It's official now. I'm a crippled up, useless fuck.

[Kaleva]

I'm self employed and for the past several years, it's been a struggle for me to go out and work. Ended up in the hospital a few times when I over did it. So, this past October, I applied for SS disability benefits. Last Saturday I got a big check in the mail followed on Tuesday by a letter from the SS Administration saying I was approved for 100% benefits.

Can't say I'm all that excited about it. On one hand, the bills, while manageable, were slowly piling up and it was damn tough trying to earn the money to support my family. Those past due bills are gone now and the monthly check I'll be getting pretty much covers the basic costs of living.

On the other hand, the check seemed to be confirmation that I just can't do it anymore like I used to. It also means that others who are working are supporting me even though I'm just in my early 50's. I'd much rather be working full time and contributing instead of being a liability.

[stevenleser]

1. I'm sorry and glad at the same time

Sorry you are in poor health and unable to work, glad you are getting the help you deserve.

:hug:

[hfojvt]

2. The Beatles have the answer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQZQXFZpTmQ

[Kalyke]

34. LMAO!!!

My 3-year-old daughter has just this week "discovered" The Beatles and she "makes" me play them on You Tube all the time. She was in her room when I clicked on your link. She came running out here and said, in her sweet, little toddler voice, "I'm about to DIE over the Beatles!"

FWIW, she likes John and Ringo.

[dionysus]

3. i have a ruptured L5 disc, i can at least relate to the feeling.

and, there's no shame in being injured.

[superduperfarleft]

15. Is THAT why you're so pissy all the time?

I kid, I kid. :)

[dionysus]

23. hmmmmm. perhaps... maybe if i had treatment i'd become boring.

:hi:

[stevenleser]

26. I can relate, C6-C7 here n/t

[Lugnut]

48. C-3, 4, 5 fusion with incomplete spinal cord injury.

I've been on SSDI since I was 48 years old and am grateful to at least have that income.

[Cleita]

4. Well, I'm happy at least that you were able to

get a check. I hope our Republicans in charge don't start trying to cut those benefits in the future. Good luck to you and maybe this will give you a chance to rest and then make some plans for the future. btw Anyone who has worked hard up until they are fifty is not a liability. You hard work has paid for these benefits and now you have them when you need them. That's how this socialism thing works.

[w8liftinglady]

5. if it's any consolation,I've been there

before and after my brain surgery,I was 100% disabled.SSDI was a savior since I still had kids at home.just KNOWING it would arrive every month was a big relief.I had to adjust my budget,but it was livable.
I'll keep you in my thoughts.Just know-you aren't alone.

[Junkdrawer]

6. If you get bored hanging out at home....

you can either work part time and still keep your benefits (Check with the SS website to see your limits)

...or you could volunteer to help something you believe in.

You're only as "useless" as you allow yourself to be.

[gratuitous]

7. Nothing wrong with a society that takes care of its citizens

And I'd much rather have my tax dollars going to you than being used to kill a bunch of people in other countries.

[alsame]

13. Exactly. nt

[October]

36. Well said.

[LuckyLib]

43. Right on target -- and in caring for one another we are better people. We all have

different ways of contributing to the "common wealth".

[denbot]

8. Be grateful you were able to get SS disability Benefits.

Most people have a huge struggle to get approved, and many who deserve help don't get it.

[proud2BlibKansan]

9. Sorry to hear it.

But glad your SS came through.

[bobbolink]

10. I really do understand that sense of uselessness. It is very difficult to adjust our vision of

ourselves. That time of transition is painful, and I wish you the best! :toast:

One time I told a doctor who was giving me a hard time about being on Medicaid, that I would gladly, in a heartbeat, trade places with him.

He had the grace to be shocked, and back down from his odious stance and treat me like a human being.

Be good to yourself! :hi:

[bobbolink]

11. happy to be the 5th recommend. Your story needs to be heard and understood.

[mike_c]

12. as a taxpayer newly supporting your disabled butt...

...allow me to say how happy I am to see our social security contributions being used to help fellow workers. As someone said up thread, there's no shame in being injured or even just plain worn down to the nub. Someone else mentioned that now you'll have more time to volunteer or to work part time following your passions. You've worked all your life. Take a break. :hi:

[REP]

14. I qualified in my late 30s, so buck up little grasshopper

100% and expected to die before age 60. See? Could be worse.

Congrats.

[superduperfarleft]

16. You paid into it, it's yours.

It's no different than having your medical insurance pay for your doctor's visit. Nothing to feel bad about.

[Swamp Rat]

17. Time to take up a fun, new hobby, or an old one.

;)

http://www.estesrockets.com




I want to send an eggstronaut into space. :D

http://www.estesrockets.com/002123-eggscalibertm

[woofless]

18. I'm in much the same boat.

I am 58 now and have been collecting SSDI for more than 7 years. I don't feel sorry about it. The social safety net is working as designed and will continue to do so for many years with just a little thoughtful care. I have no feelings of inadequacy. I worked as hard as I could for as long as I could and that's it. I think you might reconsider thinking of yourself as a liability on society. You contributed and sacrificed all your life. Now enjoy yourself.

Woof

[Warren Stupidity]

19. I am happy to help, and you should not feel guilty.

You paid into the system for decades, helping to support others who were too old or too sick to support themselves, and now it is your turn. We should have more structures like SS disability and we should be improving the ones we have. Instead the entire discussion in that cesspool called Washington is about who to cut, how to scrap, where to make things worse than they already are.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

20. I'd much rather support a fellow self-employed person than some

bankster or some Bush/Cheney crony.

You don't have to be useless.

I know someone who is on disability because of AIDS, and he does an amazing amount of volunteer work whenever he feels up to it.

[Generic Other]

30. +100

You are sooo right Lydia.

[Mojorabbit]

21. I am on it also

as I have MS and long long ago had to stop working. I went through a weird sort of grieving process when my first check came coupled with relief. Best of luck to you.

[bobbolink]

24. Yes, it is a grieving process... totally the opposite of what Conservatives want to believe.

This isn't the life that any one of us wants.

Now, please pass the bon-bons and the TV guide. ~~chortle~~

[grilled onions]

22. I Also Qualified When In My Thirties

At first it did seem strange and I felt guilty being at home rather the working. The pain was still there but you get used to working in pain. But it was those insulting form letters I had to fill out every year and then every other year asking me silly things like if I went back to work,when do I expect to etc. Next was listening to the ignorant ones who spouted off about the lazy do no nothings on disability staying at home watching tv instead of working. Of course they didn't see all the doctor visits,tests,etc. They did not see nor feel the pain. You will make that adjustment and,yes, volunteering of any kind will truly help. There are many places that need help that don't require a lot of physical effort--just time. I have done in when I can,in the only capacity I can(doing it at home) but on those bad days,those depressing days it does make me feel that even I can still contribute to society.

[otohara]

25. I'm Not A Worthless Crippled-Up Fuck

I thank Gawd SSDI exists - and nor do I miss working.
The stress, the physical pain, the stress made the pain worse - an endless loop of fatigue, depression, pain, stress.

I have a disability - haven't heard or used the word "crippled" since I was teased as a child.
I have plenty to do at my home - cooking healthy food for me and the family - so we don't get sick. I clean my house as best I can, do laundry, and get smarter by the day, by hanging out on places like DU when time permits.

Being disabled and not being able to work full time does not equate to "worthless crippled-up fuck"

It will take you a while to adjust to not working, but you might find, you'll feel better physically.

[mentalsolstice]

27. I'm with you buddy

I've been getting it for 5 years. Gave up my career as an attorney. It's good to have that safety net. My cousin also gets SSDI, however, she is able to work part-time.

[Booster]

28. We're all in this together, and, at any time, we could all be in the

exact place you are. I don't mind you getting a little bit of my tax money - someday I may have to rely on others also. Hope you get to feeling better.

[PBS Poll-435]

29. I am glad that you did not get the run-around so many do when applying for SSDI

You paid into the insurance system, and now you are making a claim.


Don't feel bad.

[liberalmuse]

31. That's what it's there for.

"Liability"? "Crippled up, useless fuck"? I don't bloody well think so. This is what I pay taxes for, NOT senseless, useless wars. You are a precious human being and there are many valuable contributions you can make and probably are making where you are right now. You don't have to do the grind anymore, so perhaps that will free up your mind to think of wonderful ideas and create things that will make life better for others and yourself. :hug:

[Catherina]

32. Another way to look at it is that you're now a fully-employed, paid, full-time Activist.

I'm pleased to see my taxes going to such a good cause.

[Urban Prairie]

33. I joined the permanent disability club in October of '06, and am around your age (54)

I feel very fortunate to have been hired as a federal employee, over 20 years ago, after having been rejected a few years prior for another government-related job despite having passed my state's exam to become a corrections officer, then failing their physical, due to having been born with a spinal defect, eventually causing ankylosing spondyltis. I never had any back pain to speak of, and was quite shocked to discover that I had that genetic flaw. Unfortunately, after being involved in an accident that totaled my truck, it then "activated" and has caused me a great deal of pain ever since.

My wife was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, as well as having been treated for osteoarthritis for many years now, that has resulted in spinal stenosis, and she was told by her physician to apply for SS disability. She is in almost constant pain that is much more debilitating than mine, and we are now waiting to see if and/or when SS might approve her finished application for benefits.

I do miss working and being productive, and only receive about 40% monthly of what my average salary was during my career. But there is really nothing that I can do about it, as my condition cannot improve, and may only become worse as I age. There are many healthy people around my age who cannot find work nowadays, and who are living very tenuously and especially stressfully upon unemployment extensions, if they are not already homeless and penniless, so I can't complain or feel bad about my (our) situation.

[madamesilverspurs]

35. Been there, done that,

started receiving SS at age 44. That was 19 years ago. The monthly check covers the bare basics, as you said. But I'm thankful for it, especially since it took for freaking ever to get it (the rules changed the same month I finally got the determination, thanks to a ruling by the Supreme Court). The feeling of uselessness will go away. Give yourself a bit of time.


-

[provis99]

37. well, you contributed more to society than Paris Hilton has.

[Odin2005]

38. K&R

[Zoigal]

39. Hey, Kaleva, don't feel badly about getting SS disability.

That's what the program was set up for. Consider doing some type
of volunteer work if you feel up to it. After i retired from forty years
of teaching, i started visiting nursing homes with my dogs, tutoring kids,etc and it
really helped ease that Useless feeling. It has been my experience that people don't qualify
for SS disability if they don't deserve it. Take good care......z

[OutNow]

40. Counseling Can Help

Your situation sound soooo familiar. I've been on SSDI since 2001 due to Myasthenia Gravis. Went from a 70 hour a week job as IT Architect to a 0 hour a week useless fuck in about a year after the initial diagnosis.

One the one hand I was grateful for the help of my neurologists supporting my application for SSDI, but on the other hand I was depressed that I couldn't do my job and was rapidly losing my eyesight. I took advantage of a counseling program offered by my former employer. It was like grief counseling but instead of grieving over a divorce or the loss of a loved one I was grieving about my loss of a career. The 8 weeks of counseling really helped me. You might see if there is anything like that available to you.

[WinkyDink]

41. {Kaleva} Hang in there! You deserve your "big check"---as an American.

[anAustralianobserver]

42. Ask what your country can do for you AND what you can do for your country :)

[Bigmack]

44. Let's use you as an example...

of the differences between parties.

Repubs.... well....your future would involve cat food if you're lucky, and an ice floe in a river if you're not lucky.

Dems.... (for the moment anyway) You are why we all pay taxes. That is, to help our fellow citizens who need help.

I want a portion of my taxes to go to you, but not to the war machine.

[anAustralianobserver]

45. "Repubs.... well....your future would involve cat food if you're lucky"

Repubs.... well....your future {and most of theirs without basic government programs} would involve cat food if you're lucky.

my edit:)

[Kaleva]

46. Thanks for all the comments!

I'm going to try and keep working as much as I can. As a heating contractor, I'm sometimes the only person in this area people can get a hold of late at night, on weekends and/or on holidays. I don't mind one bit going out at odd hours to help out an elderly couple or a single mother with small children who have no heat and it's well below freezing outside. I just won't be able to work a full day. Something I haven't been able to do with consistency for the past few years anyways.

[underseasurveyor]

47. No, you are not a worthless fuck!

Its not true and its not helpful.

Do not say that about yourself anymore.
:hug:

[Kaleva]

49. Well, I wasn't smart and didn't take care of myself.

I could do very hard work for long hours 7 days a week and that's probably why I'm in the condition I am in today. The body just broke down much earlier then it should have.

[underseasurveyor]

52. That still doesn't make you worthless.

What it means is that you are a conscientious, intelligent, competent man that loves his family and took great pride in working hard and providing for them.

You are not a worthless fuck!

I know this is tough on you right now and you're being too harsh on yourself. That's ok you'll get through it eventually. Now in the mean time it's time to start concentrating on your abilities and the things you can do and to use whatever skills you have to continue on with your life.

[jberryhill]

50. That's what we pay taxes for

Qualifying does not make you "useless"

I have no need for what a lot of "useful" employed people are doing, and I'm glad to hear my tax dollars are being spent on something other than killing people

[undergroundpanther]

51. I get disability

I have a lot of psych problems,PTSD ,depression and others and it has not been easy for me .My spine is a mess.It got messed up up when I was hit by a car going 45 mph with no headlights as I was crossing the street,The hospital didn't bother to x ray my spine they set my legs and sent me home that night.I had no clue what my rights were,I didn't know what press charges meant. My neck was fractured,unknown to me and it's still kinda scary how close I got to death.So my spine in trying to protect itself grew some wicked bone spurs on it. Some are shaped like claws hanging off the discs and there is one huge spur poking into my throat area, from where the neck fracture was.It's so big if my throat swells it could kill me because it scrapes against my esophagus where an artery passes.At the same disc with the big spur also pushes outward from the same disc and this puts pressure on nerves that run down both arms. It is like I have carpal tunnel that goes all the way from my neck shoulders to my hands and fingers.It is a pain in the ass, I drop stuff at random,my hands go numb it burns my arms and shoulders every time I hold my arms above my head for more than a few seconds ..It's cool looking my spine looks like an alien spine in an X-ray but in reality it sucks.And the viral neuropathy the hidden gift from chickenpox now that REALLY hurts.Luckily it isn't flaring all the time.

So I can empathize,because I never had the ability to work.The trauma and triggers have had a profound effect on my life. To work for me,is like playing Russian roulette with my sanity, if I get lucky,my boss might be ok,but there is a good chance I'd have a bully boss and that would send me into a crisis fast.I don't wanna go there.Tried it before and it was a painful disaster.
It sucks when asshole people call you useless for being disabled. But regardless I do what I can.And if that isn't good enough,I say the self righteous bastards can go kiss my ass..

[pipi_k]

53. Well, I can understand why you might feel that way...however....

and please know this is coming from a disabled person, just like yourself...

There are ways you can contribute.


I like to knit and crochet, and every so often I make up a bunch of little items and donate them to a nearby hospital NICU. Hats...tiny afghans...burial gowns...sweaters.


Think of all the things you ARE able to do, then choose one or more to help make someone else's life a little better.

One doesn't have to have a paying job in order to be useful to society.


:)