Today...I go into the house of the enemy.

[Buddyblazon]

I have had it so much with my Republican Father and his conservative cronies...that I literally haven't gone 60 miles to the South (we in Denver...he in Colo. Springs) since a year ago Thanksgiving.

Well...my 95 year old step Grandfather, Herb, died a few days ago. My step Grandfather, but seeing as I lost both my Grandfathers before I was born, and Herb became a part of my life 25 years ago when I was 13, he really was the only Grandfather I ever knew.

And Herb had no problem with that. Made me feel just like one of his other Grandkids.

Herb was a wealthy man and made his first bit of wealth as a young man (and he was young) during the Depression. Being a country kid, he'd look for houses that had Model T's with the grass grown up around them (and he said every farm had at least one), go to the door and hold out a five dollar bill. The sale always went through. And Herb would take them home and clean them and sell them for ten dollars. Within a couple of years, Herb literally had a fleet of dozens of Model T's.

The thing about Herb was that he was a diplomat. He lived the saying, "You catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar.". The man ALWAYS had a smile on his face. He could sit quietly, with a grin on his face, at the dinner table for long periods of time, listening. When he would finally speak up, it was always relevant, always polite, always amusing, always intelligent.

He also had great taste. Always gave me great sweaters and shirts for Xmas. Stuff he would pick out, and I still wear, because his taste was just that good. Nothing cheesy. Quicksilver, Pendelton. Guy was GQ before people heard of GQ. I even have some his shirts from the 50's and 60's (unfortunately, he was a fair bit smaller than me).

Truly a wonderful man.

Now I have to go spend the day with all these conservatives who, once Herb couldn't be there as a buffer the last 18 months as he slowly willed himself to die, have just gotten more and more aggressive towards me. I had no idea the hatred my Dad's friends had towards me as a liberal. There are a couple who have attacked me via emails. I've been called names. Even been threatened by one of his aging and ill ex-Green Beret friends.

And all these people are going to be there today.

But today, Herb, I put on your smile. Today, Herb, I promise to follow your example and keep my mouth shut and listen, no matter what goading occurs. Today, those people can go to hell while I quietly and peacefully see you off to heaven.

[peace13]

1. Love and energy to you.

Herb sounds like an inspiration. Have a special day and don't let the others get you down!

[FeelingBlue]

2. Your determination

is a testimony to Herb. Go in grace. Remember his love. Dignify his kindness to you while you ignore those who would bring you down. Blessings.

[LiberalLoner]

3. Sending good vibes your way and visualizing a shield of peace and love around you

that the barbs can't penetrate! :)

[babylonsister]

4. Courage, Buddyblazon, and I'm glad you're going to honor Herb.

That seems far more important than what any of these ignoramuses have to say to you. And I'm sorry for your loss; Herb sounded like a wonderful granddad/friend. :hug:

[snappyturtle]

5. Sorry for your loss. I think you are attending with a good mindset and

hopefully, the conservatives you encounter will remember today as a tribute and farewell rather than as an opportunity to air their aggression.

I can wholly understand your plight because I live in a nest of repubs and am, too, badgered and more or less tossed aside for my 'fanatical' viewpoints. Peace

[TuxedoKat]

6. Good luck

Sometimes it is better to just be as nice and polite as you can be to people like this (as you are planning to do). That vexes them even more and you feel even better about rising above their bad behavior and not being like them. Better for your blood pressure too. :)

[Tippy]

7. K&R....You have my sympathy....

[rbixby]

8. I think people get so vile about that

because they know they can't win, and are afraid to admit that the only reason they're 'conservatives' is because they're selfish and greedy.

[Buddyblazon]

11. They get so vile about it...

because that's all that surrounds them. In the Springs, it's conservatives surround by conservatives. I think I may be the one liberal they have any access to whatsoever. So I'm the one that gets it.

It started getting really bad about a year ago when I bit on a chain of right wing emails. I asked my Father politely to take me off his list of people to send it to. When he wouldn't stop sending them to me...I pulled a reply all...and the entire group just exploded on me. I was called every name in the book. Petulant. Traitorous. Evil.

And my Dad couldn't figure out why I don't come down anymore. I told him a couple of months ago, "Well, Dad, I have to tell you. I just don't feel comfortable around you anymore.".

He was shocked. "Well we don't want you to feel uncomfortable.".

To which I replied, "Neither do I, Pop. That's why I'm not coming down to visit you anymore.".

It was honesty, but it's also made for a lot of awkwardness since.

[ChoppinBroccoli]

9. Just For Today, Keep Repeating The Following Sentence

"This is not the appropriate time or place for this conversation. I would appreciate it if you took it up with me at a later time, thanks."

And then if they insist on pushing you, just smile and say, "Have a nice day," or, "We'll talk later," or something like that, and then just walk away.

Today is supposed to be about remembering your Grandpa. Remind them of that and stay out of the fray.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

15. What s/he said. Be the one with class.

Condolences on your loss.

[peacebird]

10. I'm sure Herb is smiling down on you, and would be extremely proud of you for this

Though from what you said, I am sure Herb was proud of you already.

Go in peace, may memories of that great man keep you strong.

[cate94]

12. I'm sorry for your loss.

Good luck to you. I hope that others honor Herb and don't try and goad you today.

[ladjf]

13. Families are breaking up all over America because of political

differences. nt

[blogslut]

14. I wish I had known Herb

How great for you that you had him in your life. :)

[Buddyblazon]

16. It went okay...

Here is his obit:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/gazette/obituary.aspx?n=c-herbert-kuhlman&pid=149060184&fhid=6109

That picture looks like it was just taken a couple of years ago. Herb was in great shape until the last year.

After his wife, Ruth, died in 2005, they moved him out of the town home the two had lived in for decades, and into an assisted living facility. Even then though they gave him his own apartment and he just continued to cook his own meals rather than eating in the cafeteria.

Must've been 2008, but they had to take his Cadillac from him. Not for the reason you think. He was still a fantastic driver. It's just that he would pack up his gear and disappear for days at a time to go camping up in the mountains....alone....and he would never tell anybody he was going or where he would be. Because he did this repeatedly and never once announced his plans (he would say, "I'm a grown man for petes sakes. If I want to go camping, I'm going to go camping."), they finally solved it by taking away his car. :(

That always made me sad. Guy may have been in his mid '90's...but he moved better than my Dad who is in his late 60's. A year ago this Thanksgiving, I was helping around the kitchen, Herb was standing there (never once needed any type of assistance or aids in standing or walking...not once) and I was pulling the bird out of the oven. He had his back to me and was right in my path for where I was going to set the thing down. "Heads up Herb. Hot...burn you and laugh!", I shouted (for as amazing shape he was in, he did have bad hearing).

Herb...LITERALLY jumped! 93 or 94 at the time. Guy jumped. Not only did he jump...he quickly moved across the kitchen to a better location in the way a 20 year old would move across the room. Young at heart, young in body.

Everybody was polite to me at the funeral. I didn't feel welcome. But I think they knew as well this wasn't about their hatred of me.



Now Herb had told me many times he wrote poetry. But I never heard it...or read any of it. Well today they included one of his poems in the program. Without further ado, I give you the poetry of Charles Herbert Kuhlman:



Where mountains join the sky of blue,

And streams and rock and canyon too;

They beckon me to climb and see,

The place God gives tranquility;

Where soft winds sigh from tree to tree,

And saying their silent songs to me;

Where Pines and Spruce outline the peak,

And Rocky pinnacles seem to speak;

Where trails lead to sights unknown,

It's there with Nature that I roam.

[Tess49]

17. Sounds like he was a sweetheart. Sorry for your loss.

[steve2470]

18. sorry for your loss...

I lost my father one year ago. My dad was 92. I wish you well. Your grandfather sounds like he was a good man.

[tavalon]

19. Behave as you remember Herb behaving

It will say great things about both of your characters.

[Buddyblazon]

21. I did, Tavalon.

At the post funeral restaurant (chosen by Herb before he passed because it was his favorite...a German tavern that's been around for decades...he even picked up the bill in advance) I put on a great big smile. I shook hands with everybody, as Herb would have. I put a non-stop smile on my face like Herb would have. I did not bring up anything that would be considered bad form during the entire time.

I mostly sat, listened, and smiled. Herb didn't talk very much. He preferred to listen. But when he did finally speak, it was always thoughtful.

And that's how I was yesterday. I got some looks. I killed them with kindness....just as Herb would have.

[tavalon]

22. You are a smart man and you gave a great tribute to a great man.

[JeffersonChick]

20. God bless Herb, and God bless you.

My thoughts are with you. I hope you're able to have some peace in the midst of it.