The Political Toilet

[anthroguy101]

I had this one weird dream the other night where I wanted to use the bathroom. I flipped the switch and all of a sudden the toilet tank shattered into a thousand pieces. As any normal person, I was surprised. Why would anyone put a switch that would destroy a toilet? I've frequently had weird bathroom dreams like that. That was the end of that segment of the dream.

Then I went back to it in a daydream. I tried to pick up the pieces and put the toilet back together. I grabbed an adhesive and tried going to work. However, I as soon as I put my hands on it someone shouted Glenn Beck talking points. People were accusing me of being a socialist, a communist, a nazi, a marxist, a hippie, a "do-gooder," and that I was like Hitler. People were screaming at the top of their lungs that fixing the toilet would only make it worse, and that it would be better to let the toilet fix itself.

I was flabbergasted that anyone would believe that a shattered toilet would fix itself without any help whatsoever. That defied any logic or reason. Then I thought to myself, "Why don't I just get a new toilet?" I told them my proposal. Why don't I buy something with a built-in bidet, so I could save a few trees. It would create a lot of jobs to design the toilet, build the toilet, buy the toilet and install the toilet. It would also save money on toilet paper and use less water to run.

They wouldn't have it. It was seen as a huge waste of money, despite the savings that would happen later on. They preferred short-term gains to long-term benefits. They said it would do more harm than good, even though it would pay off quickly because of how frequently it is used. They ignored the facts of the matter, and started spreading lies about how awful a change would be. Just let the shattered toilet sit there. Someone will eventually fix it, but God forbid someone actually has to pay for the investment. Oh, and while we're at it, why don't we give a bunch of money to the few people in the building who will do anything but fix the toilet? Why don't we also spend less money on things that help the bathroom run, like electricity, water, and all the resources used to heat it? Why don't we charge a ridiculous price for people to use it as well, even though it's one of the worst bathrooms in the developed world? Why should poor people be using the bathroom anyhow, they asked. They're not working hard enough and don't deserve something essential like a public restroom.

[MilesColtrane]

1. Honestly, I thought this was going to be a post about John McCain.

[anthroguy101]

2. I was trying to compare my dream to Republican economics.

[valerief]

3. How weird. I just got a new toilet 2 days ago. (Not a dream toilet but a waking life toilet.)

My old one was all tank-drippy. Part of the wood around the toilet had to be replaced (I was getting a new floor, too). Now I have a low-capacity, non-drippy, more comfortable toilet.

Congress is like a nasty old toilet, and it's filled with turds.