Sunday's NY Times frontpage article about teen sexting

[alp227]

"A Girl’s Nude Photo, and Altered Lives" opens with an anecdote about an eighth-grade girl who sent a nude photo of herself via text message to her boyfriend. They broke up, then that photo spread throughout, and thus the other students at the girl's school engaged in slut-shaming. (Later, the boy and another student who help spread the photo would be charged with the class C felony of distributing child pornography.) This story was in Thurston County, Washington, near the state capital Olympia.

The article explains why teens are tempted:

That is because culturally, such a fine distinction eludes most teenagers. Their world is steeped in highly sexualized messages. Extreme pornography is easily available on the Internet. Hit songs and music videos promote stripping and sexting.

“You can’t expect teenagers not to do something they see happening all around them,” said Susannah Stern, an associate professor at the University of San Diego who writes about adolescence and technology.

The prevalence of under-age sexting is unclear and can often depend on the culture of a particular school or circle of students. An Internet poll conducted for The Associated Press and MTV by Knowledge Networks in September 2009 indicated that 24 percent of 14- to 17-year-olds had been involved in “some type of naked sexting,” either by cellphone or on the Internet. A December 2009 telephone poll from the Pew Research Center’s Internet and American Life Project found that 5 percent of 14- to 17-year-olds had sent naked or nearly naked photos or video by cellphone, and that 18 percent had received them. Boys and girls send photos in roughly the same proportion, the Pew survey found.

But a double standard holds. While a boy caught sending a picture of himself may be regarded as a fool or even a boastful stud, girls, regardless of their bravado, are castigated as sluts.

Of course it's a crime to disseminate child pornography (as the ex-boyfriend reported here did), and the county shall lay down justice. But I feel a bit conflicted when it comes to minors themselves taking buff photos and sending them to their own friends. Additionally, while that action is unclassy, is slut-shaming really a deserved response? There have been cases where teens have committed suicide over making that mistake. Nancy Willard of the Center for Safe and Responsible Internet Use posted a guest piece on Feministing.com regarding sexting.

Society is more willing to forgive men who commit acts of violence than women who are "too sexually promiscuous"...like: Michael Vick (football player convicted of running a dog fighting operation) still has his football career, Ron Artest gets in a fight in the stands but got to win an NBA championship 6 years later, Chris Brown still keeps his music career despite beating Rihanna, Charlie Sheen still kept his career for years despite his record of domestic violence and marital infidelity, government provides diversion programs for gang members and some other criminals, but...if a woman is too dirty for whatever standards of modesty the Christian patriarchy enforces...no mercy!

I just don't understand a society that likes to mock sluts but at the same time is tolerant of scantily clad dancers in music videos.

[Hannah Bell]

1. nyt moves closer toward murdoch every day.

[TacticalPeek]

3. Took the words right out of my keyboard.

Sad.

[aquart]

2. Naked in eighth grade?

What did she have to show?

[alp227]

6. good question...maybe she was corrupted by bad parenting, sexually obsessed society?

The article reports that the girl's parents were divorced, and she was having conflicts with her father and stepmother. Her parents were also recent immigrants and didn't speak much English.

I can't decide at the moment what's stupider, the fact that she did what she did or that others tease her for doing it. Theoretically, if her boyfriend had done something violent he wouldn't suffer the kind of backlash on campus that the girl did for those photos. But it's a middle school in a patriarchal America, who knows? :shrug:

[WinkyDink]

10. You're joking, right? Thirteen isn't nine.

[Codeine]

23. I remember the 8th grade.

By that age often quite a lot.

[MineralMan]

33. Indeed. 13 year olds are well into puberty these days.

I grew 10 inches in height in that year. It was pretty awesome.

[SoCalDem]

4. key phrase: "...girl who sent a nude photo of herself..."

That girl did not buy that phone for herself, nor did she pay the monthly fee for it.

Her parents chose to get her a phone with a camera or gave her a digital camera & computer/internet...and then gave her the lack of supervision/lack of counseling that allowed her to think this was an okay thing to do.

[KittyWampus]

14. Thank You. Why do kids need anything other than a basic cellular telephone?

[villager]

5. Kids are horny, their hormones are roiling -- and the corporations foist this technology on them

What the the hell do they think is going to happen!?

And then to accuse a kid of distributing "child pornography" over the numbskull (and doubtless mean-spirited) forwarding of the image of their peers... it's ridiculous. It's a mistake, and it needs to be dealt with. But you don't treat kids forwarding pictures the same way you come after adults exploiting kids for profit.

I mean, it just furthers the tragedy all around.

I have two boys, one in mid-teens, and one just entering. So far, they're kind of sheltered from this stuff... But I think what I would've have been doing with my first girlfriend, had cellphones existed then...

sigh. We give them all this gear, they make dumb kid mistakes, and then we think scarring them for life is the "solution?"

I don't get it.

[mrcheerful]

8. Look no farther the the religious right for this type of behaviors and the zero tolerance

law approach to solve all problems from teen pregnancies to teen drug use, just say no. Remember it has been the religious who set up this whole moral double standard on sexual behaviors, not one question or statement about how it is the girl who was shammed for being a slut, notice no mention of the boys sexual escapades except for him breaking porno law's. This is what happens when a country tries to legislate human sexuality, they do nothing to stop behaviors and in the long run cause emotional scars to young people who get caught in the system trap.

[DeSwiss]

7. And the Grey Old Lady wept......

[WinkyDink]

9. Meanwhile, famous young women pose/perform nude all the time. Mixed-messages abound.

Magazines and movies.

[ReggieVeggie]

11. this whole society is sexually repressed

we make such taboo out of sex then promote it relentlessly, especially as a means to sell products

Kids are kids. They're thinking about sex at that age because it's natural for them to do so. Because of stigmas attached to these natural urges, things go horribly wrong. We need to re-evaluate things and make better choices.

[Jkid]

12. On the flip side, if girls are do not act like the living sterotype. They might be considered weird

...by their high school peers.

So for some reason, they're expected to be a living statistic.

[cali]

19. nah, it's more schizoid about sex than across the board repressive

[KittyWampus]

13. So the conversation goes from the problem of kids being exposed to hardcore porn, involving themselv

themselves with inappropriate communications and behavior to how reactions are a double standard.

And focuses on the double standard.

As if it's appropriate for the males.

[seabeyond]

15. not to mention, instead of being on girls ass, the boy should be shamed for being such a creep

to send out an X gf picture. he is the one tht should be shamed, teaching anyone the inappropriateness of doing this to another.

[seabeyond]

16. teens arent all that. having teens now i really dont allow excuses with the mere comment, teens

teens are horney, teens are stupid, teens are....

teach children respect. talk to them. be there and listen. appropriateness. repercussions of cruelty.

given a chance kids could be way smarter than a bunch of adults i know.

all kinds of wrong in this and foremost, that boy should be shamed, humiliated that he lacks in character that he would share picture of X gf. not a reflection on the girl. but the boy. and a society where his error is herioc for handing out a private picture instead of scorned.

[hatrack]

17. This just in - teenagers awash in hormones!!!!

OMG!

[Codeine]

24. +1 Does everyone forget being a teen?

I'd have been just as bad with a cellphone at that age, as would all of my friends both male and female.

[cali]

18. uh, yes I can expect teenagers not to to everything that's happening around

them. but to your point about the double standard that exists between boy doing it and girls doing it, yeah I agree. However, as to your claim that society punishes a women who's known as a slut more than a man who engages in violence- that's debatable. You didn't name one woman who lost her career because of "acting sluttly". Hundreds of women have posed naked for Playboy and not lost their careers or been shamed out of college.

[alp227]

39. Social attitudes make slut-shaming an easy way to disgrace a woman.

For example, the Tea Party candidate for the US Senate seat in Delaware, Christine O'Donnell. Someone came out with a story about her wild partying and maybe a hookup night just a few days before the Congressional elections (she lost, but that unverifiable story had no real impact). But given current attitudes slut-shaming is an easy way to harm a woman's reputation.

It is true that "Hundreds of women have posed naked for Playboy and not lost their careers or been shamed out of college." But a female prison guard who did that got fired. And never mind all those sexting cases where the girls who took those photos were later emotionally distressed (some to suicide even).

One more example about male privilege I was talking about...the NBA star Allen Iverson got in a fight at a bowling alley while in high school, but his criminal conviction was overturned for lack of evidence, and Virginia governor Doug Wilder commuted his prison sentence, and Iverson got to attend Georgetown University and then have a 14-year NBA career, the bowling alley fight largely forgotten save for a documentary film made about it over 10 years later.

In 1990, Charlie Sheen "accidentally" shot his then-fiancee Kelly Preston. 13 years later, he got to be in Two and a Half Men.

While in high school, NFL star Randy Moss stomped another student in retaliation for the student being racist. That didn't stop Moss from attending college and then playing in the NFL for over ten seasons.

Guess who's off the hook?

[MineralMan]

20. Well, the girl was stupid to send the photo, but

13 year olds don't always do the smart thing. She's not a slut, just a girl who didn't understand the consequences of her actions. I imagine she knows that now, so her punishment has already been served, and in quantities larger than warranted. The boy, on the other hand, was more than just stupid for broadcasting that photo. He was malicious for doing so, and should receive some sort of punishment that will demonstrate that what he did is just plain unacceptable. However, a child pornography charge doesn't seem to me to be appropriate.

I suppose kids need cell phones these days. If I had teenagers, they'd get a phone without a camera, and it would be a prepaid one, with the number of minutes available at my cost limited. Such phones, from services like Tracfone, are inexpensive, and can text, but not take photos.

[seabeyond]

21. i finally got oldest a phone working on 16. driving and out and about, he needed one

i guess.

no texting, no net.... but about all phones have camera.

but i hear you on boundaries.

wouldnt hurt for parents to discuss these issues with kids either.

[MineralMan]

Mine doesn't. I got it from TracFone for $7.99.

It's just a simple phone. Texting is done with the phone keyboard, by pressing the number keys the appropriate number of times. Very slow and inconvenient, which I see as a good thing. A year's service and 800 minutes costs right at $100. More minutes than I need. So, I'm paying about $9 a month to use the phone. It's a great bargain. It also has a remarkable battery life. I rarely have to charge it. Of course, it's rarely on, since I have it for crucial calls only. I don't even know its number without looking it up.

[seabeyond]

29. another thing as a parent i do not like is constant accessibility to our kids

one of the niftiest was parents trusting me and me being independent of parent. i was responsible to make good choices. i worked hard at it, so i could have trust so i could get more independence. i give that to the kids. son keeps phone off adn uses to make a call. i cant call and check up on him at all times.... i didnt want that either, with cell.

we got the phone for like ten dollars. 25 bucks for three months or so many minutes. he didnt use up all his minutes this first time. had 9 dollars left on it. got it for christmas.

[MineralMan]

31. I think that's very wise of you. I think too many parents

keep their teen children on far too short a leash. My parents even told me, when I was about 12, that the amount of freedom I had as I grew up would depend on how I behaved. They had a very short list of absolute rules for things I was not allowed to do, including rules for when I had to get permission for an activity, and that was it. The list got shorter as I got older. I understood what they were doing, because they took the time to explain it to me when I got to the age when I wanted more independence and freedom of action.

It worked very well. I was rewarded for being responsible by having more freedom, so I worked toward being responsible. Our family dinner table was a round-robin discussion of each of our activities for that day and our plans for the next. That's how my parents knew what we were all doing.

[seabeyond]

35. exactly..... with all you say. nt

[Codeine]

22. We would have done the same if we had the technology as teens.

It's not the culture, it's the raging hormones.

I'm a grown man who has done naughty things with his cellphone, so I won't get in a tizzy knowing a sex-crazed teen (i.e. every teen alive) does the same.

[seabeyond]

25. you would have spread some girls nude photo she intrusted with you?

i think even horney teens can be taught respect and integrity.

i dont believe for a moment that all boys feel the need to humiliate an X

[Codeine]

27. Of course not.

But I've always been a sensitive sort. The issue isn't sexting or nude pics, it's disrespect in general. We're getting wound up as a society by a minor symptom and missing the disease, which is disrespect and insensitivity.

Given the profoundly large number of teens sending and receiving these pics I think we should be impressed and proud that incidents like this are sufficiently uncommon as to warrant notice. I don't think most boys and girls are engaging in the slut-shaming and humiliation aspect of sexting. Most of them are just being naughty kids fascinated by each other's junk.

[seabeyond]

30. i dont know how small or how big an issue it is. i am sure we hear only a few of the times

so not going to say it is seldom. though i think it is being addressed more, in the schools, teaching kids what parents are not. the other day in my sons 7th grade class they had the girl that committed suicide and a boy, 13, that was bullied by a group of girls. left an impression on son, but then we discuss this. i had already showed the boys the interview with girl, then suicide new story, then mother crying about loss of daughter.

kids need to think this thru. it is not innocent.

not to mention colleges and jobs googlin peoples names

teens are capable of responsible, even in play. and even in play.... they are training for adult, expectations should be there.

[Codeine]

32. One of my coworkers found out that all three of her teens were

guilty of sending and receiving nude pics. One of them got caught (she accidentally sent to her nine-year-old cousin, who had a "WTF?!" response, predictably) and she questioned each of them. They've all done it, as have all their friends. It hadn't really been a problem, but it did give an opportunity for a long discussion about responsibility and appropriate expression.

Granted, this is southern California, so things may be a bit more free-wheeling than with a bunch of Bible-belt kids -- they'll do just as much bad stuff, but act way nastier about when discovered. Here kids seem pretty "meh" about these issues.

[seabeyond]

36. i grew up in calif... in the 70's and 80's... lol

the thing about it is, wait until after the event, then you leave the child open to making poor choices.

i prefer the parenting that we talk about, listen, explore, examine before anything happens. this gives kids the tools to make better choices. they have already had it laid out. what is happening and why. what repercussions can come from it. the ethical part of the equation. they ahve already had time to hink it thru, which allows them to make a better and informed choice.

[Codeine]

37. That's why whether I agree or disagree I always read your posts.

They contain an awful lot of wisdom. :hi:

[seabeyond]

38. ah

cause i am watching kids walk it and they are teaching me. just you wait, and see all you learn from the kids. not only are you teaching them.... but they are absolutely teaching you

so much fun

if you are into human behavior.

and

thank you

[Shagbark Hickory]

26. Geez I remember on the playground at a much earlier age: "I'll show you mine if you show me yours".

What the hell has taken these kids so long to develop?

[TahitiNut]

28. Same here. First grade. Kathy Monaghan. It was no big deal.

It wasn't until puberty that it became a "big deal."

:evilgrin:




(Interpret that as you will. Most will be accurate.)
;-)

[Hamlette]

34. the prosecutor makes clear, between the two kids, it is okay. Additionally, "the" girl is not being

prosecuted.

I'm not getting the Murdoch reference here or the outrage over how the situation was handled.

The prosecutor states each factual situation is different and should be handled differently.

Here the girl sent her boyfriend a picture. That is okay. And he sent her one, still okay and no double standard. Then when they break up he sends it to his new girlfriend and she sends it to the world. Those two are being prosecuted. (The reason for a double standard in this fact pattern is, according to the article, boys don't want naked pics of other boys on their cell phones so boys don't contribute to sending around "dirty" pics of other boys. Girls have not problem with having naked girls on their cell phones (its the homophobia thing) hence more pics of girls get circulated. Plus, yes, there is the "ho" thing. A boy has sex early he's a stud, a girl does, she's a whore. Can't expect teens to be more mature about an issue like that than we adults are.)

While I think charging them with child porn is not right, I do think there should be some consequences to the kids who distributed the photo.

As for limiting kids' cell pone feature/usage and the parents not watching their kids that closely, good luck with that. You instill your kids with the best values you know and then pray, or in my case cross your fingers. It is almost impossible to anticipate what sort of situations your child will encounter and almost impossible to not buy some of the new technology. The reason us old ladies are so fat is we've had to eat our own words, especially the "I would never let my child do that." While I feel for these kids, it is a juvenile record and if the prosecutor did nothing, there would be no way for this to have any value socially...just horrid teen age years for those involved (I should say "more horrid" as I don't look fondly on my middle school years). I don't have any problem with the making the kids who distributed the stuff (not the girl who thought it was just going to her boyfriend) spending the night in a juvenile facility. And I also don't have any problem with the NYT writing about it.

What am I missing?