Veterans Are Not a Uniform Group - Universal Advice is Not Universally Accurate

[MineralMan]

Whether you're a veteran or not a veteran, you have no right to speak for veterans in any general way. Today, I've seen several posts about what to say to veterans. Some of those have been about not thanking them, for one reason or another. Some veterans object to being thanked for their service, but they are a minority of veterans. Some don't mind being thanked. Some go out of their way to make sure you know they are veterans. Others keep their service to themselves.

My father's a veteran. He was a B-17 pilot in WWII. If you thank him for his service, he'll just nod at you and smile. He thinks your thanks are irrelevant, unless you know him and his experiences. He served for his own reasons. I'm a veteran who saw no combat duty during the Vietnam war. My reasons for enlisting are complicated. If you thank me for my service, I'll thank you for your support, because I'm a polite person. Then I'll attempt to change the subject to something more current. I have a good friend who was a combat veteran during the same time period. Thank him and you'll get a stern lecture about the Vietnam War. Three veterans - three different responses.

It's up to you to say what you wish. If you're sincere about your gratitude for every veteran's service, then your thanks will be sincere and you'll not encounter many who will reject those thanks. If you're saying thanks just because you think its the thing to do, your thanks will be insincere, and that will also be recognized. The reaction will vary in sincerity, just as your thanks did. If you have something negative to say about military service, keep in mind that it's your opinion only, and may not be welcome to someone who spent time in the military. The response, in most cases, will be for the veteran you address to ignore your rudeness and move on.

In any case, please keep in mind that anyone who says they're speaking for veterans is not telling you the truth. Nobody speaks for veterans. They speak individually for themselves. Veterans each have a voice, and can speak for themselves. If you want to know what a particular veteran thinks, ask him or her. In most cases, they'll tell you. You're welcome to speak your mind, whether it's in thanks or criticism. Just know that the reaction will depend on your presentation and on the individual, unique experience of the veteran to whom you're talking.

[HereSince1628]

1. And people thanking veterans do so for different reasons as well.

And those reasons vary just as widely.

[nadinbrzezinski]

2. And some are way, wwwaaaaayyyyyy empty

Personally I have yet to meet a vet that is not annoyed at it becaus of that. Polite comes to mind.

[MineralMan]

5. You have only met a few veterans, then. Many are gratified at

people's thanks. Perhaps you don't know as much as you think, or as many veterans of varying experience as you think you do. That would be my guess.

[nadinbrzezinski]

7. Or perhaps we don't move in the same rarified exclusive circles

Which is most likely the case.

[MineralMan]

9. I know nothing about what "circles" you move in, and do

not particularly want to. You know nothing about me at all, and I don't want you to, except to know that I do not move in circles at all. I don't wish to be your acquaintance. Bye, now...

[nadinbrzezinski]

11. Mutual actually

Suffice it to say it might be CLASS related.

But while you are thankful the vets I know wish for more than words.

[MineralMan]

3. That's certainly true.

But, it wasn't the subject of my post. Thanks for your reply.

[Ian David]

4. I remember when I was a kid, talking to a veteran who stormed the beach at Normandy.

I told him that if I'd been a soldier, I probably would have been really good at holding and defending a piece of ground and not running away, but I couldn't imagine charging forward into oncoming fire the way he did at Normandy.

"Well, if you didn't charge forward, one of the officers would shoot you in the head."

I don't think most people can really imagine what they went through, unless you've been there yourself."

[MineralMan]

6. Yes. Each person's experience is different.

We often think we know things we do not truly know.

[MADem]

8. I agree with your points. It's unfortunate that the simple act of honoring

vets has to become a political football, laden with all sorts of advice and caveats. It becomes less about our fellow citizen vets, who indeed, are people and not "pets," and more about agendas.

Pity, that.

[MineralMan]

10. Thanks.

Getting to know people is more important than thanking strangers, I think. Sadly, we know too few people today. Most of us, though, know a few veterans. Talking to them today is a great idea. Ask them what they think about their service. Get to know how they feel. That's a far better idea than handing out gratuitous thanks. Just listen. It's far more valuable to both parties.

[NNN0LHI]

12. I worked along side of a Vietnam vet for 30 years and I never knew he was a vet

Didn't find out until later after we were both retired. Just not something he wanted to talk about. And he was not just your average Vietnam Vet either. He was a tunnel rat. I am sure he had some interesting stories to tell. But he never did. One of our mutual friends told me about his service only recently.

I completely agree with your assessment on this subject. Almost forgot. Thank you and your father for your service to our county.

Don

[MineralMan]

16. Thank you for your support.

Many veterans do not broadcast their service. They know their stories, and have no need to tell them to others. My wife, today, asked if I wanted to go to a restaurant that was giving free meals to veterans today. I told her that I didn't, but that we could send a check to the homeless shelter instead. I'd rather feed someone who needs food than take a free meal for something I did on a voluntary basis.

[Wait Wut]

13. I can't rec this enough.

My father, a Korean War vet (Army 2nd Lt.), never spoke to anyone outside the family of his service. No one knew. No one thanked him. But, he was a soldier until the end. His uncle, complete opposite. Fought in WWII and never stopped talking about it.

My son, an active duty Marine, is more like my father. He refuses to wear shirts with "USMC", etc. out in public because he doesn't want the attention. Most people guess, anyway. It's how he carries himself, the haircut and his amazing Okinawan wife that give it away. "Thanks" is all he says. Except for the times when he's thinking too much. Like when he just finished a conversation with a good friend of mine that had lost her job teaching. He turned to me after the kind, older, fellow Marine left and said, "They shouldn't be thanking me for my service. They should be thanking teachers". A moment that will bring tears to any parent's eyes. He absolutely despises the yellow ribbon magnets on cars. He becomes visibly irate when he sees some teaper flying our flag upside down. False patriotism has become his battle.

He only learned to appreciate the thanks after a good friend had died in Afghanistan. It was his first loss. Someone thanked him and he reached out and shook their hand and genuinely thanked them. When he saw the look of confusion on my face, he said, "I accept it more, now, Mom. I'm accepting the thanks for all those that can't be thanked in person, anymore. Not for myself."

My kid will always know how to make this stone-cold, bitch cry.

Thanks to you all.

[MineralMan]

17. Thank you so much for sharing that. It sound very much like

some veterans I know. They served for the same reasons they do not talk about their service. It's a duty for many, not an opportunity to collect praise. I enlisted in the USAF, because I had no particular direction at the time, and because my father had served. By the time my service was done, I did have a direction, and that's where I went.

[Obamanaut]

14. Rec. nt

[ellisonz]

15. Thank you!

[MineralMan]

18. And thank you for replying.

[ellisonz]

19. No problem.

[SoDesuKa]

20. I'd Rather Have the Ten Bucks

Given a choice between ten dollars and an array of smiling faces thanking me for my service, I'd much rather have the ten dollars. I don't speak for other veterans of course.



Ten bucks is something I can use.