SATIRE w/working links @ http://thedesperateblogger.com/2011/07/desperate-blogger-surprise-winner-of-%E2%80%98bippy%E2%80%99-award/London, England (DBI) – The British International Press Association (BIPA) announced today that its Executive Board has chosen obscure upstart The Desperate Blogger as this year’s recipient of the coveted ‘Bippy’ Award for excellence in creative investigative journalism.
In announcing the decision, Sir Grant Cartman, the Board’s Senior Vice-Counsel, told reporters via conference call, “Despite working with extraordinarily limited resources, The Desperate Blogger has nonetheless not only held sway over more seasoned, well financed news outlets, but has often scooped them – in some cases by staggering lengths of time. Because their budget does not allow for the use of standard tools of the trade – things most news agencies take for granted such as reporters, editors, fact-checkers, phone-hackers and such – they must rely, even more so than the major houses, on their ability to fabricate stories.”
Cartman then provided a few examples of how, as he put it, “news often imitates good fabrication”:
On December 16, 2008, The Desperate Blogger identified Falls Church, Virginia as a “… fertile jihad breeding ground…” On November 5, 2009, Major Nidal Malik Hasan – a Falls Church native who attended the local Islamic Center run by Imam Awar al-Awlaki — killed 13 and wounded 30 in his attack at Fort Hood, Texas.
On August 11, 2010, The Desperate Blogger reported that al Qaeda was secretly funding anti-Islamic protests in the United States. Nine days later, The New York Times reported about concern on the part of counter-terrorism experts that anti-Mosque protests were “playing into the hands of extremists.”
And in a matter of much greater concern to most Americans, just 11 days ago, The Desperate Blogger was 2 days ahead of The New York Times in reporting what became the most written about aspect of a national story that occurred in New York City.
The news that his organization was passed over for such a prestigious award by a small newcomer did not sit well with Fox News Chairman Roger Ailes.
“I have to believe we were passed over because of the hacking situation unfolding in England, even though we are in no way linked to it. At least that’s the takeaway we’re getting from that Cartman guy’s cell phone calls,” Ailes told a smirking Chris Wallace – who then reminded him that it was against News Corporation policy to mention the scandal threatening to bring down the world’s largest media empire which also happens to employ both of them. “After all, it is we who invented fabricating stories in lieu of reporting facts. We were making s#*t up before The Desperate Blogger even knew what a story was.”
But Desperate Blogger publisher, editor, chief correspondent and janitorial staff Lloyd Woltz, who spoke on condition of anonymity, told reporters, “What separates us from outfits like Fox News is that we always dedicate a minimum of 30 seconds to researching our stories. Being small and ‘the new kid on the block’ we have to – every time we go to press we’re putting our ‘bippy’ on the line. That’s why, even though our reports are completely fabricated, they are rarely as ridiculous as those generated by your average News Corp subsidiary.”
Sir Grant Cartman agreed. “When it comes to creative investigative journalism of today, Fox News body of work doesn’t measure up. Of course, if the day does come to pass when President Obama declares himself Caliph of the United States and imposes Sharia Law, then all of us on the Executive Committee will most certainly have egg on our faces…”
An award ceremony is scheduled for September in a yet-to-be-determined Arthur Treacher’s Fish & Chips franchise.
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