Stop Whining For Jobs--Move Back With Your Parents

[marmar]

from the Working Life blog:



Stop Whining For Jobs--Move Back With Your Parents

by Jonathan Tasini
Wednesday 29 of December, 2010


All that clamoring for jobs. Feh. Complain, complain. The Republican family values crowd will soon be promoting this: Why don't you just move in with your parents, like a lot of other stressed-out Americans, and then we can give out even more tax cuts for the wealthy:

Of the myriad ways the Great Recession has altered the country’s social fabric, the surge in households like the Maggis’, where relatives and friends have moved in together as a last resort, is one of the most concrete, yet underexplored, demographic shifts.

Census Bureau data released in September showed that the number of multifamily households jumped 11.7 percent from 2008 to 2010, reaching 15.5 million, or 13.2 percent of all households. It is the highest proportion since at least 1968, accounting for 54 million people.

Even that figure, however, is undoubtedly an undercount of the phenomenon social service providers call “doubling up,” which has ballooned in the recession and anemic recovery. The census’ multifamily household figures, for example, do not include such situations as when a single brother and a single sister move in together, or when a childless adult goes to live with his or her parents.

For many, the arrangements represent their last best option, the only way to stave off entering a homeless shelter or sleeping in their cars. In fact, nearly half of the people in shelters in 2009 who had not previously been homeless had been staying with family members or friends, according to a recent report, making clear that the arrangements are frequently a final way station on the way to homelessness.

A New York Times analysis of census “microdata,” prepared by the University of Minnesota's state population center, found that the average income of multifamily households in the records fell by more than 5 percent from 2009 to 2010, twice as much as households over all, suggesting that many who are living in such arrangements are under financial siege.

http://www.workinglife.org/blogs/view_post.php?content_id=15067

[rivercat]

1. ha! wish I could.

but my sister and her teen-aged daughter beat me to it.

[DonCoquixote]

2. I understand that moving in

Is considered failure, especially when it is forced, however, a large part pf the reason Americans have gotten themselves into debt slavery is because Madison ave does whatever it can to break family units into smaller, weaker pieces. I am hoping that once some people start moving in again, they might realize that the american nuclear family crap was just that. Then, extended families can keep cultures alive (be they Irish, Korean, Arab or Latino) and hit the Wall Street types where it hurts, the wallet.

[marmar]

3. I agree.

nt

[Swagman]

58. Most of Asia lives harmoniously in multi-generational

families.

But that doesn't excuse the scams pulled by the rich and the US banks

[WhaTHellsgoingonhere]

12. I've been thinking along those lines, too

Three years ago, I would die before I moved in with my mom.
But after 3 years of unemployment, it got me to thinking about my culture. My mother was raised in a 3 generation house, her grandparents being immigrants from Italy. I still live alone, but I view moving back now as doing something ancestral rather than Epic Fail. Things are so beyond "failure," I'm not even concerned about that anymore.

[purrFect]

34. excellent point

i have told my children they can stay at home as long as they please, and sock away as much money as they can before hitting the road.

i grew up a ward of the state, so my children are all i have, and i could never understand why so many felt they need to push them out the nest.

i had the opportunity to live in an asia culture for 5 years and had come to admire the closeness of the extended family. i especially liked how they eat together even in restaurants, that all the food is shared vs serving individual dishes, everyone just grabs what they want from the many dishes in the center of the table.

i just read an article talking about the many problems children have in our society today based on having to grow up without strong family ties, with both parents working, they learn today mostly from corporations/hollywood, and their peers.

it is sad, and i hope i am fortunate enough to continue to provide for my family by being employed in a good career, however i am in the tech industry which is very prone to outsourcing.

fingers and toes crossed.

[treestar]

35. Good point. In other cultures, even married couples when young

and first married, have to live with parents due to a housing shortage, say. Having to deal with your mother in law is a bear!

It is just an American ideal.

[fascisthunter]

53. Excellent point...

also, the sharing mentality of the family=socialism... small "s"

[onehandle]

4. Dead. nt

[Lucinda]

5. mine too n/t

[GreenPartyVoter]

50. Mine as well

[iris27]

6. Already happened the other way around here...my brother and my mother were

both in serious danger of losing their houses, so she gave hers up to foreclosure (more damaged and more owed on it than my brother's place) and moved in with him, SIL, and the grandkids. Her old place is getting auctioned off on Tuesday.

[Concordia]

7. And when we move back in...

...we're called lazy, unmotivated, spoiled, self-centered infantile brats who are mooching off of their parents' golden years.

We just can't win.

[madrchsod]

8. my daughter and her hubby to be just moved in because

they do`t have enough money to get started. both work,she`s due in august,and they are getting all their debts paid and money saved up. they tried it on their own without saving up. my family moved back with my parents in the 1980`s....my daughter was 2 when that happened. my dad said a lot of people did the same thing in the 1930`s...

the only thing that changes are the names and the years....

[freshwest]

9. Good blog there.

[Rochester]

10. I'd sooner live under a bridge...

...than live with either of my parents. I hate them.

[SoCalDem]

11. Yep those older folks are ROLLING in money & will happily support grown kids & their kids

It's not like they are on fixed incomes & may be a bit worn out from 5 decades of working or anything.. or that they may enjoy some peace & quiet.. What older parent wouldn't just love howling toddlers running through the house 24/7 :rofl:

[Hamlette]

13. I do!

My son and his 3 year old moved in with us 1.5 years ago. His girlfriend lives here too. I love it but what I love the most is that cute little grand baby. Wanna see so pictures (we are shameless).

It was hard on my son at first but he wanted to go back to school and we're trying to help see he graduates with as small a debt as possible.

But in all honesty, my house is big enough for all of us and I only have one child and he only has one child. With much more I might not be as happy.

It is happening all around me. I was talking to some people at work a few weeks ago and was surprised how many had lived with their parents at some point in their married, adult life, or for the older ones, how many had had their married children move back in. Debt seems to be a part of it plus housing costs. When I was in college and first married, our rent was $80 per month. Tough to find anything under $500 now.

[IMATB]

16. Divorce

Sometimes when you divorce you have no choice. My sister didn't. It wasn't easy, the extra bills, the odd hours of work, different people sharing a home. Dealing with another adult.

When there is no one else, the siblings must stand up and help.

No, it's not easy but there is no alternative. You make it work.

[dkf]

21. Eventually parents get to the point where they need help.

I imagine they would rather their kids moved in than they go to a care home.

[SoCalDem]

22. At some point that is true, but the "oldies" I know are a bit miffed

at finally getting the last one out of the nest, only to have the older ones move back in.. This just happened to a friend of ours. His daughter (26 just finally moved out in June) and by mid-July, her older sister, the husband and THREE kids under 10 moved back in. They have a 3 bedroom house, and are now overwhelmed, because of course the kids are broke, so the expenses are piling up for our friends.. In fact Grandma went back to work part time just to be able to afford groceries for 7, instead of two..

Mom & Dad do have jobs, but they both leave the house before 6 AM, so Grandma & Grandpa have sole "custody" of the kids from 5:30 AM, on.

[dkf]

26. Mom and dad both have jobs, have cut their housing expense to zero and can't help grandma pay?

What is wrong with this picture?

[GreenPartyVoter]

51. My guess is there must be some heavy level of debt they are dealing with.

[Hello_Kitty]

29. In many cases it's not possible to care for your elderly parents.

Not everyone can insert an IV or catheter or perform many of the tasks required by incapacitated people. While earning a living and raising their own families.

[treestar]

36. Good point too.

One of my relatives definitely was spared that by having his daughter and granddaughters in. They added years to his life, too - gave him company, love and companionship, something of interest. The daughter was there to take care of him at the end. Seems to have worked out well.

[abelenkpe]

65. That's what's up with my parents

My sister, her hubby and three kids are moving in with my parents and renting out their home in the hopes they can together keep my parents house.

My mom already home schools my sisters kids and babysits them non-stop so she's please as punch.

I gotta admit my kids are only 6 and 4 but I can't imagine ever having enough of them or wanting them to go. Maybe I'll change my ind when their teenagers. ;)

[Mimosa]

14. Frightening. I don't have kids or parents! n/t

[Juche]

15. I did

I understand the concept of multi-generational families living together and how there is economic and social benefit to that. But part of me feels like I failed and I can't shake it, like I couldn't make it on my own financially. It beats going into debt though. Luckily I get along fairly well with my parents and they are decent people. But it sucks, the transition to a 3rd world country continues unabated.

[IMATB]

18. There is no "failure"

Life happens. Can you change it today ? Then put it away.

Just be glad you have somewhere to go. Both my parents and grandparents are gone. My sisters depend on me for help and I never see them as a failure.

I had help in my young years. I wasn't a failure.

Put that thought out of your head. Your parents love you and care about you. That's why you're with them.

[YvonneCa]

68. What a good human being...

...you are. And you are right about failure. We are in the midst of the worst economy I've seen...so we all have to help each other to get through it.

[Kablooie]

17. Since both my parents are dead does that mean I should commit suicide?

[saras]

19. There's no room in the coffins

The lease forbids it, and I can't afford it anyways.

[valerief]

54. Bingo! Same here! nt

[Lydia Leftcoast]

20. There was a four-year period in the early 1980s when

I and both my brothers and a young cousin spent time living with our parents and grandmother. There were never more than two of us there at a time, but still, we'd jok about "Mom's motel."

It was NOT an easy time. We had been living on our own, and my parents thought we were still children. Lots of clashes over boundaries.

I was glad to have a place to go, but I was even happier when I could leave.

[PufPuf23]

23. I miss my parents gone since 1979 and 1996.

We never lived as a nuclear family year round since 1959 because of school and other issues.

Times have really changed.

[DesertFlower]

24. my friend's 25 year old son is still

living at home. he has a college degree and is just finishing up an 18 month temporary job. he's depressed because he can't find another job.

they live in a 1 bedroom apartment and had to put a wall up and make part of their living room into another bedroom. my friend is 65 -- her husband is 62 -- both are still working not because they want to but because they have to.

[jtown1123]

27. I hear and see so many of these stories. I think Krugman said

people of my generation (millennials) feel like we have already failed before we can even start a career. I am fortunate to have a wonderful job but so many of my peers are not as lucky.

[TBF]

25. It's been like this for the working class for a long time - now that it's

hitting the "middle class" it is news.

[bvar22]

28. AND...after the sensible "Centrists" destroy Social Security,

elderly parents can move back in with their children.....
Just like the good old days before FDR!!!!!!

[jtown1123]

30. Yupp. Maybe if we use the "parents moving in w/ you argument" centrists will come to their senses

[Enrique]

40. oh be sensible

don't talk about Social Security being destroyed (until after it happens).

[newtothegame]

31. Major in philosophy or art history and you might just have an opportunity to do that. nt

[abelenkpe]

67. I have a degree in art history

and make a great salary. What's your point?

[Cleita]

32. Of course. If they want to move into a two room, one bath

trailer (300 sq. ft.), sure pile in.

[polmaven]

33. I don't think

I will be allowed to set up housekeepng in the cemetary.

[Modern_Matthew]

37. Almost 23 and still at home...

No matter what I do, I can't get my feet off the ground.

Recently got laid off from Kmart (DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS) after being told it was NOT a seasonal job.

[renate]

43. welcome to DU, and I'm really sorry to hear about your job

Glad you're here, sad about your bad news. Good luck finding the next one soon. :hug:

[tpsbmam]

66. Welcome to DU, MM. So sorry to hear about your job.

I often think it must be so hard to be young and starting out in this economy. I know a bunch of young people in your same boat. One who comes to mind did the 4 year college thing and is at work as a television transcriptionist...not even close to what he wants to be doing but at least it's a job. Doesn't pay terribly well so, yep, he's back living at home along with his older sister who finally nailed a job after looking for about a year. It sucks!! I hope you find something soon!

:hug:

[RoccoR5955]

38. Yeah, right... What if one's parents are DEAD?? n/t

[midnight]

39. Being there for each other is important... Thanks to those of you that

open up your homes and your hearts to those who need you.....

[Viva_La_Revolution]

41. It's become the greatest gift to have shared the last few years with my grandma,

my dad and my sons in a four generation household. We're taking care of each other and it just feels right.

[GoCubsGo]

42. Unfortunately, that looks like my last resort

And, I just about to that point. Hope I can sell my house first. I will be 50 next month. Lovely.

[DailyGrind51]

44. Yeah, but what if they are out of work, too?

[IrishEyes]

45. What if your parents are unemployed and broke?

I admit that I don't have that problem. My parents are rich so they could afford to help me if I ever got in trouble. I don't want to move back in with my parents or ask them for help unless it is an emergency. I prefer to live very cheaply with a roommate until things get better.

[handmade34]

47. we should each other

kids can move in with parents; parents can move in with kids...

[handmade34]

46. we need to keep fighting for jobs...

but nothing wrong with moving back in with parents (or sibling, grandparents, kids, friends, etc...) There is power in numbers and unity and it would be good for us to become much less dependent on large business...

support each other, start co-ops, support small local business...


http://www.nationalsharedhousing.org/

http://www.usc.edu/dept/gero/nrcshhm/library/PDF/shared.pdf

http://www.ic.org/

[BklynThirtyThree]

48. Add me to the list...

I moved back home for a few months last year while unemployed. Can't say I miss it, some people need a lot of space.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

49. already went through this crap

Baby Boomers back in the 90s. Parents whined about "Why can't you get a job? I paid for your damned expensive education."

"Beats me. I got a law degree. No idea why they are not hiring."


:shrug: :wtf:

Parents are dead now. Frankly I am GLAD that I don't have to listen to them blame me for my inability to get a job. It damn near drove me to suicide. I told them I was in so much pain I wanted to stop hearing them tellng me I was a failure.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

55. I was the baby boomer, not them.

I could not believe how nasty, cruel and senile they got from Alzheimer's disease. They got mad when they had to pay for luxuries like taxes and car insurance.

Mom got her nasty lawyer to send me a nasty letter threatening me with civil and/or criminal charges when I borrowed her car.
She did not drive because she was legally blind. She paid a woman to drive her around, but I couldn't use her car which was just sitting there. She told me I didn't need a car in Houston. And expected me to look for a job.

:banghead:

[sarcasmo]

62. Manifestor, my mother drove me to the same edge you're parents drove you.

I used to get stress nose bleeds until I moved away and just ignored her.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

70. thanks

:hug:

I ignored her until she begged me to come get her from her junk filled unlivable house. Trails through it. She refused to go in a nursing home after Dad died. Two years later, she called me to come get her. So I put her in the spare bedroom and took care of her until she died three months later.

I really don't know how long term caregivers stand it. I would go in the back yard and scream.

[sarcasmo]

72. Been taking care of my wife since March of 2008, it can be trying.

[slipslidingaway]

52. Wait til they cut Medicare and SS, parents will be moving in with the kids. n/t

[northofdenali]

56. Dad's gone, mom's in a hospice.............

5000 miles away and I don't think I'd qualify there. We're not actually dying, just trying to find a job and losing the house.

[JDPriestly]

57. I would love to have my kids move in with me, but they live far away.

[Warren Stupidity]

59. Gen-X Gen-Y Generation Home

Actually I am sort of fine with sliding down the consumption escalator.

[mackerel]

60. I have a job but my kids and I will be moving back in with my

mother in about 6 months. I was only unemployed for 6 months but haven't been able to ever catch up. My new job pays 35% less than I had been making 4 years ago. I've tried selling the house but where I live it's depressed and I'm competing with short sales and foreclosures.

I'm not complaining as much as I'm just surprised. We'll make it work.

[puebloknot]

61. -- Move Back with your Parents -- Who also don't have Jobs! nt

[eilen]

63. Not an option for me...

My Mom is broke and lives with my brother. My dh and I are the parents of a soon to be college student and we expect he will be living with us for a while, and a while longer.

[DeadEyeDyck]

64. Love my folks and thanks but no thanks

[CrownPrinceBandar]

69. I don't think moving home is in my near future..........

but my folks would take me back in if I needed the help. I'm lucky.

[KillCapitalism]

71. This is why home prices need to continue down-wards.

Homes are still out of reach for many people. The average salary in America is around $30K/yr. in a lot of areas. To be safe & not over-leverage oneself, a mortgage of 2X your annual income is the most that should be taken on. Until the average price of homes drops to about $60K, this problem will continue.

Prices way back in the day used to run about 2X the average American's income, but that was before homes became "investments" that are supposed to infinitely appreciate in value. Homes are liabilities not assets. Homes that are not of high quality construction, and homes that are older can bleed a homeowner of cash. Roof replacements, furnace, and window replacements are very expensive.

[Codeine]

73. Ugh. We moved away from the system of multi-generational homes

because we could -- living like that sucks. We don't keep our livestock in the family room and pop our babies out in a field while harvesting sheaves of wheat either.

I refuse to buy into this silly notion that it's somehow noble to return to many generations living under one roof. It ain't the fuckin' Waltons any more.

[Greybnk48]

74. I'm 62 and two of my three kids have moved back in.

My daughter (28) has been gone since 2000, to college and post graduation. She came home in August. My son (26) moved home in July. He recently had to quit his commission-only job since it was costing him money to go to work. He's in the basement, our daughter's in the spare room. Looks like we're statistics.

My SIL and her wife are sharing a house with my elderly MIL because neither could afford to live independently. They've been together for three years.

I wonder what the future holds.

[B Calm]

75. My mom died in 1976 and dad died 10 yrs ago. . .