The guy across the street threatened me this morning.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

Said " I'll fix you once and for all". I called the cops and it turns out I'm "instigating" because I gave the guy the finger !

It all started during the most recent snowstorm when this guy and the plow he and the landlord hired were plowing snow onto my property. I asked them not to do it but when I went outside later in the day, there it was on my sidewalk (my neighbor across the street witnessed it happening). I had words with the landlord when he came out to shovel . He claimed he was not responsible because the tenant engaged the plow. He had told me during the prior storm that they were splitting the cost. I told him that he was responsible as the property owner. I told him to get the plow back there and remove the snow form my property.

I was getting pretty hot under the collar when the tenant drove up and I used the "f" word a couple of times describing his plow driver and the snow that had been plowed on my property. He didn't like that at all. "Don't you curse at me" he says. The cop said today that I was "instigating" then, too.

I'm an out of shape 63 year old woman and I'm not much of a threat to these guys - both also middle aged.

This morning Mr Tenant waved at me from his car while I was walking my dogs. I gave him the finger and he rolled down the window and threatened me "if you ever approach me again - I'll fix you once and for all".

I'd heard from former tenants in that house that he had a bad temper with his girlfriends. I also don't know if the guy owns a gun.

So I call the cops and learn, much to my surprise, that I am instigating when I shoot off my mouth when someone sh*ts on me or when I calmly, wordlessly flip someone the bird.

[Rosa Luxemburg]

1. a forum

http://www.plowsite.com/showthread.php?p=1217035

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

40. Thanks !

Based on convo last night with professional plow driver, the plow driver in question is definitely an amateur. Probably not declaring any of this income either. Hm......

[Name removed]

2. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[eShirl]

3. hire a plow to plow it back onto their property

[eShirl]

6. or better yet... offer to split the cost of the plow 3 ways with them to do your driveway too

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

21. I can do my own driveway - its only about 20 feet long.

If they had asked me if they could put the snow on my property, I would have told them to clear the driveway in front of the garage side I don't use and push the snow there.

They did this to me 5-6 years ago and also to the previous homeowner ( her sister still lives across the street )

[PCIntern]

7. that's exactly what I did many years ago when we had a 32" storm

The idjits across the street put so much snow in front of my driveway that I had to get a guy with a front-end loader, since my guy couldn't plow the now-solid 15 foot drift. It cost me 200 bucks but I told him that I'd give him $220 if he'd put every flake back on their property. When I came home (on the train) I walked the mile or so to my house (in freezing cold weather) and saw The Matterhorn on the property across the street. It was worth the 220 to see the guy's face when he came driving home. It NEVER happened again...and yes, it took until early April for all the snow to melt.

[eShirl]

16. nice

:rofl:

[shireen]

18. wow!

you should have taken some before and after photos! :D

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

22. I may just do it. I talked with a plow driver last night when I

was walking the dogs and got his card. He thought the snow belonged back where it came from !

We had almost 2 feet of snow the other day - and I already had cleared the sidewalk of the prior 2 feet that we got over the last few weeks. I'm running out of room to put it. I have a 7 foot mountain in my little front yard.

[UnrepentantLiberal]

54. You'll get your chance this Wednesday :-)

We have another big snowstorm heading for the North East.

[LiberalFighter]

72. Love it

[Vinnie From Indy]

8. Then when the other guy gets his plow driver back...

to plow the snow BACK onto your property, you can get your video camera and film the whole thing and put it up on youtube and make a bajillion dollars. Millions of people will watch as the plows relentlessly plow the snow from one yard to the other. Maybe you could sell tickets and open a hot chocolate booth to sell to the gawkers while the plows battle it out.

Then again, you could simply offer to buy the guy a cup of coffee or hot chocolate and discuss the issue like grown ups. If that fails, get a lawyer and sue him, the landlord and the plow operator. Let the lawyer handle it from that point forward.

[PCIntern]

10. You're no fun...trying to get all rational and all.

"You're the kind of people what cause unrest."

:P

[WestSeattle2]

13. LOL! Well, thanks for that visual! Too funny.

[eShirl]

15. snowball fight first, THEN hot chocolate

:)

[FailureToCommunicate]

17. +1!

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

24. I tried the "discuss the issue like grown ups". Mr Landlord

was told by the plow driver that the town owns 10 feet from the edge of the street, so it was OK to plow onto the sidewalk. I pointed out to Mr Landlord that if that was true, the town owns my front porch since it is less than 10 feet from the curb (19th century house). I asked him to get the plow back and remove the snow. I had asked them when they were plowing, to not put it on my property. I didn't blow up right from the getgo.

I did get a much needed laugh from the YouTube idea !

[ohheckyeah]

56. That sounds like an awful lot of trouble.

I think she should just kick him in the nuts and be done with it.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

103. Funny, I never thought of that. Never thought of doing anything

physical to them - not even hitting them with my snow shovel. Unless we want to count flipping the bird as a physical attack.

I can only hope that they do think I'm crazy and won't plow snow onto my property again to set me off !

I don't even have to watch to see if they are doing it. I felt the vibrations thru my house on Thurs. - that's when I went on the porch and asked them not to plow onto my property.

[ohheckyeah]

129. That comment was tongue in cheek...

I'm sure you aren't violent, nor am I, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to dream. ;-)

I live in a rural area but I have neighbors who won't even wave at me. When we had been living here about 4 months there was a dog in the neighborhood that barked incessantly. I put out the word that if it didn't stop I was calling animal control. Apparently it got back to the people who owned the dog and they won't speak. I don't really care because I didn't move out to the country with all of the hassles living rural can bring to listen to someone's dog bark day and night.

I pissed off another neighbor by putting out the word I didn't want their cat in my yard because it was killing the birds I feed. Our yard is a wildlife refuge and we go to a lot of trouble and money to feed and provide a good habitat for the wild critters. I'll call animal control in a heartbeat if a cat or dog is consistently coming on my property and killing them.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

20. I was tempted to do that ! n/t

[seabeyond]

4. sigh.... nt

[upi402]

5. at 63 you know it will melt soon enough

if you can get by just let it go


my .02

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

26. This snow is not going anywhere for a long time. We're talking

6-7 foot high mountains on my sidewalk. And more coming this week.

And no, I can't "Get by". I can't get from my driveway or garage to my house unless I use the sidewalk or walk in the street which was narrow to begin with and is even narrower now with all the snow we have. I just spent a couple of hours shoveling it again so I could haul 60 lbs of birdseed from the car to the house.

[WinkyDink]

78. Do you know the law everywhere? Most municipalities do not allow one to "wait" before clearing.

[backwoodsbob]

9. so you cussed him and the next meeting flipped him the bird..

yeah I would react warmly if I was your neighbor..I would probably shovel my yard into your drive.

That's just how I am though...others may react differently

[WinkyDink]

79. Because, of course, words/gestures from a 63-yr-old woman DEMAND vandalism.

[backwoodsbob]

81. and anything a 63 year old doesn't like

DEMANDS a cussing out and a flip of the bird

[WinkyDink]

115. You've got a problem if you equate these actions.

[lynne]

11. My grandma used to say "You get more flies with sugar than vinegar" -

- and she was right. While I understand you being upset, talking to them in a less confrontational manner would have been to your benefit. The minute someone starts the "F" word with me, I shut down and pretty much don't hear anything else they have to say.

[lunatica]

28. Who wants to get more flies?!

LOL!

[Liberal_in_LA]

36. lol. an awesome thread

[gkhouston]

64. Someone with a flyswatter in their hand?

:evilgrin:

[vanlassie]

39. Agree. OP was rude, since she asked our opinions. There are other waysto have handled the matter.

[saras]

80. If you WANT flies, sure

Personally, I'd use vinegar to repel flies, not sugar to attract them.

The neighbor started out breaking the law. However civil you are, the discussion can't lose track of this important fact, and if the neighbor can't handle that, then it's the neighbor who is incapable of civil discussion.

[lynne]

99. The neighbor? The landlord? The plow guy? Who broke the law? -

- Several people were involved and it sounds like it began as a simple misunderstanding. Sometimes things get confused the more people who are involved. No matter who was wrong or right, it is obvious that blasting in with a full head of steam, flipping birds and screaming obscenities didn't do a thing to solve the problem.

Sometimes you have to decide if you want to win or if you want to beat your chest and blow steam. She made her choice and she set the tone. Instead of resolving the situation, she created an even bigger mess - one that will be around long after the snow has melted.

[Common Sense Party]

95. I'm guessing you don't hear much of what is said on DU.

But I'm right there with you. If people can't express themselves without crude vulgarities, I'm not going to pay much attention to them.

Yes, the landlord was in the wrong and was being very insensitive. But by ratcheting up the hostility factor, the OP solved nothing.

[lynne]

97. You're right, I miss a lot here. I avoid the "FU" threads like the plague. -

- The "FU" threads here are 98% knee-jerk reaction and are full of anger. I get enough knee-jerk and anger in real life, I don't need it online, too! LOL!

[Common Sense Party]

98. Too bad there's not a feature where one can auto-hide all threads

with an F-bomb in the subject heading. It would save a lot of time...and I wouldn't have to worry about my daughter looking over my shoulder.

[Heathen57]

106. Maybe you didn't see

that she had tried to talk decently to begin with. The landlord changed his story, and the tenant didn't seem all that willing to work it out either.

I'm sure that a 63 yo woman was a huge threat to these men. :scared:

Me? I'd wait until night when it's cold, pack snow around the undercarriage of his vehicle and then use just enough hot water and more snow until it was a solid block of ice under that car.

Then take video as he tried to thaw it out.

[onethatcares]

12. if I were you

I'd go to the local walmart and buy a gun, a big gun and a bunch of bullets then I would take the big gun and the bunch of bullets I bought and toss them in the river because that would be cheaper than any other scenario.

Why not just be the one with the upper hand by hiring a local kid to shovel your sidewalk, it can't be that long and smile at the asshole that tried to ruin your day.

In this day and age, you don't know who is close to the edge and sometimes all it takes is a casual one finger salute to set them off.

Take a chill pill lil.

[TicketyBoo]

14. Life is not fair.

You will be happier if you don't expect it to be.

If you're going to have trouble over this encounter from now on, the best course of action may be to find a new place to live and move.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

27. No, I'm not selling my house and moving because of them.

The rest of my neighbors are wonderful. Well, other than the ones down the street who let their dog run loose and crap all over the neighborhood. The rest of us are on very good terms and help each other out all the time.

I've just put them on ignore.

[rasputin1952]

19. On a slightly lighter note, but along the same lines....

there were a couple of brothers years ago, and the "Pet Rock" was the "thing". Both of them were prranksters.

Brother #1 gave brother #2 a Pet Rock as a Christmas Gift one year, and everyone chuckled. Brother #2, some 9 months later had 5 yards of pea gravel dumped on Brother #1's front lawn, and a large sign that said, "The rock pregnant, you take care of the kids!".

Sometimes, there are better ways to "get even"...and time makes it all the sweeter.

In your case, the guy "waved" at you because he was flaunting his "win"...I'd have paid some kids to pick up dog crap for a week during the summer, then have them dump it all over his lawn on a hot steamy 3 AM...

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

31. Speaking of dog crap, Mr Landlord has signs on his fence

about picking up after poochy. A couple of weeks ago,the gal down the street told me that he never picks up when his dog poops in front of her house.

[rasputin1952]

61. Not sure about your area, but most places have

ordinances now that can pull a hefty fine if you don't clean behind your dog.

The bad thing is, these neighborhood things tend to escalate; often the the best thing to do is just blow it off and ignore the jerk. One thing that was mentioned though, if this guy is abusive to his spouse SO or kids...and something was going on domestically that could be ugly, I would not turn a blind eye; when people are in danger, there needs to be intervention by the police. Can't do that on conjecture though, something has to be happening. I recall a guy chasing his SO put of the house when I was walking to the store one night, he had a bat in his hand, I yelled, "Hey Asshole!", that's when he stopped for a second and then ran at me, I had already 911 on my cell and let him get about half way to me, (about 25 yards), then backed off slowly, all the time talking to dispatch. 6 cops showed up, (no sirens), in 5 cars and that was that, took them less than a minute to get there. (He was pissed, but he was also a real punk...as soon as he dropped the bat, he knew it was over for him. One cop had the shotgun out...that bothered me more than the bat...:D )Found out later in the paper this guy had a history of abuse, was given 18 months, and 3 years probation. Court issued a serious restraining order too, for when he got out.

Anyway, Stay safe, avoid the jerk when possible. People that act like this are always looking for ways to "justify" their poor behavior.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

63. He doesn't have a live in SO at the moment. The incidents

I referred to go back a couple or 6 years.

I probably can't avoid him since we all live on top of each other here, but I can sure ignore him. Of course, that can tick people off, too

[LiberalFighter]

23. Don't let it go with reporting to the police.

Since they are idiots I would go over their heads. Like the police chief, your city/town council, and mayor.

And you should had pointed out to the dumb ass cop that it was instigated when they illegally trespassed on your property with the snow.

[backwoodsbob]

25. think it through

if she wants to push a claim of trespass over snow on her property they could easily countersue over verbal assault.

does everything need to be settled in court? Can't she just knock on the door and TALK to him instead of cussing him and flipping him the bird?

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

29. There's nothing to talk about.. The cop said that when they do it

again, call the cops. I'll be sure to get the plow drivers license plate # in case he leaves before the cops get here.

Verbal assault ??? For saying "your F'ing snowplow driver pushed the F'ing snow on my property" ? I thought it was colorful language.

[backwoodsbob]

33. and flipping him off

I hate to say this to someone your age but...GROW UP!

If you cussed me and flipped me the bird you probably wouldn't like the result and I can't blame your neighbor.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

37. What does "grow up " mean ? That I can't express my anger

by using "bad words" or "bad gestures" ?.
As I said, if he flipped me right back, I would not have an issue. That would have been the end of it.
How is a threat an acceptable response to cussing or flipping the bird ?

[Name removed]

43. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[backwoodsbob]

47. if you did me that way over a little snow

you would wake up to a mountain and my yard would look like it was summertime.

I can't stand neighbors who try to be *queen bee*

On a side note my wife just read this thread and she said you wouldn't want her as a neighbor

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

65. Right back atcha - both of you !!! n/t

[Heathen57]

107. What would you do to an elderly lady?

Gonna beat her up for telling you something that she had already had been discussed before?

Maybe if they keep it up, she'll have a heart attack from having to shovel the snow the guy dumped on her property. Neighbors used to treat my mother that way when she lived alone. Dump hot water heaters on her property so she had to pay for removal, shovel their walks and leave piles of snow at her property, toss their beer bottles over the fence so she could pay to have them removed, etc.

She did just what you are telling her. Back down, don't stand up for yourself. They might get mad. There antics finally caused her enough stress that it was a contributing factor.

At least this woman is speaking up and all she is hearing is that it is all her fault because she doesn't want to have to clean up others' screw-ups. I'm sure she is a real danger trying to move the two feet of snow from her own sidewalk in addition to the neighbors. That middle finger just might go off.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

128. LOL, Heathen - even though you refer to me as "elderly"

:)

[lepus]

111. If you did that to me over calling you out for being a jerk

Your snow would be returned onto your vehicle. Of course a window is going to break and a good bit of that snow is going inside it. But hey, it's your snow. I'm under no obligation to use due care when returning intentionally deposited refuse.

[blueamy66]

119. His wife would help him out then. nt

[backwoodsbob]

50. if you were a man and did me that way

it wouldn't be pretty.Can't you walk 50 feet?If so walk your ass over there and knock on the door and tell them you need to talk and act like ADULTS without cussing or badmouthing.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

68. There is nothing to talk about.. The cops will be called if they

pull that stunt again. Anyway, if I went over to talk to them, I'd probably be accused of "instigating".

[ohheckyeah]

57. Didn't you know

us women folk are to be seen and not heard? Of course, if the part of us that is seen is the bird then the men folk don't like that either. ;-)

[eilen]

51. She did talk to them first. They blatantly ignored her.

Why do people always assume a woman has to be nice? Men aren't nice when people do shit like that to them. They get right in your face.

[madmom]

30. Wait a minute, he put snow on your sidewalk? Isn't that creating a safety hazard for you or any one

who comes to your residence?

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

32. The cop seemed more concerned about my use of the

"f" word.

[Hannah Bell]

86. yeah, that's what doesn't make sense about this story.

i've never been anywhere where it was legal to clear your driveway by dumping the snow on the sidewalk.

or on your neighbor's sidewalk.

i've lived places where you could dump it on the street for the snowplows (our snows are light). otherwise, your yard.

i've lived places where you were supposed to keep the sidewalk in front of your house shoveled too. observed mostly in the breech but still

i've lived places where the sidewalks were heated too. japanese snow country. first time i ever saw snow as tall as a supermarket.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

105. We're not supposed to shovel or plow it into the street

here. Mr Landlord said that Mr Tenant and Mr PlowDriver told him they would be plowing it into the street. When I told the cop that, he said "there's no place else to put it". So when I shoveled yesterday afternoon, I threw a lot of it into the street since the rules seem to have been suspended.

Most houses on this street are right on the street. They were built in the 1700 and 1800's. They don't have front yards or any grassy area between the house, the sidewalk and the street. I have small side yards on either side of my detached garage where I am throwing a lot of the snow.

I could feel the thud of the plow in my house when they were plowing onto my property - that's how I found out what they were doing and asked them not to do it. Lesson learned - I should have called the cops right then and there.

[Tsiyu]

34. I doubt that the laws in your state will

let the guy go free if he harms you physically. You have the RIGHT to shoot a bird; he does not have the RIGHT to threaten you or harm you.

And if anyone on DU believes that shooting a bird or cursing is grounds for a death sentence, they need to move to Somalia.


The cops in your town sound lazy AND sexist.

If it were me, being a terminal exposer of assholes, I would put up a big sign in the yard that says, in bold red letters:

THE GUY ACROSS THE STREET IS THREATENING MY LIFE.

See, I would embarrass the hell out of him. I would tell all of the neighbors just exactly what he said to you. I would also ask to speak to the chief of police or sheriff as well and ask them if he harms you, are they going to fail to prosecute because you exercised your freedom of speech? I would shame them and ask them if it's "even steven" if he shoots you because he doesn't like your gestures or words? Then I would ask them to cite the law that they claim protects him from a cop visit because you "instigated him in to threatening you."

I understand your frustration. Some men really like to fuck with older women; they get a misogynist thrill out of it, and sometimes it seems your only way to vent is to do what you did. :hug:

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

35. Hugs to you ! I don't want it to get to the point where he

harms me physically. But the houses are close together, the street is narrow (think 1700's-1800's neighborhood) and I walk my dogs. I don't want to have to hide from this a**hole when I'm outside.

I thought the sign going in my yard would be "No Trespassing". Maybe not..... But I may not see my yard until May LOL

I've already started telling the neighbors what happened.

Good advice about talking to the Police Chief. All I expected from the cops was to warn him not to threaten people.

[backwoodsbob]

44. oh please

you cuss him and flip him off and he's the bad guy?

How about this?.Go to his door...knock...when he answers say you are sorry you guys got off on the wrong foot and can you come in and talk about it.

Is that really that much harder than cussing him out and flipping him the bird then crying because he doesn't do what you waNT?

[Name removed]

58. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

66. I'm not crying. I don't need to knock on his door. I don't

need to have anything to do with Mr Landlord or Mr Tenant. If they plow snow the snow from their driveway onto my property again, the police will be called. If I'm not home at the time, my feisty 90 year old neighbor will be calling the police for me.

[Heathen57]

108. Why don't you read the posts she put up?

She already tried to talk to them. She was ignored. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

[CatFancy55]

41. A huge sign in her yard? Um no.

Putting a sign in your yard claiming people want to kill you screams one thing -- neighborhood nut.

You know what else screams neighborhood nut? The guy next door waves at you, and you respond by flipping him off and screaming profanities.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

62. Oh yeah, I'm the nut., That's why I get along so well with all

the other neighbors and have for years.

[backwoodsbob]

53. we would have fun

I would put a big sign in my yard saying*the lady across the street is an asshole*

See how that works in the real world?

[Tsiyu]

87. Oh. I see.

So you are saying you would be the sort to

A) Push snow onto an older woman's property

B) Refuse to help her deal with the mess you've made

C) Threaten to harm her if she curses about your assholishness?

If so, you are not part of any "real world" I know of or wish to be part of...where I live, men help women; they don't try to make them miserable.

I have shamed the biggest bullies you can imagine.

Shame works well....

[Taitertots]

38. It took you 63 years, but maybe now you will have learned that two wrongs don't make a right

Putting snow on your sidewalk- Wrong
Cursing at people- Wrong

Giving people the finger when they wave at you- Wrong
Statements that can be interpreted as threats- Wrong

[Heathen57]

109. I guess his threat wasn't a problem them. NFT

[jonnyblitz]

42. Stand by, Reactived! I hear we are getting another big storm

by this Wednesday here in CT. WTNH weather in New Haven doesn't have exact details yet but they claim we are due for lots of "precipitation" in one form or other. A guy at Home Depot stocking up on rock salt told me he heard it was going to be worse than the last one. I hope that isn't true. Like others, I have no place to put more snow. :(

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

45. Yes, another couple of feet is predicted. I have a feeling I'll be

calling our local Police again this week. My feisty 90 year old neighbor thinks they won't do this to me again, but I'm not too sure.

[Codeine]

46. I guess I'll be the asshole who points out

that there is almost certainly one helluva lot more to your story than you're divulging here.

[CatFancy55]

48. Bingo.

Her version has him saying "if you ever approach me again - I'll fix you once and for all".

If she's admitting he said it in terms of "if you ever approach me again," it sounds like he's just sick of being constantly harassed. She admit he waved at her, and she began screaming and flipping the bird.

We had a neighbor who would do THE EXACT SAME THING. Scream at neighbors, flip people off, call the police constantly, scream about where people were dumping snow. She eventually had to be sent to a mental hospital.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

74. Oh, I'll go check myself in right now. Thanks ! n/t

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

69. There is nothing more to

this story. Why would you think there was ? I have an inconsiderate homeowner across the street from me. He is inconsiderate to other folks on the street. He has a tenant who apparently doesn't cotton to women cussing him or flipping him the bird. He has allegedly been verbally abusive to women in the past. I've never heard it, but the former downstairs tenants complained about it.

[Name removed]

84. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[backscatter712]

49. Lesson learned: The police are fucking useless.

The police are not your friend.

They're job is not to protect you, but to enforce the order for the rich subhumans that have wrested oligarchic control over this country.

Any raised voice is a threat to order, even if that raised voice is to ask them for help dealing with a person who made a threat of violence.

Oh no, the threat of violence isn't the problem, your raised voice and extended middle finger is the problem - it's a threat to order.

The police are the enemy of liberty. Look how they've been behaving in Cairo.

I'm sure the pig-lovers are going to be howling about my raised voice in 3...2...1...

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

75. True. I was talking to a friend tonight about this incident. She

wasn't surprised about the police response. A coworker had an irate person yelling at her over a traffic jam issue and trying to open her car door. She told him to "drop dead" and the cops said she could be cited for "threatening". Different town, same attitude

[lepus]

113. The laws are totally different here.

I would be justified here in drawing a firearm if someone tried to gain entry to my vehicle with me in it.

It sounds like your law enforcement has gotten away from serving the public to the more common "Don't bother us". It is so much easier to harass those that are law abiding than possibly violent law breakers.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

134. I wonder if it would have been ok if she had drawn a gun

instead of using "bad language". The cop did get a lot of criticism from fellow officers - such as "what if that had been your wife ?". (My friend's husband works for the town and hears all the cop gossip)

[Nye Bevan]

85. Hmmm. Sounds like someone is still mad about getting a speeding ticket recently.

But I have a feeling that you would still call 911 if you thought an intruder was in your home.

[backscatter712]

91. Considering the stories I've heard about cops snooping around the homes of people calling them...

after they've been burglarized... Looking for weed so they could get an easy arrest of the homeowner that called them asking them for help.

No, the cops aren't your friends. They'll turn on you even when you're the one calling them for help.

[LucySky]

52. Here's what you do.

With another person present, either invite him over to your place or go to his with a peace offering (some food). Apologize for flipping him off, and tell him that we all get angry, and you are assuming that he did not mean to threaten you.

State that you know that you are both reasonable people, and ask if you can shake hands and work to make the situation better.

If he reacts unfavorably, go back to the police.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

70. No need to go thru all that. The next time they plow their

snow from their driveway onto my property, the police are called. That's what the police advised me and that's what I will do. I don't need to apologize and I'm surely not bringing him a gift.

[LucySky]

82. Great solution if you want a lifetime of animosity with this man.

If you DON'T want a lifetime of animosity (the next issue won't be the snow, it will be something else), my advice still would be to call a truce.

[Heathen57]

110. There are times when a truce

can't be called. Those that behave like this (landlord, tenet) don't have any regard for others. If you read the posts, she had already tried to talk to them. It didn't work.

Besides, according to the neighbor if she tries to talk to him, he is going to "fix her". No way would I take that chance.

[LucySky]

120. In this world we live in, almost any problem can be solved with a little

kindness and face-to-face interaction.

It is very telling to me that after the neighbor waved to the OP, she flipped him off. This, in-turn, crated a threatening response.

If the OP plans on living there in the future, I doubt that she wants a neighbor who she always has to behave like she is on pins and needles with.

There have been disputes with neighbors since the world began, and usually at least one party needs to show some humility in order to get the ball rolling toward a solution.

I am not saying that she should be "friends" with the man, but they should be able to smile and wave at each other. Both of their daily lives will be better that way.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

122. Sorry, LucySky - but I won't be able to make your fantasy

world a reality here. I don't need to smile/wave at him and vice versa for my daily life to be better. Its wonderful as it is right now.

[LucySky]

135. Fantasy? I have solved problems many times worse than this with a kind word.

But, carry on and good luck to you.

Oh, and don't be too surprised when the next person you flip off gets angry.

[TuxedoKat]

121. I agree

I hate what the neighbor and landlord did to you but why would you want to have continued stress and discord in your life? If you go the route suggested here choose a neighbor that the offending neighbor is on good terms with so that he will listen and be inclined to be cordial to both of you. Good luck.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

127. Mr Landlord has already been crying to my next door

neighbor that I yelled at him. He didn't get any sympathy there. He was told that were other places he could have pushed the snow. No one in the neighborhood is on good terms with Mr Tenant. He just comes and goes and doesn't interact with us.

I won't have continued stress and discord in my life from them. I have them on "ignore". If they pull this stunt again then the cops will be called.

[TuxedoKat]

130. Ok

but I hope you won't have to do that. Hopefully he will mend his ways now since he knows the other neighbors don't approve and are watching him. Wishing you the best. :)

[tammywammy]

55. He waved so you flipped him off?

Maybe he was trying to be nice and move on from the previous incident.

[ohheckyeah]

59. If he wanted to be nice he should

have removed the snow from her property that he dumped there.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

71. Oh heck yeah. nt

[Nye Bevan]

60. Just a question since I am curious.

Has giving people the finger and yelling the "f" word at them *ever* resulted in a good outcome for you?

[woo me with science]

67. Gotta ask the same question.

It's funny. Most people consider themselves civil. But civility doesn't count if you ONLY are civil when you aren't pissed at someone or don't think they "deserve it." Real civility means controlling yourself and acting like an adult even when you think the other guy deserves less.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

73. Yes, it enabled me to express my feelings n/t

[Nye Bevan]

83. Ah, but "expressing your feelings" in this case did not really help you.

It got you threatened by someone, it caused the cops not to want to help you out, and it did not help with getting rid of the pile of snow.

Sometimes when somebody is frustrating me, my primal instinct would be to yell and scream, but I restrain myself as this would not be helpful, as it was not in your situation. Instead, I remain calm, polite and unruffled, but insistent that my problem is solved. And it generally always is. The worst I ever resort to is quiet but biting caustic wit.

I know the honey and vinegar is a cliche but if you had remained calm and pleasant there is a much greater chance that your problem would have been solved. Your need to "express your feelings" seems to result in your life being more difficult than it needs to be. A good therapist would be extremely useful in helping you with this issue.

[Tsiyu]

89. Somewhere around here someone has the sig line:

"They call it being a "Good Girl" because "Doormat" was already taken..."

I think she tried to resolve the issue with the bullies across the street. And they acted like, well, bullies. So she got frustrated.

Too bad she couldn't just run into a nearby telephone booth and zip into her Flat Affect Ninja Suit with the Cape of Ladylike Power!







the patronizza in this thread just drips and sizzles....

[Nye Bevan]

94. Refraining from giving the finger and yelling the "f" word does not equate to being a "doormat" nt

[lumberjack_jeff]

76. Odd. Flipping off people usually gets my ass kicked.

So I stopped.

[WinkyDink]

77. There is no such thing as "instigating". Go above that policeman's level.

[Lucian]

88. He waved and you gave him the finger?

Wow.

No sympathy from me.

[Kaleva]

96. +1. Not surprised the OP has 0 recs.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

102. I wasn't looking for recs. I was looking for a discussion and I

got a very interesting and varied one.

[TicketyBoo]

90. Flipping someone off

is so classless. And juvenile.

There has to be a better (and smarter) way to handle your emotions.

[TwilightGardener]

92. He didn't have the right to threaten you, and you had the right to flip him off.

I don't get the cop's response--but at least you let them know, in case this dude gets stupid in the future.

[rustydog]

93. Yes you were instigating. It could be called provoking an assault

[Raine]

101. Yeah and if the guy beats her to a bloody pulp

it's her own fault because she "provoked the assault" by giving him the finger! :sarcasm:

edit: typo

[WinkyDink]

114. Well, it COULD be, except the law wouldn't recognize it.

She didn't use THREATENING language, nor was the man in imminent danger from her, by any reasonable standard.

[PavePusher]

100. So much for calls for "civility", eh? n/t

[BooScout]

104. Doesn't the city or county own the sidewalks?

Last time I checked, your local municipality owns the sidewalks.....not you. I can't beleive you picked a fight over someone dumping snow out of the street or driveway and on to a sidewalk. You seriously need to chill.

[Heathen57]

112. You a homeowner?

If you were, you would know that the city (at least here) owns the sidewalk and from there to the curb. But you are required to clean and maintain those areas, shovel the walks, replace the broken concrete, keep the grass or weeds down water the trees that they put in (or require you to put in), etc. We are also required to keep the gutters clean of debris, including the whiskey bottles and dead animals.

She had 2 feet of her own snow to remove, PLUS the four of five feet of packed snow from the inconsiderate neighbors across the street. A woman her age shouldn't have to be trying to move that much snow. What happened to helping a neighbor rather that being an arse and doing something you know is illegal and have already been contacted about in a civil manner.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

125. Thank you , Heathen ! Some folks on this thread think I am

a terrible neighbor, a crazy lady, rude, need to grow up, etc.

You know what I did today since we had a warmish sunny day ? After I cleared the snow from my patio roof (its like a carport cover made out of metal) so I could open my basement door completely (the roof sags a bit under the weight of the snow) I cleared the frozen debris from the gutters on it (didn't get to that this fall due to the car accident injuries). Then I shoveled some snow into the street where it can melt. I made a channel in the snow/ice in the street gutter in front of my house and my neighbor's house so the water could run to the storm sewer opening.

I thanked the guy who owns the body shop 2 doors down for removing the 10 foot mountain of snow from over the storm sewer opening when he had the backhoe at the yard yesterday. I made sure there was a channel so the water can run from his property to the storm sewer, too. He ran his plow in front of my house and pushed some snow into the street. My next door neighbor will do the same tomorrow and finish clearing the ice near the storm drain so the water flows better.

Most of my neighbors are wonderful - we all look out for each other. I'm just going to ignore the others.

[WinkyDink]

116. You know not of which you speak. All homeowners are responsible for their sidewalks, period.

This includes clearing of snow/ice within the time-frame set by the municipality; and it includes repairing any cracks or juttings/upheavals that endanger others.

[greytdemocrat]

117. Spring is coming

And snow melts. Don't get yourself all worked up over this. It's hardly the end of the world.

[cbdo2007]

118. Wow, you must have a lot of time to be out side fighting all day about plowed snow.

Some things you just need to....let go. Especially when the other people are assholes, it's usually a better idea to just ignore them being the occasional asshole than for you to waste any energy at all fighting with them.

My wife's parents live on a country road where they get in fist fights every year over snow plowing and the cops are called multiple times. We lived there last winter and it was the stupidest, most childish thing I had ever seen in my life. Their next door neighbor had just plowed his driveway to make these giant piles of snow next to the road, so the guy across the street plowed two strips of his driveway to the same place, and the rest of it on his property.

Of course the cops were called because they had shoveled like 2 feet of snow on the other people's property. THERE WAS SNOW EVERYWHERE, WHO CARES ABOUT EXTRA SNOW ON YOUR PROPERTY!!! It was ridiculous.

You both sound like you are at fault here, him for being an asshole and you for looking out your window all day long just waiting for the smallest little thing to get mad at him about.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

123. Umn, no I was not looking out my window all day. I felt the

snow plow hitting the snow into my house so I asked them not to do that. The angry words were exchanged later in the day when I was out there shoveling the snow. And I don't think that plowing several feet of snow onto my sidewalk is the "smallest thing". Now I have to clean it up. Is that fair ?

[cbdo2007]

124. So take a couple of pictures and call a lawyer and sue them. Getting up in their

faces and calling the cops is just looking for more trouble.

There is plenty in life that isn't "fair". Most people let 99% of the things slide by without going out and cussing out their neighbors about them. That makes me think you are just as much a part of the problem here as your neighbors are.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

126. There has to be a loss in order to sue.

And if I was inclined to sue, I'd do it myself. If they had damaged my fence, I would have taken pix and filed a claim in small claims court. No need to pay a lawyer for simple stuff.

[Vinnie From Indy]

131. Since you want to go the crazy lady route instead of the rational, adult route, here's what ya do!

Go out tomorrow and rent a refrigerated warehouse and fill it to the top with the abundant snow around the neighborhood. Patiently wait until the early morning hours of the fourth of July. Send a fleet of dump trucks to go retrieve the snow that you have been storing and have them deposit it in your neighbors yard. Then, round up some friends and shape the snow into a gargantuan hand flipping the bird toward your neighbor's front door. If you want, you could take any additional snow and spell out "FUCK YOU! You Fucking Fuckety Fuckface!" around the base of the giant hand giving the finger. Get yourself a bunch of lawn chairs and invite friends over to watch the neighbors reaction when he comes out the door. That'll teach him and permanently cement your reputation in the 'hood one crazy-ass old lady!

Cheers!

[AngryAmish]

132. Shit in their mailbox

It is the only reasonable solution.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

133. It's mounted a little high on the door frame for me to hoist

myself up there and poop in it.

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: