Is there no one that can speak for me?

[Mnemosyne]

In July 2009, as my mother was dying, with her bones breaking with each step from extensive bone and many other cancers, my half-sister had my cousin drag her to her attorney to have her change her newly signed will, from co-executor with me, to sole executor. I was left in as the alternate executor.

Mom had insisted I sign as POA on the day she received her diagnosis, yet 10 days later, under duress from my 3 half-sisters, Mom did as they demanded and changed it to my sister. Mom was taking oxy for pain at the time.

My mother admitted to her attorney on the day that she was making the change that it was because of the pressure exerted on her by those women. She told her she needed to be at peace and they would not allow it unless she changed executor status.

The attorney admitted this to me in person. She never told me there was action I could take. She never mentioned that what she did was wrong and unethical.

I was so devastated by the actions of my half-sisters over the course of the 6.5 weeks my mother was dying, including denying me access to Mom, that I sank into a horrible depression and could barely function again until recently. I am still not functioning well, but am trying very hard to keep it together and take care of what needs to be done to survive this until estate is settled.

There was over $100,000 in the safe, in envelopes with names written on them for each kid and g/grand-kid. It all disappeared before Mom was dead under the guise that I would steal it. Two months later sister bought a new house for $300,000 with no mortgage that I can find and denies money ever existed. Did I mention sister was enraged when she found out Mom made it so she would not be paid as executor? I knew it before I agreed to be co-executor.

Sister is withholding any distribution of the estate until she has to finally do it by law. She is trying to make me finish paying off my loan from Mom for the house "friends" destroyed. She is doing this knowing I am disabled (unhealed broken ankle bones 10 years and severe bi-polar disorder) and poor and how rough things are for me with no medical insurance. I am about to lose the houses I bought with the insurance money to rent to poor families I knew to try and help them and generate a very modest income.

She tells everyone that I stole from Mom, that I am not really disabled and am a fake, that I am cheating the government?, and other bullshit projection so typical in repuke faux news zombies.

I have even tried to get an inheritance loan advance and been turned down because there is so much cash in the estate that has not been disbursed and the estate attorney would not cooperate. I paid all of my bills off last year and now cannot get any credit for a loan because of it. I am a good risk just felt no need to keep paying ridiculous interest.

The house I was living in at the time, I rented to desperate "friends", and now it is trashed from the urine of over 20 cats. I found a young couple willing to buy it, at a huge loss to me, on land contract and deal with the cat urine issue.

My income is only $357 from the house that is still rented and I cannot afford to live, much less pay taxes, insurance, etc. for these houses without my inheritance.

Can anyone here please, please, tell me where I can go to find any kind of help? I am in very dire straits and will become homeless for the third time in my life within a few months, sleeping on friend's couches or in my car again at age 53.

Please mods, this is not a request for legal advice. I simply need to know where, or even if, I can find help. Thanks!

[Poll_Blind]

1. I wish I could offer something more than "Stay strong" but I, at least, don't have many...

...other things I can suggest. I'm sure there may be others who can help out with suggestions.

What happened to your mother is not uncommon. It's ugly. I'm an atheist so I believe I only live once but as I go through life I sort of tick off things I've learned as an older person that I don't think I would have really understood as a younger one. The situation you describe about the pillaging of your mother's finances (if I read things correctly) has become, sadly, a story I have become acquainted with. Again, I wish I had more help to give outside of encouragement to you to stay strong in the face of such adversity...

My thoughts are with you!

:hug:

PB

[Mnemosyne]

4. Even good thoughts help, PB! Bless you.

:hug:

It was/is a nightmare that seems to never end. They have been using our severely mentally ill sister to try and harm me. I was physically attacked last weekend by her because the other two of the sisters keep poking that sad and disturbed mind with lies. I went to help her go to the hospital for help, at her request, and the one sister talked to her before I got there and set her off. My daughter and I were the only ones she had left that she was trying to trust. Her husband finally had to leave with 3yo daughter, two sons gone, one living with father and the other at his paternal grandmother's. My sister will die without help, only a matter of time. I feel so helpless... :cry: Sick fucking people. :grr:

Thanks for kick! :hi:

[siligut]

2. There are free legal clinics

And sometimes you can get good advice. It seems your half sister is not playing straight, you do have a case. http://www.freeadvice.com/ or http://www.lawhelp.org/?gclid=CO7NleCt2KYCFQqAgwodvnNOHw Hang tight, you are much more effective when you focus on the facts, take care of yourself.

[Mnemosyne]

5. I have called one, but they say too many assets to help me. I will

try checking the links you listed.

Thanks much! :hi:

[TwilightGardener]

3. You bought a bunch of houses in anticipation of a big inheritance?

Perhaps you should sell all but one and live in it. That way you won't be homeless, and when the estate is settled, you can go from there. Best not to live your life counting on an inheritance, though--too much can happen. And there's nothing uglier than siblings fighting over it.

[Mnemosyne]

7. No, I bought two houses to help out poor friends in need. The "friends"

that moved into my home were supposed to pay rent and only did sporadically until they left me hanging. I bought another one to live in. I am not financially savvy in any way and screwed myself trusting "friends". I was to survive on the rents, no rent no survival.

I am not living my life counting on an inheritance, it is there and is only a matter of time before settled.

I feel stupid and foolish and just was hoping for some guidance here. Thanks for the comments...

[TBF]

15. Sell the house you're not living in.

Beyond that you need legal advice if you want to try to go after your sister.

[Mnemosyne]

16. I am selling all three houses at deeply discounted prices on land contracts just

to get out and find my peace again. I hate money.

I am having no luck with finding a lawyer - no money until things are settled as punishment from sister. But thanks for the input. :hi:

[TBF]

20. I've watched this thing with my mom for the past 15 years -

grandfather left the estate (farm) to all siblings. They all have to agree when they want to do something. My mom managed to get enough out (when they agreed to sell land) to buy herself a duplex. She can live in half and rent half, which she does. Other than that it is an albatross until the rest is sold - which thankfully isn't too much more to go. But it was the same sort of thing - one sister as executor and she doesn't want to deal with it because they all fight, one brother who lived on the property and stole money, etc...

I told my mom the one thing she can do to be a really good parent is not leave any of this to me - I sure don't want to deal with it.

[Mnemosyne]

22. I wish I had told Mom to leave me out. Families can be nightmares.

I hear about loving families, but have no experience with them.

Mom left 140 acres to 5 of us together, trying to make my sisters act like family; it sucks and they won't.

:hi:

[TBF]

27. I honestly think my grandfather did it so they'd have a hard time selling

the land - he wanted one of the brothers to keep farming it, and he knew they'd all fight over it. But that was the lazy brother who stole money and didn't really want to run a large farm. Total nightmare.

[elleng]

6. Good suggestion from siligut, go with it. You need legal advice,

including action against mother's attorney. State Bar associations can provide information and assistance. Be certain to inform them of failure of 'mom's' attorney and duress you acted under.

Keep us informed.

[Mnemosyne]

9. I was in such shock it never occurred to me at the time exactly what the attorney did.

She was my attorney too and I wished I had realized before now that all of her advice over the last one and a half years was to protect her ass.

I will contact the SBA and see if they can help also.

Thank you, Ellen! :hi:

[elleng]

12. Good, do that.

P.S., I signed something I shouldn't have signed years ago, under duress (and I'm an attorney!) and in litigation over it still. We're only human, right?

:hi:

[Mnemosyne]

17. I will, Ellen, thanks.

It drags out that long sometimes, huh? Gawd!!!!!

Do you know if sister can legally use the inheritances as blackmail, by any chance? :hi:

[elleng]

21. Have to look back at facts, Mnem, but 'blackmail' not legal ever!

p.s., sought my due 2+ years ago, and wheels of justice grind slow when other party obfuscates, judge encourages 'negotiation,' + other party is b.s.er, not to be trusted.

Edit: Don't see how inheritances as blackmail. Explain your thoughts?

[Mnemosyne]

24. Executor wants daughter to sign an easement to receive her house.

There are plenty of acres beside daughter's property to put an easement on, just a vicious power play. My other sister, the very ill one, had Mom's house signed over before end of 2009. My daughter cannot sell and cannot afford to live there or move at this point so I spent most of what I had left after buying property, keeping shelter and food for her and the grandsons, ages 18m and 9.

I am in desperate need of medical care, three month long infection and more, and sister knows I am in need and is delaying disbursement to get daughter to sign, me suffering is only an added bonus to her. I've offered reasonable solutions, but has to be her way or she is suing daughter, which will drag out the final disbursement even longer, to the great detriment of my health.

Would a judge even care and take action possibly, do you think?

Thanks!

[elleng]

28. Please write 'whose' daughter, etc., so I can understand facts,

as in, 'signed over' to whom, etc.

Power on and off here, so my responses spotty, but will try to help.

Best

Where are you located? P.M., if you'd like.

E

[Mnemosyne]

33. Sister wants my daughter to sign easement to inherit her home.

There was never any historical easement, as she claims as precedent; Grandpa owned all the surrounding land and the 5 acres my daughter will inherit. There are 74 acres, land-locked undeveloped woods, shared by the 5 sisters, behind my daughter's place. Beside her, I will own five acres roadside when things are settled and I offered to sign easement for my land beside daughter. Sister won't sign over deed until daughter signs easement which isn't needed. Simply another power play.

Sister won't pay the property taxes on daughter's home and I've been covering them until ended up broke. :) Assessment/tax office claims estate must pay taxes until deeded over, sister says pay them or I allow them to lapse and go to collection unless she does as sister demands. Paid what I could last year, and will not pay another cent until house is deeded over. I have been carrying daughter and grandsons financially until she finishes unpaid internship in May. Then she's on her own at 32, finally! :woohoo:

Sister is with-holding any disbursement of nearly two million cash (she sold stocks, etc. in October of 2009), until all is settled to keep me from being able to hire lawyer to fight several issues and to keep me from having access to any medical care that is desperately needed and she knows. And she better have some proof of interest paid while she plays with it and drools. She's also trying to gain more interest for her own greed and comfort, leaving others hanging.

Thanks for your replies, Ellen! Hope the electric has become stable for you and you stay warm. :hi:

Oh, almost forgot, I am in NW PA.

[Mnemosyne]

30. oops, posted reply to self.

[Electric Monk]

8. I'll make a voodoo doll of your half sister, fwiw.

[Poll_Blind]

10. You and me both! n/t

PB

[Mnemosyne]

11. Oh, karma will nail her sooner or later. Just never happens quickly enough it seems.

I had a voodoo doll from the Caribbean for many years, wish I had kept it for use now! :evilgrin:

Thanks for the good thoughts, EM! :hi:

[LiberalEsto]

13. The evil stepmother ripped me off when my dad died

When they got married, they agreed that he would leave everything he had to my brother and me, and she would leave everything she had to her 3 kids. However she set out on a deliberate campaign to grab everything, and succeeded. She nagged and badgered my father on his deathbed into signing over the deed to the house in NJ and the house in Florida, got power of attorney to clean out his bank accounts, and got away with it. She never submitted his will for probate because there wasn't anything left that she hadn't taken. He wasn't rich by any means, but what he had accumulated was from years of penny-pinching. He wouldn't give me money for socks in high school, for example. I never had new clothes until my 12th birthday, and hardly any even after that.

Even though I was told by several lawyers that I had a potential case, I had zero legal or other recourse because I didn't have $10,000 to fork over as a retainer. NOBODY would touch the case on a contingency basis. My brother and I had no money, so we had to give up. This was in 1988.

I don't believe in karma either. The bitch sold the NJ house and lived a long time in Florida, and now her daughters (who always trotted around in diamonds and mink coats) own the Florida house. I've been out of work for over 2 years, and we live from paycheck to paycheck on what my husband makes. We have no savings for retirement.

Sometimes there isn't any justice.

I hope your situation works out better.

[Mnemosyne]

18. There are so many pieces of excrement that claim to be humans out there...

I think I may have snapped in your situation! What greed and selfishness possesses people?!

I hope you hang on until things ease for you, hopefully someday. :hug:

It is looking to be a very scary future for many in this country. My medical costs will wipe out any inheritance within 3 to 5 years. Not looking good, either way.

But still we continue...

[Lynx]

14. Karma is real

What goes round, comes round.
May your half-sisters drown in the urine of over 20 cats.

[Mnemosyne]

19. It certainly is real. A funny example...

My one h-sister kept criticizing Mom's weight, within a year she had gained like 50#! :rofl:

Thanks for the reply! :hi:

[Mnemosyne]

34. I almost forgot to tell you!

Welcome to DU! :hi:

[Dappleganger]

23. My dad had a similar situation with his sister who stole from the entire family.

He didn't want the money for himself but for his brother, who couldn't work at the time. The only way to fix this is to find the right attorney, there really is no other way.

[Mnemosyne]

25. Most attorneys want nothing to do with going after another attorney, so far in my

experience anyway.

I'm checking with PASBA to see if they can help me somehow and writing letter to the probate judge asking for relief.

Thanks for reply, Dapple! :hi:

[Dappleganger]

26. Sounds like a plan, best of luck to you.

They were able to recover some of the money for my uncle, but she had gambled most of it away. It completely broke up their dysfunctional family (how hard is that, lol!).

BTW, I grew up with abnormal--at least I married into a nice family. :)

[LostinNY]

29. Good Luck, and I feel your pain

Seriously. My Mom is still alive, and I love her very much and hope she's around for a long time, but she's almost 80, has many illnesses and has had severe bipolar since before I was born. When my father died 10 years ago, she knew that things would be difficult with out him, and took me to the attorney she and my father had for 50 years and made me her POA and executor of her will. We opened up a bank account together so I could pay her bills and she could have access when needed, although she has me hold on to her ATM card because she knows if she becomes manic she'd spend every cent and on a fixed income she'd not be able to pay her bills and lose everything. I give her a lot of credit for being able to plan for that in advance, because the day did come that she had to be hospitalized, actually twice, for bipolar, since my father has passed and she would have bankrupted herself. Meanwhile, my horrible sister, mad that she's not POA because she has stolen from my mother plenty of times, is trying to fight me over control of my mother's money and I know when my mother passes away it will be terrible. We live in a small town and my sister has spread it around that I am stealing my mother's money, taking advantage of her etc. And because I write the checks she doesn't help me with taking my mother to the doctor, cleaning her house, making her food or going shopping for her or anything. Taking care of my mom's finances is hard work, and my sister acts like paying her bills means I'M getting paid, which is not true. Most months I give my mother money to make ends meet, I just add it to her account because she wouldn't take it if I handed it to her. My sisters latest is to cry to my mom directly for money-- she doesn't need it-- so my mother tells her she has no control of her money because if my sister knew she did she'd toss my mother in the car and make her go take it out! So this just adds to the garbage I get from my sister. It's very stressful, and mom may need to go to a nursing home soon but my sister tells her she's fine, I just want her gone, but I'm the one taking care of her! I know my sister is just afraid my mother going to a nursing home means she will have to sell her house to pay for it and use the money which my sister wants for herself!

Sorry to go on and on about myself, but I saw we had something in common that no one else seems to understand but I knew you could. In my case I talked to my mom's attorney and he said because I am POA and have a joint account with my mom there's nothing my sister could do, accept of course she ruining my reputation. I try not to care. When my mom was manic, she went around with my sister telling people I was a thief and stealing her belongings, but when she got better she apologized. But who knows what people think? Shouldn't bother me but it does.

My only advise is that because it is your mom that passed away, petition the judge or court that will handle her estate for a complete accounting of what your sister is doing and where assets will be distributed. Here in NY when my dad died my mom as well as the 4 children involved were all given this information at no cost. If you had this, maybe you could use it as proof in order to get a loan to hold you over? Or try to get the process sped up and to hold your sister's feet to the fire. Tell the court in charge of the estate what your sister is doing, challenge her. An attorney would be good, but I don't think you need one to do it. Maybe if the court threatens to take over the estate, she'll act in a more timely fashion. Also, here in NY I think you are paid a percentage by the estate for acting as executor unless you agree not to take it, so your sister may be entitled to that money, if she chooses. I don't know what state you're in but if she's entitled remind her she'll lose that if the state takes over. Tell the court how she was made executor at the last minute. Try to stay calm, put things in writing and keep good records, and good luck! I don't know if I've been any help but I feel your pain.

[Mnemosyne]

31. LostinNY,

:hug: I don't mind hearing your experiences at all. You never know when something will resonate and change an outlook.

And it never hurts to share the pain of such betrayals with someone else that truly understands. :hug:

I'm in PA and was never told by the attorney that I had any recourse, such as asking for complete accounting. All she ever said was, "Be patient." I ate their shit, hearing Mom sobbing regularly, for the last five years of Mom's life. I'm done letting anyone tell me to "keep your mouth shut or they will take it out on me worse". I don't have to try to protect her from them any longer and will never keep my mouth shut ever again. Mom had undiagnosed mental illnesses, pretty severe at times, so it was ongoing task throughout that 5 year time after Dad was gone.

Your sister sounds like my nightmare sisters. They abused Mom emotionally, she did much of that to us herself, but still not right, and then accuse me of it. They stole from her and blamed me for it. They cheat the government, due to their theft, and then accuse me of it. Apparently I managed to fake my way into SSI back in 2000 in only 6.5 weeks after applying. Yes, I am amazing! :evilgrin:

People I have known my entire life, Mom and Dad's few friends, treat me as if I am trash because of the lies spread by these sisters. This town is only approx. 12,500 pop. city and rural combined. I can barely wait to leave here and actually have a life of my own for the first time ever! :woohoo:

Sister will receive zip as executrix, Mom put it in the will and didn't change it, as ordered by sister, when changing her executor. Sister was apoplectic over it right after Mom died. hehehe :evilgrin:

It sounds as if your mother knows your sister's game. Good for her. Bi-polar disorder is a true hell sometimes, for the one that is ill and their families. I've always tried to stay hidden when the depressions gets bad, I get a bit ornery sometimes, but even in the depths of hell I have always tried to keep the 'Golden Rule' in my mind so as not to hurt people by being vicious. When I am hypomanic, never have had any hypermanic episodes thank the Universe, it actually feels wonderful and people claim I literally glow then! Wish it was more of the hypomanic than the depression though.

Thank you so much for your advice and input. I am so sorry you have had to suffer because of a mean, greedy and jealous fool. :hug:

I'm in NW PA, you anywhere nearby?

Oh, and welcome to DU! :hi:

[LostinNY]

35. Thanks for the welcome!

I'm near Syracuse, NY.

I hope everything works out for you. I don't understand why siblings can be so rotten. In my sister's case she was always given everything and I think as an adult she expected that to, and life isn't like that. My parents always felt sorry for her because she'd get herself into trouble, financial or otherwise, and they'd feel sorry for her and run to her aid. We were working at the same place once, I even got her the job, and she never showed up, lied, cheated and got fired. So what happens? My parents bailed her out with lots of money while I continued working long hours. We were both in our early twenties and still living at home. I'd come home exhausted, she spent that whole summer at the beach tanning and going out with friends. Then she found this loser boyfriend and brought him into our home and had two kids in the next two years! And who took care of them? My parents or I. I do still love her kids, but when my parents offered to move to retirement living and let them live in their house, I had enough and got out. When she told my parents that she would live in THEIR house and have them move out only if they paid for a bunch of renovations because the house "wasn't good enough for her", my father finally saw the light. But he is the one that is now deceased, and she tries to take advantage of my mom. My sister and I are now both in our early 40's and she lives with a man in a nice house who gives her lots of money so she doesn't need to take anything more from my mom, but she acts entitled. Come to think of it, I don't even understand why this guy puts up with her, she actually put on her Facebook that since she reached 40 she's going to be in relationships for the money, not love. Maybe that's what he wants to, who knows. Meanwhile my family struggles to pay the bills and take care of mom. Oh, and I've even heard her tell people about the horrible upbringing she had, supporting herself from age 14 on-- so not true! That would break my mothers heart, so I don't tell her. I know at times it was really hard living with my moms mood swings, but she has an illness, and I would never bring up sad times from childhood just to make myself look good like she does.

I bet you've wished before that you could be close to a sister. I know I've tried, it would be nice to have family to do things with. I just have to accept it's not going to be. The worse thing is that she can come across as very sweet and outgoing if you don't know her well and how she schemes, and uses this to her advantage. That's why when she trashes me to other people, I know some believe her. We have a great Aunt that just stopped calling me after one conversation with my sister, who knows what she told her. I still call her, but the conversations aren't the same, and I don't want to drag an 85 year old into the argument, but it makes me feel bad this relationship suffered.

I'm glad I got to chat with you. Some how knowing I'm not alone makes me feel a little better, and I hope it does you too.

[Mnemosyne]

32. LostinNY,

:hug: I don't mind hearing about your experiences at all. You never know when something will resonate and change an outlook.

And it never hurts to share the pain of such betrayals with someone else that truly understands. :hug:

I'm in PA and was never told by the attorney that I had any recourse, such as asking for complete accounting. All she ever said was, "Be patient." I ate their shit, hearing Mom sobbing regularly, for the last five years of Mom's life. I'm done letting anyone tell me to "keep your mouth shut or they will take it out on me worse". I don't have to try to protect her from them any longer and will never keep my mouth shut ever again. Mom had undiagnosed mental illnesses, pretty severe at times, so it was ongoing task throughout that 5 year time after Dad was gone.

Your sister sounds like my nightmare sisters. They abused Mom emotionally, she did much of that to us herself, but still not right, and then accuse me of it. They stole from her and blamed me for it. They cheat the government, due to their theft, and then accuse me of it. Apparently I managed to fake my way into SSI back in 2000 in only 6.5 weeks after applying. Yes, I am amazing! :evilgrin:

People I have known my entire life, Mom and Dad's few friends, treat me as if I am trash because of the lies spread by these sisters. This town is only approx. 12,500 pop. city and rural combined. I can barely wait to leave here and actually have a life of my own for the first time ever! :woohoo:

Sister will receive zip as executrix, Mom put it in the will and didn't change it, as ordered by sister, when changing her executor. Sister was apoplectic over it right after Mom died. hehehe :evilgrin:

It sounds as if your mother knows your sister's game. Good for her. Bi-polar disorder is a true hell sometimes, for the one that is ill and their families. I've always tried to stay hidden when the depressions gets bad, I get a bit ornery sometimes, but even in the depths of hell I have always tried to keep the 'Golden Rule' in my mind so as not to hurt people by being vicious. When I am hypomanic, never have had any hypermanic episodes thank the Universe, it actually feels wonderful and people claim I literally glow then! Wish it was more of the hypomanic than the depression though.

Thank you so much for your advice and input. I am so sorry you have had to suffer because of a mean, greedy and jealous fool. :hug:

I'm in NW PA, you anywhere nearby?

Oh, and welcome to DU! :hi: