The GOP race as Singles Night at the local dive. . . hysterical

[annabanana]

Mitt gets prettier at closing time


http://www.newsday.com/opinion/oped/filler-mitt-gets-prettier-at-closing-time-1.3338622

The first guy you spy is Mitt Romney, sitting at the bar and nursing his Shirley Temple like always. He tosses you a wave and you return it. Solid guy, Mitt. A little wormy, maybe, but respectful and polite. Someone you could dine with and not have to pretend your mom just got hit by a runaway snowmobile to make a quick exit.

Out of the corner of the eye you see Ron Paul and duck. Ron's wicked smart, but you're not really looking for a six-hour conversation on the Federal Reserve and the gold standard, so you're relieved when he doesn't see you.

Hello, who is this? Nice-looking, in a blow-dried way. The boots are a bit much. He smiles, walks over and says, "Hi, my name's Rick Perry."

~snip~

Perplexed, you move on and, OH MY GOD, IS THAT RICK SANTORUM? Quick, dash for the bathroom before he sees you. Why does he even show up? Doesn't he know no one likes him? It's like the man's just got nothing better to do.

Seriously.. one of the funniest and most apt narratives I have seen on the subject!

[SpiralHawk]

1. "Finally teh Newt arrives. This guy has The MOVES." - Prospective Trophy Wife #7

"What's more, he's well endowed with a full-on set of Republicon Family Values (smirk). What more could a gal want as closing time draws near?" - Prospective Trophy Wife #7

[annabanana]

2. kicking because I'm still laughing. . . .n/t

[Aerows]

3. My favorite in this piece:

"Turning to walk away, you run smack into Newt Gingrich and it all starts flooding back. The hope, the pain, the promises broken. With these other guys, you wait for them to make a mistake. With Newt, you don't wait for blunders, you recall them. Sure, you had something special in 1994, and old flames sometimes burn brightest, but the letdowns, the lies, the cheating and the denials are still too vivid."