Contrary1
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Mon Jan-24-11 02:49 PM
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Republicans Rehearsing Grouchy Facial Expressions for State of the Union |
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:rofl:
Boehner Leads Weeklong Seminar
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Preparing for what most political insiders agree is their most important performance of the year, congressional Republicans have spent the past week rehearsing their grouchiest facial expressions for Tuesday’s State of the Union Address.
For seven grueling days, GOP congressmen have been behind closed doors, refining their best winces, grimaces, and other sourpuss mannerisms under the tutelage of Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Ohio).
“Looking like you’ve just sucked on a lemon is harder than it seems,” said Mr. Boehner. “It doesn’t come naturally for everyone like it does for Mitch McConnell.”
Mr. Boehner has been employing a “method acting” approach with his House colleagues, urging them to imagine “the most unpleasant thing they can think of – like Keith Olbermann being back on TV.”
But given the new vogue for “civility” that has swept Washington in recent weeks, Mr. Boehner is instructing House Republicans to restrain themselves from outbursts like that of Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC), who famously shouted “You lie!” during President Obama’s congressional address in 2009.
“If you feel an outburst coming on,” Mr. Boehner told his colleagues, “I ask that you instead limit yourself to a simple, tasteful jerking-off hand gesture.”
Mr. Boehner said that while he wants his Republican members to look as grumpy a possible throughout Mr. Obama’s speech, “I want them to show him the same respect we would show to any other foreign visitor to our shores.”
Immediately following the President’s speech, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis) will give the official Republican response, followed by Michele Bachmann (R-Minn), who will give the official moron response.
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krispos42
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Mon Jan-24-11 02:51 PM
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1. It's funny 'cuz it's true |
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Although those people spend so much time being outraged about... anything that it comes pretty naturally.
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KansDem
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Mon Jan-24-11 02:56 PM
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2. Who's shouting "You lie" this time? |
Kolesar
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Mon Jan-24-11 03:01 PM
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3. Best Borowitz Report, ever...eom |
Richardo
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Mon Jan-24-11 03:06 PM
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:rofl:
That's my highest praise for a piece of satire. :patriot:
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The Wielding Truth
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Mon Jan-24-11 03:07 PM
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5. What is this look??? Honestly....hahaha |
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"If you feel an outburst coming on,” Mr. Boehner told his colleagues, “I ask that you instead limit yourself to a simple, tasteful jerking-off hand gesture.”
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JuniperLea
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Mon Jan-24-11 03:09 PM
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6. This is as funny as the Joey Tribbiani Method of Acting! |
DirkGently
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Mon Jan-24-11 03:13 PM
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7. Wonder if they'll wave the same fake "Republican Healthcare Plan" as last time. |
Sal Minella
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Mon Jan-24-11 03:30 PM
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9. Only maybe this one will actually have some writing in it??? n/t |
gratuitous
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Mon Jan-24-11 03:32 PM
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10. Random pages from local Chinese restaurant menus |
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That'll impress the rubes!
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DirkGently
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Mon Jan-24-11 05:08 PM
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11. Probably too much to ask. |
ananda
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Mon Jan-24-11 03:14 PM
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8. There's a difference between Republican and moron? |
GroovyObama
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Mon Jan-24-11 09:26 PM
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12. The Weeper of the house will practice his crying. |
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TanManOrangeMan Boner, the Weeper of the house is probably energetically practicing his weeping out loud, to cry out loud during the whole address so people cannot listen to Obama, but him. I would not doubt it, hahahahaha
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DU
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Tue Apr 23rd 2024, 07:29 AM
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