Caring for aging parents and grown children.

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

This is the situation I'm in now. I'm sure there are others on DU who are likewise.

It's hard enough to pay your bills and save for retirement, especially during an economic downturn. But it's even tougher when you have to juggle responsibilities, providing for your own financial needs and lending a helping hand to your elderly parents or grown children — or both. Nearly half of Americans 55 and older say they expect to provide support for aging relatives and adult children, according to the Retirement Re-Set study by SunAmerica Financial Group and Age Wave, a research group that tracks the financial and cultural impact of the graying of America. "Family assistance has become the new retirement wild card," says Age Wave founder Ken Dychtwald.

A sour economy has exacerbated the squeeze on the "sandwich generation." Seniors are struggling to cope with rising medical and long-term-care expenses just as their investment portfolios and home values are shrinking, and their middle-age children sometimes need to pitch in. Those same children, who breathed a sigh of relief when the college tuition bills for their own offspring finally ended, may also be fielding requests for help from the kids — or even a boomerang brood on their doorstep.

http://finance.yahoo.com/focus-retirement/article/113660/sandwich-generation-boomers-kiplinger?mod=fidelity-readytoretire&cat=fidelity_2010_getting_ready_to_retire

[snooper2]

1. 2 year old daughter, incompetent MIL, FIL dying in ICU right now

She's 58 and can't collect his SSDI surviors benefits until she is 60...

Has a house that is paid for but is hoarded and in no position to be sold for what it's worth, maybe half. (Oh, and no homeowners insurance for past year but that's another story)

So shortly, that $1465 a month check is going to go bye-bye...

Meanwhile she is still paying for every fucking DISH network channel and eating out every day. When you try to bring up "hard" subjects, the sobbing commences...Hip and back pain and being competent keep her from working/her medicare applications denied, has lawyer but when(?)



Yep, we are being squeezed...Not to mention Sister in Law who has our second car for past month because her POS finally died. I dumped $400 into it and still not right, and now starter is out. So I have to help her get a car to go to school on her grant she got. (She is still collecting unemployment for 5 more months or so)



Yep, we are being squeezed.....

[BlueIris]

2. And don't forget the Gen X kids forced to support their Boomer parents.

That's the one I'm in now. Can't wait 'till they're seniors, when the pain will get even worse for me. And I am from a family in which the parents actually planned for retirement.

[LWolf]

5. I'm a boomer. Technically, at least.

I'm at the tail end of that group. I have a mother who needs my physical and financial help, two sons who, while grown and on their own, still need my help periodically, and a grandson who I've already depleted every resource I have, including savings and retirement plan, to save his life. All on a single income.

My gen X sons will HAVE to help me when I can't work anymore. I emptied all my resources and safety nets for them.

That's okay. Family does that.

[emilyg]

3. Rec. Went through that.

[LWolf]

4. I'm there. nt

[jwirr]

6. I am the older half of the sandwich. Both of my daughters are in this

position. I am still able to pretty much take care of myself in most things and their grown children are both just holding on - each have three children so there is a side to their salad. It all worked out pretty good until my daughters husbands lost their jobs. That means one less income.

One thing that really helps is if you live reasonably close together so that all of you can help each other. I do a lot of baby sitting for the younger children. We garden and raise chickens together, can and preserve together. We share costs where possible. The grown children often are the ones that reach out to help me with things I need.

In other words don't let yourself be the only care giver in this sandwich. Everyone is capable of adding something to the family. It is like making Stone Soup.

[BlueIris]

7. Kick. nt

[stevedeshazer]

8. Pop had Alzheimer's, died after a long struggle.

Mom had a fall and died of frontal lobe hematoma at 82.

My cousin died of cervical cancer at 46. Her mother (my aunt) collapsed and died at the funeral.

My brother-in-law died at the VA hospital at 66 of emphysema. My sister-in-law was found dead in her apartment at age 65.

I put my 17-year-old dog down as he was suffering.

My brother collapsed at work due to a seizure. He since has been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. And his ex-wife is preventing him from seeing his kids. Bitch.

All in the last three years.

Anymore, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.

:(