Straight DUers: has a "homo-sexual" ever made advances toward you?

[jmowreader]

Over in one of the "Jim Robinson Goes Into DADT Meltdown Mode" threads, someone posted a comment he gleaned from the cesspool of the internets about "homo-sexuals" making advances to him. IIRC, the guy would kill any "homo-sexual" who did this were murder legal, and of course such incidents have been very few.

So...since we as liberals are FAR more likely to actually know any gays than anyone who hangs out on FR, I would like to know: has a gay person (for guys) or a lesbian (for ladies) ever made a pass at you? I'm thinking the answer is no because one of the greatest talents gays have is the ability to detect gayness in others, but whatcha think?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. I'm a straight female, and as far as I know, no lesbian has ever done that.

It could be that I'm oblivious, though...

:shrug:

[justiceischeap]

113. How you doin'?

A lesbian has now hit on you! :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

122. I'm good, thanks!

And thank you for the compliment!

:hug:

[Warren DeMontague]

2. Honestly, I'd be a little disappointed if none ever had.

I mean, even if the gate doesn't swing that way, it's nice to be noticed.

[Dorian Gray]

83. Seriously

I've been complimented and chatted up by a lesbian, though she knew I was straight and I wouldn't consider it totally being hit on. But I find it extraordinarily flattering to be complimented by anybody!

[Mojorabbit]

3. It happened to me

when I lived in japan. A airman friend had married a girl from the phillipines who made multiple passes. She was very unhappy in the marriage. She hated his cat which I ended up with and adored for years after.

on edit..this was in the late 70's and even then no one I knew in the military cared one way or another if someone was gay.

[Marr]

4. A few times. I was actually rather flattered, to be honest.

When they realized I wasn't gay, the flirt was turned off and it went back to friendly. No big deal.

[TBF]

53. Same here. I took some women's studies classes in college so

it wasn't really surprising in hindsite. I was flattered but not interested.

[Amonester]

5. You'd be surprised. The misconception that all 'homo-sexual'

humans always conduct themselves respectfully of others is real.

Humans are human, you know. Nobody is 'perfect', and certainly not that stupid freeptard also. The more that a-hole freaks out, the better...

May he freak out forever (he deserves it).

[verges]

121. If a misconception is real

than it's not really a misconception is it?

[Skip Intro]

6. I'm not about to see any segment of our society in those terms.

A "gay" talent? I'm sorry. I know you meant no harm by that, but think about it. It's like saying "most gays this or that," which is akin to saying most white people or most black people or most hispanic people do this or that. You know?

At any rate, yes, I have been approached by gay guys. And once or twice I've thought about it. I don't see it as a label, I hate labels. I see it more as a thing where people are people, and attraction occurs spontaneously sometimes.

I will say that the same rules that apply to women and men apply here. No means no. And I did have one very interested dude that just didn't get that.

[hfojvt]

7. yes

what can I say, I am apparently kinda hot - to other guys.

I am not sure if the anonymous internet stuff should count though. Before I deleted windows messenger I got fairly regular messages from guys looking to hook up at 1 a.m. Once a month or so.

[JDPriestly]

8. I'm an older straight female who has always had lots of gay and lesbian

friends as well as many straight friends. When I was young, I was considered to be pretty attractive. No gay or lesbian person ever made a pass at me, but I can't say the same for straight men.

I did suffer from the revenge of a lesbian woman in college. Seems I saw her kissing her girlfriend in the dorm. She exercised her influence to keep me out of an honorary sorority for which I was otherwise qualified and made all kinds of trouble for me including framing me so that she and her friends could put me on probation for something I did not do.

I was not at all concerned about having seen her kiss her girlfriend. It simply did not interest me. I was very young and naive and figured it was her business. But she never forgave me just for happening on her and her friend. I did not figure out why she hated me so much until many years later.

Other than that, my gay and lesbian friends have been great.

[Bobbieo]

34. This episode makes me wonder just how tolerant gay people would be to to straight people if

the gays were a majority group.

[Bluenorthwest]

82. That was a person in a closet protecting herself from harm

The intolerance was seen in the need for secrecy in her relationship, which lead to the need for building walls of trust and protection. In a world where the lesbian woman could simply go about her life, she's not have to keep a secret at all. The problem in that scenario was the lack of acceptance by the larger world. The problem is the system that made those young women hide, and feel the need to hide.
I would suggest that similar reactions occur when a straight yet forbidden relationship comes to light, that is, happening upon adultery might not lead to charming moments of warmth from the adulterers toward the discovery of their secret. In fact, such discovery has been known to end in blackmail, murder, and the whole raft of bad, without so much as a single homosexual being withing shouting distance.
Think about it.

[Skittles]

9. define advances

when I was in the military quite a few gals let me know they were INTERESTED; they didn't make actual passes

[blueamy66]

10. No, but my gay girl friend

hit on my boyfriend!

He now thinks he is the bomb!

[LawnLover]

11. I've had a gay co-worker ask me out. Does that count? nt.

[Lost-in-FL]

12. Yes, a lesbian once did and I felt flattered.

Nonetheless, I was in her territory (I was in a gay club with my best friend who is lesbian). That was the only time it happened in my 35 yrs of straight existence.

And no, I didn't had a metldown about it.

:-)

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

13. a simple "no" has always been sufficient, atleast when they were sober

A couple drunks were a little more persistent, particularly a transatlantic flight next to an off-duty and shitfaced male flight attendant last year who was just fucking annoying - but practically speaking somebody who is just looking to get laid isn't going to waste their time harassing somebody who clearly isn't interested just for the sake of making them uncomfortable.

[stevenleser]

102. So true, and, wow, how about that, it works the same for straight people

Both people I've observed and people who have hit on me, whether female or male. Almost everyone takes the 1st 'no' on goes on their merry way. Unless they are drunk. Then all bets are off regardless of gender or orientation.

[Edweird]

14. Yes. I also went out with a pre-op tranny unknowingly.

I was working in the deep dark underground goth/industrial/fetish scene. A lot of events are held at gay bars - it just works out that way.

The tranny I met on myspace and couldn't tell from across the table on the date. She was hot.

Also for a real twist: One of my most epic nights EVER happened after a woman assumed I was gay because I was at a goth club 'reunion night' at one of the aforementioned gay bars. She was going to experiment with women for the first time, got cold feet I guess and started coming on to me. The whole time she was saying something like "it's ok because you're gay" and I kept telling her I wasn't.

[Raine]

15. No, no woman ever has

I've had plenty of obnoxious straight guys making advances in my younger days.

[tularetom]

16. No but I remember in HS making a move on a girl who wasn't into guys

She tried to explain this to me diplomatically but the subtlety of her explanation did not penetrate my hormonally supercharged brain. Finally she brushed me off with a very direct remark. I still didn't get it but I was pissed off enough to leave her alone. It wasn't until years later that I finally realized she was trying to keep her sexual orientation secret because homosexuality was frowned upon in rural California in the late 1950's.

It embarrasses me even today when I think about what a dumb shit I was.

[Behind the Aegis]

17. I am gay and have had straight men hit on me.

Some weren't even drunk. :)

[stillwaiting]

55. Me Too!!

But those "straight" guys weren't Kinsey 0's that's for sure.

:)

[meegbear]

93. +1

[terrya]

136. Years ago, I had the chance to go to bed with a straight guy.

He was "curious". :-)

[Behind the Aegis]

139. Gots to love that!

I have been with more than a handful. The funny thing is I am not masculine (not a screaming queen either), I guess I seemed non-threatening. College had some good years for me. :)

[MilesColtrane]

18. No, I'm not getting any action from either team.

:(

[pacalo]

19. I'm a straight female who hasn't, but in my experiences there are a lot of men who

think a smile or friendly chat is a come-on. That could easily be the case with those who think they are being hit on. Some people have big egos & want to be thought of as desireable & would even lie about incidents that never even happened.

[Dappleganger]

20. Yes, I've been "hit" on numerous times...

and I always take it as a huge compliment. :)

[DemocratAholic]

21. detect gayness?

I think this suggestion that some people have the ability to detect "gayness" is total bullshit. If you're able to detect gayness, it's because somebody wants you to. If they don't...it's pure speculation on your part. How many people have been "accused" of being gay who are not? I have heard people say that very often in my life, and most of the time they are wrong. So, someone is right about "gayness" 10 percent of the time, and they think they have some "ability?" Honestly, one of the most annoying characteristics I think a person can have, gay or straight, is to be going around speculating about whether people are gay. It's so obnoxious. Maybe some people hope other people are gay, and are delighted to find out they are gay. Meanwhile, they conveniently forget about all the people they were wrong about.

[RobinA]

56. I Think

that a lot of "gay detection" is based on sterotypes, even by other gays. I am female. Had a male friend who was hetero all the way, but he was small, well-dressed, well groomed and a really non-threatening guy. Hit on by gay man all the time. And straight women. Everybody wanted the guy. He didn't have a problem with the attention, pretty much took it in stride. I was hit on a gay woman once, apparently judged by the fact that I was single at the time. This was actually someone who could have been a nonsexual friend because we were in some ways on the same wave length. Just not when it came to sex. We didn't have much contact after she found out I wasn't interested, so the chances of a platonic friendship were nil. I was flattered, but I just don't play for that side.

[Vickers]

22. Yes, twice.

Once I was in a "gay" bar.

The other time I was on a plane (first class!).

I wasn't offended either time. More flattered than anything (full disclosure: I'm pretty ugly).

[MrSlayer]

23. Many times in my life.

I've been hit on by gay dudes since I was a kid. When I was young it would bother me because it was usually aggressive. Guys don't show their interest in you the same way girls did or usually do. However, it quickly got to the point where I would and do take it as a compliment. As a person who would make the likes of Narcissus seem like a self-loather, I'm happy to accept anyone's adulation.

Here's an interesting story about one such occasion. I was about 23 and I'm out to lunch with a bunch of guys in my crew. I work construction so these are all hard boiled, "manly" men. You know the type, wolf whistling, super alpha and all that crap type guys. Good dudes all but not the most enlightened in some respects.

So anyway we're at this bar and there is limited seating, so as I'm the apprentice I'm the odd man out. We're all at tables but because of the space I have to sit by myself. I'm close enough to engage in conversation so it's no big deal. After a few minutes this older man comes and sits next to me at the table, sees that my beer is almost done and asks if I wanted another. Of course I accept, it's free friggin beer and since it's like $5 at this particular joint, this is a score. It quickly becomes very obvious that this guy is gay and it just scares the shit out of the two other guys I was talking to, they just turn around and exit the conversation. Now, their discomfiture is highly amusing to me and since the dude just bought me a beer I continue talking to him. First it's just regular small talk and whatnot and then he starts flirting with me hard, putting his hand on top of mine, touching my foot, telling me he wanted to take me to Jamaica with him and all this other stuff. It was a pretty good pitch really. So anyway lunch ends and I thank the guy for the beer and tell him I'm flattered by the attention but that I have a girl and a kid and Jamaica is just not going to happen. He was cool about it said something along the lines of "you can't fault a guy for trying" or some such. So, we're walking back to the job and the dudes I'm working with are horrified by all this. It's all "How could you let that fag touch you?" and "Why didn't you kick his ass?", typical caveman bullshit. So my reply is that first, I knew it would bother them and I find it funny. Secondly, that this old dude was clean, squeaky clean and I'd rather have him touch me than any of them with their greasy mitts. And thirdly, that it would be ridiculous to kick someone's ass simply for buying me a beer and finding me attractive. Hell, this old queen was offering me better shit than any woman ever had and you knew he wasn't bullshitting. It would have been rude to react with violence.

Of course, most of them didn't get it and would have "done something" about it but I didn't see anything to "do something" about. To me, it was just an amusing conversation. I see some of those guys now and then and they'll break my balls about it, asking me how Jamaica was and shit like that. It's still funny and maybe someone learned something.

[Pushed To The Left]

24. Yes, and I was very flattered! n/t

[LooseWilly]

25. Yes, more than once...

A friend once came-out by hitting on me, leaving me to talk him down and get himself dressed again. If I could've mustered interest I'd've been been happy to oblige... he's a cool guy. It just... didn't work that way.

Then there was the strange guy in a park in Mexico (Durango? Mexico City? Can't remember...) who loved going into elaborate details on the merits of diameter vs. length... hoping to change a no into a yes?

The list goes on...

What the hell?... can't blame a guy for trying... right?

[HipChick]

26. yes,many times....but I am secure enough with my own sexuality

that it doesn't bother me..

[Heidi]

27. Yes, and I can say "No, thank you" as easily to a woman as I can to a man.

To be "interested" in someone does not make on a rapist/predator, and that's what Freepers imply about our gay brothers and sisters.

[lazarus]

28. back before I realized I'm bi

it happened all the time. I took it as a compliment.

And it could be their gaydar worked just fine, and I just didn't realize it yet. :D

[Crystal Clarity]

29. I voted yes because

it's happened a couple of times. But in both cases the women backed off once it became clear that I was straight. No harm, no foul... In fact, I must admit that I was kind of flattered.

[etherealtruth]

30. Other human beings have expressed a sexual interest in me

Those I have been interested in I have pursued, those I have not been interested in I have politely declined.

[cherokeeprogressive]

31. Gay or Straight... to know me is to want me.

It's a cross I have to bear. Straight men swoon over me, and Gay women want to have my children.

Sucks to be me.

[JuniperLea]

135. LOL!!

You had the guts to say what I only thought!

:rofl:

[Arkana]

144. Quagmire, is that you?

[DrDan]

32. "yes" - but it was not a big deal

Seems to me you think of someone as being either being 100% gay or 100% straight - as opposed to some balance of "gayness" and "non-gayness" in everyone.

[CLANG]

33. I would have taken the "I'm not sure" option.

I guess I've never been that good at interpreting facial expressions or other visual cues. I've always been surprised when I find out a woman likes me because I miss the cues that people give when they are interested. I guess I'm inept in that way, but that's the reason I'm not really sure if I've ever been hit on in a more subtle way by a man. Direct and unmistakable hitting? Never.

[barbtries]

35. a lot of years ago

in a bar, and it didn't get too far. i was there with my boyfriend after all.

[eShirl]

36. yes but she had mistaken me for another lesbian

dressed like an art student in a sea of LL Bean

[rucky]

37. Once, but I was in a gay bar at the time. n/t

[Uben]

38. 56 yrs, never

I have never been propositioned by a gay man, and I have several gay friends. I met most of them through my wife who is a former family counselor, so that might be why those did not proposition me. I don't know, I guess I just don't exude whatever needs to be exuded. I never really think about it since I am terminally straight. I know straight men who have been approached over the years.

[DailyGrind51]

39. I worked with gays at a university and we all just did our work and hated our boss!

[howard112211]

40. I let a gay man buy me drinks once....

I figured women do it all the time and all that :hide:

[Le Taz Hot]

41. Sure.

It's always nice to be appreciated.

[RadiationTherapy]

42. Yes. Many times. Some even knew I was straight.

Knowing a person's sexual orientation does not preclude the potential for a sexual encounter.

[Warren Stupidity]

43. Given that da gays have da gaydar if you got hit on you are da gay.

Sorry, but for some reason I find this poll very silly.

[d_r]

49. you know

I think that line of reasoning is why the homophobes get so uptight about the idea of a gay person hitting on them.

[Warren Stupidity]

51. exactly my point

[RadiationTherapy]

50. Very silly. It also treats the mythical 'Gay' as someone who is more attuned to

sexual orientation expressions, which is untrue.

[stray cat]

44. Detecting gayness? Is there a checklist?

[BlueJazz]

45. Once but a polite "no...I'm straight" was all it took for him to just be a friend.

I didn't think it was that big a deal....and I was rather flattered...he was damn good-looking. :)

[Chorophyll]

46. Well...

I have to take exception to "one of the greatest talents gays have is the ability to detect gayness in others." That's a little bit like saying all gay people are great decorators. What's a great talent that straight people have? Black people? Women?

I just think sweeping generalizations are a bad idea, especially at DU.

[Codeine]

47. it's happened. Not everybody who is gay has gaydar.

I got hit on frequently by older men when I was a kid just getting started in retail, and just weeks ago at a Borders bookstore a young man asked me if I wanted to go into the restroom with him. I politely declined in each case.

[d_r]

48. yes

I've been to gay bars quite a few times and have never been hit on in one (but I've been with groups not alone), but I've been inquired about in personal relations ("so, DR, just how straight are you?"). I was flattered.

[Yo_Mama]

52. Is the implication that no GLB person has the right to ask?

Other than us all walking around wearing buttons to identify sexual preference, aren't most people going to make a mistake at least once in their lives? I don't think being ASKED qualifies as disrespectful at all. Asking is not molestation.

Why not a poll to ask gays and lesbians if they have ever been asked out by a straight?

I'm wondering why this question is being asked.

[panzerfaust]

54. When I was young and in the Navy and in San Diego

Reading and sketching in a quiet part of Balboa Park ... I found myself *apologizing* for not being gay, got on my bike and rode off.

It was strange.

[The Wizard]

57. Once in a hotel bar

Lindsey Graham's date winked at me.

[marmar]

58. Yes......and so what?

I like knowing that I'm Hawwwt, whoever hits on me. :P

[NNN0LHI]

59. I haven't ever had anyone make advances towards me. Man or woman

I'm thinking I may not be that good looking?

:P

Don

[pipi_k]

99. Wow that sucks...how about non-humans?

:7

[DainBramaged]

60. Dogs love me......

[Name removed]

61. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[CTyankee]

62. No, and I have many lesbian friends and associates. I have also had two lesbian

gynecologists over the years. My husband was a little surprised but since they were great docs and highly respected by their patients, gay and straight, it was never an issue...

[OnionPatch]

63. Yes, but it was not much different than being hit on by a man.

I wasn't offended because it was a woman rather than a man. I deal with unwanted advances in the same way, regardless.....politely say "No thanks."

The argument that the soldiers will be exposed to sexual advances if DADT is scrapped is so lame. Almost everyone is exposed to sexual advances at some point in their lives. You just deal with it like a grownup. It's part of life. Now if the advances become harassment, I'm sure the military has an avenue to deal with that whether you and/or your harasser is a male or female.

[Arkansas Granny]

64. I've been flirted with by other women, but it was always when I was

partying with friends at a gay bar. Once they found out I was straight, they didn't pursue it any further. I wasn't offended by the offer and they weren't offended by the refusal.

[lukasahero]

65. Straight female hit on by more women than men

HOWEVER, it should be understood that I probably appear more open to the advance than most which would lead these women to feel comfortable making such.

[bullwinkle428]

66. Does it count if I happened to be in a gay bar when it happened?

[H2O Man]

67. Yes.

Perhaps surprising, considering that I'm ugly as sin. But never a problem.

[NightHawk63]

68. Happened to me several times when I was younger.

Ironically, it was when I was in the Army.

[flvegan]

69. Oh yes, numerous times.

I found it quite flattering. Matter of fact I used to have a co-worker who was gay, knew I wasn't, but would come by my desk and flirt with me, hug me, etc almost every day. It's nice to have someone attracted to you regardless of gay/straight/white/black/green/blue/plaid.

[MineralMan]

70. Yes, a couple of times. No big deal.

People are attracted to other people. If you're not interested, just say so. That seems to work pretty well.

[JoePhilly]

71. A few times.

Once on a business trip to London. The trip was for 2 weeks and each night my colleagues and I would walk from the office where we were working back to the flat we rented. And each night we took a different path home, and hit every pub we passed. One of the pubs turned out to be a "gay bar". And a guy there hit on me until we just had to leave. I told him I was straight, told him I was engaged (which was true), didn't matter. He was as bad as any straight guy endlessly hitting on an uninterested woman.

The other time was at a goodbye party for a friend. The friend was gay, and almost every one there was gay as well. About 50 people. I was there with my girlfriend (one of only 2 straight couples there). I was talking with my gay friend and another guy (also gay) who I did not know. We talked for a while, and then the guy (the one I didn't know) suddenly asked me out. He wanted to know if I might come back to his place after the party. It caught me off guard and I didn't know what to say, and then my friend started laughing at the other guy for having not been able to tell I was straight (as you mention, he was supposed to be able to tell I was straight), and then my friend pointed out my girlfriend who was on the other side of the room, surrounded by gay women. The three of us started to crack up because it was clear that the women around her had also been unable to tell my girlfriend was straight. My friend suggested that I walk over, say "hey honey", kiss her, then walk off. So I did. When I walked back, he and the other guy were dying laughing because now the gay women all looked shocked and confused that they had not been able to tell. A great discussion ensued about "gaydar" and who can tell, who can't ... they began to describe each other and what their "tell" was. Which of them was "most gay". It was a great party.

[sweetapogee]

72. yes

one time for sure, several other times, I think but wouldn't go to the wall on it.

[AngryAmish]

73. Important article on this issue here

[GiveMeFreedom]

74. Yes

When I was young, I was propositioned more than once.

However, I know that I am getting along in age by the fact that gay guys

do not whistle at me anymore, such a shame really.

[HopeHoops]

75. Many times, even when they knew I was straight. Only one ever bothered me.

When I was in high school, a guy named Craig (at Jack-n-the-Box) was in the "flamboyant" category. I considered him a good friend, although he was a little older. One day my mother and I stopped in there after a dentist appointment (school hours). While I was ordering, the conversation went something like this:

Craig: "Now is that your mom?"
Me: "Yep, that's her."
Craig: "Oh, she's SO pretty. I guess that means I can't flirt with you today."
Me: "Yeah, that would probably be a bad idea, Craig."

I think a lot of it was him just having fun, but I'll tell you one thing - there's no way he would ever have let anything happen to any of us (kids from high school). He got a lot of shit from people, but he was 100% good inside.

Now for the one who bothered me. My boss and I used to eat at Ruby Tuesday's because of the salad bar. The one in question was a waiter there and frankly went overboard on the "flamboyant" thing - eye sparkles even. He was always making comments and staring at me. I think my long hair was the attraction. I brushed that all off. What bothered me was when I took my wife and three daughters to eat there once while he was serving. He wasn't our waiter but was working in the same section and spent the ENTIRE time giving my wife what she referred to as "cat eyes" (new term to me at the time). THAT is the only thing that bothered me!!! He made HER uncomfortable!

Other than that one individual, I've had absolutely no problems with anyone because of their sexual orientation, even when they were hitting on me - which other than the "cat eyes" guy has only occurred when she wasn't with me. What's the difference between someone gay and someone straight making an unwanted advance? Unless you are REALLY FUCKING INSECURE, it shouldn't bother you. :shrug: Simply decline.

[distantearlywarning]

76. Yes, a lesbian made it known to me that she would be interested if I was

It was a gentle "pass".

I made it clear that my door didn't swing that way, and that was the end of it.

The sky didn't fall. The world didn't end. Everyone went on with life. It was not traumatic for me. I did not catch "teh gay" from merely contemplating the idea.

[aikoaiko]

77. Him: What time is it? Me: About 2 am. Him: When you gonna let me suck you off?

Back in the day I was cute enough to draw attention.

[itsrobert]

78. I accidently clicked "NO"

Thinking the "Yes" was on top. I have been hit on several times. The last time, just a month ago.

[Nikia]

79. I have been hit on by lesbians several times

Only once did I consider it a problem because it was persistent. Most lesbians are more respectful of "no" than most heterosexual men.

[slackmaster]

80. Sure, many times. It happened a whole lot more often when I was 16-20

Chickenhawks, I believe they were called.

[Ron Green]

81. Only when I was in the Army.

Other EM a couple of times, and once it was my own First Sergeant, drunk and blubbering, in my cadre room late at night.

:crazy:

[montanto]

84. Yes, several times.

As others have said, I was flattered. Girls don't usually come right up and make offers, so it's kinda cool to think "hey, at least someone thinks I'm hot!" even if it isn't a woman. I don't find it threatening, in fact it makes me feel good. I simply decline on the grounds that I'm on the other team.

[TheKentuckian]

85. A few stray times, sure. I think the "gaydar" thing exists but is far from certain

and gay guys are still guys so some of them don't care about taking a stab at a straight guy but none have been overbearing in any crazy way.

You see someone you're attracted to and see what happens like anything else, I reckon.

I don't think it is wise to pretend that gay knows gay or whatever, you'll be made a fibber. The key is that you can pass. I think a lot of straight guys are simply not used to saying no to sex and don't want to have to think about it. Some are probably deeply afraid that they'll be unable to refuse or something.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

86. I wouldn't say actual advances, just subtle hints,

but I've never had a lesbian persist after I dropped equally subtle hints that I am straight.

[blondeatlast]

87. Other: I don't label myself one way or the other. I vastly prefer men, but have

enjoyed relations with a woman on two occasions (one of those I was the instigator); another occasion was a disaster--but so were some of my relations with men.

[Motown_Johnny]

88. I think tolerance sometimes throws the "gaydar" off.

I honestly believe that because I treat gay men the same as other men that they pick up on that as my having some interest in them.



So the answer to the poll question is yes, but they have always been pretty good about taking no for an answer (although they sometimes try more than once, maybe they think I am closeted).

[lumberjack_jeff]

110. That's interesting.

Maybe selection bias accounts for the unexpectedly high yes votes.

[uncommon]

89. Yes, but only under the influence :) and never repeatedly after being turned down, which is more

than I can say for the heterosexual men who have hit on me.

[Graybeard]

90. If you say "No" you're just not paying attention.

People make passes at people all the time. Straight/straight,gay/gay, gay/straight. It's all part of that wonderful Kabuki Dance that we do called life. No big deal.

[shrike]

91. A gay man made a pass at my husband

It was before I met him, he was having a few drinks at a local bar, listening to music. He struck up a conversation with the man next to him. After a little while, the man put his hand on his thigh. DH told him 'no, thank you,' he was straight, and the man apologized. They went on with their conversation, which was enjoyable, and said good night.

DH is robustly heterosexual, which is probably why he's always gotten along well with gay men. He has no issues with his sexuality whatsoever.

I've never had a woman make a pass at me, but more than a few of them have checked me out. Then again, men have checked me out all my life, so why should I be pissed off if a woman does it?

[Kingofalldems]

92. As a 16 yr old hitch hiking to work

Unwelcome advance in his car.

[bemildred]

94. A couple of times. Sort of a compliment, I suppose.

I've had women hit on me too. The women actually got more aggressive then the gays.

[LWolf]

95. No. But if someone makes an unwanted pass,

it doesn't really matter their gender or orientation; it just matters that it's unwanted. I'd thank them for the compliment, decline, and move on.

[Rob H.]

96. Yes, and I found it flattering

I just took it as a compliment since it's always nice to be found attractive. Hasn't happened in a while, though.

[laylah]

97. Yes, I have always told them

my husband doesn't let me date. :rofl: Many, MANY good friends/family that are LGTB...bright lights in my life.

Jenn

[pipi_k]

98. Does it count...

not so much that a lesbian has ever "made a pass" at me, but I have had a few women say to me, "If I were gay I could really go for you".

Whatever that means.


I just took it as a compliment.

[GreenStormCloud]

100. Yes.

The first time it was my boss. I was so naive that I didn't know he was making an advance. I was fairly young back then. Anyway, nothing came of it. It must have been a bit frustrating for him to be making an advance and and the subject not knowing it was an advance.

The few other times they have been strangers.

The funniest was over the citizens band radio. I don't count that as being personally hit on as the gay guy was trolling for sex on the CB. The truck drivers were being very insulting and verbally abusive to him. He was one of those really witty guys that could give a funny snappy comeback to anything. I listened the to banter for about 200 miles. It helped me stay awake on a long drive.

[stevenleser]

101. Yes, but so what? I really don't see what the big deal is.

It's happened a few dozen times to me. It never offends me. Oh my god, someone finds me attractive.

Maybe that is what the deal is, most Freeptards aren't used to being found attractive by anyone.

[social_critic]

103. Yep, but I was parked in a gay bar's parking lot

A friend and I had been out partying, and he started throwing up in the car, so I went into the first place I could find, and it was a gay bar's parking lot (by the way, I was the designated driver, i don't drink and drive). As I waited for my friend to finish puking, a gay dude approached me. I told him I was just waiting for my friend to finish throwing up. I think he thought my friend and I were gays, so he walked away. A few days later I joked about it with a gay friend, and he laughed and told me he had been inside the same bar at the time.

[ieoeja]

104. Yes. And regarding your thinking ... almost exclusively where anti-gay bigotry prevails.

I grew up in rural Indiana and was hit upon several times by gay men. Since moving to Chicago I have only been hit upon by one gay man, and he had just recently moved their from rural Wisconsin.

Apparently, "gaydar" only works when people are free to express their sexuality.

This, of course, means that open sexuality would benefit those so horribly afraid of having someone of the same gender make a pass at them that they consider it a capital offense (and I have met plenty of those people as well).

[MoonRiver]

105. Yes, and that was AFTER I got married.

She wasn't aggressive, however,just let me know she was interested. Was very weird.

[lumberjack_jeff]

106. Yes. But not since 8th grade.

First pass ever made on me, actually. :D

But he was my age and his "detector" was not so developed. As for me, "what's 'Gay'?"

I think about him every once in awhile and hope he turned out okay, growing up had to have been tough for him.

[SwampG8r]

107. it has happened to me

i said no thanks and pretty much everything returned to normality
is that what everyone is so worked up about?
im pretty sure the gay is like born again christianity you have to freely accept it
i never heard of it being contagious
ok heres a clue if you say yes when a guy hits on you the thing you might want to take a look at is your identification as straight

[mmonk]

108. Actually yes.

I guess their detectors were off. But no problem as I didn't feel threatened nor took offense.

[cherish44]

109. I had a lesbian roommate in the college dorm

I changed in front of her, showered in the shared bathroom with her and the other girls...and no, she never made any sexual advances towards me or hit on me. She did say she thought I was pretty which I took for what it was...a nice compliment.

[alfredo]

111. Yes. I declined but told him I was flattered that he found

me attractive.

A well known female country singer hit on my wife.

They say that sexuality is a sliding scale, so the chance of a false positive is not out of the question. I have a Gay family member so I am seen in the company of Gays and Lesbians.
Guilt by association? It doesn't matter.

A touch of androgyny is not a bad thing when working with the public.

[thecrow]

112. Also should be asked...

Has a heterosexual of the opposite sex ever advanced a heterosexual move on you, a straight, heterosexual?
And what was the reaction if you said no?

[backscatter712]

114. I've been asked out by gay guys before. Not a big deal. n/t

[justiceischeap]

115. I think a lot of homos go out of their way not to hit on people that they think are str8t

The majority of us are "community image conscience" and don't want to be the one who gives the gay community a bad name. :)

I have a lot of femme lesbian friends that lament about not getting hit on 'cause they look straight. If you're not giving off the "vibe" or the gay persons' radar is broken, then we don't just go indiscriminately hitting on folk. On a couple of occasions I've hit on straight women that give off a vibe and apologize immediately when I find I'm wrong. Like I said, very few folks in the gay community want to give ourselves a bad rep... there are enough straight folks that do that for us.

[ZombieHorde]

116. Yes, and I always take it as a compliment. Most people like feeling attractive. nt

[pitohui]

117. sure i've been hit on by another woman, don't see the big deal about it tho

i think the myth of gaydar is just that, a bit of a myth, you see a person in a certain context and it's reasonable to guess that they might be gay or bi... there have been situations (say certain bars, clubs, etc. where the reasonable assumption is that i'm there to meet other women) i'm not gonna get worked up about it, certainly not offended by it

way more offensive to me is being hit on by guys who won't take "no" for an answer -- if you avoid every bar that has a guy in it before you sit down to get a drink, you'll walk past a lot of bars...

at the end of the day, i don't blame anyone for asking/hitting on...how else would you ever meet new people if you couldn't hit on people? i only blame people who won't catch a clue when it should be clear i'm not interested

[former9thward]

118. Many times. As a teenager it bothered me. Now I don't care.

[JSnuffy]

119. Yup...

He was later caught doing some activities that made it creepier in hind sight...

[Jack Rabbit]

120. No

I was in the Army and took a lot of flack from homophobes (in the late seventies, that was most of my fellow GIs) because my home of record was San Francisco. However, that didn't keep my fellow GIs from wanting to go to the City, which is the Jewel of the Pacific Coast and, as everybody knows, the center of the Cosmos.

They would ask about good relatively inexpensive places to eat (I had recommendations on that live, all of which have since closed). I warned them no to try to beat up a gay person because if they holler for a cop my fellow GIs would see one or two and they wouldn't be there to harass the gays. One asked me incredulously, "You mean you protect those queers?" I said that we San Franciscans did because the politicians we elect don't want to alienate 30% of the vote. I added that if they were afraid of being propositioned by a gay in San Francisco they shouldn't be. The City's very tolerance and openness that they found such an object for ridicule and scorn was the reason that they should have no such fear. If gays wanted sex in San Francisco, they went to a gay bar or some other gay establishment and pick up somebody. There was no reason for a gay person in San Francisco to risk getting his face smashed in by asking random people if they wanted some and finding that most were straight and many of those would take great offense. "if you go to a gay bar and get propositioned," I added, "don't come crying to me about it. You asked for it."

[AspenRose]

123. Twice, which was kind of flattering

Oh, wait...I forgot about the girl in my women's lit class in college. She was very nice. Three times.

[Lorien]

124. Yes, two lesbians did. One was extremely attractive, so I felt flattered

if I had been a lesbian myself I would have thought of her as "way out of my league."

Why would anyone feel "threatened" by having anyone of the same gender hit on them? How is it any different than having someone of the opposite gender that you aren't attracted to make advances?

[Crankie Avalon]

125. Many times when I was younger...

..gay or straight, men are men and are often going to hit on others whether it is welcome or not.

[Iggo]

126. Yep. But I don't hate gay people, so no biggie. (n/t)

[DirkGently]

127. Storytime? Got a strange letter from a summer job co-worker once. Sort of did the right thing.

College years, with summers spent wearing funny hats and name tags at a "World" famous theme park in fact known for its gay-friendliness. He was a bit of an odd, moody guy generally, part of which may have been to do with a struggle over his orientation, but I think there may have been more going on. Big ginger kid from the Pacific Northwest, into the martial arts, and as mentioned, kind of generally peculiar. People who went out with him said he was deeply depressed over the loss of a girlfriend, actually, and prone to moping. If anything, I'd probably been a little rude to him because I found his moods kind of off-putting and vaguely threatening. It never occurred to me he might be struggling with his sexuality.

I didn't recall exchanging info, but he wrote me at school that Fall with a lot of heavy innuendo about what may have been "going on between us." I was maybe 20, basically graceless, and while I had enough of a clue about life not to have a homophobic meltdown, I felt compelled to write back for clarity's sake, and worried about contributing to the confusion or misery of someone who was maybe a little "different" in ways beyond his orientation (autistic spectrum, maybe?).

I wrote back, acknowledged that I knew what he was getting at, but that I "wasn't," and included a lot of probably-too-calculated-and-neutral language about not disliking or judging him, but that we didn't have "a relationship," and suggesting he speak to someone he could trust if he was depressed as our co-workers had suggested. Looking back, for all my careful disclaimers, I was probably still a chilly @ss to a confused kid going through God-knows-what in addition to working out his sexuality. I saw him at the park the next summer, but we didn't speak. He seemed alright. Still remember sometimes and wish I'd had the maturity to be a bit more supportive to a confused kid and less worried about getting roundhouse kicked by a personality I found slightly bewildering.

Then there was the polyglot British tour guide with the scar from the moped acccident who made some inapposite remarks about whether my "bits" had "dropped yet" when I was 17 and taking a bus tour through Europe on the cheap. That incident, and he in general, were both actually fairly hilarious, and I was neither mortified nor angry, nor considered it anything to somehow hold against future gay people I would meet. Not super-professional of him, but neither was getting hammered on cherry schnapps and blowing through the headcount (One ... twoooo ... Okay, Pierre, letzgo!") when our bus left the Swiss tourist-trap restaurant (alphorns) we'd just been to. Great tour guide though. Could cuss at traffic smoothly in Italian, French, and German.

No normal hits from your workaday homosexuals. Guess I'm either oozing with obvious heterosexuality or not as irrestible as I like to think.

[Erose999]

128. I got hit on by a guy one time, but I was at a gay bar with my trans friends.

I'm secure enough about myself not to have been bothered by it. We all had a good laugh out of it really.

When you think about it, its no more discomforting of an experience than it would be for a straight woman getting hit on by a man she's not attracted to. Which, for some women, happens several times a day.

[InvisibleTouch]

129. Not that I've noticed...

...but then I tend to be a little oblivious about these things. I'd take it as a compliment, though!

[Pale Blue Dot]

130. Yes. Many times. Far more than straight women have.

It was flattering every time, and I never, ever felt the least bit "threatened" after I politely turned them down.

[Hippo_Tron]

131. I have, but I bet that freeper guy has never been hit on by anybody male or female

[Bluebear]

132. 'one of the greatest talents gays have is the ability to detect gayness in others'

Well, if that's a talent. But it's not that easy.

Also, I know the question was asked of straight DUers but I will add that many straight ladies have made 'advances' towards me :)

[JuniperLea]

133. Yep... quite flattering...

We remained friends for years and years, and when she married, her wife and I became fast friends. I lost track when she got a new job... we were coworkers.

I'm pretty sure gays have really good asshole-dar, and that asshat was lying.

I've known gays with really bad gaydar, it's not a gender or gay specific gift.

[Rochester]

134. On at least two occasions

that I can remember. Both total strangers that I never saw again. One of them went away when I told him I was straight. The other one was a little more persistent. I thought I was going to have to rebuff him violently, but he gave up before it came to that. I don't know any gay people in real life. (A few on the internet)

[bluedigger]

137. Fairly often. It never bothers me.

But then I just spent the last three years living in the French Quarter.:rofl:

It's amazing how a couple of Hand Grenades/Hurricanes will remove all inhibitions.:shrug:

Almost all the dudes I hung out with at the dog park were gay. None of them ever made a pass... ;(

People will take a chance to get some trim - whatever their sexual orientation...

A better question is - Have you ever made a pass at a person of differing orientation?

And yes, I've made a pass at a few lesbians. :P

[proud2BlibKansan]

138. Never

[Poll_Blind]

140. People of all races and sexual dispositions have tried to mate with me.

I can't blame 'em, but I still won't hold it against them.

:hide:

PB

[Radical Activist]

141. Yes.

I've had a few men think I was gay because they met me through mutual friends who were gay and fellow left-wing activists. But I've never had a man be aggressive or say anything that made me uncomfortable before someone let him know I'm not gay.

In comparison, there have been more times when I flirted or asked out women who I should have guessed were lesbian.

[Kali]

142. what is so interesting with paranoid straight guys is they have no

hesitation to hit on women all the time - and they can't even learn from THAT how to do a brush-off???

God, if women thought it was necessary to kill every man that hit on them there wouldn't be many left.

And yes they know gays, are related to them (or are in denial about them selves) the odds are too high somebody in your circle is gay for them not to. They may not KNOW they are gay, but they know somebody who is. Guaranteed.

[Arkana]

143. No.

I have a straight friend who likes to make fake passes at me because he thinks it "freaks me out". Apparently, because I think making out with guys if you're straight is kinda weird, I need to loosen up. Go figure.

Freepers view gays as subhuman animals who can't control their urges. Talk about projection.

[Heddi]

145. Yes,---for some reason, lesbians think I'm a lesbian. It never bothers me except for one ex-friend

who used to "flirt" with me...no big deal. But it went beyond simple friendship cutey flirty thing to "Come on, you know you want me" type of shit. Made me very uncomfortable, and made my husband uncomfortable when she'd call him my 'beard'. It became unreleting and I was uncomfortable being around her because she was always trying to grope me, kiss me, and when she wasn't doing that, she was going on and on and on about how she knew I was gay, that I should just come on out ...I had to break off the friendship because it was too weird. I would have done the same thing were it a male friend making constant sexual advances towards me, insulting my husband, attempting to grab my tits. I found the behaviour disrespectful to me and my husband (we both considered her and her wonderful girlfriend to be close friends).

I haven't spoken to her in about a year or so, but my understanding from mutual acquaintances is that this behaviour wasn't limited to just me, and that she had really isolated herself because she was acting this way to other people as well. :shrug:

The fact that the friend was a woman vs. man made nor makes no difference to me. I am a happily married straight woman. I am not interested with having sex with anyone besides my husband--male or female. Anyone who is in my circle of friends who cannot respect those boundaries will be out of my circle of friends.

That being said---I have many gay friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and we all flirt back and forth. I've made out with a few of them as well (male and female). Is it a sexual advance if all parties are blotto and just having a good time? If so, then a resounding yes! My best friend in high school was (is) gay. We made out many times just for the hell of it. He always said I was the best kisser in the world, for being a girl :D :rofl:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

146. Yes, and when it happened, I simply said I was straight.

So what if men think I'm cute?

Life's too short to be upset about a compliment.

[Sparkly]

147. "Advances" ...

A girl in high school made it very clear she had a crush on me, but I can't say she made sexual advances.

Believe it or not, I knew two gay men who made definite "advances" and then some... Never thought of it this way, but in their circumstances, I think they were in the closet about being bi, actually.

Anyway, I answered "no."

[Forkboy]

148. Well, they're only human.

:hide:

[mentalsolstice]

149. Not any overt advances, but I'd be flattered if they did.

And I'd be very comfortable explaining that I was flattered, but I'm very much in love with my mate.

[NashVegas]

150. Yes. So What?

How is it any different from a straight person hitting on you?

[Vidar]

151. When I was younger & "prettier", yes. I thanked them for the compliment,

and declined. The rejections were received as they were delivered--respectfully.

[Maru Kitteh]

152. Yes! And it traumitized me for lllliiiiiiiiiffee.

Oh wait. That's right. It didn't. It was no big deal.

What used to creep me out was getting hit on by Republicans when they know darn well I was a flaming liberal. That gave me the creepy crawlies. Getting hit on by another girl? NBD.

[some guy]

153. Yes, but to be fair

I've possibly made advances toward lesbian women, so it kind of balances out I suppose.

:shrug: