow up poor? has he had help from others? or did he grow up

well off and his mommy and daddy pay for college? that can make a difference (though doesn't always) in how people see the world. If you haven't had to struggle, you might not understand why it is so hard for others. I notice in my own kids (though I understand it in kids because kids are born self centered and selfish and have to learn to think of others) and their lack of empathy really bothers me and I have been working on trying to correct that.

[Yupster]

112. He sounds like a nice guy

If you're ranting and raving at him, give him a break and get rid of him.

It doesn't sound like he deserves to be ranted and raved at.

[socialist_n_TN]

124. The more polarized the capitalist class makes us

politically, the harder it would be for me personally to date or marry someone on the right side of the political spectrum.

A few decades ago it might have been POSSIBLE (though difficult), but now, IMO, it's NOT possible.

[FarLeftFist]

4. These days when someone says they are a republican I look at them like they have 3 heads

I can't even imagine what it is that would even make someone want to vote republican. These people should be embarrassed to even consider themselves republicans.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

25. I know. It's now literally making me nauseous to think of my guy's opinions.

I can't live like this. It's virtually impossible for me. I see him as the enemy.

[tblue37]

65. Self delete. nt

[Cid_B]

114. That's your problem and not his...

Move on and let the guy live a nag free life....

[Sarah Ibarruri]

148. :( nt

[Cid_B]

I calls em like I sees em...

I looked through the thread and couldn't find what this guy actually did (maybe I missed it). Was he rude or callous to someone specifically? or have you just decided recently that you can't accept what you could accept before?

If it is the latter then the problem is all yours. He didn't change and you did... If the former then I'd be interested to know what it was...

[Sarah Ibarruri]

196. He was very polite to me, always, but his ideology sickens me. nt

[tc45a]

325. You are receiving bad dating advice

Sarah
You are receiving very bad dating advice on this forum. You seem very conflicted over whether to dump your guy or not. You keep saying you are going to dump him but then come back and say how patient and caring he is and how you both have fun together or some other good trait he possesses.

I am liberal and my wife of 14 years is very conservative though she is not the Bible banging type. She is pro-life and I am pro choice. We are each other best friends and truly love each other and outside of politics we have the same interest and hobby's. We are both wall flowers without many friends and I can truly say I look forward to seeing my wife come in the door every day or when I arrive home.

Our success is we just don't discuss politics that much. She watches Faux in one room and I watch MSNBC in another. When we do discuss politics we made an agreement to listen to at least listen to each other side and not go off half cocked.

I would suggest this before you go dumping him. I don't know you and please take this as constructive criticism but you seem to have some very serious anger issues over Republicans that would, I'm afraid to say, would even turn off many liberal men. Make them run for the hills to be more blunt. Life is too short to be with an angry spouse even of you agree with them.

Just because you find a liberal guy out there don't expect the relationship to be all wine and song either. I know many people with "mixed marriages" and many of them are in the most loving and strongest relationships.

There is life out there besides politics.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. I suspect you'll be happier when you've broken up with him.

Life is too short to spend it with someone whose different political views make you crazy.

Good luck!


:hug:

[Sarah Ibarruri]

28. I have a feeling you're right. nt

[HipChick]

7. I lasted 9 months with a RW...

Deal breaker was..."umm, There's a question about Obama's Birth Certificate"...after that I kicked him to the curb...and this was someone with 20yrs as US Army Officer, retired Colonel, with his whole family liberal..except him....I'm so more at peace now...Dumb-ass treacherous MF

[Sarah Ibarruri]

32. Oh my GOD. See?

The minute I hear my guy say stupid shit like that, I swear to you, I feel like kicking him to the curb. I automatically ask him things like, "You can't be this stupid, can you?" Then he gets hurt. It's driving me crazy. Are Repukes THAT stupid?

[HipChick]

95. The thing is...I know he's not stupid..He has a MBA..MSc

in two different fields...then he'd start spouting some Faux talking points...once in the middle of dinner, I walked out the restaurant, caught a cab home..we didn't speak for a few days...

[Sarah Ibarruri]

144. SEE??? Why the hell do they do that? My guy has a masters in electrical engineering

I simply don't get it how they could be so incredibly stupid in some areas. Is it hatred they carry inside????

[csziggy]

273. He's not ex-Navy is he? Because if he is, I might know him

And while he may be "smart" as far as education, he is the biggest idiot and asshole I know. The guy I am thinking of is so obnoxious even my wonderful, tolerant hubby who can put with just about anything (he's put up with me for over 35 year!), has cut him off and will not be around him any more.

Tallahassee has a lot of liberal people - you should be able to find some nice guys. Go hang out at the cafe at Lake Ella - there is a nice little liberal enclave down there and some days there are some good looking guys jogging. The days the farmer's market is there is a good time to hang out - I think they are there Wednesdays. The Moon is a good place if you like music and they host a lot of liberal events - we had our Obama victory celebration there in 2008. Shop at New Leaf Market - that place was started and is owned by hippies and liberals - you can buy in and get a discount on your organic food, too.

Heck, go volunteer for OFA - they are recruiting right now - and spend your time with Democratic types!

There are plenty more places around here to meet liberals. You do not have to suffer with a conservative.

[Poll_Blind]

11. Same here, I fell for the good lucks but I'm getting tired of him siding with shitheads.

He looks damned good on the beach, though. I guess there's that.

:(

PB

[HipChick]

15. I don't think OP is looking for a bash Obama thread..

[Sarah Ibarruri]

50. That's the last thing I'm looking for, in fact. nt

[treestar]

118. And it's a bit weird to use that metaphor for support for a politician

I always thought that one a bit over the top.

[CakeGrrl]

211. OT, but that's one of

the Professional Left bloggers' lovely little memes: "He's just not that into you". There's a line of attack on the President that RELIES on the analogy that he should be regarded like a boyfriend who's done you wrong.

Bizarre and inappropriate.

[MADem]

296. +1 nt

[SidDithers]

191. Seems like that's all some posters can do...nt

Sid

[pennylane100]

69. I know, the beach picture does it every time.

You look at it and you really believe that he deserves one more chance.

[11 Bravo]

157. Wow! I've seen some lame-assed attempts to hijack a thread before, but you just retired the trophy!

[Ikonoklast]

250. If you base your vote on a candidate's looks

I feel sorry for you.

If it was just another Obama-bashing attempt,

I still feel sorry for you.

[MADem]

12. You've already made up your mind.

In your heart you know what you're going to do.

Nothing to it but to do it. Don't drag it out, life is too short.

He's not going to change.

[HipChick]

17. This..

[Sarah Ibarruri]

49. What's that? nt

[Sarah Ibarruri]

46. You're right. It's just hard. nt

[MADem]

293. Of course it is. But here's the truth about relationships from an old-age perspective

The romance goes out the window eventually, and you're left with a partnership of shared values--if your relationship lasts. The most successful couples either accomodate one another's differences by rarely seeing each other and living largely apart to keep the relationship fresh (and usually, one partner or the other will get jilted, eventually), or they have shared lives, experiences, values and routines that bind them together over the long haul.

If the guy is like fingernails on a chalkboard now, imagine what he'll be like in a few years?

Also, if it's not good before you tie the knot, it's not going to get better afterwards. They're at their best before they make the leap (and this goes for men or women). The old saying "You don't chase a bus you've already caught" applies here.

What's hard is a change in your routine, a change, perhaps, in some friendships, a measure of uncertainty about what you'll do at the weekend, or who will be your "Plus One" at that wedding you've been invited to...but truly, there are advantages to flying solo, at least for a time. It's one thing to compromise over a choice of restaurant, but to compromise over your basic, essential worldview is probably too great a leap, especially if there are any signs of being 'overbearing' or didactic about points of view.

[AC_Mem]

13. I give you credit

I couldn't do it. There is just such a huge, fundamental difference in how a GOP man and I would look at - well, at everything. And I wouldn't be able to be quiet to keep the peace, I would be talking politics all the time, trying to change is mind. And that isn't fair either. I think relationships have to be based on acceptance of the other person being just as they are, and I could never accept it and would try to change him to see the compassionate way. Not fair to him or to me.

I've had many first date, last dates over this exact issue. I make sure the topic of politics comes up right away so I can find out where they stand on issues.

I really wish and hope that I will one day meet a good and decent democratic gentleman :) Maybe if I could get out of Tennessee LOL...

My friend, think long and hard. Imagine your life in 10 years with this man - how will it be, how will you feel when our country is trying to recover from the destruction that the GOP has reigned upon our country. Then think 5 years out, which will be at the end of President Obama's second term and Heaven knows who may be elected into office. Then think a year, 6 months. Can you see yourself being happy in this relationship? Is it a relationship that is fair to you or to him?

I wish you luck in your decision as I know it is not made lightly.

Sincerely,
Annette
-who understands.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

48. Yes, but where are these lib guys? That's the reason I ended up with a Republican...

I couldn't meet any lib guys. Of course, I live in Florida.

[NewEngland4Obama]

59. We are here! Of course I live in RI

[Sarah Ibarruri]

132. (sigh) We need a LIB dating website big time! nt

[AC_Mem]

183. YES on the Lib Dating Site!

I would totally throw my hat in to have the chance to meet people of like minds :) How great would it be to know you were going to spend your life with someone who holds your same values. I'm a (young) 53 year old woman who has so much to offer but I live in the deep south, hard to find someone here unfortunately. Would I move for a good relationship? Perhaps. I'm here by choice because of my daughter and grandchildren but life gives us interesting options sometimes and I think we should always be open to them.

Does anyone know of a liberal dating site?

Shine on,
Annette

[Sarah Ibarruri]

199. I don't know but we should e-mail one another and keep in touch....

In case either of us finds one?????

[Jim Lane]

207. Lib dating site(s)

Long ago I answered a solicitation and signed up with 2ofakind.com -- not a lib site per se but one that pitched itself as matching progressives with each other. (It can also, I think, match right-wingers, so maybe you can give the link to your guy as a going-away present.)

The site had strengths and weaknesses. IIRC, it's free to join and free to create a profile, but you can't browse other members the way you can on match.com or similar sites. Instead, you answer detailed questions about yourself and about the person you're looking for, AND you can assign your own weights to the different criteria. You might give a high weight to political opinions and a low weight to religion or some such, while another member might reverse it. Then the site's computer finds likely matches and sends them to you. If any seem worth pursuing, you have to pay to contact them.

It sounds good in some ways, but I think their weighting system isn't perfect. I gave a high weight to geographic proximity (I don't have a car), but some of my suggested matches were hundreds of miles away.

On the bright side, I think every one of my suggested matches was politically progressive, as I'd specified. Of course, I was then living in Manhattan, so it wasn't THAT hard. :)

Another alternative is to use one of the standard sites that allow you to specify search criteria. I think that match.com will let you craft a search that will return only males in your area in your preferred age range and who picked "liberal" or "very liberal" as their political stance. (You can test this. Open a free match.com membership, don't create a profile, and try a search. If you find some decent possibilities, you can pay for a membership and thus gain the ability to contact them.)

As to your underlying choice: It's an individual thing whether political views are a deal-breaker. I discussed this with a friend of mine who said she'd never date a Republican but could put up with a smoker. For me, if a woman smokes that's it, end of story, but I'd be willing to at least try it out with a Republican. You have the right to set your own criteria however you want.

Some mixed-view couples get along simply by agreeing not to discuss politics. It sounds like that isn't an option for you, though. I agree with the posters who've said you should cut your losses and get out. I also agree, though, with those who pointed out that the guy isn't really at fault here, so you should dump him gently and without screaming. It's a perfect situation for the old "It's not you, it's me." You tell him that, unlike him, you don't have the broadmindedness to be happy with someone of differing political views.

[Lorien]

242. Here's some:

http://democraticsingles.net/

http://actforlove.org/

http://www.democraticpeoplemeet.com/online-dating/promo.cfm?sid=124&afid=GG1147&st=dating%20democrat&ds=&stype=std&cid=2333759246&agn=A-Democratic&gclid=CNiyirOSiaoCFYne4Aod3g6NzA

But a fair warning; I tried the first one out and most of the guys I met were only liberal on one or two issues (anti-drug war and pro-union, for instance) and were often better classified as Libertarians.

[TuxedoKat]

259. There's also

www.democratmatch.com

Used to hear that one advertised on Air America.

Edited to correct the website

[libmom74]

220. Just use the google!

http://www.democraticpeoplemeet.com/online-dating/promo.cfm?sid=124&afid=GG1147&st=dating%20democrat&ds=&stype=std&cid=2333759246&agn=A-Democratic&gclid=CO-F--_1iKoCFQo0Qgodhnd5yw

[AndyTiedye]

72. If Everyone Around You Thinks Like That, MOVE

[Sarah Ibarruri]

133. I can't move. My parents are here in FL and I need to be there for mom

Mom isn't well. Dad isn't that well either.

[bluestate10]

93. Like I said. Get involved with your local democratic groups or social charities,

I am single and have no intention to marry, but I recently worked charity events with two women and left admiring for their hearts. I did not ask about their status, since I have far too much going on and to do to hook up with a woman that I won't have a lot of time to spend with.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

134. Maybe that's the key to me finding lib men. Thank you! nt

[JHB]

101. I think that may be part of it...

I'm not making a counter-argument -- you sound like you're already down the road to splitsville.It's more of an attempt to take the mystery out of his stance:

Everyone lives in a "bubble" of some sort; one only has so many interactions in the course of a day. Aside from you, what does his bubble look like? Is he an activist? (doesn't sound like it) Or does he go with the (conservative-meme-saturated) flow and thinks he's being reasonable because he's not making much of a fuss?

When you're floating comfortably down a river, that person on the shore running around, waving their arms, and raving something about a "waterfall" looks pretty loopy. Until you find out the hard way they were right.

The guy might be reachable, politically speaking, but that's missionary work, not a relationship. It's your life, and your decision about who to get or stay involved with.

On edit: OK, reading further downthread I'm less likely to give this guy the benefit of the doubt, but I still think the above plays into it.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

136. You're right. Actually, the worst thing is that from age 20 on, he was an Ayn Randist.

I find Ayn Rand to have been a mentally ill, adulterous, consciousless freak whose ideology (which she claimed was based on her disdain for Communism), was pure bullshit, but punitive and oligarchist.

Later on, he listened to Rush and all the other right wing assholes.

No one, but NO ONE has ever presented him with the other point of view, just me. In fact, he's always left open-mouthed when he hears my logic about things. He's in shock. He's agreed with a few things, but it takes him a lot of effort to change his ideology. For example, about the homeless being lazy. I've explained that the homeless are at the end of the road of a life that has been filled with numerous problems, and that not everyone was born to his (my boyfriend's) fine circumstances.

He partially agrees, but he's believed this shit for so long, that it's like someone that has never used an arm and has almost lost all use of it. It's PAINFUL for him to think of my ideology as being true.

[MADem]

294. I suppose that does narrow the field! Unless you're into "snow on the rooftop, fire in the chimney"

fellas! You can find some liberal oldies at those retirement enclaves, but beware--there are dozens of liberal oldie women who will not look kindly on your usurping the "designated escort!"

[ecstatic]

330. Could that be a defense mechanism?

You live in Tennessee! Bringing up politics on a first date, knowing the vast majority of TNans are most likely RW? I used to do stuff like that (not political tests because I'm in a blue area of a red state)--later, I came to realize I was keeping my guard up to avoid getting hurt.

[Ishoutandscream2]

14. I'm so sorry Sarah

I would say that 9 out of 10 of my friends are republicans. It's a way of life where I am. I can deal with that, but I sure couldn't live with one.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

45. Yep, it's bad. I can't even be friends with a Republican. I end up arguing. nt

[The Traveler]

16. That makes it difficult

It is hard to share a life with someone whose values are so different from your own. Relationships are tough enough without that source of fundamental discord! And yet ... even so, love between two people of different viewpoints is nonetheless possible. I do not know you, and cannot predict the ordering of your heart, nor advise you on these matters. But I understand your unhappiness, and I wish it were not so.

Trav

[Sarah Ibarruri]

52. Yep. :( Actually, I've tried to explain things to him, to make him empathetic to the plight of

people who suffer, to make him look squarely in the face of the a**holes who created this redistribution of wealth, and the steps they took to do it, and how churches were involved in duping the U.S. population into voting Repuke, etc.

I don't know if he doesn't understand what I say, or if he knows and doesn't give a sh*t.

[seabeyond]

18. married a repug. he voted kerry and obama. nt

[Sarah Ibarruri]

54. How'd you manage that???

Please let me know.

[seabeyond]

107. i ws going into rages and rants. i tried to control

i didnt do it that often. about 2001. it was his home,too, so i didnt want him to live with that. i would tell him it is important, becauseit is our kids future. i cant just let it go.

i noticed he started getting informed in all manners so he could protect himself from my vast amounts of info. and hearing hwat i ws saying.

the iraq war pissed him off the worst. that is when he decided to vote kerry.

he thought bushcos stole it from kerry. that is when he walked away from the party.

now, maddow is his favorite commentator.

he was never anti choice or anti gay (he has two gay brothers)

that would have done it, too, with repug party using that if he hadnt already with iraq war

he is a good man. repugs didnt use to be this. i still call him a repug cause that is how he sees himself, but not this party they have become.

and as far as not helping those without. personally he will be the first one there to help anyone. poor or not. old or young. his behavior was opposite of his party belief

but reading your replies, if you are being ugly to him, because he is a repug and turns you off, stop. let him go. there is no reason for you to hurt someone.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

127. I found your explanation of how you changed him, wonderful

I find the right wing view of life to be illegitimate, authoritarian, and punitive. I was raised as a Catholic and (notwithstanding the priest scandals), we were taught that:

1) Your actions, not just your faith, are important;
2) Compassion and empathy were vital to be a true believer; and,
3) The most helpless amongst us should be among the first to be cared for.

I am not a religious person, but that, and my European-Cuban background caused me to put the needy way above the mega-rich.

I have a certain disdain for religions and beliefs that claim that the helpless and needy should pull themselves up by their bootstraps, are lazy, and brought that situation on themselves. I think it's unconscionable.

Also, when I explain these things to him about the need to put the helpless above the mega-rich in making world decisions, he comes out with illogical and incredibly stupid arguments, as if some Republican organization had programmed him for stupid answers and all he has to do is push a button and out come some Rushisms, Bushisms or Palisms.

I actually told him once that his I.Q. must be very low if he talks as if he were an idiot.

:(

Aside from this situation, he's very good to me, he's cute, generous, kind, loves my family, is interesting, loves to travel, lots of things.

I haven't given him an ultimatum, but the ultimatum is slowly appearing in the sky saying he needs to change or he will lose me.

[seabeyond]

197. i think

if you are thinking there is a possibility of putting more time and effort into this, because he is a good man (and that cannot be taken away because of political beliefs. i do not see anything making any person, all of who they are, just a piece), then you have to be fair and balanced, too.

i dont know your situation or his. but i do know in my personal life, there are users. they do not give to society. they take. there are a lot in this world, on all economic level. i have had that argument with my father in law, the ridiculousness of pull up by boot strp. raised in an environment, never given opportunity or education, or example, totally in the unknown, why would anyone expect a person can pull themselves up by ther bootstrap. but on the other hand, i have niece and nephew in law that uses all the resources of govt when they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves.

i think that there is a need to listen to the frustrations that he may legitimately have. if you cannot do that, then you probably cannot get him to a point of trusting you with his vulnerabilities that would allow you to change him.

there is something to be said for the worth of a good man. my husband had the same background and experiences in life as i. that was probably what helps us the most in our marriage. but we can take the same info and i can go one direction and he could go the total opposite. i get why he does, but he is not looking at it all. when i ask enough questions, allowing him to think thru an answer, he sees how i went totally the other way. maybe not linear thinking, but valid thinking. but that requires patients adn time.

i had to work hard with hubby for him to understand what said was not attack. was not battle. was not to create a winner and a loser.

my goal in discussion has been and will always be to have win win win. win for him. me. and us.

time

there is a lot to be said for the man he is.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

221. Thank you for your wonderful perspective. I will keep that in mind.

I have to decide if I can live with this, or if he seems to be changing somewhat. I don't understand how a man of his intelligence can hold such messed up beliefs, and he's at a loss to explain them.

The closest I have come is that he admires the powerful and suspects that power and wealth comes with sacrifice, but I've pointed out to him that this is not necessarily so, and that at least in the U.S. almost all who are powerful and wealthy, have gotten there through corruption and inheritance.

[AndyTiedye]

244. Whoever Coined the Phrase "Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootstraps"…

…has no understanding of basic physics, let alone economics.

[Name removed]

19. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Skittles]

21. I'm having the same problem

it's like he just does NOT.FUCKING.GET.IT. :(

[Sarah Ibarruri]

26. I KNOW. And you know what? I just don't believe these guys are stupid.

I think they know damned well what's right and what's wrong. And if that's true, what's with my guy? Is he some fucking psycho?

Anyway, that's how I've been viewing it lately.

Not a good situation, is it?

[zappaman]

30. I lost one of my best friends to the right

He was as liberal as me.
Then he took a job where he started listening to RW radio constantly.
Suddenly, he became ultra-right.
Haven't talked to him in years.
Sad, but brainwashing happens...

[Sarah Ibarruri]

33. But their arguments don't stand up to the light. Their arguments make no sense.

Only with lies do these arguments stand, and not for long.

[zappaman]

36. It's like arguing with someone who is ultra religious

You can't change their mind.
I once saw a documentary about a preacher who claimed to heal people.
They busted him as a charlatan and showed the video/audio evidence to some of his followers.
Guess how many saw the light and realized he was full of shit?
If you said "none", you are right on the money.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

38. That's exactly it! They ARE like Bible-bangers! They worship lies and believe them

I'm so tired of their bullshit.

[zappaman]

40. Time to move on! n/t

[Skittles]

31. no, it isn't

in the past I've been able to overlook slight political differences but I am with you on this - if someone cannot see how repukes have seriously damaged America, and are ACTIVELY TRYING TO DAMAGE HER NOW, they have their heads up their ass :(

[Sarah Ibarruri]

42. I agree. Repigs have taken the U.S. from 1st world to 2nd world nation status

And I will not forgive them, and more importantly, I see them as needing to shut the fuck up, beg forgiveness and just die.

How can I possibly remain with someone who thinks this way, when all I'm feeling about his way of thinking, is hatred? I'm incredibly frustrated and confused.

[ohheckyeah]

66. I know you didn't really ask for advice

but I'm going to give some based on personal experience.

I was married to a rightwinger....why I don't know. I can only plead temporary insanity. It will drive you insane if you compromise what you believe to get along with someone who is the exact opposite in belief. It will suck the very life out of you and you will wake up one day wondering what the hell happened to the real you. I got divorced and now am married to a wonderful giving, caring man who gets me and who is a liberal.

RUN....DON'T WALK....RUN VERY, VERY FAST

[ejpoeta]

81. i agree with you although I am not married nor have i ever been married to a republican.

it isn't even really about republicans. it is about being who you are and being with someone who is on the same page. They can believe something different, but respecting you and what you believe and what you feel is important. And the same goes for you of them. It is a pretty big deal if you want to help those less fortunate and your SO doesn't.

Some are willing to settle just to not be alone. I say, better to be on your own and who you are than to try to make yourself something you are not to be with someone. We all do it in some form or another and it is unsustainable. At some point you will either wither or you will explode. Better hope no kids are involved at that point.

It would be awful for the OP to settle for someone who isn't a good fit and then come across the one who is the right fit and be married to this guy instead. Things happen when you aren't expecting it. When I met my now husband I was just living my life not worrying about guys. I didn't care whether he liked me or not. When I went on a date with him, I wasn't worried about whether I was impressing him or any of that stuff. I miss that me now frankly. Three kids later and sometimes I miss that part of me. But I digress.

We can always tell little things about someone. It doesn't have to be just about this guy's political leanings. Though they affect his attitudes towards other people. It helps that my husband shares my views on things when I give things away instead of selling them. But see, we've been through a lot separately and together. He grew up poor and with an alcoholic father who beat his mother, and I grew up with a sick mother who died when I was young. We both often do things for other individuls where we see they may have a need.

He does not always agree with me on everything. I've gotten mad at him and was surprised about his views on some things. But I respect that he may not fully understand the issue. He does not pay attention to any politics and often will come home and ask me about things since he works with my brother who IS a right wing fox noise watching and talking point spewing maching. I always wonder what life is like for my SIL who says she is a democrat yet hates obama and 'obamacare'.

[MedicalAdmin]

87. Not psycho. He gets it but just doesn't care.

The term you are looking for is sociopath isn't narcissistic tendencies. As long as you have something he wants or desires he will great you well, after that ... Not so much.

Don't walk, don't discuss, run. And be prepared to get a restraining order and a gun.

[hobbit709]

103. and you haven't KICKED HIS ASS?

you're slipping, Skittles.

[craigmatic]

24. Then why get with him in the first place. Leave that zero get with a liberal hero.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

27. Yeah, I know. Well, I've been having trouble FINDING lib guys

So this guy came along, and he looks good, is nice, very romantic, very funny, very nice, and he says he loves me.

However, my feelings are conflicted enough for me to go from loving him, to hating him, and I just can't live this way much longer.

[outerSanctum]

85. Wow... "looks good, is nice, very romantic, very funny, very nice,

and he says he loves me".

Well, I can absolutely see why you would throw him under the bus on a public forum. He sounds like a terrible person.

It's unreal to me how many people I come across that are willing to toss REAL relationships aside because they need everything and everyone around them to be in lock step with their every opinion.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

146. Au contraire. We disagree on most things:

What life should be about:

Who the homeless are (lazy? People who fell on hard times?).

What the tax rate of different social classes should be (progressive or not?)

Should seniors be cared for or not after they spent a lifetime contributing to this country, or throw under the bus?

Should there be a single-payer health care system, or should we continue to have a shit health care system that could land anyone homeless if they develop a serious disease?

Should the rich and corporations be controlling elections by being allowed to contribute to politicians?

Should the military continue to suck funds out of our pockets?

Should free trade be continue ripping our country to shreds?

Should unions be allowed to survive?

Should people be allowed to tell the truth about our country or not?

And MUCH, MUCH MORE.

So please don't be telling me that most things we agree on. We hug, kiss, take good care of one another, are funny with one another, care for one another's families, but everything else about life we disagree on, including basic things that affect MY pocket, and MY family's pocket and well being.

[craigmatic]

223. I can sympathize my wife is a centrist.

Love is blind and look on the bright side if you stay with him long term he can be your project. You can chip away at him around the edges until he's a liberal or at least a moderate democrat.

[FreakinDJ]

29. I don't date Intellectually / Morally Challenged women

which I find most Rightwingers to be

[Sarah Ibarruri]

39. Can't blame you one bit. They are intellectually and morally challenged. nt

[Dappleganger]

34. It will only get worse.

He is probably on his best behavior now as you are dating, but the longer you stay the easier it will be to let his guard down and his true nature come out.

"To thine own self be true." --William Shakespeare

[Sarah Ibarruri]

41. I'm already being abusive to him because I can't stand the way he thinks

Right wing ideology is dirty, ugly, amoral, and evil.

[MedicalAdmin]

89. Abusive? Seriously?

Please, for your own self respect, take the high road.

[pipi_k]

120. No kidding...

There's no reason for a person to abuse anyone.


The honorable thing to do would be for her to set the guy loose with apologies for being abusive.

Whatever his political leanings, he's still a human being...

[cwydro]

147. Agreed.

There is no excuse for verbal and emotional abuse.

I'm actually surprised he hasn't kicked HER to the curb.

[larwdem]

272. abusive

politicly speaking republicans are all abusive ! soo let her abuse the fucker a little he sound like he deserve it

[pipi_k]

339. Oh that's a good strategy...

Act like a 5 year old.

Stoop to the level one thinks another person operates at.


:eyes:

[Sarah Ibarruri]

141. Well, verbally abusive sometimes, yes. I have actually gotten exasperated enough to call him dumb

And he's not dumb. However, he BEHAVES dumb when he talks like Rush Limbaugh.

[pitohui]

176. that's because you don't and probably shouldn't respect him or his beliefs

it really wears on the mind, always having to humor "the stupids"

you know what you have to do, dump him for someone you can respect

how can quality enter your life, if the quality man thinks you are already taken?

[Sarah Ibarruri]

198. I know. But believe me, I've been looking for a lib man for about 2 years

And found not one. (sigh)

[Yupster]

113. Get rid of him

You'll feel better and he'll have a lifetime of good stories about the crazy left winger he once dated.

It will be better for both of you.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

142. Probably, but we both cry when we think of not being together forever.

He needs to change legitimately or this will go to hell.

[pipi_k]

155. OMG.

Good lord, this sounds like one seriously fucked up relationship.

Yech.

Where's the hand sanitizer?

[Sarah Ibarruri]

203. LOL! It's complicated. I love him and hate him. nt

[pipi_k]

227. That's pretty telling...

You're not even saying, "I hate what he believes in".

You're saying you hate him. HIM.


Which is probably the truth, and to which I say hey, at least you're acknowledging it.

But if you hate HIM, then you really need to let him go.


Because it sucks to be on the other side of that.

My first husband once said that I reminded him of Lucy Ricardo on "I Love Lucy".

His next statement should have been a red flag for me but wasn't at the time because I was very young and very stupid. His next statement was, "I've always hated her (Lucy)".

Our marriage lasted four years before we separated and then finally divorced.

If you really hate this man, then do both of yourselves a favor and end it.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

251. The reason I started the OP is because I LOVE what I love about him....

and HATE what I hate about him. Our basic views are life are in OPPOSITION. Even if he does take me out and we have a great time and I like being with him. It's just not as easy as you'd make it all out to be.

[pipi_k]

343. Seems to me that anyone who is *really* serious

about finding an answer to a very bothersome life problem would get professional help, not start a topic on a discussion group.

:shrug:

[Upton]

130. You're being abusive?

Sounds like you're the one with the problem..

[Sarah Ibarruri]

143. Why? I don't like people who talk like Rush Limbaugh so I should be polite?

Hell no.

[Pithlet]

331. Why is your being abusive to your boyfriend a problem?

Seriously?

[Starbucks Anarchist]

328. If he's not abusive towards you, then you're the one who's amoral and evil.

When it comes to the level of being abusive to him because of his ideology, either suck it up or dump him. There's no need to be abusive.

[napi21]

35. Break it off and be glad you're not writing about "Your Husband"!

Usually I don't think political views should make or break a relationship, but if it bothers you now, it will only get worse, and expand to other issues. I've been married 49 tears to the same man, and we've had our differences over the years, but nothing we didn't work through. Don't start out with problems because many you never even thought of will appear and you can only hope none of them will be so serious that you can't work them out together.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

43. Ha! Don't even think I've considered marriage to this guy. And I told him as much.

I'd rather be alone the rest of my life, than marry a Repuke or anyone who holds hate-filled values.

[Liberal_Stalwart71]

37. You're seeing a wingnut? How do you do it? I just can't. n/t

[Sarah Ibarruri]

44. How did I do it? Hmmm.... I'll tell you...

We spent a lot of time not discussing life, economics, poverty, the suffering, the way Repigs have destroyed our country. We went to movies, restaurants, dancing, and ignored the way Repigs have been hurting this country and its people for 31 years. He was romantic, bought me gifts (no, I'm not greedy nor required them, but it was a token of affection), told me I was the hottest woman he'd ever known, embraced my family.

And then one day a discussion came up, and OH MY FRIKKIN' GOD. I was ready to literally kick him.

The discussion was about the homeless. He said (get this), that it was 'useless' to give the homeless money, because they'll just spend it on liquor.

I advised him that many of the homeless are not drunks, and that even the ones that might be, got there because of f*cked up economic circumstances, or because they had a lot of troubles, emotional and other.

He said that a lot of them could easily clean up at a homeless shelter and go work, and work their way up. I asked him if he thought everyone started the 'life race' in the U.S. at the same spot, or if he thought some had a lot more going for them than others.

He responded, "It doesn't matter."

Hell broke loose after that. I called him a sociopath.

[ejpoeta]

82. ok, i think that answers my question in my other post. i am betting this guy never had it really

tough. he probably lived with mom and dad until he went to college and then went and got a job and mom and dad helped him if he ever needed it.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

138. Well, his parents were immigrants, and worked very, very hard, BUT....

they lived in a large old house, with grandparents to care for the kids, so things weren't so bad. They had babysitting, the grandparents cooked, the parents went to work and returned to food and cared-for kids.

So the situation at home was wonderful. He was surrounded by a huge family, lots of great food, parents that eventually worked hard enough to purchase a small business, and lots of other good stuff.

So HE THINKS that because his family worked very very hard and eventually bought a business, that that kind of thing is possible for EVERYONE. I tell him he has frikkin' tunnel vision, that his situation was unique. Not everyone is able to do that.

[seaglass]

105. Is this the same guy you met through online dating who made it clear he was a Repub?

If so, release him from his misery.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

139. LOL! "Release him from his misery." :) Yes, it is.

He's very nice to me, and very handsome, and very intelligent. He's a complete idiot with regard to his outlook on life and I make him suffer for it every day.

[eilen]

106. I would invite him to serve meals to the homeless with you

and actually talk to people. He has obviously never had contact with homeless or people down on their luck. Of course there are homeless people who just take money to drink, so what he says is not untrue but it is not the truth for everybody. There are rich people who are not thieving greedheads but there are many who are.
I don't know your ages but I have to say that people do change their opinions about stuff as they get more experience in life. It sounds to me that he is more into you than you are into him and perhaps you should set him free to find someone that has more appreciation for his good qualities instead of focusing on his negatives.

For a really long time I would only give to organizations that helped homeless, hungry, etc. instead of to individuals. People who approached me in public for money scared me. One time in San Diego a young man was particularly aggressive and I tried to avoid situations like that again. There are people who do try to scam you and I have seen it in my community (people strung on on meth particularly stand out--like Night of the Living Dead). But there are many who just really need help and usually they are afraid or too embarrassed to ask. I encounter many people who need help at work (I work at a hospital and before that a home care agency).

[Sarah Ibarruri]

140. You're right. Thank you. nt

[Divine Discontent]

287. yeah, SI, you just need to learn to live alone if he is what your option of being with someone is,

just my friendly advice to a DUer. I have helped the homeless and had the police called on me for doing so, and heard the negative comments that they're all just crazy or drunks, but even if someone is, hey, if my couple bucks goes to buy one out of two or three of them a beer - so be it! They deserve it, they're homeless for heaven's sake. I tell this to those of my girl friends who have guys who aren't open-minded and treat others derisively but still treat them fair to good, that someday, they'll treat them with the same malice they do others! Just advice... Regardless of what happens, I wish you well.

[pansypoo53219]

47. born into it? fetus lover? did you ask WHY?

lots os silly reasons.

[joshcryer]

51. I could never be attracted to a right winger in any way whatsoever.

I could see myself being attracted to, unfortunately, a Trotskyite or Marxist, though, and I have to wonder what that would be like, living with a totalitarian, agreeing with them on many issues, but disagreeing on other more fundamental issues, etc.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

53. I agree. A Marxist at least has compassion.

Repukes are despicable.

[joshcryer]

57. I'm left of Marxist's so there'd still be a lot of disagreement with me and them.

Still the guy must've been very centrist seeming or something for you to overlook it.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

129. Well, for example, he believes in welfare programs. However, he thinks most of the people on

welfare are 'lazy.' That burns me up.

[Ter]

302. How is it possible to be left of Marxists?

n/t

[joshcryer]

315. To be anti state.

[Violet_Crumble]

60. Could you be attracted to a liberal who despises Muslims?

Where do you draw the line?

[Sarah Ibarruri]

131. Absolutely. I'm a feminist and do not tolerate any male or males whose ideology is to hurt women

I don't make any excuses or exceptions for cultures and religions that are currently stoning women, disallowing them to work or drive, and whose laws treat women like total shit. NO EXCEPTIONS. That means the Islamic cultures are included.

[Violet_Crumble]

285. What's being a feminist got to do with detesting Muslims?

I'm a feminist and while I detest practices that discriminate against and abuse women, it's definately not okay at all to detest Muslims. The latter is bigotry, and you'd find many Republicans would see eye to eye with yr views of Muslims.

[bluestate10]

96. I would never hook up with an extremist of any flavor. I am a centrist,

I have had plenty chance to hook up with conservative women and ultra liberal marxist type women. I passed on them all, the imbalance in their thinking was unappealing to me.

[TheKentuckian]

55. I can't blame you in the least, I couldn't even deal with a "sensible centrist" type.

Too much just spills over into every area of life to deal with a woman that processes everything through such a shitty filter or whose base ideology is greed.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

156. Exactly, and "POLITICS" is not a game, or a walk to the polls. "POLITICS" is LIFE...

It consists of deciding who shall live and who shall die, who shall eat and who shall not, who shall have a roof over his head and who shall not, etc.

Politics is not an argument on TV. Politics determines LIFE.

That's what a lot of people don't understand.

[TheKentuckian]

222. My thoughts exactly!

[pipi_k]

349. Really?

Politics is life?

Politics decides who will live or die?

So tell me... after nearly 3 years of a Democrat in the WH, are things any better for the poor than they were during the Chimpresident years?

Fewer homeless? Fewer hungry? Fewer people being killed in wars?

This is no way a slam on Obama or Democrats, BTW.

I'm just wondering when this happy bluebird and rainbow-filled Paradise begins. If it's really true that politics is Life, I mean.


And if politics is LIFE, then there's only one choice. End it with this guy because it's probably not going to get any better, and obviously politics means more to you than he does.

[Raine]

58. I can't be with someone I don't respect or whose opinion

I can't value so no way could I be with a right winger. It would just be too difficult.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

158. It's very difficult. :( nt

[MikeH]

61. Best wishes in doing what you need to do

It definitely sounds like you need to break up with him. One cannot maintain a relationship with somebody whom one does not respect.

I myself ended a 30 year friendship in 2005, after my friend voted for GW Bush a second time.

He had been a good friend, and was "there" for me as a friend many times over the years. He was a fundamentalist Christian, but did not fit the worst stereotypes of people of that persuasion. He and I were both able to respect our religious differences, at least up till shrub became the pResident.

I was disappointed when my friend was going to vote for Bush in 2000, but was willing to accept it at the time. However I was not able to accept it when my friend was going to vote for GWB a second time, in 2004. It particularly bothered me that my friend had no hesitation in saying he would be voting for Bush a second time, and no doubts or second thoughts.

It especially bothered me that my friend was in favor of the Iraq war. However the one thing he said that really most bothered me was that he felt it was OK that we went into Iraq even though we did not find the purported weapons of mass destruction, because intelligence is not an exact science. :crazy: I seem to remember that he also said he was not bothered by reports of torture; I do not recall his reasons.

I realized that I needed to reevaluate whether I still wanted to remain friends with him, and after an exchange of e-mails we both mutually agreed to end our friendship. We ended our friendship without personal rancor, and we both agreed we could have fond memories of our past relationship, and we exchanged best wishes for each other's futures.

However good a friend he might have been, I could not respect my friend's having supported Bush a second time in 2004, or being in favor of the Iraq war. And even if I did not have a problem with my friend being a fundamentalist Christian before GWB, I did have a problem afterward. Even if my friend was himself not bigoted, intolerant, or "in-your-face", I could not accept my friend unhesitatingly being in favor of the candidate who was supported by people in the Religious Right who are these things.

And I especially could not and cannot respect the religious faith of anybody who would be in favor of either Bush or the Iraq war.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

159. I know what you mean.

It's a matter of understanding that politics consists of views about how LIFE should be, and who shall have and who shall not have, who shall live and who shall die, etc.

[Bladian]

62. Wait a second, I'm confused.

You said he never argues with you and he's patient and caring. I mean, I know that the Republican views are often disgusting and wrong, but...if he patiently listens to your opposing viewpoint and doesn't really bring his politics up much, then I guess I fail to see the problem. If he was vocal about it, then hell yeah, dump him. But if he's pretty quiet about it? I don't think so. Maybe I'm just being naive.

[sarge43]

80. When people are dating, read that courting, they're

on their best behavior and note I said people, not just men. Nine out of ten, when the deal is made, not so much. Good possibility what'shisname won't stay pretty quiet.

You ever met a political radical who was "live and let live"? One way or another they want validation and results; sometimes they'll go to extremes to have them.

[pipi_k]

117. Yeah, and that's what's so scary about this...

Because, according to the OP, the Republican is being a decent guy about the whole thing.

While the Democrat admits to starting to abuse him because of the political party he belongs to.


If this is the way someone acts in the beginning of a relationship, then that poor guy needs to get out and run the other way. Because basically he's only being USED because the OP couldn't find any Liberal men. Oh. Nice.

Anyone with an ounce of integrity would come right out and state that in the beginning.... "You know, I don't normally date Republicans/Conservatives, but there's nobody else around, so I'll use you for a while until I can't stand you anymore".

yech.



Personally, I would rather have a relationship with someone who treats me well even though his political leanings don't completely agree with mine than with someone who toes the Party Line but treats me like dirt.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

160. He brings it up at times. Not meanly, just will say things like:

Pelosi is out of her liberal mind.

When he says that, he ends up abused verbally by me, because what begins as a discussion with me asking why, ends up with me angry that he has no logical answers or explanations.

[Arugula Latte]

344. So he's not always patient and caring. He has an assholy political side.

It's almost unanimous -- Get.Out.Now.!

[midnight]

63. You already have this figured out. Consider yourself a lot wiser...

[Sarah Ibarruri]

161. Yes, I guess... nt

[OutNow]

67. Just think about having children with a RWer

Think of your future with this RW guy. Each family has to decide how to raise and educate a child, and it really helps if both parents are on the same page about things. Corporal punishment, yes or no? Acceptance of other religions, yes or no? Acceptance of other ethnic backgrounds, yes or no? Etc. While you may be able to tolerate a partner with right wing ideas about these topics, would it then be OK if he passed his beliefs on to your children? If not, you don't want to have kids with this guy. So maybe you don't want to have sex with this guy either since that's how kids are created. Just sayin....

As for how to meet liberal guys in Florida? Get involved with the 2012 Obama campaign. The campaign will help the country, and it will attract folks with beliefs that are similar to yours.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

162. I worked with the Obama campaign the first time and met not one lib that was my age and single

(sigh)

[Balbus]

68. How's the sex, though?

[Sarah Ibarruri]

163. FAN-TAS-TIC. But that's not enough nt

[K8-EEE]

71. I had super flirtatious thing going (inappropriate as we are both married) w/ RW friend

One time he said something that struck me so asshole-y that I was literally grossed out and kind of have been ever since although we still see each other socially occasionally. I totally remember what it was. I used to think "OK he's Republican but not one of THOSE Republicans.....it's not like he's a big asshole." Then we had a grocery strike here in L.A. I mentioned that I had avoided such and such a store not to cross the picket line.

He said to me like a joke, oh, those poor checkers, they need MONEY and BENEFITS....as if they deserve that! all the do is go *beep* *beep* *beep!*] Then he said, I love the strike, it's great, no waiting in line at the store!

I didn't even respond to it but I was thinking, WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

For some reason that was like a bucket of water in my face I was like UGH!! Oh and btw since then he has had a full blown affair with this nutcase woman and both she and his wife are miserable.

In my experience -- left wing guys are the way to go! If you want a thinking, feeling person who has compassion for others & is not an ASS.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

164. I'm telling you, even the sweetest GOPer is inside a complete psychopath.

I can't take it!

[K8-EEE]

229. They're very much ME ME ME

And after they get what they want out of people they are done with them....this has been my observation.

[NuttyFluffers]

73. better no play than bad play. go be happy instead.

unless the sex is so good it's beyond comprehension, there's little reason to stick around.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

165. Sex is great, but sex isn't everything in life. nt

[blkmusclmachine]

75. Your name isn't Michelle, is it???

:silly:

[no_hypocrisy]

78. My mother (liberal from Brooklyn and Barnard graduate) and my father (RW conservative

from rural Pennsylvania) had a tumultuous marriage due to politics. They were rarely talking during Watergate.

When I was 17, a well-meaning elderly attorney took me aside to tell me three principles to use when considering marriage. One of those principles was you should have similar political beliefs because you will have arguments during the marriage, why add one more?

[ejpoeta]

84. that is a very good point

[SharonAnn]

152. My husband thought he was a Republican when we married. I clipped out Molly Ivins'

columns for him to read for several years.

Then, suddenly, he was voting Democratic.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

166. Precisely. I can easily see me divorcing over a small right wing comment made to me. nt

[B Calm]

79. Find a good liberal man and have kids with common sense.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

167. I've looked high and low for a lib guy. :( nt

[B Calm]

252. Try liberal web sites, liberal functions, meetings, etc.

[Name removed]

83. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[quaker bill]

88. Black and white, no problem

gay, straight, lesbian, no problem.

Liberal and conservative republican - problems. My daughter dated a conservative for a bit. I suggested that this would be a problem. She did not believe it, and I let it be. I turned out to be correct, she ended it and has been much happier since.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

169. It can get very ugly. I'm very intense about my views. Thanks for your story.

I'm glad your daughter is no longer with that guy.

I cannot modify my views because they are based on basic principles of caring for the least among us. If he cannot change, he's out the door. It'll hurt me, but good riddance. I don't want to live with hatred for him.

[Demonaut]

90. I'd hold on if that is really the only reason

a lot of centrists have moved either left of right...it's the climate right now, never seen it so bad in my 48 years

[Sarah Ibarruri]

171. Well, so far he's tried to explain his beliefs. He tells me he's not very right wing...

But the moment he opens his damned mouth and something stupid comes out, I swear to God I can't stand it.

[Demonaut]

274. I'd try and get him to watch a few niddle ground documentaries

inside job etc, see if he's willing to see your side of view

[lunatica]

91. If you don't dump him do you think anything will change?

Imagine yourself tied to this man for the rest of our life. Your gut reaction should tell you exactly what to do.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

172. True. nt

[bluestate10]

92. Get deeply involved with your local democratic committee or a charitable

organization that has a good track record of accomplishment. You will run into single, caring men there who do have sensitivity for the needy and a sense for societies well being that goes past their own provincial interests.

The last thing you want to do is end up having a child for the man that you are hooked up with now. I had a friend that stayed with a man for ten years, even though she saw that he was a bastard. They had a child and then bought a house, at that point his bastardness came down full bore on her. Me and a number of other friends helped her get out of that mess, but she suffered economic damage that it took her years to overcome. And now, she is raising a child without any help from it's father.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

173. That's the thing. You can be with a man and he can be nice, but if INSIDE he's a right wing sob

Life will become a hell-hole.

[SidDithers]

200. Great suggestion...

associate with like-minded people.

:thumbsup:

Sid

[mmonk]

94. Staying with someone who makes you sick seems like a bad idea

to me.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

178. I know... (sigh) nt

[marions ghost]

97. you might try

giving him some "space" without making a big deal about it. If he senses you are edging out of the relationship, he will either try to make some compromises or he will edge away too. But his response would be telling, because he knows very well what the problem is. Make the first move and you will see exactly what you are dealing with.

My guess is he feels he can control you (& your lib tendencies) --and that is the challenge to him in the relationship. He needs to dominate. Danger, danger.

Your re-education program will not work. Look for a guy with more flexibility, whatever else he is. It's the rigid thinking reflected in the hardcore R ideology, that is the problem.

You've tried.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

177. I'm too strong for him to control me. He knows this. He likes my strength...

but I told him that behind my strength is compassion and caring, and if he's a dickhead about the needy and helpless, he'll find his ass out the door of my life.

He's not in the dark about that.

Now, will he change legitimately or pretend to? That, I don't know.

[cwydro]

254. But...

YOU want to control HIM...

[Abq_Sarah]

313. Exactly

Why in the hell would anyone get in a relationship with someone they wanted to change?

My husband is a registered independent and I would never demand that he march in lockstep with me about anything.

[marions ghost]

257. You gave him an ultimatum then

Either he changes his views or he's out. But are you going to stick to that hard line? It's not easy to MAKE people do something they don't feel.

[madrchsod]

98. play this when he`s in the room......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tj96QFzOL5Y

[Sarah Ibarruri]

175. LOL!!!!!! nt

[greytdemocrat]

99. LOL!!

This is just another "I hate Bush/Cheney" thread...tell the truth.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

174. I wish, tho I do hate Bush/Cheney. nt

[JustAnotherGen]

100. Fundamental

Difference in values . . . It won't work. Cut him loose - it's a kind thing to do for both of you. I'm of the mindset that if you have a core difference in what you believe so early in a relationship - it's not going to get better in time.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

179. These are core issues, you are absolutely right.

Politics is never a game. It's about core issues.

[terip64]

104. Lose him, sister, and don't look back. Seriously. Do it today and get it over with! n/t

[Sarah Ibarruri]

180. I just might end up having to do that. nt

[terip64]

309. Life is too short and relationships too hard. Trust me...

I have been married for 28 years and am 47 years old. I love my husband and he is a very liberal democrat, which helps ;), but marriage is work and who needs to add to it. Seriously, trust me on this. I wouldn't steer you wrong. ;)

[MineralMan]

108. Sounds like you've already decided what to do.

I'll leave you to it.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

181. I suspect it might end. nt

[mdmc]

109. if he is rascist and homophobic drop him

if he wants to keep what he earns and make america better, keep him..

[Sarah Ibarruri]

182. He's absolutely NOT a racist at all, nor a homophobe.

But he's a hate-filled person with regard to the helpless and needy, the ill, those who have no money, those who are unable to make ends meet.

Makes me sick.

[Shandris]

204. Never ascribe to hatred what is most easily explained as ignorance.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

208. I don't excuse his ignorance at all. He has a tremendous education, has been exposed to everything

and he is hearing me explain things.

No excuse at all.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

205. Then dump him.

Who needs a relationship with a person so lacking in compassion? What if you got sick or lost your job? Would he have the same heartless attitude toward you?

[Sarah Ibarruri]

209. Nope. Apparently Republicans are very nice to people they love, but they are total dickheads

to their countrymen who are going through hard times. I swear to you I can't understand it, and have asked him point blank, and all he can say is that they brought their circumstances upon themselves, because they could've made different decisions.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

Dump him anyway. Lacking compassion only for people you don't know

is still lacking compassion. Shows he has a big dark hole in his soul.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

218. Yep. Absolutely. nt

[pipi_k]

224. Wrong

As I have mentioned before on some other thread a while back...I have some neighbors who are Republicans. Quite Conservative.

They have been nothing but kind to me and the Mr ever since we moved here 15 years ago. They didn't know us from Adam, but there they were offering help. And they have continued to do so ever since.

Also...there's the young boy...14 years old who lives next door to my BIL. His dad died a few years ago and my BIL stepped in and became a father figure. Well the kid needed a computer so he could do his homework without trekking to the library. These neighbors gave him one of the computers from their business.

They have also given him money for Christmas. And just for no reason at all. Because he doesn't have a dad and they felt badly for him.

These neighbors have done lots for the town, and they have two absolutely GREAT teenagers. Decent. Respectful.


It's not nice to paint a whole group of people...and I don't care who they are...with the same brush.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

249. Fine, and they can be nice as can be, but when a group of people sees a helpless group as lazy

or tries to deny them help because they suspect they're somehow evil, there's something wrong there, no matter how sweet and kind, and how much apple pie they take to your door.

[pipi_k]

334. Oh, you mean...

like how Democrats seem to delight in picking on Teabaggers and other "morans"?

Hey, lots of those people probably have real mental problems. Maybe they are not well educated. And they've been brought up to believe certain things. A person's teaching and values don't just vanish into thin air.


They're just as helpless as other people, yet a lot of DUers find nothing wrong with mocking them...laughing at them...calling them the worse names they can think of.

Some of those people who may be suffering from things they can't help are thought of as "Evil" by lots of DUers who should be more compassionate. But no...if you're a Republican or a Teabagger, you're STUPID and EVIL.

Tell me how that's any better than what those on the other side do...

[mdmc]

110. and look in the mirror

If you are all circle d dem, what is the difference in what you think and what your man thinks?

Where is the gap of ideology?

[Sarah Ibarruri]

184. The gap is in the compassion. He's got compassion with me, but not with the needy in our country

That's the basic thing. There are other things, but that's the biggest.

[fascisthunter]

119. I'm Available....

well, not really, but I can dream....;)

PS - I wish you well with whoever you are with. I know this is serious for you so, I just want ya to know I do not mean to make light of your predicament. It must be difficult.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

188. LOL! Why are all the awesome lib men married or gay? nt

[Iggo]

121. Must be a special dude for you to have looked past his wingishness.

Either way ("Should I stay or should I go?"), I hope it works out for the best.

[pipi_k]

122. Actually, no...

From what I've read, he was the ONLY dude.


His misfortune, I think.

[Iggo]

123. I didn't read past the OP.

I'll take your word for it.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

187. He's funny as hell, and nice to me, and we laugh a lot, and hug, and kiss, and we talk

endlessly for hours, and we like one another's personalities, and have fun, etc. etc. etc.

[lumberjack_jeff]

125. "Tempestuous" is a fucked up basis for a relationship. n/t

[Sarah Ibarruri]

186. Yep, and it's not the kind of relationship I want. nt

[donheld]

126. I couldn't be with a partner who was republican

They make me so very hostile I can't stand to be around them. To date or be with one romantically would be undoable.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

189. That's exactly my problem. I get hostile when I sense the right wing ideology....

Any part of it.

[Peacetrain]

128. Sarah.. I have been married over 30 years

and the one thing that will stick with you over the long haul is a shared value system..

[Sarah Ibarruri]

192. I get you. That's what I'm thinking. People can have fun, have good kissing....

like one another, like one another's families, talk endlessly, etc., but if the basic core ideology differs, there will be hatred and it won't last.

CONGRATULATIONS FOR YOUR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP! What a wonderful thing.

[Zorra]

135. The fact that he is a republican means that he has serious ethics

perception deficits and is of shallow consciousness and character.

There's kinda no way around that.

Life is short. Have fun.

Peace.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

190. Yes. He has flaws out the wazoo because he's a repuke. nt

[Mira]

137. Dump. Him. - Save your sanity. n/t

[Sarah Ibarruri]

193. I'll have to. nt

[cherish44]

145. If you're not happy with him, he's the wrong one for you

nt

[Sarah Ibarruri]

194. I'm very happy with him, till he opens his mouth and some f*cked up Rushism comes out

Then I just want to kick his behind out to space.

[Vinca]

149. I can't imagine being in a relationship with a winger.

Run for your life!

[Sarah Ibarruri]

195. I know.... I never thought I'd be putting up with this crap. nt

[Blasphemer]

168. I recently read that shared political views are one the biggest indicators of attraction

It makes sense to me. I am not religious but I can and have dated (openminded) religious men but I have never dated a Republican. It is hard to fathom. I had a male friend who was circling around me for potentially dating and then I found out he was vehemently anti-choice and that was pretty much it for any potential relationship. It's just hard to get past certain fundamental differences of opinion in terms of how we live and how we treat others. I know that there are people who can manage it and kudos to them but I don't think it is possible for most people.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

212. I'm like you - for me anti-choice is another reason not to like the person.

I am very much a feminist in addition to being lib.

However, I almost go the other way when I meet people who are very lib. I'm too tolerant of them. :) I become a wuss.

[Arugula Latte]

265. I agree. If I don't respect someone's core beliefs, why would I be with them?

There is no point.

[pitohui]

170. move on, you can't share a life w. someone you believe to be either stupid or evil

most republicans, maybe all of them, fall into one or the other category, there is the evil greedy racist who figures that he'll be enriched by following policies that cut off funding to the poor, social services, etc...and there is the stupid (usually racist) person best described as brain washed

you cannot respect either type of mind, and there is no reason to be involved in a long term relationship w. someone you can't respect

i vote dump him, shared values, dreams, and goals are the heart and soul of a partnership or marriage

a problem arises when people think, well, we have nothing in common, but he can be "mr right now" and i can get my goodies while i'm waiting for something better...HOWEVER...the fact that you already have this man in your life makes it MUCH more difficult for you to meet a decent man -- terrific idealistic guys tend to not want to be your backdoor man

unless you can really keep the wingnutter as strictly a booty call and not get emotionally involved, and not have him hanging around killing your chances w. guys who share your beliefs...you're just screwing yourself over by continuing with someone you don't respect...you really need to cut the cord and make the distance there

[Sarah Ibarruri]

213. See, that's the thing. I don't like FWBs at all. I have to have love, or sex dies

I'm very old-fashioned in that way. I gotta love the guy first.

Yes, I know, and unless he changes dramatically, this isn't going to survive.

[SidDithers]

185. If he doesn't share your values, he's not a good match...

Sid - celebrating 20 years of marriage in August to a wonderful, loving, liberal, socially conscious woman.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

214. What a lucky man you are.

See, that's what I need. A man that is socially conscious.

[Left coast liberal]

201. Sarah! What the hell are you doing with this guy...

...time to move on. If he can see where you are coming from and budge a little bit then he may be worth keeping.

Time is too short to spent precious time with someone you are politically and/or spiritually not synched up with.

for goodness sake, girl, don't under value yourself!

[Sarah Ibarruri]

215. I know. I feel like I have two personalities. One truthful, and one lying to myself.

I really do like him, but that other side to him is simply DISGUSTING to me. I have to get the courage to dump him and trust that one day I will indeed meet a liberal man and fall in love. Sigh.

[pipi_k]

240. What do you mean...

"Get the courage to dump him"?

Is he a stalker?

Has he threatened suicide if you dump him?

Are you saying you're only with him because the alternative (being alone) sucks?


Does he know you hate him and find him disgusting?

Maybe you should send him a link to this thread. That would say it all.

Hell...give me his email address and I'll do the dirty work for you.

He deserves to know he's wasting his time with someone who finds him disgusting and vile.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

247. No. There are things I like about him. That's what I mean. nt

[pipi_k]

335. Well obviously not enough to keep you from abusing him... n/t

[Sarah Ibarruri]

248. LOL! I'm sure I could dump him asap if I wanted to. The reason I started this op is....

because it's NOT EASY!

[pipi_k]

337. It's not easy to dump someone who disgusts you?

Someone who makes you ill each time he opens his mouth?

Someone you say you're starting to hate?

Someone who doesn't share one value with you?

Someone you admit to starting to abuse because of his politics?


Well, my advice to you...given by a couple of others as well...is to get some counseling.

[Downtown Hound]

202. If he's making you sick right now, then maybe that's a sign of things to come

My mother was a Democrat, my father was a Republican. They ended up having a very messy divorce, not over politics but just differences in their personality.

A person's political beliefs say a lot about them, and if you are polar opposites on the spectrum, then you likely will have problems in other areas as well. In the long run, it might be better if you just left him now.

Oh and on edit, my father ended up drinking himself to death a mere 8 years after their divorce. I loved my dad, but he had many personal faults and failings that have left serious and damaging scars on my soul. My dad was an adulterer, selfish, egotistical, and kind of an asshole. He was a corporate businessman and never did anything to help others. By contrast, after their divorce, my mother threw herself into her work with Home Hospice, dedicated countless hours to volunteering to help the homeless and battered women at a shelter, and eventually found and married a wonderful man who shared her values. They had twelve years of blissful marriage until her death last year due to breast cancer. There were literally hundreds of people at her funeral, all of them singing her praises about what a wonderful woman she was and how much she gave to the world.

The contrast between Democrats and Republicans could not have been made more clear to me by my two parents. And I can tell you, politics and shared values go a LONG way in securing a successful relationship.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

216. Yes. Republicans are punitive, terror-stricken, hate-filled, and see only black-and-white

Democrats are compassionate towards the helpless, and believe that the country is made up of all its people, not just the mega-rich and corporations.

[RandomKoolzip]

206. There are great liberal men everywhere. Feminists, even.

Most of them are already hitched, though. Maybe it's best to be alone.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

217. Do me a favor, send a lib man my way. Thanks. nt

[chowder66]

232. Different Perspectives

People have different perspectives which may be a "fault" from one view and may be an "asset" from another view. You obviously see his political view as a fault and by what you have stated you don't really seem to be able to live with it.

You can either change they way you react to his views in a way that it feels comfortable to you (you really only have control over yourself) or you need to be compassionate and let this relationship go. If you are not in this... then you are wasting your time and his. Each of you have a chance to find other people but that is being delayed by hanging on to something that you wish would change but does not appear to be changing or evolving.

You can stick with him and try to effect change or inspire him but you have to ask yourself how long do I give it and what is the slightest amount of change that I could accept from him to continue the relationship?

If you really can't handle his political point of view then I would stop talking politics, let him go (nicely) and free yourself up for the next person. Do not compromise on things that you cannot live with, no matter how good looking or nice they are. You have to ask "is this issue a dealbreaker?".

It's better to be alone and happy (available) then with someone and unhappy (unavailable and miserable).

p.s. There are also people who are not political or apolitical. Those may be another pool to draw from.... if that is something you can work with.

[Tom Rinaldo]

210. Through work I've gotten to know some Republican men who are good human beings

I'm a straight attached male so I never view them as potential mates, lol, but some of those guys are kind, decent and even generous on a personal level. A few have become causual friends and we can tease each other lightly about politics but don't go deeper. I've gotten to know one pretty well and we have some interestng philisophical/political debates.

Granted these are the type Republicans who can honestly feel sympathy for the victims of the Haitian earthquake, for example, but there are a lot of Republicans who can. I suppose you cqn call them honest compassionate conservatives of the sort George W. Bush was trying to pass as. They pretty much believe that Democratic attempts to make things better for people who need help tend to make things worse in the long run for everyone, that Democrats have too much trust in government solving problems etc.

I can understand how it is possible to have love for such a Republican on a personal level, if you could somehow divorce yourself from the larger picture.

It seems clear from what you say though that you can't. You don't just hold liberal views you have an activist's passion to fight for what you believe in, and you can't be someone who you are not. Maybe you should give yourself a little more credit, chances are you see some honeslty good things in this guy, your taste may not be quite as suspect as you think. Having said that it's probably not best for either of you to keep going the way it is. You aren't getting the support you need fighting for something really important to you, and he keeps being a surrate target for the anger you have for what Republicans are doing to this nation. It's hard to see how that can work out over the long run.

[BlueIris]

219. RUN AWAY.

How could anyone feel safe, let alone loved and respected, with anyone voting Republican. Run now. And stay far away forever.

[Arugula Latte]

226. Kick him to the curb.

Why spend another minute with someone whose values and beliefs you find repulsive?

[Cleita]

230. He will be only patient and caring up to the point that

he has what he wants from you, then he will change. I saw it happen to a friend of mine. You will want to help out a helpless person and he won't want you to do so. He'll say that they deserve to be that way. Many other incidents will happen that you both will disagree on and then you will break up over them any way. It's time to cut your losses and move on. He could change, but it's unlikely.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

233. Jerry Seinfeld: And what is his stand on abortion?

Elaine: What?
Jerry: What is his stand... on abortion?
Elaine: Well, I'm sure he's pro-choice.
Jerry: How do you know?
Elaine: Because he... Well... He's just so good-looking.

[Recovered Repug]

234. Get rid of him.

He deserves better.

[dorksied]

235. incompatable ideological differnences do not make for long relationships

[Liberal_in_LA]

236. leave him then

[retread]

237. Just based on your avatar I would say you deserve better!

[DevonRex]

241. A tiny personal story you might relate to.

I was a fundy republican when I married my husband, a Democrat. Or at least I thought I was a fundy republican. Really I just spouted the things I had been taught at home without actually thinking and deciding what my own views were.

In a very short time I changed my mind and my party. My husband was instrumental in the process. But other things helped, such as being in the military and working alongside GLBT and African American soldiers. I saw with my own eyes that we really are equal and that I had been taught a pack of lies. And I had the opportunity to discuss the issues at home with my husband

What you have to decide is whether he is a caring enough soul to change. That's what it boils down to.

[Orrex]

245. Dump him.

If his Republicanism annoys you now, it will inspire murderous rage in you years down the road.

Get rid of him before you find yourself trying to stab hin in the ear while he's asleep.

[mochajava666]

255. A lot Republican means at least a little sociopath. Dump Him.

[cwydro]

258. What utter nonsense

sheesh.

As someone noted upthread, there are all types of people who make up our country.

I lived in a very dangerous area for hurricanes for a long time. My neighbors were mostly Republicans. They joked about my Obama signs, but never assaulted me or acted like this OP.

In the aftermath of various storms they were there... always...with chainsaws, food, water, whatever...just as I was for them. I don't check voter registration cards when I go to help someone and neither did they.

This kind of thinking makes me sick and diminishes all of us.

[marions ghost]

260. That's nice...

neighbors helping neighbors in time of need.

BUT what if you were gay? What if you were a Muslim? What if you were poor and couldn't help them back? What if you said you believed in global warming? What if you said Ronald Reagan was not God?...What if, what if, what if --etc etc etc, ie. all the things that to be a Republican you would probably believe in. THEN they would not be so nice to you, right?

SO as long as you are nice to their face and don't push their buttons, then they will tolerate you.
Big deal. They EXPECT liberals to be polite and give them the benefit of the doubt. But we have been too nice, too tolerant.

What has "diminished us all" has been the Republican politics of the last thirty years.

[Violet_Crumble]

286. Homophobia and Islamophobia isn't confined to the Right...

BUT what if you were gay? What if you were a Muslim? What if you were poor and couldn't help them back? What if you said you believed in global warming? What if you said Ronald Reagan was not God?...What if, what if, what if --etc etc etc, ie. all the things that to be a Republican you would probably believe in. THEN they would not be so nice to you, right?

I don't know if you saw what Sarah said about Muslims further upthread, and it's an incredibly intolerant person that would be more than happy to date someone who detested Muslims as long as they were liberal, imo.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=439&topic_id=1506817&mesg_id=1507059

[marions ghost]

306. whatever way you want to slice and dice it

...you KNOW that most Republicans would not be nice if Liberals did not mind their Ps & Qs around them. If gay, Muslim (or other non-Xtian minority), abortion activist, feminist, etc etc were to actively flaunt those things around them, they would not be cool. Repubs depend on Liberal tolerance and politeness towards them. But they would not give it back if the Liberal represented one of their target groups.

I think you know that's true. :eyes:

[cwydro]

298. I AM gay., lol.

And they were well aware of that.

We were ALL not very well off and still helped each other.

[pipi_k]

333. I too have Republican/Conservative neighbors who don't

give a flaming rat's ass what I believe in.

They know I'm not "one of them", yet they've been there for 15 years, helping out when we needed help.

We're even Facebook friends. While I don't always agree with their politics, I do have to say that there are times when we do agree on some things.

The latest thing that pissed them off was how a woman got into trouble for planting a garden in her front yard. I'll bet that cranked up a few outrages here on DU. It's funny...when people stop being assholes to each other, they find there are lots of things they CAN agree on.

[seabeyond]

262. well put. a thread of sad. i agree with you. nt

[Arugula Latte]

345. Oh please. Making nice-nice with Republican neighbors is a HELL of a lot different

than being in an intimate relationship with one.

[pipi_k]

332. Yeah, well there's also something a little disturbed

about someone who knows what sort of guy she wants but goes with the opposite kind, hates him, is disgusted by him, and admits to being abusive to him based solely on his political opinions but won't break up with him because he's the only game in town.

Who knows...maybe it's one of those sadist/masochist types of relationships and they both get their jollies from the sickness of it...

:shrug:

[cwydro]

256. I am beginning to think this thread is a hoax.

You say he makes you sick, disgusts you, his IQ must be low, he must be an idiot....and on and on.

Why would you post a thread to ask what to do? Don't you know what you should do?

Why continue to abuse a man who (except for his political views) is a nice man and excoriate him on a public site?

I think you have some real issues yourself.

This is a free country and everyone has a right to an opinion and NO ONE should be pressured into believing something they don't.

I have checked in and out of this thread as I went about my business today and really, I have to tell you that I find it horrifying.

No one should verbally abuse another the way you say you are doing with him. He must have issues too if he allows it. Very sad, very sad.

Good luck to you.

[seabeyond]

264. i have been glancing at thread, too. been more and more bothered with what i am reading

too.

i agree with you .... again

[marions ghost]

269. Hoax?

Like maybe SarahI is really a male freeper who can't stand compassionate liberals?

Even if it is a hoax, it raises some good guestions and there are some heartfelt answers.

The issue is, should people who have serious political differences consider marriage? (good topic)

DU in general says No, IMO.

There may of course be some people who can bridge the gap--but these would be rare. From what I've seen, the Liberal would ALWAYS be the one to compromise. I'm talking real compromise, not just tolerating.

[seabeyond]

276. what is the compromise you speak of?

my mom was a liberal, my dad a conservative. my dad was not way political and never said much. my mom was outspoken and talked often. my dad wasnt a religious nut. just a fiscally conservative dude. that did not interfer in their marriage. the only thing i heard was mom saying she was sure to always vote to cancel out his vote.

my husband is a conservative. i am a liberal. he is socially liberal so there is no moral issue for me to fight with him about and he is a feminist way beyond many on this board.

again, he rarely or at all talks politics. i do often.

he loves the liberal me. proud of the passionate me. he shows me off to his conservative texas friends as if i am a novelty.

people on the board are creating conservative like the nuts on tv. most people that claim to be republican are not those nuts.

[marions ghost]

303. I think you have to admit

that your situation is a rare exception, seabeyond. How many of his "conservative texas friends" could marry a Lib? You call yourself "a novelty." Rightly so. But hardly an argument for this working out.
Statistics would be going in the opposite direction IMO.

Also the success rate in your family depends on your father and husband not being very political to begin with. They sound like "old school" mild-mannered Republicans--I have some in my family. Am familiar. They'll give ya the big cheese and try not to bait ya too much. But when the chips are down...when a situation comes up that really tests the issues, they are not going to meet you halfway.
No way. I have seen it happen. Those are the compromises I'm talking about, the real ones.

"Most people who claim to be Republican are not those nuts (on TV)." Well, where I am (mid Atlantic) they CERTAINLY are....just quieter versions. The nicest people can be avid Fox-watchers...

[Violet_Crumble]

288. I wondered the same thing myself. If it's true, I feel so sorry for the poor bloke...

If it's for real, I think Sarah has some major issues and should get help. There's something very off about someone going on and on in a thread about how compassionate and caring they are, all the while saying how they HATE a man who's been nothing but nice and caring to her, how they abuse him, and wishing death on Republicans: 'And I will not forgive them, and more importantly, I see them as needing to shut the fuck up, beg forgiveness and just die.' And let's not forget her comment about how it's fine with her if a future partner despises Muslims. What comes across is an intolerant and abusive personality who wants to control everyone and everything around them.

Then again, this could just be a hoax. When I saw it and started to read some of the 'compassion' aimed at the guy in the OP, I figured it had been posted as a parody or an attempt to make liberals look intolerant and controlling...

I wish the guy involved all the best for the future and if he hasn't already fled, he needs to get out of there quickly.

[Jim Lane]

289. Are we reading the same thread?

Sarah posted openly and honestly about her conflicted feelings. It might seem like a hoax if you've never been seriously conflicted about something, but apparently most of the rest of us can relate to her situation.

You write, "Why would you post a thread to ask what to do? Don't you know what you should do?" To my mind, she answered that. She explained the guy's many good qualities, and all that she'll lose if she dumps him. Then there's the overlay of her being more or less stuck in an area where the demographics don't favor her being able to trade up (i.e., to find a liberal man who has all the good qualities of her current boyfriend).

Perhaps she expected that many people would tell her to leave, and that the chorus of DUer voices would help her find the courage to do so. Perhaps, in a corner of her mind, she hoped for a miracle, that someone could give her a brilliant solution that would somehow eliminate her conflict. Perhaps she just needed to vent. Whatever her reasons were, I think it's a very valuable discussion, and I'm glad she chose to bare her soul to us.

[pipi_k]

341. From the many posts I've read...

it seems to me that the OP has been justifying NOT leaving this man in spite of what people have said about how the relationship can't be any good for either of them.

A couple of people have suggested getting help. It doesn't appear to me that the OP has taken that suggestion seriously.

So....hoax? I don't know if I'd say that.

But I personally feel like many of us have been "played with".


I don't know how old the OP is, but I suppose if she's still quite young that could explain a lot.

[FLPanhandle]

297. I agree.

She comes off looking much worse than the guy. I'd say Sarah has issues.

[Broderick]

299. yep n/t

[crazyjoe]

266. get.....help.....

[A-Schwarzenegger]

268. Why is he with you?

Seriously.

[kimi]

270. I thought about dating a Republican once

couldn't do it. He was extremely good-looking, very capable in many areas, nice to animals, polite to others. It was attractive at the time. Then I really talked to him, and he expressed some views which just creeped me out.

Then again, I've dated some liberal guys who have been total a&*holes too. Came across as real nice progressive guys and turned out to be total jerks with some amazing disrespect for women.

It's all in the individual, I think. That being said, I won't attend a single's party at the local Republican HQ ever ever.

[ElboRuum]

271. Have a sit-down with James Carville and Mary Matalin...

I'm sure they have some coping strategies you might benefit from.

[Kaleva]

277. I think the OP says more about you then him

"He doesn't argue with me, and I rave and froth at the mouth with hatred for the GOPigs, but he's patient and caring. "

I don't know you but it seems to me he'd come out ahead if you were to break up with him.

[mitchtv]

278. good luck,Sarah

I have no advice. It sounds as if he likes you.if he is anti choice , however, dump him.

[tammywammy]

279. You don't respect him and are verbally abusive.

I'm surprised he hadn't broken it off with you yet.

[riderinthestorm]

280. My dad, a true lefty, married a hard core RW rightie

he married into a rightie family akin to the Kennedy's, but on the right. Her son was a far right Rethug Congressman and they are heavy players in RR politics.

Every family gathering on her side revolves around politics. Everyone on her side of the family is a far right wing Rethug.

But she's LOVELY! I love her. And with his influence, she's completely changed. She still calls herself a "republican" but she's actually a Dem even on issues like legalizing marijuana and tax reform.

I believe opposites CAN attract but you have to be gentle and perhaps if your (seemingly lovely, rational Rethug) boyfriend is open to discussion. Be careful about dumping him too soon.

I've seen it up close and personal. You CAN reform these rethugs. Love transformed my step mother.

[Divine Discontent]

282. sadly, the exact opposite happened to a couple I know who got married.

she is a hardcore RWer, and he was a solid Democrat who attended Woodstock as a teen and adored CSN&Young. He sends me crap stuff about Obama every week now. She's got a poisoned mind politically. Glad your situation, especially being in your family, was better!

[MADem]

295. I saw this happen to relatives of mine!

They moved into a heavily GOP neighborhood, a very social kind of enclave, and after decades of solid "D" voting--same deal. Crap stuff about Obama in the email, poisoned minds.

Annoying as all hell!

[seabeyond]

304. i dont know, look at all the dems throwing out crap about obama, here on du

WITHOUT any of the repug influence.

maybe the birther, teapartier, fox news watching repug. but i dont have an issue with most republicans. they are way more afraid of me than the other way around.

[MADem]

311. I think they should make them give a credit card number, and

charge them ten bucks every time they talk trash unreasonably, without facts, and with O'Reilly-style "spin." That'd force more thoughtful discussion!

My relatives, just two of 'em, send out a lot of that teaparty crap. It's sad--these are folks who walked the precinct for JFK.

[StarsInHerHair]

281. I had no idea you were into bestiality....hehe

[applegrove]

283. The psychopaths on the right have given the base such a nutty emotional narrative

that they can't be around normal people. They get whipped into a frenzy on a daily basis by this bullshit narrative and god help you if you try and approach them with the truth or facts. The two groups no longer mix. In the worst case the psychopaths stir up the gop base so much that they take a paranoid stance towards all the healthy normal people. Hitler did it that way too.

[Bake]

291. Dump his RW ass.

You know it's coming, sooner or later. Get it over with and find somebody more in tune with reality.

Bake

[kctim]

292. And yet

HE can be with someone who disagrees on topics of such importance, opinions which determine who will live and who will die, survival, jobs, how the neediest are treated, whether the old will die from having to decide between medication and a roof over their head, and such things.

HE see's the person while you dwell upon him daring to have a differing opinion.

Do him a favor and cut him loose now so he can find someone not so shallow.

[Ganja Ninja]

300. Go max out his credit cards and teach that capitalist pig a lesson.

It would serve him right.

[Ter]

301. If's he's not even as right-wing as Boehner and doesn't argue, you're being unreasonable

The Tea Party wants to primary the Speaker for not being Tea enough.

If he's a white straight Christian male, that segment mix is overwhelmingly Republican. Very sad, but true.

[Erose999]

305. I once dated a girl who would always give me crap about taking the bus to work. One day she had to

ride the bus with me and as the person in the next seat (an elderly, African American gentleman) started making small talk with us I noticed she took her MACE out of her pocketbook and undid the snap. All while smiling and making conversation with this guy, who was elderly and as harmless as could be.

One time walking out of a store, a woman with 5 or 6 children walked by. She said "thats why we're broke" and started about the "welfare queen" meme. I asked her "So you know this family personally and well enough to pass judgement on them? How do you even know the kids are all hers?" Oh she went ballistic and we broke up shortly after that.

This girl was the definition of "sense of entitlement". He surgeon father paid all of her expenses (including expensive health insurance). She had no job and didn't spend any time looking for one despite having graduated college, and she lived a life of leisure, pretty much.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

307. Every person is different in what they expect from a relationship

If what you're wanting includes a person of similar personality traits, you two may not be compatible. I believe the core of extreme political differences is a person's personality and their ability to adapt with new facts. For some people a person of similar personality traits isn't a deal breaker, for others it is. I knew a strong couple before who could agree to disagree in regards to politics, but neither one had overly strong interest. They were the type who disagreed on political ideology, but weren't actually active in politics. I would imagine if one or both had held strong convictions it wouldn't have worked out they way it did.

In the end you have to decide what you need vs what you don't in your life. Whatever you decide, I wish you happiness in your choice.

[Islandlife]

308. If you are unhappy, leave

Life is too short. Don't waste your time. You have already made up your mind. Just leave.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

312. I bet liberal guys are lining up to meet you after reading this thread.

:*

[lynne]

314. You should ditch this guy ASAP -

- since he's "patient and caring" he deserves to be in a relationship with someone who appreciates him. I'm sure there are plenty of women of all political stripes who would be glad to have a patient and caring man.

[Wabbajack_]

316. Advice

Don't let politics come between you. The right wing has taken enough from us.

[GreenPartyVoter]

318. Agreed. If they are a good fit in other ways and if they enjoy each other, pigeon hole

the politics. I've been with a conservative since high school, and we love each other dearly enough to have learned to forgo political and religious discussions. (Or at least cut them off if things get heated, which as we get older they do less and less.)

[krabigirl]

317. meh, seriously? is he a nice guy otherwise?

[A-Schwarzenegger]

319. Jabreakupyet?

Set that poor guy free?

[Veronica.Franco]

320. Does he "allow" you to watch Maher, Stewart, and Colbert?

That was IT for me ... when the man in my life said "it's not my thing, but I allow you to watch those shows" ..

DUMP ... FLUSH .... moving on ....

[AlinPA]

321. I am dropping republican "friends" and feeling better every day.

[LanternWaste]

322. I've had girlfriends, friends, co-workers and family who were/are conservative.

I've had girlfriends, friends, co-workers and family who were/are conservative. Seems to me that I'd belittle myself by concocting deal-breakers for these relationships on imaginary things (politics, philosophy and religion).

Some were great, some were not so great-- however the precise same thing may be said about my liberal and progressive girlfriends, friends, co-workers and family. Our friendships were never predicated on politics or religion-- they were predicated on character.

[seabeyond]

323. they were predicated on character.

yes

[ecstatic]

326. I think you may need to take a break from politics for a while

You said he doesn't argue with you and he is patient. From what you've described, you are being the unreasonable one--and a relationship between people with opposing ideas cannot last if at least one person in the relationship is overbearing/obnoxious. As long as he's not super vocal about it and aggressively pushing his views on you, you two should be able to agree to disagree. In fact, you're not going to win him over through bullying.

Even in your next relationship, there might be a topic that you don't agree with each other on. Just avoid those topics, or take his opinion with a grain of salt. I laugh at my SO when he voices stupid views. I calmly tell him my opinion and then let it go. This may be easier for me to do because I'm pretty laid back.

Edited: If he is making ignorant/racist/homophobic/bigoted comments, then let him go. But if a stranger wouldn't be able to tell his ideology from hanging out with him, then work it out.

[a la izquierda]

327. I started dating a guy who voted...

for Perot, and supported the war in Iraq.

And then he started paying attention to what I kept saying. He is now a liberal (and we're married). His whole family is conservative, and as much as I love them, he knows I think they're horribly misguided. 90% of the time he agrees with me.

[cbdo2007]

329. This is hilarious. Sounds like your relationship was designed to fail from the beginning.

Perhaps choose a little more wisely next time IF you want it to last.

[liberal_mama]

336. Run while you still can! I married a Republican and my life

has been a living hell for 18 years. I only married him because I got "knocked up." Thankfully, our offpring is very liberal and feels disgust everytime his "daddy" opens his mouth to spew more Republican shit.

It's so bad that I can't even sleep in the same bed with him; I feel like I'm laying with a monster or an unevolved ape man. :( He's completely oblivious to my hatred (because he's a stupid republican) and thinks we have a "great" marriage.

If your man is getting to you already, imagine having to hear that insane drivel for the next 20 years!

I went back to college recently, the baby will be 18 years old in October. I've been trying to figure out an escape plan for years. I've had to go on so many tranquilizers, antidepressents and blood pressure medications. I'm on 4 different blood pressure medications now and my blood pressure is still 160/120. Just looking at his face raises the blood pressure sky high. I'm hoping to get out of this terrible situation before I have a stroke.

[seabeyond]

338. this is such a sad post

and really? he is clueless you feel this way? wow.

good luck to you

[Cool Logic]

340. It's none of my business, but it's only politics...

IMHO, there are many things that are more important than that.

[hay rick]

342. The problem with Republicans.

My problem with Republicans is I don't respect their values. Tough to have a serious relationship when respect is missing.

[yawnmaster]

346. if the center of your life is politics, split up. eom

[Brooklyns_Finest]

347. Forget Politics

If I found out that my woman was debating leaving me on an anonymous message board, I would do her a favor and call the relationship off myself.

[w4rma]

348. Dump him. People that are mean to others will eventually turn on you and treat you just like they

treated the others. You might not even see it coming. Dump him. It will happen eventually.