America - Going Out of Business Sale

[liberal N proud]

This is the letter the President will be sending us all on August 3rd.


Dear Americans,
I am sure you have heard by now that the United States will be closing its doors after more than 200 years of igniting the love of country and generations of citizens. I am sorry to have to share this news with you as I feel you have been here right along with us as we fought valiantly to save the country. I want to personally thank you for your loyalty, whether you were born here or an immigrant to this once great nation or simply one of our visitors.

You might be asking yourself, what happened? How could it be there won’t be a United States moving forward? In a nutshell, following continued negotiations and the best efforts from one party, no acceptable proposal could be reached to keep the country going. Therefore, under the terms of our debtor-in-possession financing agreement, we presented a plan to administer the liquidation process.

We had worked very hard toward a different outcome (some of us anyway). The fact is that the US has been facing headwinds for quite some time, including a rapidly changing world. The rise of democracy in other parts of the world has prevented us from overcoming these external forces.
The Going out of business sale begins Monday, August 22, 2011. I encourage you to take advantage of this one-time opportunity to find exceptional discounts on your favorite National Park, Federal Land, military base, Highway or Federal Office building in addition to the countless war ships, airplanes and other military equipment. Savings Bonds and Federal Securities will be honored during this sale in if used before August 32, 2011.

For two centuries, the United States has been destinations for countless people immigrating for one reason or another, seeking liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It is with great regret that we as a nation and leaders have let those people and their descendants down. We cannot thank those millions of immigrants enough for their hunger and perseverance over the years. My sincerest hope is that we remain in the hearts of the world for the millennium.

This is where, I would insert God Bless America, but with America gone, I don’t know what to close with here.

Your President

[valerief]

1. Hell, that's been going on for years anyway! nt

[Sarah Ibarruri]

3. Yep. From Raygun to the present, in my memory. nt

[KamaAina]

2. I liked Jon Stewart's take on it

"Come August 2nd, we'll have to park the country down the block so China can't find it." :rofl:

[lpbk2713]

4. How much do they want for the $600 Pentagon hammers?

:shrug: