Remains Of Ancient Race Of Job Creators Found In Rust Belt

[madinmaryland]

WASHINGTON—A team of leading archaeologists announced Monday they had uncovered the remains of an ancient job-creating race that, at the peak of its civilization, may have provided occupations for hundreds of thousands of humans in the American Northeast and Midwest.

According to researchers, these long- forgotten people once flourished between western New York state and Illinois, erecting highly distinctive steel and brick structures wherever they went, including many buildings thought to have held hundreds of paid workers at a time.

"It's truly fascinating—after spending a certain number of hours performing assigned tasks, the so-called 'employees' at such facilities would receive monetary compensation that allowed them to support themselves and their families," said archaeologist Alan H. Mueller, citing old ledgers and time-keeping devices unearthed at excavation sites in the region. "In fact, this practice seems to have been the norm for their culture, which consisted of advanced tool users capable of exploiting their skills to produce highly valued goods and services."

"It's a complex and intriguing set of rituals we're still trying to fully understand," Mueller added. "But it appears as if their entire society was centered around creating, out of thin air, actual jobs that paid an actual living wage."

Read more at: http://www.theonion.com/articles/remains-of-ancient-race-of-job-creators-found-in-r,26490/

[MrSlayer]

1. Nice.

The Onion, more true than it's supposed to be.

[madinmaryland]

7. Ain't that the truth. Here's an article from ten years ago is scarily accurate...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros,464/

From Jan. 2001. (Yes, I have saved that bookmark for that long!!)

[MrSlayer]

9. It's like they had a crystal ball.

They nailed him to a "T". Unreal.

[Pacifist Patriot]

14. THAT is just eerie.

[progressoid]

2. Rec.

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. K&R!

[Cirque du So-What]

4. Sometimes I feel like an archaelogist when I go to work

as I toil within some of those 'distinctive steel and brick structures.' The hundreds of paid workers are, alas, dwindled to a pitiable handful.

[ItNerd4life]

5. This is great!

[Octafish]

6. They used to have these things called ''jobs.''

They're extinct, too. Along with the Middle Class.

[raccoon]

13. The "jobs" had "benefits." For the whippersnappers, benefits were

paid vacation/sick days off, a pension plan, health insurance, etc.

[eilen]

15. They used to make quality products that people needed

and used in their daily lives-- that had actual measurable function.

The product was important, if it was substandard, people would purchase a competitor's product.

Value was determined by the quality of the product.

People identified the quality of the product with its brand name. If the quality dropped, the brand suffered. The product ultimately is what mattered. Now it is backwards.

Look at Johnson & Johnson. Why would anyone buy anything from a company that seems so intent on poisoning their customers. Since the 1980's this brand has been unreliable.

[ieoeja]

8. Yet, even without those jobs, we are able to produce everything that everyone needs.

But we refuse to give it to people unless they have money.

[Enthusiast]

10. Fantastic! K&R! nt

[LongTomH]

11. More truth than humor in this!

Once again, it's the court jesters who are allowed to speak truth!

[Brickbat]

12. I find this terribly sad.