The Onion: Nation's 10-Year-Old Boys: 'If You See Someone Raping Us, Please Call The Police'

[n2doc]

'Doesn't Matter Who, Doesn't Matter Where,' Children Say
NOVEMBER 28, 2011 | ISSUE 47•48


If, for example, these boys were being raped, they would want you to stop reading this and call the police right away.

UNIVERSITY PARK, PA—In the wake of the sex abuse scandal that rocked Penn State earlier this month, a coalition of 10-year-old boys from across the nation held a press conference Saturday outside Beaver Stadium, home of college football's Nittany Lions, to remind Americans that if they see someone raping a prepubescent boy, they should contact the police immediately.

"Considering that the monstrous acts perpetrated by Jerry Sandusky went unreported for years, even after a fellow coach saw him raping a 10-year-old boy inside the facility behind me, we feel perhaps not everyone is totally clear on what to do if one witnesses such a thing," said spokesperson Joshua Pearson, who was flanked by several of his fifth-grade colleagues. "Many of you will no doubt be relieved to know the proper course of action is really quite simple: Just contact the police. Call 911, go to your local precinct, stop an officer on the street—the bottom line is, if you see one of us getting raped, notify the police, and do so as quickly as possible."

"It doesn't matter who the boy being raped is, and it doesn't matter who is doing the raping, just please, please alert law enforcement," Pearson added as the 10-year-old boys surrounding him nodded soberly. "And by the way, under no circumstances is it ever okay for an adult to rape a 10-year-old boy, so you really can't go wrong by calling the police when something like that happens."

more
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-10yearold-boys-if-you-see-someone-raping-u,26724/

Might be the Onion but it's still the truth!

[Brickbat]

1. Once again, the Onion gets it.

[RainDog]

2. k&r n/t

[rhett o rick]

3. Is Jerry Sandusky still out on bail? nm

[WinkyDink]

5. Yes; why wouldn't he be? It's called "bail."

[rhett o rick]

8. Wow, I must have hit a sensitive spot Winky. A news article tonite of

a man accused of groping some women is in jail pending $100,000 bail. But Mr. Sandusky gets out w/o having to post any bail.

Now Winky, remind me again why it's called bail when you dont have to post any?

He is accused of harming children, a number of children. His bail should be high. But he is one of the "special" people, he gets "special" treatment.

[n2doc]

9. It always helps to be associated with the presiding Judge

Sandusky's charity raised money for the Judge's re-election campaign. One hand washes the other.

[rhett o rick]

10. Equal justice is so bourgeois, nm

[WinkyDink]

12. JS is out on "unsecured bail." IOW: He is out until the trial. Has the trial begun? No.

I have no idea what you think you mean by "sensitive spot"; I think JS is guilty as sin, and the entire farce of "After you, Alphonse" played out by the coaches and Admins of MY ALMA MATER has been outrageous in both the legal and moral cases.

Have I made my position clear?

[rhett o rick]

13. I am sorry if I misunderstood. Seemed to me like you were defending the idea

he should be allowed to walk the streets. "Unsecured bail" is bullshit code for no fucking bail. Poor people dont get "unsecured bail" as far as I know. If anyone should be in jail waiting trial, he should be. Is my position clear?

Again, I apologize if I misunderstood.

[WinkyDink]

17. Yes, and ITA!! :-)

[lbrtbell]

4. In all seriousness, that's what I've been saying all along

In jest, I give you this:

[Liberal_in_LA]

6. k&r

[WinkyDink]

7. WE ARE! ........... SYRACUSE!

Just sayin'.

[yodermon]

11. has it come to this? satire has gone full circle

we're over the edge folks

[Raster]

14. Thank goddess for The Onion.

"And by the way, under no circumstances is it ever okay for an adult to rape a 10-year-old boy, so you really can't go wrong by calling the police when something like that happens."

[Quantess]

15. Sometimes the Onion articles are not satire.

[Solly Mack]

16. ...

:thumbsup:

[Aerows]

18. "we feel perhaps not everyone is totally clear"

"we feel perhaps not everyone is totally clear on what to do if one witnesses such a thing"

As horrible as it is, that certainly appears to be the case here, doesn't it?