In obedience to his command, we are handing you over to Satan and his kingdom of darkness…

[occupyeverywhere]

Excommunication Communiqué of the Day: A coworker of Redditor futureishere received this letter from the controversial Pastor Burke Shade after deciding to leave the Carbondale, Illinois-based Cornerstone Reformed Church.

“In obedience to his command, we are handing you over to Satan and his kingdom of darkness…” PROTIP: If you’re trying to convince someone to return to your church, try not to make the alternative sound so damn cool.



http://thedailywh.at/2011/11/01/excommunication-communique-of-the-day/

[Angry Dragon]

1. Satan's Army is growing

[FiveGoodMen]

19. Satan's army's been growing for about 1700 years.

They're up around 2 billion by now.

[Lint Head]

2. And this is not signed by Jesus himself? So Pastor Shade built cabinets and went fishing with Jesus

What a lucky liar!

[EOTE]

3. How can you excommunicate someone who already doesn't attend the church?

Aren't they saying, in essence: "You've stopped coming to the church, therefore you can no longer come to the church. But if you decide to come back to the church in the future, be sure to let us know so we can allow you back into the church."

What a bunch of childish idiots.

[occupyeverywhere]

6. Well that and the going to Hell part.

[EOTE]

9. I'm not quite sure what you mean.

I find most people who don't attend church don't believe much in hell. It seems to me that the church was just upset that they don't have control over this man anymore, so they wanted to rub things in his face. Kind of like a kid leaving a tree-house party and then the other kids saying "Good, we didn't want you here anyway!"

[occupyeverywhere]

13. I'm just talking about this letter

Where they say that the person kicked out of the church that they don't go to anymore and that they also walk hand in hand with Satan.

[Fumesucker]

4. Pastor Shade?

ZOMG! :wow:


:rofl:

[occupyeverywhere]

7. Good catch

Does Pastor Shade lurk in the shadows?

[Fumesucker]

8. Dark ones, I imagine..

If you put this in a novel people would throw the thing across the room, too trite.

[ZombieHorde]

5. Pastor Shade is silly. nt

[Jamastiene]

10. They are real assholes.

I doubt anyone would want to return to their church if missing church would cause that kind of hateful crap to be sent their way. If anything, that looks like spiritual abuse, to me.

[dtexdem]

11. Oh, don't you just hate when that happens?

;-)

[Odin2005]

12. That's hilarious!

[NightWatcher]

14. did Pastor Shade happen to be a collection agent in the past?

contact us today and we'll knock half off your eternal damnation

[JuniperLea]

15. Creepy assed church!

http://www.cornerstonecrec.org/index.html

Cornerstone Reformed Church is a local church of the Lord Jesus Christ committed to corporate worship to the glory of God; proclamation of the whole of God's word as revealed in the scriptures; advancing the kingdom of God through the proclamation of the gospel; loving and doing good deeds; enjoying God's world as His servants; and edifying, loving, restoring, and enjoying one another.

Corporate worship? Really?

Edited to add... HomeBrew Heaven? Really? :rofl:



http://www.cornerstonecrec.org/resources.html

[gratuitous]

16. Tis the season, apparently

I got an e-mail flame from some self-appointed God botherer. I manage the website for our church, a publicly-affirming congregation that welcomes and encourages the full inclusion and participation of g/l/b/t/i persons. This knothead took it upon himself to send a long e-mail explaining in detail how we were all going to h-e-double hockey sticks and shame, shame on us. Deleted it without a second thought, but perhaps should have responded with "Thank you for your concern" or some other crapulous pleasantry.

[LongTomH]

17. I don't think they realize that this is the sort of spiritual intimidation that drives people away!

Actually, I think that's been going on for a few generations now. Really civilized people don't have much truck with the idea of a God that tortures people eternally for not going to church or having sex outside of marriage.

My grandmother took me to a hellfire-and-brimstone church in my childhood. I escaped in my teens. I tried to get interested in the Methodist Church; but, I haven't been able to sustain any enthusiasm.

Not that I'm an atheist; I'm still searching in my own way - outside organized religion.

[EC]

18. So if you leave one church

you're no longer a Christian? Did the receiver of this letter just switch churches or join another religion?