Stage Four Dick Alert

[kpete]

S.C. Debate: The Ultimate Waterboarding Championship
November 13, 2011 at 8:16AM by Charles P. Pierce |


And, then, they were all hit by a bus.
The end.

CBS knocked off early on Saturday night, because NCIS is much more important than anything the Republican candidates for president might have had to say. So on came Gibbs and Abbey and the team, and the debate went sliding down the Intertoobz on an erratic live stream that occasionally made Rick Perry look as though he was operating in slow-motion, which is nothing if not toweringly redundant. The erratic behavior broadcast erratically continued until about the 9:23 mark, at which point, smack in the middle of Rick Perry's answer about the Euro crisis, moderator Scott Pelley mumbled something about "the tyranny of the clock" and the thing just dropped like a bowling ball into a vat of oatmeal. I have seen smoother productions from the Goth kids on my local public access channel. Personally, I think Pelley just looked at his watch, said to himself, "Fk this shit," and gave up and went and got hammered in the hopes that he would not have to ask any of these Wal-Mart Torquemadas a question about torture ever again.

Oh, my goodness, they do love their waterboarding, all of them except Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman, who is still battling a chronic case of invisibility. Herman Cain thinks it's okay as long as we call it "an enhanced interrogation technique," albeit one that results in an enhanced inability to breathe. (Otherwise, on Saturday night, Herman Cain announced his willingness to delegate the entire job of being president to various subordinates, which will be the nicest thing he's done to a subordinate in a while. It's going to be like Reagan without the senility.) Rick Santorum, when he's not out there killing Iranian nuclear scientists, as well as their neighbors' cats and whomever's trimming their hedges that day, is fine with it, too, and for many of the same philological reasons that so appeal to Herman. La Bachmann is busy pricing designer thumbscrews and also is busy going completely off her admittedly limited rails and deep, deep into the outer bananasphere.

"If I were president, I would be willing to use waterboarding."

(And, over at The Hague, pictures inexplicably begin to fall off the wall. Meanwhile, at the Cheney household, what may be a human heartbeat is detected by the sensors, setting off a Stage Four alert in Dick Central.)


..................

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/republican-debate-south-carolina-6558266#ixzz1de2xi9ft

[Warpy]

1. I wish I could write like that.

That is all.

Well, except I'm glad he's on our side.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

15. me too! Pierce is terrific!

I'm a polysyllabiphile; would that I were as skilled as he!

:7

[Warpy]

16. I think it was the image of the bowling ball into the vat of oatmeal that got me

It's the most compelling one since one year of the Bulwer-Lytton contest when a rooftop suicide was described hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag full of vegetable soup.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

17. HAA!

:spray: that's hilarious!

I haven't read much of his blog, but thanks to you, I've bookmarked it now. It was "American Idiots" that turned me on to him. He's brilliant and hilarious!

[zeemike]

19. It was the designer thumbscrews that made me lol.

The guy knows how to write and make it interisting....

[truedelphi]

2. Well those few paragraphs shed some light on the next attempt at

Cain-spin. "Folks, I wasn't harassing those women sexually - I was practicing "an enhanced interrogation technique," on some women I suspected of being terrorists."

[femrap]

4. Are you joking w/

me? He is implying that these women are terrorists? Please say I'm in a nightmare or that I don't get the joke.

I don't watch the repugnant debates because my head/stomach/nerves/body can't handle it....so I depend on DUers for their summary.

Are you shitting me?

[truedelphi]

14. I left off the sarcasm tag. Sorry. n/t

[femrap]

18. I wanted to make sure....thx. nt

[tabatha]

3. Awesome writing. Awesome perspicacity.

[bbgrunt]

5. perfect description!

[AllyCat]

6. Wal-Mart Torquemadas... how fitting. What a great read!

[SpiralHawk]

9. Indeed. Wal-Mart Torquemadas (R)

...says it perfectly.

I cannot help but think of J. Christ being tortured before crucifixion, as the story goes, every time some Republicon advocates torture as if it were some Christian virtue. Bullshit. Total, utter, upside-down, demonic bullshit.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

7. Good stuff. k and r

[Scuba]

8. "slapped down...by Jon Huntsman's suit, which was standing behind the podium by itself."

Huntsman is the only one of the bunch that has a clue and the R's base finds him lacking.


Perhaps he needs more hate and Jesus.

[Enthusiast]

10. Great article. Unfuckingbelievable.

[russspeakeasy]

11. Damn, Kpete, thanks for the best laugh I've had in days.

[hifiguy]

12. Great piece and thanks for the link

"Ilsa, She-Wolf of the Bean Salads" :rofl:

[Uncle Joe]

13. That was excellent writing by Charles Pierce.

:)

Thanks for the thread, kpete.:thumbsup:

[Overseas]

20. Great fun to read. Very sad reality.