Borowitz Report: BREAKING: FDA Declares Rick Perry a Vegetable

[Fire Walk With Me]

:rofl:

[tabatha]

1. Never a truer word spoken.

[tabatha]

2. In Positive Economic Sign, Walmart Customers Killing Each Other to Buy Shit

Pepper Spraying, Homicide Bullish Indicators, Economists Say

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – In what economists are hailing as a clear sign of economic recovery, Walmart customers across the USA jammed into stores on Black Friday, sometimes killing each other to buy useless shit.

“We have been looking for evidence that the economy is on the mend,” said Davis Logsdon, chairman of the economics department at the University of Minnesota. “When people resort to homicide to buy a Blu-ray player, that is very, very good news indeed.”

Mr. Logsdon said he was “impressed” by the lengths to which some Walmart customers were going to grab coveted sale items: “They’re using tactics we usually associate with the UC-Davis police.”

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

[dixiegrrrrl]

5. “Now, Americans will be able to declare bankruptcy one day earlier.”

:evilgrin:
Painful truthiness to that comment.
But funny.

[TheCowsCameHome]

3. All this time I thought he was a fruit. Thanks for the update.

[jberryhill]

7. I had him down as "non-essential mineral" myself

[PotatoChip]

4. I had no idea how dumb that man was until

the other day when I saw a clip of him claiming that Hamas and Hezbollah were both "in Mexico". :wow:

I had given him the benefit of the doubt w/the brain-freeze bit, but that was an unbelievably stupid statement coming from anyone let alone a person trying to become the POTUS. :wtf:

[AnnieBW]

6. That's Insulting

To vegetables! Vegetables are useful. :D

[Initech]

8. There's literal vegetables, figurative vegetables, and um um... help me out here!