Friends who are considering divorcing *only* to get health care: Dr. had suggested divorce!

[Mimosa]

A friend of mine (I'll call her Sandy) has been married for 30+ years. She and her husband dearly love each other. The wife is 58, I think and the man is just over 60. She's been largely a homemaker They had a son but he died at age 20, before I knew them.

Her husband is a self-employed independent contractor who cannot get hired because of his age, no matter how good his work is. He pays taxes when he can and never has had an income below the poverty line. These two people live modestly and weather their ups and downs, like many of us.

Anyhow, the last time my friend, the woman in this couple, was able to work was a bit over 5 years ago. The couple, who live modestly, are under severe financial stresses because of the high premium rate for health insurance in GA. They can't change from their high deductible insurance plan because of age discrimination and pre-existing medical conditions.

This woman (who lives in the same town home development where I live) were kibitzing about our respective difficulties because of severe medical conditions. Sandy is disabled and cannot work for a living. She has lupus as well as rheumatoid arthritis so bad she can't even type on a computer of write letters!

Anyway to make a long story shorter, Sandy told me her family doctor had recently suggested she and her husband divorce only so she could get on Medicaid or whatever. If they did that, could this mature couple still live together? And how would that affect post-retirement Social Security benefits if her husband ever happened to die?

Another friend of mine had told me if a woman has been legally married for 10 years, even if divorced she can collect Social Security Benefits as a survivor, just as if she had remained married.

I had suggested she called Social Security and ask questions. They apparently told her that married, filing taxes jointly, and lacking enough Social Security 'quarters' she could not qualify for disability, despite being disabled in actuality.

Sandy broke into tears when she told me about the doctor suggesting she get a divorce. She said being married was all she had for emotional security. But like many of us, it may be a question of this couple having to make a choice of paying for shelter or paying for health insurance premiums. Both expenses run about the same (over 12-15K) for people over 55.

Buut to my mind, divorcing may put this couple in a difficult situation. Wouldn't her husband have to make a will which specifies her as his beneficiary/wife and change insurance policies, if he has any?

Anyhow, I told Sandy I'd ask for info for her on D.U., which is the most informed educated board I know.

[treestar]

1. Problem #1 is taking legal advice from a doctor

Consult a lawyer - it is not likely to be true, I'm thinking.

[Kennah]

2. +10

Talk to a lawyer

[nadinbrzezinski]

6. You would probably be surprised.

Not the first time I read something like this. I'd talk to a lawyer, but this is not the first time I read this.

[azurnoir]

3. a paternal Aunt and Uncle got that same advice years ago from their MD

he had cancer and it was to preserve their house and everything they had from 50+ years of marriage

[csziggy]

4. I have no answers, but please give the couple my sympathies

For having to even consider making this choice.

They may want to talk to an attorney - the Florida Bar has a referral service and low cost one time consultation that might be able to answer most of their questions. Check the web site for the Georgia Bar to see if they have a similar program.

[KamaAina]

5. I know a couple who have never married in order to preserve their benefits

both have disabilities. Very sad.

[jody]

7. I know a couple, 72 & 75 who cannot marry because one can receive CA long term care that would be

lost and shifted to the other spouse after marriage because that spouse has considerable assets.

They live together and use the term Significant Other although both would like to be married.

I know two couples who have been married in churches but refused civil marriages because of similar reasons.

[WinkyDink]

8. A church marriage is quite legally binding. Most marriages are not simple "civil marriages."

Mine was, having been officiated by a judge in a court-room, but I know personally of no others.

[jody]

9. Please source your assertion, "A church marriage is quite legally binding." n/t

[Bunny]

18. If you have a marriage license and you get married in a church,

you are legally bound. People who get married in church are not obligated to have a second, civil ceremony in order to be legally married.

[jody]

22. I said nothing about a license. Couples can be married in a church sans license. nt

[Bunny]

23. Whatever.

Keep splitting those hairs!

[eShirl]

25. talk about splitting hairs

[Donnachaidh]

10. who is the congresscritter?

If it's Gingrey or Price they should be calling and asking for help with this situation. Both of these critters are Doctors, and both are trying to repeal hcr.

[EFerrari]

11. Low income people face these choices all the time.

It shouldn't be that way but there it is.

[Ruby the Liberal]

12. This is true

Another friend of mine had told me if a woman has been legally married for 10 years, even if divorced she can collect Social Security Benefits as a survivor, just as if she had remained married.

Must be married 10 years and divorced at least 2 (at the time of death). This qualifies for survivor benefits.

I am so sorry she is having to deal with this.

[Mimosa]

16. Scary, isn't it?

If her husband died within 2 years of a divorce that would be devastating.

I'm inclined to tell her to drop health care and try to make it till she's 65 (isn't that Medicare age, not 62?)

This woman would be devastaed by divorce in particular because she has no other family. :(

What the hell has the US done? The health care reform could have been so much better.

[Ruby the Liberal]

27. Yes - 65 without SSDI

[HelenWheels]

13. The 10 year thing is true

If you are married 10 years you are entitled to your husband's SS. And it doesn't affect his SS payment either.

[femrap]

14. Isn't the amount of the husband's

SS cut IN HALF when he dies. The wife only gets 1/2. Please verify this. But I know women really get screwed on SS. Check with the National Women's Lawyer Association in DC....I believe that's the name. Lots of info on their site.

[REP]

17. My mother got my father's full SS when he died; they'd been divorced over a decade

They'd been married for over 16 years when they divorced. My father died when he was 57 and my motherwas able to claim his full benefit.

[quiller4]

21. Not true. Survivor benefits 100% of your benefit is widow is at retirement age

between age 60 and full retirement age surviving wisow receives 71.5%-99% of benefit; disabled widow or widower age 50-59 receives 71.5%.

the above information taken from http://www.ssa.gov/survivorplan/onyourown5.htm

[femrap]

26. the way I see this chart...

if a woman is under 50 w/ no children under 16, she gets nothing.

Why are all the tax laws and now SS, based on breeding?

Oh well.

I'm starting to think that single old people who are ill should be marrying those who aren't so at least someone can collect the SS. My goddess, it has come to the point that I am now trying to scam SS so jobless older women (between ages 50 to 62) can get SS. This is what has become of me and my country. Those over 50 are really getting it. Downsized, no health insurance, no jobs.

Damn, this is depressing.

I know that some people have to divorce so to get on Medicare/Medicaid.

It's really mind boggling.

[Catherina]

15. What a country. I hope your friend can work this out to her benefit. Rec'd n/t

[madrchsod]

19. i`m considering this in a few years

with my heart condition my prospects of bankrupting my wife makes me consider this. we had to file bankruptcy last year for the thousands i owed in medical bills. since i can no longer count on the government not to cut medicare, i can see divorce as an only option.

[JuniperLea]

20. My neighbors of 15 years did exactly that...

I felt so badly for them. Two houses several miles apart... completely in love in their late 60's. She had horrible health issues.

[Kip Humphrey]

24. We got married for healthcare and can get divorced for healthcare too. Besides,

marriage has become soooo sanctimoniously Repugnified! We're fine with living in sin - its real easy when you don't believe in Santa God.