You cannot easily spot sexual predators!

[Are_grits_groceries]

I wish it was. Unfortunately, they have no readily identifiable characteristic. They may look like your relatives, friends, casual acquaintances, and seem to be nonthreatening. People don't want to believe that these people are such monsters. To find out that someone who you know and trusted is such a person is devastating.

It isn't only devastating to the abused although they bear the worst burden. It tears down foundations of friendship, family, love, and trust that we all depend on to make it through life. This kind of betrayal rocks everyone and makes the world a scarier and lonely place in some ways. Refusing to believe these types of accusations is understable in a way. To acknowledge them is to severely rock your own world.

Unfortunately, you have to be willing to open your eyes and shake the Earth. It is the only wy to stop such abuse and as importantly provide a safe place for the abused to feel comfort so they can heal. It has been proven that some of those abused will become abusers and the cycle continues.

Children cannot process the emotions that they feel. They are buffeted by guilt, fear, self-loathing, and other destructive feelings. In addition, they may feel love too because these people may have been kind as well as abusive. How does anyone deal with a Jekyll and Hyde much less a young person? It's as if you are trapped in an Escher drawing and cannot escape. You end up as the figure from 'The Scream' even if that visage isn't readily apparent.

Because children are affected and usually get little help, the experience becomes rooted in their psyches. It can be reached later on, but it is much harder to get to and effectively help them. It remains as a potent and malignant memory that can pop up at any time.

I posted a story about what I consider a kind abuse involving my Father that concerned an event with my cats. I don't dwell on it, and it is usually dormant as a force. However, when that memory from more than 50 years ago is touched, I am young again and relive the horror of it once more.

Peope offered me kind advice and support. Many said I needed to forgive and heal. I don't believe I ever can because it is embedded at such a young time in my life that all I can do is react. An attempt to deal with it means I have to touch it and set off that horror. It is one of the most debilitating experiences I can go through.

I have thought about how to expain an event that is so destructive. I feel like I was shot in the heart. It hurt like hell, but the bullet of pain remainsed. Digging it out may cause irreparable harm. It eventually becomes covered with a type of callus that protects me so I can function. It will move at times, and that is when the pain comes back.

I think this is somewhat like what happens to abused children. If they can be helped when young, it may be possible to reach the bullet in time to remove it without so much danger. That is why it is imperative not only to stop abuse but also to provide those abused with help.

Too often, those affected are met with disbelief, scorn and they are shamed. Adults hold all the power and all the cards. Those cards have been played very poorly in order to maintain the status quo.

Are abusers behind every tree? No. There are many good people who work with kids. Those that do abuse taint all structures in place to provide kids with outlets in many areas. However, there are too any abusers who hide behind trees of respectability in order to protect themselves.

There are no easy answers. There are only hard questions. Will we as a society have the courage to deal with them?

[RainDog]

1. hugs to you

this can be a difficult time - with these new charges of child abuse by people who are charged to look after those children.

so, just sending some hugs to you.

[lbrtbell]

2. I've bookmarked your post

It's very eloquent, and touches on feelings that most people just don't understand.

I was briefly abused by a family member, and I still don't know how to deal with it. Forgiveness hasn't worked, because the scars are still there.

[Mnemosyne]

3. AGG, thank you for this OP.

:hug:

[Are_grits_groceries]

4. Thanks.

I get tired of myself sometimes. All I seem to do is kvetch.

[Mnemosyne]

7. I hear ya'! When something is heavy in our heart and loud in our brain, it's better to

get it out than to keep it in. Anytime you feel the need to kvetch, kvetch away. :hug:

[kickysnana]

5. Getting "help" can be a whole other trauma

Been there.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

6. from personal experience, I don't think the bullet can be removed

Abuse is an experience; for some of us, a one-time event, for others, a nightmare that goes on for many many years...sexual for some, non-sexual for others.......

But whichever way, experiences can't be "un" experienced. Talking about them helps at first, to finally be seen and heard, to have your pain acknowledged, to be assured that you exist.

However, there comes a point when the talking about it just continues your focus on your pain and victimhood. There comes a time when you have to look for the good in the present, to learn to stop cycling back into endless mental loops reliving the traumas.

The power to move on is in the present moment.