Open-Minded Man Grimly Realizes How Much Life He's Wasted Listening To Bullshit

[madinmaryland]

CLEVELAND—During an unexpected moment of clarity Tuesday, open-minded man Blake Richman was suddenly struck by the grim realization that he's squandered a significant portion of his life listening to everyone's bullshit, the 38-year-old told reporters.

A visibly stunned and solemn Richman, who until this point regarded his willingness to hear out the opinions of others as a worthwhile quality, estimated that he's wasted nearly three and a half years of his existence being open to people's half-formed thoughts, asinine suggestions, and pointless, dumbfuck stories.

"Jesus Christ," said Richman, taking in the overwhelming volume of useless crap he's actively listened to over the years. "My whole life I've made a concerted effort to give people a fair shake and understand different points of view because I felt that everyone had something valuable to offer, but it turns out most of what they had to offer was complete bullshit."

According to Richman, it was just now hitting him how many hours of his life he's pissed away listening intently to nonsense about celebrity couples, how good or bad certain pens are, and why a particular sports team might have a chance this year. The husband and father of two said that every time he's felt at all put out or bored by a bullshit conversation—especially a speculative one about how bad allergy season was going to be—he should have just turned around, walked away, and gone rafting or repelling or done any of the millions of other things he's always wanted to do but never thought he had time for.

Read more: http://www.theonion.com/articles/openminded-man-grimly-realizes-how-much-life-hes-w,19273/

[madinmaryland]

1. Man, the un-reccers have already struck...

mim is now expressing extreme whining poutrage!

[eleny]

5. Imagine how much of their time they waste unreccing around here!

[madinmaryland]

6. The poutrage is just too much to handle!

:rofl:

[Avant Guardian]

46. You post an onion article

Then attack people over it? A fucking ONION article?

Strangest drama Ive ever seen on DU.

[walldude]

2. I saw that title and just knew this was The Onion...

Hilarious...

[catzies]

25. Exactly! And it IS hilarious. n/t

[valerief]

3. Love it!

:rofl:

[RandomThoughts]

4. Yes that is correct.

Stories have a purpose, but there is also a purpose for informed rational thought.

There is a sleep spell of ignorance, it is the charade of telling a group what is important in there lives by elevating some group or concept.

Everyone has there importance, movie stars for instance, they have a purpose and do much good, and some not so good things. But that does not mean they are better or worse then other people. Same with a wealthy class, working class, or a political class.

Much of marketing is trying to shape a set of values to tell a person what they should think is important, fame, money, even many beliefs do that. But many in those groups are pretenders, and they to have tough things to handle that many of them hide.

But anyways, yea the marketing of 'what is important' is to undermine society and sleep those that want to think on something else being important for both balance in life, and for better lives of many people in society.


I think the Oscars are a good idea, why, because within that community those people should recognize their achievements, however I don't think people should think the Oscars are more important then anything they build or do in there lives, and should see their lives through there own existence, not through the concept of someone elses.

Again, I say that story tellers and song writers have added much joy and thought to my life, but that is by bringing them into my thoughts, not by escaping into their worlds. In other words, how does a story or song help me think on how I can be more of what I think I should be, or learn about what other people think, not to get me to want to be like someone, but them helping me find out about myself, and about ideas of what can be in society.


Would that same concept being in this song, mean that song is crap, or that the article is, or both, or maybe they both have value?
Time - Pink Floyd
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYiahoYfPGk

I heard that song years ago, stuff like that helped more then beer and travel money, but also helped to understand how anything can be enjoyable if there is feeling and thought, including beer and travel money.


I love the pitter-patter of heart at the beginning of that song.

[madinmaryland]

7. Ok. Thank you for your insight into this situation!

[WatsonT]

9. You realize the onion is a parody site right?

[RandomThoughts]

11. And the best parody of a parody site

would be them being correct.

regardless if they intended parody, what they said about people waking up was correct.

[madinmaryland]

12. Was this a parody...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros,464/

Parody predicts reality.

Freaking scary!

[southerncrone]

42. I no longer find that one funny. Just very sad &, yes, scary.

:hide:

[joshcryer]

19. All jokes have a morsel of truth to them.

[joshcryer]

18. You live up to your nickname. Bless you.

I didn't read that, btw.

[grasswire]

8. should have gone "repelling"?

Where's the copyeditor!?

[eppur_se_muova]

37. He's been repelled. nt

[devils chaplain]

10. As the saying goes...

"Keep an open mind, but if you open it too wide people will just start throwing garbage in."

[L. Coyote]

13. How many hours have I wasted keyboarding posts noone even reads?

Like this one :rofl:

[WinkyDink]

20. Gotcha!

[southerncrone]

43. I read it, LC. Hmmmm. How many hours have I wasted reading......

LOL
:rofl:

[MilesColtrane]

14. Thanks for this.

...a recent epiphany in a satirical nutshell.

[CommonSensePLZ]

15. Kind of disagree (omg Onion xD)

Yeah, most people are full of it, but you should still give people a second or two to prove if they are or aren't.

[Enrique]

22. also, how does he know it's horseshit?

it's funny, but it doesn't hold up.

[JVS]

16. A reminder of how glorious the ignore function is.

[Hissyspit]

17. "Spent five days talking to people about furniture... that's a trip to Europe right there." LOL

Yes, go to Europe and listen to Europeans talk about furniture.

[joshcryer]

21. 160 hours of grossly uninformed political opinions? I have him beat by miles!

:rofl:

[Pacifist Patriot]

23. +1

[joeybee12]

24. Beat me to it...

the truth does indeed hurt!

[Major Hogwash]

26. And so it was as Blake walked into the cafeteria and ordered a spam breakfast.

With spam, spam, egg, spam, and spam, egg and spam, and spam.

LoL

[AllyCat]

27. Saw this in the Onion while I was eating dinner and blew beer out my nose

[russspeakeasy]

28. Liked it so much I read it twice...Thanks for the post..

every now and then the onion has a good funny story....this
was one...

[CAcyclist]

29. Funny, that's what right-wingers always say to me

"You need to be more open-minded" whenever I dismiss their useless spewing.

[hunter]

30. Sturgeon's Law...

"Ninety percent of everything is crap"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sturgeons_Law

[fatbuckel]

31. That`s why I stopped listening to Republicans.

[orbitalman]

32. My GOD ! That's me. n/t

[Blue Owl]

33. One of Carlin's last great comedic rants

"It's all bullshit."

K&R

:kick:

[RufusTFirefly]

34. Oh, c'mon now! Let's be fair!!

After all, reasonable people can disagree as to whether Pres. Obama is a Kenyan-born socialist Muslim traitor or not or whether global warming is real or just a hoax hatched by Al Gore, George Soros and the rest of the liberal media that completely dominate this country.

[Arkana]

35. God, the Onion is quickly becoming more informative than real news.

[Solly Mack]

36. K&R

hehehehehehehe

[NuttyFluffers]

38. A ha ha! but now i must watch Fox/Beck/Rush 'cuz i need to hear what the other side is saying...

no, wait. that's what other people were telling me to explain why they were regurgitating the latest outrage du jour. apparently lunatics make pretty outrageous comments. and for some reason it is important to be one of the first people to hear and be outraged about it. who'da thunk it?

now i'm off to go complain about some celebrity failing to be a paragon of humanity. this is important! :silly:

[Canuckistanian]

39. That''s why I avoid people

Unless I REALLY know they have the ability to talk at length about SERIOUS subjects.

I don't talk to people much.

[pam4water]

40. I agreed up to the allergy season part XD Achhuuu :P

[Butch350]

41. So when he attends a buffet dinner...

He lets someone else fill his plate with food? Then years later he decides he doesn't like the taste?

[James48]

44. I CAN SOOOOOOO RELATE. n/t

[Skip_In_Boulder]

45. but it turns out most of what they had to offer was complete bullshit."

That's what I found out as well.

[fishwax]

47. lol

:rofl: