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Harry Hope Donating Member (100 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 06:08 AM
Original message
Caring for Pets Left Behind by the Rapture

http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/10_08/b4167070046047.htm

Caring for Pets Left Behind by the Rapture

For a fee, this service will place your dog or cat in the home of a caring atheist on Judgment Day

By Mike Di Paola
BW Magazine

Many people in the U.S.—perhaps 20 million to 40 million—believe there will be a Second Coming in their lifetimes, followed by the Rapture . In this event, they say, the righteous will be spirited away to a better place while the godless remain on Earth. But what will become of all the pets?

Bart Centre, 61, a retired retail executive in New Hampshire, says many people are troubled by this question, and he wants to help. He started a service called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/ that promises to rescue and care for animals left behind by the saved.

Promoted on the Web as "the next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World," the service has attracted more than 100 clients, who pay $110 for a 10-year contract ($15 for each additional pet.) If the Rapture happens in that time, the pets left behind will have homes—with atheists. Centre has set up a national network of godless humans to carry out the mission. "If you love your pets, I can't understand how you could not consider this," he says.

Centre came up with the idea while working on his book, The Atheist Camel Chronicles, written under the pseudonym Dromedary Hump. In it, he says many unkind things about the devout and confesses that "I'm trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income."

Whatever motivates Centre, he has tapped into a source of genuine unease. Todd Strandberg, who founded a biblical prophecy Web site called raptureready.com that draws 250,000 unique visitors a month, agrees that Fido and Mittens are doomed. "Pets don't have souls, so they'll remain on Earth. I don't see how they can be taken with you," he says. "A lot of persons are concerned about their pets, but I don't know if they should necessarily trust atheists to take care of them."

This paradox poses a challenge for Centre. He must reassure the Rapture crowd that his pet rescuers are wicked enough to be left behind but good enough to take proper care of the abandoned pets. Rescuers must sign an affidavit to affirm their disbelief in God—and they must also clear a criminal background check. "We want people who have pets and are animal lovers," Centre says. They also must have the means to rescue and transport the animals in their charge. His network consists of 26 rescuers covering 22 states. "They take this very seriously," Centre says.

One of Centre's atheist recruits is Laura, a woman in her 30s who lives near the buckle of the Bible Belt in Oklahoma, and who prefers not to give her last name. She has two dogs of her own and has made a commitment to rescue four dogs and two cats when—if—the time comes. "If it happens, my first thought will be, 'I've got work to do,'" Laura says. "The first thing I'll do is find out where I need to go exactly."

The rescuers won't know the precise location of the animals until the Rapture arrives, at which time they will contact Centre for instructions. "I've got to get to within a maximum of 18 to 24 hours. We really don't want them to wait more than a day." A day she believes will never come.

Centre doesn't think he will ever have to follow through on the service he offers. But he believes in virtuous acts. His Web site directs about $200 a month in proceeds from Google ads to food banks in Minnesota and New Hampshire. And to pet owners, he has already delivered something of great value: peace of mind, for just 92 cents a month. "If we thought the Rapture was really going to happen," Centre says, "obviously our rate structure would be much higher."

______________________________________________

Have you given this shattering problem the time it deserves?

Harry
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Taitertots Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 06:16 AM
Response to Original message
1. Greatest prank ever....
Go to their houses to care for their pets "after rapture" and act surprised that they are there. "Hi I'm here for the dog. Oh, you mean you didn't ascend to heaven during the rapture?"
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 10:32 AM
Response to Reply #1
15. Bwahahahahah!!!! And then...
accuse them of being imposters!!!!


hahahahahahah

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lumberjack_jeff Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 10:53 AM
Response to Reply #1
16. Heh. "Yeah, It turns out that St Peter is a dog lover."
"I told him that I was surprised to be raptured, being an atheist and all, but he said that on account of my contract with rapturees to care for their pets, and he said "no problem, I'll pick you up later".

Imagine my surprise, finding you here!
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maddezmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 06:20 AM
Response to Original message
2. Harry Hope
as per DU rules:
When referencing copyrighted work, post a short excerpt (not exceeding 4 paragraphs) with a link back to the original.
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Harry Hope Donating Member (100 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 07:09 AM
Response to Reply #2
6. Whoops...thanks
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jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 06:21 AM
Response to Original message
3. I've never before seen a real article that works this perfectly as satire.
I'm in awe. The whole concept of atheists agreeing to take care of pets on a day they don't believe will ever come for people who worship a God they believe to be so heartless and cruel as to leave their pets behind is beyond anything I could create. Wouldn't patronizing this service pretty much void one's faith in this God dude, thus rendering the patron's need for the service null?
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progressoid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 09:59 PM
Response to Reply #3
29. True. It took me a moment to realize this wasn't an Onion piece.
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malaise Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 06:25 AM
Response to Original message
4. Bwaaaaaaaaaah hahahahahaha
I just love this counter-racket :rofl:
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azurnoir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 06:53 AM
Response to Original message
5. Dam* almost makes me say
as one who would love to start a home based business I wish I'd thought of that

but the question remains -what are good Christians doing having these "soulless" creatures around them is it a resisting temptation thing :evilgrin:

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ProfessionalLeftist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 08:10 AM
Response to Original message
7. "pets don't have souls"
Well the entire thing is just a$$inine, but that phrase jumped out at me from the rest of the ridiculousness. A lot of ignorami believe that - I've even heard them ask: "do animals feel pain?"

Yes. It was a serious question. No. It was not a child. It was a very VERY ignorant human being. And what's scarier - there are - as you can see - a LOT of them. Brain-dead, vacuum-packed Ignorami.

WHY do I have to live on the same freaking planet as these?
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Delphinus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 08:24 AM
Response to Reply #7
9. You have voiced,
in your last sentence, what I seem to ask myself on a daily basis - although my statement is usually, "I don't belong in this world."
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no limit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 03:52 PM
Response to Reply #7
20. neither do humans.
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TBF Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 08:21 AM
Response to Original message
8. I can't believe they'd want to leave their pets with atheists ...
I'm also not sure which alarms me more - that such a service exists or that people have actually signed up and paid money for it.
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piratefish08 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 08:33 AM
Response to Original message
10. I really don't like to see someone scam the foolish -----
but in this case, I'll make an exception.

If the rapture ready crowd is willing to pay, I hope he cashes in........
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Amonester Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 04:03 PM
Response to Reply #10
22. Yep! And that will be as much money they won't send to the -
Ronald-Reaguner$, a.k.a., the republikkkan $cammer$ who run for office.. uh.. nah... who run for the one-percenter$.

All good. The more, the merrier.
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onethatcares Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 07:19 PM
Response to Reply #10
28. well if that's the case, you better never look into
the navy veterans charity run by some guy in florida, bobby thompson i believe. he even got a picture with * and another one with kkkarlrove for his outstanding work.

Animials are cool, I got three dogs as I type this they don't give a crap about souls and stuff, they just want to be treated kindly.
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tanyev Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 08:41 AM
Response to Original message
11. Huh. Seems like pet abandonment would be enough to disqualify you from rapturization.
Surely true believers in an imminent Rapture would never keep pets at all.
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retread Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 08:44 AM
Response to Original message
12. Wish I had thought of this! How is this a scam? No more a scam than buying
health insurance and believing all future medical needs are covered.
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elias7 Donating Member (913 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 09:39 AM
Response to Original message
13. Hope he makes millions
And he's also giving to food banks on top of it...
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Javaman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 10:08 AM
Response to Original message
14. Is there a money back guarentee if they don't get raptured?
LOL

I love this line, "They take this very seriously".
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Buns_of_Fire Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 11:06 AM
Response to Reply #14
19. Hopefully, there's an "in case of fraud, no money back" clause in the contract.
Because, naturally, if a pet owner subscribing to this service isn't raptured, that means that they obviously lied about their future status, heaven-wise, and are therefore godless heathens and don't deserve their money back!

(However, any monies paid can be applied as partial credit for the purchase of pitchforks, torches, and guillotines, due to a partnership with "Pitchforks 'R' Us"...:evilgrin:)
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ellie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 10:57 AM
Response to Original message
17. People are nuts
Good on this guy for cashing in on their craziness. It's the American way!
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qb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 11:02 AM
Response to Original message
18. I'd be happy to care for someone's automobile...
:evilgrin:
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mrs_p Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 03:53 PM
Response to Original message
21. this has been around for some time
but still makes me laugh...
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coalition_unwilling Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 04:03 PM
Response to Original message
23. My immediate question was, 'Why atheists?' and not, say, Jews (only
Edited on Tue Dec-28-10 04:04 PM by coalition_unwilling
144,000 of whom are due to be eligible for Rapurization) or Buddhists (who are outside the whole Judeo-Christian specturm but presumably whose concept of karma would make them great pet caretakers).

But atheists? Wouldn't a decent atheist be tempted to view a (Christian) pet as a potential source of food during Armageddon (which follows Rapture)?
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 05:44 PM
Response to Reply #23
26. Depends what kind of pet....
This Atheist wouldn't think of eating a pet horse, cow, monkey, cat, dog...




But pet shrimps, goldfish, chickens and parakeets are fair game.

:7
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felix_numinous Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 04:08 PM
Response to Original message
24. Us left behind sinners
should stand to inherit all their stuff too, so get ready for the bonanza.
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Chimichurri Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 04:56 PM
Response to Original message
25. "If we thought the Rapture was really going to happen," Centre says, "obviously our rate structure w
very funny.
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Raine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 06:17 PM
Response to Original message
27. LOVE it! nt
:thumbsup:
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Capitalocracy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-28-10 10:45 PM
Response to Reply #27
30. Me too! Are they hiring?
Ooh, probably only after the Rapture...
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Bart C Donating Member (4 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-29-10 05:04 PM
Response to Original message
31. Thanks for your Interest in our Business
Thank you for posting about our business offering.

I am happy to report that since this article appeared in Business Week we have grown our client base to over 230, and have expanded the number of states we cover. I plan to increase our base fee prior to the May 2011 "end times" prediction in anticipation of a surge in interest in our service.

Bart Centre
creator/co-owner: Eternal Earth-Bound Pets
author: The Atheist Camel Chronicles
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Beaverhausen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-31-10 12:02 PM
Response to Reply #31
32. Bart- great idea!!!
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Bart C Donating Member (4 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-31-10 03:25 PM
Response to Reply #32
33. Thanks, "Beaver"
It's the least I can do for our theist friends. While I never expect to have to execute these contracts, I'm told it had given our clients real peace of mind. That it has put some pocket change into our heathen pockets is a plus.
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Commie Pinko Dirtbag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-31-10 03:56 PM
Response to Reply #31
35. Would you like to expand to Brazil?
And how much does a "rescuer" get out of the $110 fee?
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Bart C Donating Member (4 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-01-11 11:30 AM
Response to Reply #35
37. Rep pay out &Brazil
Sorry...we have no plans to expand internationally at this time.

All our reps share equally in the income generated from contract fees, irrespective of from which state the contract originates, or in which state the rep resides. Payment is made via Paypal monthly.
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Vickers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-31-10 03:48 PM
Response to Original message
34. A place without dogs doesn't sound very heavenly to me. n/t
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Jeffersons Ghost Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-31-10 03:57 PM
Response to Original message
36. K&R with a special comment...
According to Porfire, a Greek Neo-Platonist philosopher, who lived from 232--305 AD, animals that possess some level of intelligence DO have souls.
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Bart C Donating Member (4 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Jan-01-11 11:31 AM
Response to Reply #36
38. dog souls
Edited on Sat Jan-01-11 11:35 AM by Bart C
Well...I guess that settles it for Fido and Flipper.
An unfortunate outcome for Kirk Cameron, Ray Comfort, Pat Robertson, the Pope, and Fred Phelps however.
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